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Hi to everyone. I found this website through the http://choisser.com/longhair/ faq. I'm here because I need help. Let me describe the situation.
I'm 15, and have continually been trying to grow my hair out since I was about 11. It will grow..oh about an inch to an inch and a half, covering my ears, and making me look like an early Beatle. But then my parents insist on the dreaded haircut. I've been smacked around and forcibly taken to the barbers on many occasions..and others, sat in a chair, wanting to cry as my hair come off onto the ground. Why do I want long hair? I just am different and can't stand to have a similar hairstyle to people I dislike. I write a lot of poetry, listen to a lot of music. I guess I tend to look at things differently than most, except those I know best. It's more than a style issue, but I think my parents will never understand or appreciate that.
I'm here for help on how to continue to grow out my hair. How can I convince them that it's hair, it's part of me, and I don't feel normal with short hair? I need advice, from anyone. I'm pretty relaxed but I don't take well to being forced to constrain my own expression, especially since it's not taking on any other forms (piercings, tattoos, etc) for chrissake.
Hello, Pete
ever ask your parents why they want your hair cut and to hear thair side of the story?
sit down with them and tell your side of the story in good detail in a kind and mature way. Maybe they will give up and let you have your long hair.
if all that fails, submit to them until you can move out (that may be till you are sixteen to eighteen years old).
how many times do they smack you around? I do not get a good feeling from that(may I puke?). I have been smacked around in my early adult years and teenage years and all I got out of that was destructive anger within me for which I take prozack and a mood stablelizer to keep me calmer.
If you feel anger developing over the years for all this smacking around, explain to your parents what is happening within you and why it is happening to you. Do not be mean to them about it just explain it to them in a mature way
what you really want to do is to live in peace with your parents and not to burn your bridges with them, they are your parents and they love you and want the best for you.then when you move out you have total freedom to do what you want with your hair
oh by the way, Pete. Good luck and may you and your parents be in peace
Birdman
in addition to birdman's advice about talking to the parents directly about it, i'd recommend acting responsibly- doing your homework, get good grades, act maturely and pleasantly when dealing with grown-ups, etc. If everything else in the picture looks good, they may cut you some slack. A lot of parents start cutting their kids a little slack once they start showing the maturity to deal with life better. They also might be afraid the hair is a herald of you turning into a druggie, or dropping out of school, or something like that.
Hello Pete, and welcome to the Hyperboard.
I understand your situation perfectly. When I was still living under the support of my parents, I also had to abide by their unnecessary and unfair rules. Once my hair got even a bit on the shaggy side, I had to get it cut or get punished. Even if I endured the punishments I'm sure my dad would have chopped my hair off in my sleep, so I simply followed the rule.
Even after I went off to University, I was receiving monetary support so I was still under their influence. Only now have I completely broken free and am living off my own earnings.
I'm growing my hair out now for the first time, and I'm about 10 months in (I'm 24 years old now). I'm afraid to say it, but if your parents are anything like mine (sounds like they are), then you may have to put up with their BS until you can live without their help.
If at all possible, though, try following Birdman's advice below and talk to them about your situation in an honest and mature manner. If that doesn't work, I'm not sure what else you could do besides wait it out. Try to find out exactly the reason your parents don't want you to have long hair. Maybe they think you're rebelling, or that you won't find a job, or they simply don't want you to look different. Then maybe we can help you further. I tried reasoning with my parents but it didn't work for me, so I wish you the best of luck.
I hope someday you can live out your dream.
-Dan
Try just talking to them about why you want to grow it out, and what it means to you.......I was 14 when I first wanted to start growing mine out(to a leangth that really matterd) but once the back got to about shoulder leangth each time I was Forced to Have it cut much like you......It wasnt until I was 18 I could start growing mine for real and not have to worry about a haircut every few months like befor...
(sorry for any bad spelling)
BTW I was the same with the music and all and being Very differant from the rest of my family
Explain to them why you want long hair and ask them why they don't want you to grow it. If they don't come up with a good reason and don't let you grow it, just do it anyway and put up with the consequences, They should get over it soon enough.
Unfortunately there is no easy answer in this situation. I got the, "as long as you live under my roof, you'll abide by my rules" which is pretty meaningless except for the fact that parents provide food, shelter and clothing until you are able to provide for your own needs. You can talk with them about it but if the rule is still short hair, then the rule is still short hair. Ultimately, (even though it conflicts with our indiviual personalities) short hair is a pretty cheap price to pay for food, shelter and clothing for a few short years. I know at your age it seems like it will be an eternity before your out on your own. But really, your almost there and you will be able to take care of yourself soon enough.
In the mean time start looking for ways (meaning work) to "jump start" your self reliance if you haven't already. I had my own lawn mowing business when I was your age even though I had to rely on my parents to get me to the work. (I lived in a rural area) It's Autumn now, lots of people are going to want the leaves raked up from their yards shortly. Snow may be flying soon (depending on where you live) then once you have some kind of income you will have some leverage to get around the short hair rule. Something like, "if I pay a little rent, can I keep my hair long" is quite a bargining tool and also prepares you for the real world where you will have to pay rent anyway. Developing a strong work ethic and responsibility early while still keeping your grades up goes along way.
Daniel
Hi to everyone. I found this website through the http://choisser.com/longhair/ faq. I'm here because I need help. Let me describe the situation.
Hello Pete, I do imagine you feel like you're in a no win situation, but I think you so far have gotten some good advice on here. Perhaps getting a Part-time job and bargain with helping out on bills would be good. Also perhpaps a good bargaining tool might be, ok mom and Pop, for every "A" I get on my report card, can I grow my hair out 1"? If none of those work, look at the bright side. 3 years is not a long time (I know it may seem that way I looked at time the same way you did at your age) that you will be able to make your own choices in life. So I do hope you find a peaceful compromise in your situation. Best of luck to you.
Charlie
It is possible to grow your hair out under a strict parents custody, I should know I am just as old as you are. I recommend to try and consult your parents WHY its such a big deal have longhair.If you fail to convince them with bribes or peaceful talks.... there is a last resort that should be avoided at ALL COSTS, and this is WAGING WAR.I do not like being an immature ingrate but I had to wage war with my parents to get my hair, in this war I had a series of arguments, and display of rage at 1 barber shop
Pete, I feel bad for anyone that wants the freedom to choose how they keep their hair but meets with such resistants. My nephew has the same issue. But just today I saw a softening in his mother's opinion on long hair. I jumped in and suggest that she should let him have his hair. All the other kids are doing the same, he just wants to fit in. I also suggestted that she could bargin with him that he needs to keep it neat and brushed.
So it is possible for them to change their views, but you need to strike that same bargin. Keep it neat, help around the house (without having to be asked) and study hard in school.
Good luck
Bruce
Ok, so i didn't read through EVERY reply, but heres my opinion...
my parents hated the idea of me having long hair, and this also fixes your beatles hair problem...
you can grow it out, but still make it look short, if have combed in a certain fashion, and even if you need to get a haircut, merely cut of the tips and styled to make it look like you've had more cut off than what you really have...
keeping your hair off your face makes it look shorter...
Explain to them they can't beat you around just like that, you're their son, and even if you were something far less than their son, again they have NO authority to hit you, only except if you've done some really grave crime.
Also, like others said, try doing some chores around the house, vacuum-clean, tidy your room, be a decent student. Maybe they'll easen up then. You mentioned you write poetry, so impress them by some new poem, or, if you can, a book. Confusingly enough, majority of intellectually rich children were and are poked fun at by their closest family members and acquaintances; I, too, went through a similar fate and till today I haven't managed to perceive why it is so. A child who is a quality artist and thinker is a GREAT rarity in today's youth, and their parents should be proud of them, not mistreat them because of the most preposterous reasons.
Hi again. I read all of the replies. So then it's the appeasement game: do everything A+ and then some slack will come my way. Sorry I didn't reply to each message, but I thank you guys for it all. And even if I do have to get my hair cut, it's only a few years until freedom. Peace