The passing of my grandma

• The passing of my grandma
  

  

  MattM

  
  

  Prologue
  When I was young, my grandma was cheerful, social, happy and fun to be around. We had Easter egg hunts, Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, and many different family events. My grandma was a fun person to be around.

  The past few years
  Then like around 7 years ago, my grandma started to show signs of decline. My grandma started to not remember me, my dad, and other people she once knew. First of all, my grandma thinks I am still a little boy when I was really at a drinking age. She would ask the same questions over and over like “Do you go to school (tomorrow)?” to me or my dad when I or my dad really graduated. For example, she would ask how old I am. At first, it seems obvious that she knows my age very well but due to her failing memory, this was not the case. For my answer, I say I am 23 (current age). Then she forgets my age and five minutes later, she would ask again how old I am. I say 23. If I said “I told you I am 23”, she would not understand the “I told you“ part. In fact, she even thought her parents died yesterday and mourn over it when it was really over 40 years ago. She also thought that my sister was my dad’s girlfriend. She thought she was still living in Maine (where she used to live) when she was really in Washington. All the question asking had got us tired answering them over. Even though my dad told me to answer grandma’s questions nicely each time I get asked, including the same ones over and over again, he himself got tired of answering them. My grandma pretty much had Alzheimer’s. Despite that, she still was able to drive a car as late as 2005. Then in December 2005, she crashed her car and broke her wrist (which healed). At this point, she is no longer allowed to drive a car. Her Alzheimer’s condition remained similar for a long time, although it slowly got worse. Even as late as spring 2009, she was doing okay, although her memory was failing. She was doing fine on May 3rd when I went to my little cousin’s 6th birthday party in early May this year. My cousin’s birthday was April 28, and my grandma’s birthday was May 6th.

  June 2009
  When I came to my grandparent’s on June 19th, my grandma was on an oxygen machine, as she was having difficulty breathing. That was the first of the “new” problems that I noticed my grandma was having. My dad, my grandpa, and my aunt (who came up to be a caretaker till my grandpa hired a permanent caretaker) took her to the hospital. The medics diagnosed her having some form of problem in her lungs. Later tests showed that she had a blood clot in her lungs. As for me, I stayed behind at the grandparent’s house, and after them not coming back for more than a few hours and it was getting late, I attempted to find a bus stop and take the bus back home. No luck. It was already 8:30 PM and the sun was going to set shortly. When they came back to the house, they found me gone, and notified me. I told them what street corner I was currently on and had my dad picked me up. He was not mad, and understood that it took them a lot longer than what they expected. He took me back to the house for dinner before taking me back home. My grandma stayed in the hospital for four days and then she was put in a nursing home in Redmond till her blood clot clears and her blood levels are normal again.

  July 2009
  She did indeed gone home from the nursing home but it was too early so she was sent back. She was there since her blood was too thick and formed a clot, and the nurses must make sure that her blood thins out to safe levels. We usually go up to the cabin on the 4th of July (my grandparentÂ’s own a lakeside cabin as well), and we did this year. But my grandma stayed at the nursing home, although we visited her on the 3rd. Luckily, it did not create any more blood problems for my grandma. A week later, she was able to go home, but then she overtook the blood thinning medicine and her blood was too thin. In general, at that time, she can still stand up and walk, although she required support to do so (i.e. holding hands with someone). As usual, she does not remember any of her family members. My aunt went back home and my grandpa had finally found two permanent caretakers, which, one at a time, supervised my grandma. At that time, she did go up to the cabin with the rest of us (although it was not on the 4th of July), since my cousins were in town, and she seemed happy there although she did not remember her grandsons (my cousins) or any of us.

  September 2009
  By that time, my grandma was really showing signs that she will not be around much longer. My grandma became very unresponsive to anyone walking in the room in clear view of her. In other words, she no longer says hello to anyone entering the room and talks very little. She can no longer stand up, even with support. She sits on the couch with her head laid back or on the side (meaning her head is not erected up). She was carried in a stroller anytime she needs to eat, use the bathroom or go to bed. Early in the month, she developed bladder infection, which made her go back to the hospital to clear it out. It did clear out. In the middle of the month, my grandma was excessively tired, and her caretaker believed something was horribly wrong with her. So my dad, my grandpa, and the caretaker took grandma back to the hospital. I stayed behind at the house. After many hours of testing, diagnoses and all that stuff, they found there was nothing wrong with her, so they sent her back home at midnight. I tried to reach my dad on the phone but hospitals probably did not allow cell phone usage and my dad‘s phone was out of battery. This time, I stayed at the house and did not try to go home. However, I waited for 8 long hours for my dad to come back to the house to take me back home. At midnight, they came back. My grandma was put in bed, and my dad took me home. My dad was not happy about his mom and being up so late at night. Then on the 23rd, I saw my grandma for the very last time before I went down to Disneyland. Aforementioned, she can no longer stand or walk and required to be carried in the stroller to go anywhere. She also required help using a piece of silverware to move food up from the plate to her mouth or to move a bottle of water, etc. from her lap to her lips, even though she is holding the bottle. On that day, we hung out during the day, we had dinner together with my dad, my grandpa, the care taker, grandma herself, and my youngest cousin who is only six years old (which is my grandma’s youngest grandchild). Then my grandma told the caretaker to take her to the bathroom and then she was put in bed, even though the sun was still up. Then a healthcare person came to deliver a hospital bed into the room where my grandma was currently sleeping in the pull-down bed. My grandma went back to the hospital at the end of the month. The hospital bed was moved into the other room.

  October 2009
  Early in the month (I was unaware of it entirely since I was working a lot at game testing, and my dad was constantly thinking about grandma, his mom, to be thinking of me), my grandma had an episode of seizures, two weeks before death. My dad did not say about it till after my grandma passed. During the last days of her life, my grandma was bed ridden in one of the bedrooms in the house. Her last “meal” was probably apple juice with medication in it. My dad told me that on the day prior to dying, she was breathing very heavily and fast, which is normal for a dying person at the last state of life. At 6:14 PM, October 22, 2009, just a few minutes after sunset, my grandma took in her final breath and breathed it out (my dad stated the exiting of her soul with the final breath). Meanwhile, I was just arriving at the Thursday night social unaware, and I had a grand time. It was not till after I got home that my dad called me and said my grandma had passed. I was presented an opportunity to look at her body the next day but I declined. I went back to what is now grandpa’s house on Saturday. All three of my dad’s brothers and sisters came, as well as two of their spouses and my little cousin and we had a good dinner there. My sister also dropped by but did not stay for dinner. My grandma’s body is going to be cremated and a funeral ceremony is going to be planned for November 7th, and we are going to Maine this coming Memorial Day in May (where my grandparents used to live).

  This is the second of my grandparents to pass (my first one to go was my mom's dad, who died in 1968, long before I was born). My autism keeps me from acting sad and since I am aware that no one lives forever, including us, and that it was her time, I was aware of it and I kept going on with my life. It was not like how my cousin died at the beginning of the year, when he was only 17 years old, and was shot. My grandma was born on May 6, 1928, and lived till October 22, 2009, to an age of 81 years. She is in a better place now. My grandpa did not appear sad when I saw him on Saturday, though, with the rest of the family.

  R.I.P Mavis McDonald

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  • Re: The passing of my grandma
    

    

    kubanpanzer

    
    

    dude... im really sorry to hear this... i also got my grandma and i couldn't think what it would be to loose her.. my grandpa died three years ago... to be true..grandparents are so special in our lives.. as our parents... sometimes even more... hang on dude.. i dont know how much these messages will help.. but if they do.. im sure all the boards prayers are with you.. peace

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    • Re: The passing of my grandma
      

      

      MattM

      
      

      I understand. Nonetheless, we are all going to outlive our grandparents.

      Matthew

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  • Re: The passing of my grandma
    

    

    Justin

    
    

    That was beautifully written Matthew and you and your family members have my deepest sympathy for all of the suffering that your Grandmother was in battle with for so long.

    I am glad that she is now at rest and will never have to endure such suffering ever again.

    Thank you for letting us know of this.

    Take care Matthew

    Justin~

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    • Re: The passing of my grandma
      

      

      MattM

      
      

      The deepest sympathy goes to my dad and my grandpa (and my dad's three siblings). My grandpa was married to grandma for almost 60 years. Obviously, with all those problems my grandma was having, mainly to do with Alzheimer's, it was clear that she is not going to be around much longer anyway.

      Matthew

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  • Re: The passing of my grandma
    

    

    DJ

    
    

    Prologue
    When I was young, my grandma was cheerful, social, happy and fun to be around. We had Easter egg hunts, Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, and many different family events. My grandma was a fun person to be around.

    The past few years
    Then like around 7 years ago, my grandma started to show signs of decline. My grandma started to not remember me, my dad, and other people she once knew. First of all, my grandma thinks I am still a little boy when I was really at a drinking age. She would ask the same questions over and over like “Do you go to school (tomorrow)?” to me or my dad when I or my dad really graduated. For example, she would ask how old I am. At first, it seems obvious that she knows my age very well but due to her failing memory, this was not the case. For my answer, I say I am 23 (current age). Then she forgets my age and five minutes later, she would ask again how old I am. I say 23. If I said “I told you I am 23”, she would not understand the “I told you“ part. In fact, she even thought her parents died yesterday and mourn over it when it was really over 40 years ago. She also thought that my sister was my dad’s girlfriend. She thought she was still living in Maine (where she used to live) when she was really in Washington. All the question asking had got us tired answering them over. Even though my dad told me to answer grandma’s questions nicely each time I get asked, including the same ones over and over again, he himself got tired of answering them. My grandma pretty much had Alzheimer’s. Despite that, she still was able to drive a car as late as 2005. Then in December 2005, she crashed her car and broke her wrist (which healed). At this point, she is no longer allowed to drive a car. Her Alzheimer’s condition remained similar for a long time, although it slowly got worse. Even as late as spring 2009, she was doing okay, although her memory was failing. She was doing fine on May 3rd when I went to my little cousin’s 6th birthday party in early May this year. My cousin’s birthday was April 28, and my grandma’s birthday was May 6th.

    June 2009
    When I came to my grandparent’s on June 19th, my grandma was on an oxygen machine, as she was having difficulty breathing. That was the first of the “new” problems that I noticed my grandma was having. My dad, my grandpa, and my aunt (who came up to be a caretaker till my grandpa hired a permanent caretaker) took her to the hospital. The medics diagnosed her having some form of problem in her lungs. Later tests showed that she had a blood clot in her lungs. As for me, I stayed behind at the grandparent’s house, and after them not coming back for more than a few hours and it was getting late, I attempted to find a bus stop and take the bus back home. No luck. It was already 8:30 PM and the sun was going to set shortly. When they came back to the house, they found me gone, and notified me. I told them what street corner I was currently on and had my dad picked me up. He was not mad, and understood that it took them a lot longer than what they expected. He took me back to the house for dinner before taking me back home. My grandma stayed in the hospital for four days and then she was put in a nursing home in Redmond till her blood clot clears and her blood levels are normal again.

    July 2009
    She did indeed gone home from the nursing home but it was too early so she was sent back. She was there since her blood was too thick and formed a clot, and the nurses must make sure that her blood thins out to safe levels. We usually go up to the cabin on the 4th of July (my grandparentÂ’s own a lakeside cabin as well), and we did this year. But my grandma stayed at the nursing home, although we visited her on the 3rd. Luckily, it did not create any more blood problems for my grandma. A week later, she was able to go home, but then she overtook the blood thinning medicine and her blood was too thin. In general, at that time, she can still stand up and walk, although she required support to do so (i.e. holding hands with someone). As usual, she does not remember any of her family members. My aunt went back home and my grandpa had finally found two permanent caretakers, which, one at a time, supervised my grandma. At that time, she did go up to the cabin with the rest of us (although it was not on the 4th of July), since my cousins were in town, and she seemed happy there although she did not remember her grandsons (my cousins) or any of us.

    September 2009
    By that time, my grandma was really showing signs that she will not be around much longer. My grandma became very unresponsive to anyone walking in the room in clear view of her. In other words, she no longer says hello to anyone entering the room and talks very little. She can no longer stand up, even with support. She sits on the couch with her head laid back or on the side (meaning her head is not erected up). She was carried in a stroller anytime she needs to eat, use the bathroom or go to bed. Early in the month, she developed bladder infection, which made her go back to the hospital to clear it out. It did clear out. In the middle of the month, my grandma was excessively tired, and her caretaker believed something was horribly wrong with her. So my dad, my grandpa, and the caretaker took grandma back to the hospital. I stayed behind at the house. After many hours of testing, diagnoses and all that stuff, they found there was nothing wrong with her, so they sent her back home at midnight. I tried to reach my dad on the phone but hospitals probably did not allow cell phone usage and my dad‘s phone was out of battery. This time, I stayed at the house and did not try to go home. However, I waited for 8 long hours for my dad to come back to the house to take me back home. At midnight, they came back. My grandma was put in bed, and my dad took me home. My dad was not happy about his mom and being up so late at night. Then on the 23rd, I saw my grandma for the very last time before I went down to Disneyland. Aforementioned, she can no longer stand or walk and required to be carried in the stroller to go anywhere. She also required help using a piece of silverware to move food up from the plate to her mouth or to move a bottle of water, etc. from her lap to her lips, even though she is holding the bottle. On that day, we hung out during the day, we had dinner together with my dad, my grandpa, the care taker, grandma herself, and my youngest cousin who is only six years old (which is my grandma’s youngest grandchild). Then my grandma told the caretaker to take her to the bathroom and then she was put in bed, even though the sun was still up. Then a healthcare person came to deliver a hospital bed into the room where my grandma was currently sleeping in the pull-down bed. My grandma went back to the hospital at the end of the month. The hospital bed was moved into the other room.

    October 2009
    Early in the month (I was unaware of it entirely since I was working a lot at game testing, and my dad was constantly thinking about grandma, his mom, to be thinking of me), my grandma had an episode of seizures, two weeks before death. My dad did not say about it till after my grandma passed. During the last days of her life, my grandma was bed ridden in one of the bedrooms in the house. Her last “meal” was probably apple juice with medication in it. My dad told me that on the day prior to dying, she was breathing very heavily and fast, which is normal for a dying person at the last state of life. At 6:14 PM, October 22, 2009, just a few minutes after sunset, my grandma took in her final breath and breathed it out (my dad stated the exiting of her soul with the final breath). Meanwhile, I was just arriving at the Thursday night social unaware, and I had a grand time. It was not till after I got home that my dad called me and said my grandma had passed. I was presented an opportunity to look at her body the next day but I declined. I went back to what is now grandpa’s house on Saturday. All three of my dad’s brothers and sisters came, as well as two of their spouses and my little cousin and we had a good dinner there. My sister also dropped by but did not stay for dinner. My grandma’s body is going to be cremated and a funeral ceremony is going to be planned for November 7th, and we are going to Maine this coming Memorial Day in May (where my grandparents used to live).

    This is the second of my grandparents to pass (my first one to go was my mom's dad, who died in 1968, long before I was born). My autism keeps me from acting sad and since I am aware that no one lives forever, including us, and that it was her time, I was aware of it and I kept going on with my life. It was not like how my cousin died at the beginning of the year, when he was only 17 years old, and was shot. My grandma was born on May 6, 1928, and lived till October 22, 2009, to an age of 81 years. She is in a better place now. My grandpa did not appear sad when I saw him on Saturday, though, with the rest of the family.

    R.I.P Mavis McDonald

    Hey Matt,

    I can relate to your story, because my grandmother also passed away due to Alzheimer's Disease. She passed in May of 2005, when I was only 14 years old. I won't go into an entire story, but I will say that it is definitely an unpleasant thing to watch someone go from normal, to completely unable to move or communicate at all..

    -DJ

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    • Re: The passing of my grandma
      

      

      MattM

      
      

      It's true, although my grandma also had other health problems, like lung and breathing problems. Over the years, I saw my grandma get less social, started to ask the same question over and over again, and eventually forgot all of us. It was not much fun for us to see our grandma change like that. While you were only 14 years old, I get to have her for 23 years.

      Matthew

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  • Re: The passing of my grandma
    

    

    Charlie

    
    

    Having lost my Father this past July to the ravages of Alzheimer's, I definitely know what you and your family went through. The first time he did not know who I was hurt, but I took it in stride and learned for them it was easier not to be corrected. July 17th, on his 86th Birthday I made the trip up to Nashville to see him. As usual he thanked me for the visit, asked me who I was and asked if I knew it was his birthday that day. Losing his eyesight to Glaucoma, he was unable to feed himself or take care of himself anymore and was confined to a nursing Home. As we were in the dining hall while feeding him, he turns to me and asks if I thought the Captain would allow him to pilot the ship since it was his birthday. In WWII my Father was commanding officer aboard a mine sweeper. I said since it was his birthday and since he "had been a good boy" that day I thought that would be just fine. So that afternoon I was in the middle of the pacific ocean playing a Private on my Father's Mine Sweeper during World War II, and had one of the best afternoons with my Father I had in quite some time. He lost his war with the disease 5 days later. Even though the disease is horrible, there are lighter sides at times to it, you just make the most of them.
    My young friend, as long as you hold her in your body, mind and spirit, she will be immortal as will Pop be in my mind.
    I do thank you for once again letting me play out my last day with my Pop.

    Charlie

    Prologue
    When I was young, my grandma was cheerful, social, happy and fun to be around. We had Easter egg hunts, Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, and many different family events. My grandma was a fun person to be around.

    The past few years
    Then like around 7 years ago, my grandma started to show signs of decline. My grandma started to not remember me, my dad, and other people she once knew. First of all, my grandma thinks I am still a little boy when I was really at a drinking age. She would ask the same questions over and over like “Do you go to school (tomorrow)?” to me or my dad when I or my dad really graduated. For example, she would ask how old I am. At first, it seems obvious that she knows my age very well but due to her failing memory, this was not the case. For my answer, I say I am 23 (current age). Then she forgets my age and five minutes later, she would ask again how old I am. I say 23. If I said “I told you I am 23”, she would not understand the “I told you“ part. In fact, she even thought her parents died yesterday and mourn over it when it was really over 40 years ago. She also thought that my sister was my dad’s girlfriend. She thought she was still living in Maine (where she used to live) when she was really in Washington. All the question asking had got us tired answering them over. Even though my dad told me to answer grandma’s questions nicely each time I get asked, including the same ones over and over again, he himself got tired of answering them. My grandma pretty much had Alzheimer’s. Despite that, she still was able to drive a car as late as 2005. Then in December 2005, she crashed her car and broke her wrist (which healed). At this point, she is no longer allowed to drive a car. Her Alzheimer’s condition remained similar for a long time, although it slowly got worse. Even as late as spring 2009, she was doing okay, although her memory was failing. She was doing fine on May 3rd when I went to my little cousin’s 6th birthday party in early May this year. My cousin’s birthday was April 28, and my grandma’s birthday was May 6th.

    June 2009
    When I came to my grandparent’s on June 19th, my grandma was on an oxygen machine, as she was having difficulty breathing. That was the first of the “new” problems that I noticed my grandma was having. My dad, my grandpa, and my aunt (who came up to be a caretaker till my grandpa hired a permanent caretaker) took her to the hospital. The medics diagnosed her having some form of problem in her lungs. Later tests showed that she had a blood clot in her lungs. As for me, I stayed behind at the grandparent’s house, and after them not coming back for more than a few hours and it was getting late, I attempted to find a bus stop and take the bus back home. No luck. It was already 8:30 PM and the sun was going to set shortly. When they came back to the house, they found me gone, and notified me. I told them what street corner I was currently on and had my dad picked me up. He was not mad, and understood that it took them a lot longer than what they expected. He took me back to the house for dinner before taking me back home. My grandma stayed in the hospital for four days and then she was put in a nursing home in Redmond till her blood clot clears and her blood levels are normal again.

    July 2009
    She did indeed gone home from the nursing home but it was too early so she was sent back. She was there since her blood was too thick and formed a clot, and the nurses must make sure that her blood thins out to safe levels. We usually go up to the cabin on the 4th of July (my grandparentÂ’s own a lakeside cabin as well), and we did this year. But my grandma stayed at the nursing home, although we visited her on the 3rd. Luckily, it did not create any more blood problems for my grandma. A week later, she was able to go home, but then she overtook the blood thinning medicine and her blood was too thin. In general, at that time, she can still stand up and walk, although she required support to do so (i.e. holding hands with someone). As usual, she does not remember any of her family members. My aunt went back home and my grandpa had finally found two permanent caretakers, which, one at a time, supervised my grandma. At that time, she did go up to the cabin with the rest of us (although it was not on the 4th of July), since my cousins were in town, and she seemed happy there although she did not remember her grandsons (my cousins) or any of us.

    September 2009
    By that time, my grandma was really showing signs that she will not be around much longer. My grandma became very unresponsive to anyone walking in the room in clear view of her. In other words, she no longer says hello to anyone entering the room and talks very little. She can no longer stand up, even with support. She sits on the couch with her head laid back or on the side (meaning her head is not erected up). She was carried in a stroller anytime she needs to eat, use the bathroom or go to bed. Early in the month, she developed bladder infection, which made her go back to the hospital to clear it out. It did clear out. In the middle of the month, my grandma was excessively tired, and her caretaker believed something was horribly wrong with her. So my dad, my grandpa, and the caretaker took grandma back to the hospital. I stayed behind at the house. After many hours of testing, diagnoses and all that stuff, they found there was nothing wrong with her, so they sent her back home at midnight. I tried to reach my dad on the phone but hospitals probably did not allow cell phone usage and my dad‘s phone was out of battery. This time, I stayed at the house and did not try to go home. However, I waited for 8 long hours for my dad to come back to the house to take me back home. At midnight, they came back. My grandma was put in bed, and my dad took me home. My dad was not happy about his mom and being up so late at night. Then on the 23rd, I saw my grandma for the very last time before I went down to Disneyland. Aforementioned, she can no longer stand or walk and required to be carried in the stroller to go anywhere. She also required help using a piece of silverware to move food up from the plate to her mouth or to move a bottle of water, etc. from her lap to her lips, even though she is holding the bottle. On that day, we hung out during the day, we had dinner together with my dad, my grandpa, the care taker, grandma herself, and my youngest cousin who is only six years old (which is my grandma’s youngest grandchild). Then my grandma told the caretaker to take her to the bathroom and then she was put in bed, even though the sun was still up. Then a healthcare person came to deliver a hospital bed into the room where my grandma was currently sleeping in the pull-down bed. My grandma went back to the hospital at the end of the month. The hospital bed was moved into the other room.

    October 2009
    Early in the month (I was unaware of it entirely since I was working a lot at game testing, and my dad was constantly thinking about grandma, his mom, to be thinking of me), my grandma had an episode of seizures, two weeks before death. My dad did not say about it till after my grandma passed. During the last days of her life, my grandma was bed ridden in one of the bedrooms in the house. Her last “meal” was probably apple juice with medication in it. My dad told me that on the day prior to dying, she was breathing very heavily and fast, which is normal for a dying person at the last state of life. At 6:14 PM, October 22, 2009, just a few minutes after sunset, my grandma took in her final breath and breathed it out (my dad stated the exiting of her soul with the final breath). Meanwhile, I was just arriving at the Thursday night social unaware, and I had a grand time. It was not till after I got home that my dad called me and said my grandma had passed. I was presented an opportunity to look at her body the next day but I declined. I went back to what is now grandpa’s house on Saturday. All three of my dad’s brothers and sisters came, as well as two of their spouses and my little cousin and we had a good dinner there. My sister also dropped by but did not stay for dinner. My grandma’s body is going to be cremated and a funeral ceremony is going to be planned for November 7th, and we are going to Maine this coming Memorial Day in May (where my grandparents used to live).

    This is the second of my grandparents to pass (my first one to go was my mom's dad, who died in 1968, long before I was born). My autism keeps me from acting sad and since I am aware that no one lives forever, including us, and that it was her time, I was aware of it and I kept going on with my life. It was not like how my cousin died at the beginning of the year, when he was only 17 years old, and was shot. My grandma was born on May 6, 1928, and lived till October 22, 2009, to an age of 81 years. She is in a better place now. My grandpa did not appear sad when I saw him on Saturday, though, with the rest of the family.

    R.I.P Mavis McDonald

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    • Re: The passing of my grandma
      

      

      MattM

      
      

      The story you told me was similar, although my grandma did not lose her eyesight, and my grandpa and the care takers made meals for all of us. Unlike your grandpa, my grandma had her nursing home and hospice brought over to the house. Your grandpa definitely had better memory than my grandma. My grandma forgot who I was, who my dad was, who my grandpa was, etc. Where you physically by him on his last day? My dad was with grandma.

      Matthew

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      • Re: The passing of my grandma
        

        

        Charlie

        
        

        It was odd that my Father would be able to recollect 4 or 5 decades ago, but was unable to tell you what day of the week it was or what he had for breakfast that morning

        The story you told me was similar, although my grandma did not lose her eyesight, and my grandpa and the care takers made meals for all of us. Unlike your grandpa, my grandma had her nursing home and hospice brought over to the house. Your grandpa definitely had better memory than my grandma. My grandma forgot who I was, who my dad was, who my grandpa was, etc. Where you physically by him on his last day? My dad was with grandma.

        Matthew

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        • Re: The passing of my grandma
          

          

          MattM

          
          

          Taking that in mind, regarding breakfast, since we often live in a hurry, we woof down our breakfast and then go to work or move on to do what we need to do. This is one possible way. But not remember what day of the week, that kind of indicates that he may have Alzheimer's. It was similar to my case of grandma. We were at the grandparents late in the afternoon two years ago, and it was getting a little dark, and we were about to go out for dinner. My grandma thought it was early morning (that the dim sky mean the sun is rising), and wondering why we were going out for dinner early in the morning. That indicated that my grandma's memory is failing, most likely due to Alzheimer's.

          Matthew

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  • Re: The passing of my grandma
    

    

    sectari

    
    

    Alzheimer's is a really hard way to lose someone. I haven't had this in my direct family but a few friends have. My condolences.

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    • Re: The passing of my grandma
      

      

      MattM

      
      

      True, but my grandma also had other problems contributing to her death, and part of it is simply old age.

      Matthew

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  • Re: The passing of my grandma
    

    

    CEEtheDinoman

    
    

    Man, I feel for ya. I recently had my grandma pass too, and she had Alzheimer's so I understand the pain of her not remembering. You and your family will be in my prayers. Stay strong and thanks for sharing.

    Stay strong,
    -Christian Epp

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    • Re: The passing of my grandma
      

      

      MattM

      
      

      Thanks. Our story is similar. When did your grandma go? My autism makes me immune to the passing.

      Matthew

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      • Re: The passing of my grandma
        

        

        Panurge

        
        

        Well, there's more than one way of caring, you know. You may not feel very distressed on a gut level, but the fact that you went to such lengths shows you care a lot.

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        • Thanks Panurge (n/t)
          

          

          MattM

          
          

          n/t

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  • Re: The passing of my grandma
    

    

    Adam

    
    

    And may she R.I.P at last. Sorry to hear that Matt. She's definately in a better place now.

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    • Thanks (n/t)
      

      

      MattM

      
      

      n/t

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  • Re: The passing of my grandma
    

    

    DavidN

    
    

    Hi Mattthew,

    I am genuinely sorry to hear about the loss of your grandmother, and thank you for sharing so much with us today. It is especially difficult to see one that you love taken from you through the devastation of Alzheimer's, which is one of those diseases I fear the most.

    Take care,
    David

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    • Re: The passing of my grandma
      

      

      MattM

      
      

      I agree David. It is also other factors involved with my grandma besides Alzheimer's. Besides her brain, her lungs and other parts of her body were also decaying, as the medics can tell of the blood clot in her lungs back in June. But there were times that people still lived a long time with Alzheimer's.

      Matthew

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  • Re: The passing of my grandma
    

    

    Hairball

    
    

    Hey Matthew,

    I'm so sorry to hear of what your grandma went through but in reading your post many parts reminded me of the last days of my mom's life which ended May 13th of this year.She didn't have Alzheimer's but Cancer which was bad in itself.My mom peacefully passed away at my brothers home in California after I assisted her on a flight from NJ to California.She was fortunate to be able to withstand that long flight on May 1st.However I feel for you my friend but in the end I know its just that part of life we try not to think about.Keep the faith Matthew.

    Mark

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    • Re: The passing of my grandma
      

      

      MattM

      
      

      Yes, I understand your story, and it does somewhat compare to mine.

      Matthew

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  • Re: The passing of my grandma
    

    

    François

    
    

    Hello Matthew,
    I'm sorry to hear the loss of your grandmother.
    Stay strong my friend.

    François

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    • Re: The passing of my grandma
      

      

      MattM

      
      

      I will Francois.

      Matthew

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  • Re: The passing of my grandma
    

    

    Scooper

    
    

    I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your grandma Matthew.

    My grandma died 17 years ago at 84 years and I still think of her. She worked in a nursing hospital until she was 75 and saw people go through what you described.

    My condolences to you and your family.

    Bruce

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    • Re: The passing of my grandma
      

      

      MattM

      
      

      I understand, and at nursing homes, you do come across people going through different forms of suffering. The fact is, though, no one lives forever.

      Matthew

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  • Re: The passing of my grandma
    

    

    MarkS

    
    

    Im really sorry to hear that Matt, but remember they're always waiting for us on the other side my friend and we will see them again one day and the same with my dad . I hope you can make a quick recovery Matt my prayers go out to you buddy

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    • Re: The passing of my grandma
      

      

      MattM

      
      

      Thanks Mark. My autism makes me immune to it. Obviously, going to heaven will be a better place for all of us.

      Matthew

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  • Re: The passing of my grandma
    

    

    Karsten

    
    

    Matt, very sorry to hear of your loss ... my thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time for you and your family.

    Karsten

    Prologue
    When I was young, my grandma was cheerful, social, happy and fun to be around. We had Easter egg hunts, Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, and many different family events. My grandma was a fun person to be around.

    The past few years
    Then like around 7 years ago, my grandma started to show signs of decline. My grandma started to not remember me, my dad, and other people she once knew. First of all, my grandma thinks I am still a little boy when I was really at a drinking age. She would ask the same questions over and over like “Do you go to school (tomorrow)?” to me or my dad when I or my dad really graduated. For example, she would ask how old I am. At first, it seems obvious that she knows my age very well but due to her failing memory, this was not the case. For my answer, I say I am 23 (current age). Then she forgets my age and five minutes later, she would ask again how old I am. I say 23. If I said “I told you I am 23”, she would not understand the “I told you“ part. In fact, she even thought her parents died yesterday and mourn over it when it was really over 40 years ago. She also thought that my sister was my dad’s girlfriend. She thought she was still living in Maine (where she used to live) when she was really in Washington. All the question asking had got us tired answering them over. Even though my dad told me to answer grandma’s questions nicely each time I get asked, including the same ones over and over again, he himself got tired of answering them. My grandma pretty much had Alzheimer’s. Despite that, she still was able to drive a car as late as 2005. Then in December 2005, she crashed her car and broke her wrist (which healed). At this point, she is no longer allowed to drive a car. Her Alzheimer’s condition remained similar for a long time, although it slowly got worse. Even as late as spring 2009, she was doing okay, although her memory was failing. She was doing fine on May 3rd when I went to my little cousin’s 6th birthday party in early May this year. My cousin’s birthday was April 28, and my grandma’s birthday was May 6th.

    June 2009
    When I came to my grandparent’s on June 19th, my grandma was on an oxygen machine, as she was having difficulty breathing. That was the first of the “new” problems that I noticed my grandma was having. My dad, my grandpa, and my aunt (who came up to be a caretaker till my grandpa hired a permanent caretaker) took her to the hospital. The medics diagnosed her having some form of problem in her lungs. Later tests showed that she had a blood clot in her lungs. As for me, I stayed behind at the grandparent’s house, and after them not coming back for more than a few hours and it was getting late, I attempted to find a bus stop and take the bus back home. No luck. It was already 8:30 PM and the sun was going to set shortly. When they came back to the house, they found me gone, and notified me. I told them what street corner I was currently on and had my dad picked me up. He was not mad, and understood that it took them a lot longer than what they expected. He took me back to the house for dinner before taking me back home. My grandma stayed in the hospital for four days and then she was put in a nursing home in Redmond till her blood clot clears and her blood levels are normal again.

    July 2009
    She did indeed gone home from the nursing home but it was too early so she was sent back. She was there since her blood was too thick and formed a clot, and the nurses must make sure that her blood thins out to safe levels. We usually go up to the cabin on the 4th of July (my grandparentÂ’s own a lakeside cabin as well), and we did this year. But my grandma stayed at the nursing home, although we visited her on the 3rd. Luckily, it did not create any more blood problems for my grandma. A week later, she was able to go home, but then she overtook the blood thinning medicine and her blood was too thin. In general, at that time, she can still stand up and walk, although she required support to do so (i.e. holding hands with someone). As usual, she does not remember any of her family members. My aunt went back home and my grandpa had finally found two permanent caretakers, which, one at a time, supervised my grandma. At that time, she did go up to the cabin with the rest of us (although it was not on the 4th of July), since my cousins were in town, and she seemed happy there although she did not remember her grandsons (my cousins) or any of us.

    September 2009
    By that time, my grandma was really showing signs that she will not be around much longer. My grandma became very unresponsive to anyone walking in the room in clear view of her. In other words, she no longer says hello to anyone entering the room and talks very little. She can no longer stand up, even with support. She sits on the couch with her head laid back or on the side (meaning her head is not erected up). She was carried in a stroller anytime she needs to eat, use the bathroom or go to bed. Early in the month, she developed bladder infection, which made her go back to the hospital to clear it out. It did clear out. In the middle of the month, my grandma was excessively tired, and her caretaker believed something was horribly wrong with her. So my dad, my grandpa, and the caretaker took grandma back to the hospital. I stayed behind at the house. After many hours of testing, diagnoses and all that stuff, they found there was nothing wrong with her, so they sent her back home at midnight. I tried to reach my dad on the phone but hospitals probably did not allow cell phone usage and my dad‘s phone was out of battery. This time, I stayed at the house and did not try to go home. However, I waited for 8 long hours for my dad to come back to the house to take me back home. At midnight, they came back. My grandma was put in bed, and my dad took me home. My dad was not happy about his mom and being up so late at night. Then on the 23rd, I saw my grandma for the very last time before I went down to Disneyland. Aforementioned, she can no longer stand or walk and required to be carried in the stroller to go anywhere. She also required help using a piece of silverware to move food up from the plate to her mouth or to move a bottle of water, etc. from her lap to her lips, even though she is holding the bottle. On that day, we hung out during the day, we had dinner together with my dad, my grandpa, the care taker, grandma herself, and my youngest cousin who is only six years old (which is my grandma’s youngest grandchild). Then my grandma told the caretaker to take her to the bathroom and then she was put in bed, even though the sun was still up. Then a healthcare person came to deliver a hospital bed into the room where my grandma was currently sleeping in the pull-down bed. My grandma went back to the hospital at the end of the month. The hospital bed was moved into the other room.

    October 2009
    Early in the month (I was unaware of it entirely since I was working a lot at game testing, and my dad was constantly thinking about grandma, his mom, to be thinking of me), my grandma had an episode of seizures, two weeks before death. My dad did not say about it till after my grandma passed. During the last days of her life, my grandma was bed ridden in one of the bedrooms in the house. Her last “meal” was probably apple juice with medication in it. My dad told me that on the day prior to dying, she was breathing very heavily and fast, which is normal for a dying person at the last state of life. At 6:14 PM, October 22, 2009, just a few minutes after sunset, my grandma took in her final breath and breathed it out (my dad stated the exiting of her soul with the final breath). Meanwhile, I was just arriving at the Thursday night social unaware, and I had a grand time. It was not till after I got home that my dad called me and said my grandma had passed. I was presented an opportunity to look at her body the next day but I declined. I went back to what is now grandpa’s house on Saturday. All three of my dad’s brothers and sisters came, as well as two of their spouses and my little cousin and we had a good dinner there. My sister also dropped by but did not stay for dinner. My grandma’s body is going to be cremated and a funeral ceremony is going to be planned for November 7th, and we are going to Maine this coming Memorial Day in May (where my grandparents used to live).

    This is the second of my grandparents to pass (my first one to go was my mom's dad, who died in 1968, long before I was born). My autism keeps me from acting sad and since I am aware that no one lives forever, including us, and that it was her time, I was aware of it and I kept going on with my life. It was not like how my cousin died at the beginning of the year, when he was only 17 years old, and was shot. My grandma was born on May 6, 1928, and lived till October 22, 2009, to an age of 81 years. She is in a better place now. My grandpa did not appear sad when I saw him on Saturday, though, with the rest of the family.

    R.I.P Mavis McDonald

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    • Thanks (n/t)
      

      

      MattM

      
      

      n/t

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  • Re: The passing of my grandma
    

    

    Oren

    
    

    Hi Matt,

    Very nice, beautifully written account of your times with your Grandma.
    My condolences on her passing this last week.

    I do have one remaining grandparent. She's 104. We did celebrate her 100th birthday in St Louis, MO on May 18 2005.
    She has long outlived her son, my Dad who passed away in September 1996.

    - Oren

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    • Re: The passing of my grandma
      

      

      MattM

      
      

      That's amazing Oren. Your grandma outlived your son so late in life (being 93 at that time). I can't believe that one's child dies of old age before one him/herself. Nonetheless, thanks for the statement.

      Matthew

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  • Re: The passing of my grandma
    

    

    Peter

    
    

    I'm so sorry to hear this, Matthew. My deepest condolences to you and your family.

    Peter

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    • Thanks Peter (n/t)
      

      

      MattM

      
      

      n/t

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  • Re: The passing of my grandma
    

    

    ddude

    
    

    Dude...my utmost sympathy to you and your family...

    I'm so sorry...In my thoughts & prayers.
    We are here for you

    (hug)
    -ddude

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    • Thanks (n/t)
      

      

      MattM

      
      

      n/t

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  • Re: The passing of my grandma
    

    

    John.B

    
    

    Hi Matt,

    I'm very sorry to hear of the passing of your grandmother.

    You are in our thoughts.

    Cheers,

    John.B

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    • Thanks John (n/t)
      

      

      MattM

      
      

      n/t

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  • Re: The passing of my grandma
    

    

    Kevin C

    
    

    You have my deepest sympathy for the passing of your grandmother.

    Kevin

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    • Thanks Kevin (n/t)
      

      

      MattM

      
      

      n/t

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  • Re: The passing of my grandma
    

    

    elektros

    
    

    All my grandparents are dead now. My dad's mother died of breast cancer before I was even born. His dad remarried, but both him and his wife passed on a long time ago now. My grandad died from his second stroke, and I can't even remember what his second wife died of. My other grandad died of chronic bronchitis, which is rarely fatal. My grandmother on my mum's side was probably the person I most loved in all my life, and she died in a diabetic coma. She had so many health problems that it's a wonder that nothing else killed her sooner.

    It's thirty years now since any of my grandparents were alive, but the're never forgotten. They live on in my memory. I even have some stories about the one I never knew, from my father.

    In a way it's some time since you lost your grandmother. It sounds like she really checked out a while ago. It must have been hard for you. I'm sorry she's gone, but it's probably for the best.

    It's my parents and my uncles that worry me now.

    I'm having my first encounters with memory problems in my family. One of my uncles is showing the signs now. He can't remember his favourite singer, or recognise his songs, and it's like a light has gone out of his eyes, like he isn't really there in the room with me. He can still find his way to the shops and back, which is actually a really long walk, and returns with the right groceries I'm told, so it isn't as bad yet as it probably will be. OTOH, he no longer drives, and I think it may be because he got lost. He doesn't have any problem recognising people, so far. I live thousands of miles from him, and we were always close when I was a child. Nobody warned me before I saw him last, but I could tell before they told me about it.

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    • Re: The passing of my grandma
      

      

      MattM

      
      

      It was something interesting you told me about. Eventually, everyone will no longer have grandparents. Like you, I have one grandparent that died long before I was born, from a stroke. For the two that are currently alive, my dad's dad is still thriving at an age of 83 despite losing his wife. My mom's mom is doing fine, and she had fought cancer three times. Your mom's mom seemed to have the most health problems you described about your grandparents. Yes, they are always remembered. To me, it only have been six days since my grandma passed. What does it means to "check out"? Your uncle still have better memory than my grandma during her final years. My grandma forgot who I was, who my dad was, etc. One day, at the airport, with my grandparents going off somewhere, my grandma decided to use the restroom. As a result, she got so lost that my grandpa could not find her, and he called the police and missed the flight. Even when she can still drive, she got lost easily. Your uncle memory problems are not as bad as my grandma's.

      Matthew

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      • Re: The passing of my grandma
        

        

        elektros

        
        

        It was something interesting you told me about. Eventually, everyone will no longer have grandparents. Like you, I have one grandparent that died long before I was born, from a stroke. For the two that are currently alive, my dad's dad is still thriving at an age of 83 despite losing his wife. My mom's mom is doing fine, and she had fought cancer three times. Your mom's mom seemed to have the most health problems you described about your grandparents. Yes, they are always remembered. To me, it only have been six days since my grandma passed. What does it means to "check out"? Your uncle still have better memory than my grandma during her final years. My grandma forgot who I was, who my dad was, etc. One day, at the airport, with my grandparents going off somewhere, my grandma decided to use the restroom. As a result, she got so lost that my grandpa could not find her, and he called the police and missed the flight. Even when she can still drive, she got lost easily. Your uncle memory problems are not as bad as my grandma's.

        Matthew

        I suppose checking out is a sort of comparison with checking out of a hotel. I think when someone's memory is failing they leave you a bit at a time, rather than all at once, but at some point it is as if they have already gone, or at least as if the person you knew is no longer there.

        I fear that my uncle will end up like your grandma was before she died. I think what I have seen were the early signs, and sometimes it can be years between when I am able to visit him, so when I next see him he may be much worse. I think he is 89 now. Of course, at that age who knows what else may happen?

        My parents only tell me certain things about their health. They tell me a lot, but I know I often get a bit less than the whole story, because they don't want to worry me. They are in their '80s too.

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        • Re: The passing of my grandma
          

          

          MattM

          
          

          I agree. Only time will tell. There can be miracles and remember, there is nothing you can do about your uncle except pray for him. Like your uncle, my grandma left all of us a bit at a time, and one of my aunts (her daughter) told me on Saturday that she was not quite "there" the way she acted the last few years. Usually, people with Alzheimer's don't recover.

          Oh I forgot to tell you guys that my grandma had been wearing diapers the last year before death. Kind of like childhood in reverse. Nonetheless, your uncle had definitely outlived my grandma. Since you are an adult, you should take in the whole story regarding your parent's health, even though it may worry you, but it also prepares you for it, so when their time comes, it will not be so shocking.

          Matthew

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  • Re: The passing of my grandma
    

    

    Birdman

    
    

    Sorry to hear about the passing of your grandmother

    Birdman

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    • Re: The passing of my grandma
      

      

      MattM

      
      

      That's fine. My autism makes me immune to the sadness.

      Matthew

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