new thread
I have a brother who is just a few years older than I am, and who has for most of the last 25 years has grown long beards, and frequently also grown long hair. Until a few years ago I've never had long hair and if I had a beard, I kept it fairly closely cropped.
A couple of years ago the picture of me above appeared on the front page of our small hometown newspaper. He still lives there, and I live two states away. Of course, many, many of his friends saw the picture and commented how much we looked alike (which without long hair and beards we really don't, and never have). The comparisons to me prompted him to go out the next day and get a haircut, and to trim his beard back to a half inch or so.
After that, he just let his hair and beard grow again. I rarely get back to our hometown, but made it there last fall, and we had a family dinner with some of our other siblings. Sure enough the next day my brother again got his hair cut and trimmed his beard. I find that behavior kind of funny, but I'm not offended by it, just amused.
Actually, it's kind of weird. The issue is surely his, not yours. It is like he feels threatened by you at some psychological level, and to preserve his distinct sense of self, he needs to look different from you.
I wouldn't mention it to him at any deep level like that. A man needs to find his own identity, as we've all learned here. If looking different from you serves some identity need of his, I'd just let him be whatever he feels like being at the moment in peace.
Bill
Interesting story.
BTW, welcome to the MLHH, Flat Lander!
Always a pleasure to find other long haired/long bearded fellows out there.
- Oren
Thanks for sharing your story with us, Flat Lander! Yes, sibling relationships can be very interesting (as well as a bit ODD at times). The best way for me to share my own perspective on your comments and experience is by explaining some of the dynamics that happens / happened between my own brothers and myself...
On the far left side of this pic (taken w/ Niagra Falls in the background, in 1965) is my older brother, John. On the far right side of the pic is myself (yes, the kid with the "gay"-looking smile - LOL).... And sandwiched in-between the two of us are my 3 younger step-brothers, who to this day I totally still adore.
However, I never got along as well with my own biological brother as I did with my 3 step-brothers. John always seemed to be a social embarrassment to me/us (the kids his own age basically even viewed him as a "nerd"); but, as I gradually got older and matured a bit, it eventually bothered me less & less. HOWEVER.... I still did NOT want to be "like" him! I remember one time when I was still fairly young, I once told my mom: "Will I get to be as tall as John when I get older? I don't want to grow that tall!!!" (John was 6'1" in high school -- and I was GRATEFUL when I stopped growing after I reached 5'11" - LOL)....
John sadly passed away in '83; but, believe me, I could tell you colorful story after colorful story (some of which are totally and truly EMBARRASSING, as well as even controversial) about his weird and eccentric behavior while during his short time here on planet Earth.
As Bill said, it sounds like your brother is the one who has the problem, though, not you. Even in my own case, had my brother John decided to grow his hair and beard long, I actually believe I would have WELCOMED him doing that! Beards and long hair don't make anyone different from their own regular, normal, natural behavior (any more than someone's height, or lack thereof, can make a difference between two people's behavior)... It's all in your own self-confidence and sense of one's own self-identity.
- Ken in San Francisco
Thanks for sharing your family picture and a bit of your family history, Ken.
I agree that it is my older brother's issue, not mine, that he cuts his hair when he sees me. I just found it curious. Family dynamics can be quite complex. Appreciate your kind words.
Funnily enough the day after I read this message I read the story "Two Brothers" in my English class