new thread
So here is a recent pic of me=)
My hair is just about 5 inches. But it has a lot of layers so it appears longer than it really is.
Notice my mullet layer in the back!
Short story: Take this serously:
When I was living at home I wasn't allowed to have longer hair than this. I had a Beatles hairstyle as a kid. I have come to this length 3 times before in my life. Getting to shoulder lenght, cutting it, Getting to shoulder lenght, cutting it, you know how it goes. Always getting stuck in the evil scissors.
Reasons were:
1. My short haired father forced me to cut it.
2. Love: When I was 17 I was together with a girl whose strict parents forced me to cut it, if I was gonna keep seeing her. So I did. We had a 16 month relationship.
3 Summer 2009, Prior going to a job interview. I didn't get the job anyway. Been growing it out since then....
Nowadays my father accepts my hair, so that isn't a problem anymore. I've had my own place for 4 years.
Yeah and my mom always keep telling me that I look so good in this length I have now, and I should keep it this way.
Recently my insecurity has coming back to me. I always has it at this length... I dream of long hair. I like the feel of long hair. But Im not a rocker, a biker, a hippie or a bum. People are gonna stereotype me and put me in these categories. And Everyone keeps telling me how good I look in short hair and so on... My mind feels so split.
I need some courage and strength. This is a critical point for me.
All support is greatly appreciated!
// Jim
Hi Jim,
First of all I think you look very nice in that pic with your hair long:)I know that's my opinion but actually it's YOUR opinion that really matters.Being a longhair takes a certain amount of dedication and you have to like having it.If you can't even pass that test then that along with outside influence will doom your hair.How many times have I read here how the aspiring longhair faces almost daily opposition to his mane.So if even HE isn't sure himself then the writing is on the wall.Hopefully you will succeed in your journey but it's up to you ultimately.I wish you the best my friend.Cheers
Mark
Hi Hairball!
Thank you! Glad you like my hair!
Yes I need to have a certain amount of strength. So far, noone has said something bad about my hair. Maybe someday someone will tell me "you look like s**t, cet a haircut". I need strength so I DON'T GET SAD AND CUTS IT!!!
From the bottom of my heart: This is what I want to do. I want to have long hair. I'm truly motivated to grow it out. But yes someday I will recieve negative comments and so on... That's when the real challenge for me starts.
I have to get strength and be proud of who I am!
Thanks for your help!!
// Jim
Hi Jim, I think your hair looks great at this length and I think you need to set a goal for yourself to see how it would look at APL(arm pit length). The longer my hair gets, the more I like it. Actually I'm proud of it and don't care what others say about it. You need to think about how you feel about yourself and not what others think. Keep it growing. Tommie
Hi Tommie!
Good idea to have a goal length! I've never thought about it...
I have to care more about myself and not what others say. So true. Glad you like my hair!
Thanks for your tips!!
// Jim
Grow it out, why not?
There are people who will always look for reasons to hate somebody. Today it can be your shirt, tomorrow your long hair.
Apart from that, there are those people with that old way of thinking, who think that men must wear a short haircut and women should have long hair... I personally disagree with that, therefore I have long hair. I'm actually glad it repels "that" kind of people. The question is really how important is it to you the opinion of others about yourself than your own opinion about yourself... ? I think that this is what it comes down to eventually.
There are cases though when you have no choice. For instance, I'll cut my mid-back length hair in a month because I must go to the military. Nothing I can do about it, it's my duty. But apart from those kinds of situations, grow it out if you feel like it... it does look cool!
Hi Stas!
You're so right!
There's always gonna be "haters" out there, no matter how I look.
I just have to concentrate to follow my dreams.
Long hair will is awesome =)
Thanks for your comments!
// Jim
Hi Jim,
Totally LOVED the update here, and your honesty shines through in your excellent writing as well!
First of all, take a tip from us older longhairs. It is absolutely true that the older a person gets in life, the more they no longer care what others think or say about one's own private decisions about appearance (like how long you wish to grow your hair).
Remind yourself of this FACT: your own hair on your own head is YOUR OWN BUSINESS. It is NOT your job in life to please others around you about something that you know in your own heart will make you happy if you don't follow through with it. If you constantly give in to others, your desire to grow your hair out will keep nagging at you until you shut up all the outside voices and only listen to the voice within! I mean that. I can even verify that from first-hand experience, because it took me to age 40 to finally have hair long enough to tie back into a tail... Do you REALLY want to wait until you turn 40 to do that as well? My only big regret in life is that I didn't grow my hair out when I was younger. As we age, even the genetically luckiest of us have some hair thinning, eventually turn grey, and our hair is not quite as luxuriously full and shiny and thick as it used to be (but that won't stop me from keeping mine long, anyway - LOL)....
My advise? Keep growing it -- don't stop now!! How else are you ever really going to find out if you truly like long hair, unless you commit to keep growing it longer? (And come on now, you KNOW in your heart that you want it long... as I said earlier, it will keep nagging at you until you do!)
Whatever it takes to get you through the awkward stage, just DO it. If it means avoiding whatever friends and family may be the harshest in their criticizing of it, then do your best to see them less often and/or for briefer periods of time. If it means using a lot of gel and/or hair spray and/or hats or bandanas until you get used to seeing your new longer-haired self in the mirror, then do that as well.
Also, one more word of warning: do NOT listen to anyone who might tell you that you are being "selfish" for growing your hair long. It is THEY who are being selfish for asking you to give up a harmless desire to look your own individual way, just so that THEIR concept of who you "should" be and look like stays the same.
I adjust my hair STYLE to conform to jobs or any other needed situation in life (like tying my hair back at social events, or even wearing a bun a braid whenever at work, or tucking it under a hat, etc.); but I will not compromise my hair length, ever. That I believe is my right and my own choice. STAY FIRM ABOUT THAT.
Hope my comments have helped!
- Ken in San francisco
Well written Ken, as always.
- John C near Seattle.
Hi Ken!
Great response and good arguments from you!
First, Im glad you liked it!
I felt like I couldn't just post a picture and not write anything. I had so many thoughts about some my hair and appearance. So I thought I better write out what Im feeling instead of just worrying all by myself.
It's very typical when you're young to worry about things like appearance, in my case long hair. I know it will go away as I grow older. You get more confidence, and you get to the point when you are sure about "this is me, this is who I am." I would love to be there soon.
I can't live just to please others. That's so true! I have been a victim for such things in the past. Because I wasn't aloud to choose or decide ANYTHING when I was younger!
So it's more of a challenge to find myself now, when I'm a free adult and can make my own choices..
You have great advise. Follow your dream. My dream is to have long hair. So I will continue growing it!
It will be a lot easier to live with my hair in about 6 months more, when I can tie all my hair back into a ponytail. Right now it's just hangin there!
So im still in the awkward stage. As many have said. After the awkward stage it's alot easier and funnier to have long hair!
Thanks for your comments! It definetly helped!
// Jim
- I know what you mean about your mind being split. mine was too, and it still is, way in the back somewhere. It's what our society does. Your beliefs & desires versus theirs. It's better to try to go with your own desires. That's what your existence is about. It's difficult though, with jobs, etc, that don't & do allow it. See it as a playful challenge, and just keep trying. - John. When you succeed it is your own triumph. You just get better at finding paths for it to work. But it's not easy. Sometimes it's a day to day thing. You're basically making a statement with it every day. The act of trying to follow your desires in itself is healthy.
Hi John!
Yes I must be true to myself and finally do what I always wanted to do, just have long hair. Or else I would be living my whole life worrying about what others think. Thats not very healthy..
It's not the easiest thing to do. But I must do it.
Thanks for your good thoughts
// Jim
great jim glad your growing it out, looks realy great.
like you said
"I dream of long hair. I like the feel of long hair".
totaly agree :P
i say if it makes you happy to have it. then go for it!.
be proud of it. make them jelous :P and most of all enjoy it
welcome also to the board.
- Dave
Thank you so much for your kind words Dave!
// JIM
Your picture startled me.
You look a lot like me when I was younger.
I couldn't grow my hair then, but you have a great opportunity, go for it and let it grow. Don't regret it later. I think you look great.
Thank you Darius for your encouraging words and support!
// Jim
Hi Jim. For me it was my mom but I was allowed to have my hair a bit longer than yours is now. I know what you're going through.
Just stick with it and don't take no crap about it. If they ask you why just say "I like it long". If they keep on tell them to mind their own damn business.
If you want some good hair retorts for "get a haircut" and other rude remarks I'll post my list for you.
Good luck,
Paul
Hi paul!
Thanks for your understanding response!
I would like to have the "hair retorts list" please =)
// Jim
Do it for yourself. Cut it or grow it...simples answer!
Great down to basic answer! thanks!
//Jim
Dear Jim,
Like you, I am not a rocker, biker, hippie, bum, gay, bi, trans for that matter. I am just a regular researcher, with interest in material science and mechanics. I have classic-length hair, and plan to reach floor-length :).
When I first grew out, I encountered the same resistance as you did. I simply turned to this board as inspiration, wanted to be true to myself, carry my longhair self with confidence and boy, I think I did. I feel charming with my hair.
Keep growing.