new thread
I've had long hair since I was 15. Most of that time I've had a center part. In other words, I've had the same hairstyle for 12 years.
One of my friends has been trying to talk me into getting my hair styled, but I'm reluctant to change. I just found this board while looking for ideas. See, my friend wants me to get layers because she says my hair needs to be styled so that I'm more attractive to women. I don't particularly like the idea because:
a) I'm afraid of change
b) I don't like the idea of not being able to tie my hair back when I need to
c) I'd have to start using hair product to keep the style, and I'm convinced that would be bad for the health of my hair.
So, as fellow long haired males, I value your opinions. Is it a good idea to get my hair styled, and do you have any suggestions (photos?) of how it could look?
Sounds to me like you like your hairstyle as is and your comfortable with it that way so id leave it as is. Because at the end of the day if you change it and hate it your the one that has to wear it not your friend.
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Hi Zustiur, welcome to MLHH. All the reasons to not style your hair are valid. Despite the well meaning intentions of your friend, it would be best to just let your hair grow. Don't ruin it. It would take 2 or 3 years to undo the damage from having it styled.
Scott
Looks great to me right now, I doubt styling would do it justice.
Hi there,
Your hair looks great to me and why ruin something that looks that good already. For some people with curly hair some layers do help.
Cheers,
John.B
You have excellent hair.
The critical point is that it is YOUR hair and you need to be happy with it and to put it back as you wish.
Your friend may well be offering you genuine 'advice' BUT also is certainly trying to control your appearance. Just ignore that the person.
Styling may or may not be 'good' but would be no improvement whatever to either the way it looks or to you so simply refuse. There is also a danger that it will wreck your hair -either through silly cutting (layers are not good for most and take ages to grow out if they fail) or the use of chemicals or tools.
Just carry on the way you are and be confident that it looks good and will attract women.
I particularly wanted to respond to this post, although I feel I'm repeating myself. You're completely right, it is given as genuine advice but has progressed (partly through my own fault at using delaying tactics) into a mild form of nagging. Each time the topic has arisen I've moved slightly more in favour of change, however it is important to note that until this occasion I've had no-one other than myself supporting my side of the argument.
Again, repeating myself, but thank you for your advice. My hair as it is currently gives me confidence, and I don't want to lose that. The trap is that I'm making an uninformed decision - I have no concept of what I might look like with a different hair style. I may have more confidence from it if it was different. However I believe that other areas need work more desparately. Social confidence being key among them.
If my hair was to be ruined in some manner... That would be a sickening blow to my self image, and not one I am willing to risk lightly.
Welcome to the mlhh Zustiur!
I'm with the others that commented below me that your hair is awesome now and trying to put a GQ haircut on your head will probably not be very appealing to you.And remember once the deed is done it would take years to undo the results.As a fellow straight haired guy keep your hair the way it is because I like mine on me and yours on you my friend:)Cheers
Mark
Hi Zustiur,
First of all, welcome to the hyperboard, and I am glad that you have shared your photo with us. You have the perfect hair type to grow your hair super long (thick and straight), and I hope you continue your journey. No fancy styles are necessary at all, just keep it growing!
Welcome aboard,
David
I don't think you should. Your hair looks fine, and frankly- heavily styling long hair DOES make a more feminine style. Plus, im sure most everyone here who went for a trim, or did anything to their hair, has had bad experiences where the hair dresser just demolished you. Its risky, and your not comfortable with it. Why change? You've had the same hair style for 12 years cause it looks good, imo. :)
This is a valid point, I've always felt that way. A natural straight cut with no fuss seems the more masculine way to me.
Me included. *shudder* And that was with simple cuts.
Thanks. Sound advice yet again. As per one of my other posts, my friend agrees that it looks good, she simply wants it to look better. This is a sentiment I understand and can agree with, which is a big part of what makes the decision difficult.
Welcome to the MLHH !
Your hair looks great and if you are happy with it, why change??
Looking forward to seeing more of you.
Thanks for Sharing
WWT (Walter White Tail)
Thanks!
Cheers. Peer pressure is a bitch, especially when it's coming from someone whose opinion you value highly.
Welcome to MLHH Zustiur!
I'm going to have to agree with everyone else, you should leave your hair the way it is. If you like your hairstyle, there is no need to change it, just enjoy it and let it grow!!
What exactly is your goal length?
Luke.
Thanks!
I've never had a goal length. I hover between should length and about 6" beyond shoulder length. When it gets longer than that I find it gets ratty, and if there's a gap between my hair and my shoulders I consider it too short. I don't mind a small gap immediately after a cut though - I know that'll grow back in a week or two and extend the amount of time between cuts.
Just imagine asking yourself after you cut:
"My hair is short, now what?"
How you answer that question will tell you a lot about what to do.
It doesn't bear thinking about. God forbid it should end up short.
I find this interesting. I let my hair down whenever I'm at home, and traditionally I've tied it up whenever I leave the house (work, parties, sport whatever). Lately I've changed that so that when I'm going out socially I leave it down as I believe it looks better that way than tied up.
If you do want to get a hair style, make sure it is you who decides to do so and not another.
But I think that your hair looks fine the way it is but the decision is entirely yours. :)
Birdman
With such a nice head of hair, I cannot blame you one bit for being afraid of change (hairwise).
I would definitely keep it as is and let it keep growing, unfettered.
Your friend will have to respect the fact that your hair is your personal space, and accept who you are.
- Oren
One thing I've noticed about women is they'll often state their own preference on something and then say that it goes for "women"- all of them.
Find out the opinions of some women you'd like to date. There are a bazillion subgroups with all sorts of different preferences, likes and dislikes. For example, women at Renaissance Faires tend to like guys with long hair. One group of girlfriends may tend to like one thing, and some other group prefer the opposite. You never know, so find out what women YOU want prefer (and hopefully it's not all over the map!). Then you can make a decision of what to do, if anything, in YOUR best interest.
More sound advice, and I intend to do exactly this. Oddly enough it gives me a pickup line - "Hey, as a total stranger, what do you think of my hair?"
Hi Zustiur,
First of all, Welcome to MLHH, -- and I have to agree with the others, as I think your hair looks fantastic just as it is right now!!
My understanding of "layers" in a hairstyle is that of having the front, sides, and top shorter, more or less "staggered" on down and blended into the back (which would remain longer).
The problem with layers is that in most cases the bangs in front end up being much too short to then be able to pull back into a tail anymore (which have to be a bit longer than chin-length in order to be able to reach the hair tie in back).
If you are happy with your hair the way it is, then by all means DON'T change a thing about it... The girl of your dreams should like you for YOU; not like you for who she would be able to change you into!
Thanks!
Very sound advice. I'd say much the same thing to my friend in a putting my foot down kind of tone, but for the fact I know she's trying to be so helpful. See this whole thing has stemmed from how long I've been single. According to my friend my hair isn't doing my any favours with the ladies.
Yet this doesn't ring as true as it might. 8 or 9 times out of 10, when I'm complemented on my appearance it's due to my hair. I said this to my friend, but her response was "yes but it would look so much BETTER if ..."
Welcome.
The short answer is don't style your hair especially if your not really wanting to. If it's not something YOU want you won't be happy with it and regret it. Also your right using various products to keep the style can adversely affect it's health.
Some of our mods are happily married or soon will be so if they can find a woman attracted to them long hair and all then you can also.
Kevin
While I know this to be true, having only had one girlfriend, and that over 2 years ago (I'm now 27) it's very easy to believe otherwise.
Oh, man, you are envy of guys like me with thin, flyaway hair! If you got it, flaunt it. You have thick, healthy hair. That by itself is attractive enough. I would not gild the lily if I were you.
I think a "coiffed" look for your hair type might also make it a bit more effeminate. This isn't bad - in fact it's a relatively common look for rockers - but if it isn't what you want you will be disappointed.
Your hair is long enough, though, that you can take some chances - layer the ends but not too deeply - and if you don't like it you can just trim it off and grow it back.
Good luck!
-- George
I think your hair looks great as is, and wouldnt suggest anything but growing it longer. Unless YOU really want to get your hair styled, dont bother. Me, I'm personally not a fan of longer styled, or layered hair-dos on men, but in the end its up to you.
Avoid "stylists" like the plague. They don't do anything without cutting, and you don't want cutting.
If you want to try a different style, try combing your hair back instead of parting it, and then braid it in a single braid. Or leave it parted and have two braids (like Willie Nelson). Of course, both of these would work better with longer hair, so if you like the ideas, start growing.
I was getting that feeling from talking to my friend. She doesn't seem to think having straight cut hair counts as a style. Naturally I disagree.
This week I've been combing straight back when I go for a pony tail (which is what I normally do at work). Traditionally when using a pony tail I just sweep the two sides back and keep the part. I would love to know a way of keeping my hair combed back when it's not in a tail though. Mouse? Gel? Wax? I'm completely at a loss for where to begin.
I've often wondered about braiding it, probably in two braids Willie Nelson/Native American style. I'll have to learn and give it a go. I've always been put off by the thought of how many people would tease me though (I've been teased all my life for various reasons so this is a fairly major consideration for me).
Shampoo it.
My suggestion? Do what YOU like and if anyone else has problems with it, then tough. It is YOUR hair to wear anyway you like. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, wonder what your lady friend(?) would think if you suddenly told her what she needed?
Always best to do with your hair what makes you the happiest. Those that pontificate to you about "what you need" are really stepping out of line, that is UNLESS you asked for the opinion.
Best of luck to you and your long hair looks fabulous! :-)
WOW!
So many replies, and so consitent!
Then again, there is a certain element of asking the pope if he prefers catholics...
I've just had a restless morning having woken up early with this topic on my mind.
I can't thank you all enough for your support. I have to get to work shortly so I'll reply more thoroughly later, and make individual replies where appropriate.
For now, I think I'll focus on the advice to get more opinions. I had already come to the conclusion that I needed a second opinion, but clearly the more opinions I get the better, so I'll go down that route.
As promised, I have now responded to many of the posts.
In greater detail, here is my situation:
My (yes female) friend is indeed trying to be helpful. She is a very close friend, and thus is someone whose opinion I take a lot of notice of. As I have been single for a long time, and I often complain to her about that fact, she has been giving me pointers. This has come in many forms, be it social advice, clothing advice or what have you.
Unfortunately she is of the opinion that my hair, while good, isn't stylish enough to aid in first impressions when meeting women. I've had my share of people telling me to chop it off or get my head shaved, so the fact she isn't suggesting something that extreme lends it some merit.
As previously alluded to, this topic has come up a number of times now. I sway between wanting to change in the hope of improvement, and not wanting to because I like my current style, and because I'm afraid of disaster. Had anyone else suggested it I'd probably have dropped the conversation like a lead weight and made sure it never returned. I believe this speaks as much as an essay about how close our friendship is, so I hope you can understand why this isn't an easy decision.
Another factor is that she's not pushing for any particular style. She merely wants to make sure I have 'an actual style'. When last spoke (on Saturday night just passed) I agreed to go with her to a stylist this coming weekend. That was before I found this forum and the support you're giving me.
I'm in about 15 minds about what to do at the moment. Do I go through with it? Do I go and talk to a stylist but then step back and decide on actual cutting some other day? Do I flat out tell my friend I don't want to do it? If so, when? and how to put it?
I'm becoming more and more convinced that this is something I should not go ahead with. That much is fairly plain - If it bothers me this much it's simply a bad idea. The question now, is more around how to get the best out of the situation. I could learn a lot by talking with a stylist, but a) I'm afraid of being pressured into it once I'm there, and b) I'd feel like I was wasting their time if I went and discussed it and then decided not to go through with it.
It's worth noting that even when I get my hair cut straight I go through a period of not wanting to. Thoughts like 'is it worth cutting yet? how short do I want it? What if it's too short?' run through my mind. Partly because I have had it cut too short for my liking on a couple of occasions.
I think the primary drive at the moment is that I want to improve the little things about my hair.
- I'm not sure what to do with my sideburns and the tufts over my ears which are too long to hide but too short to join the rest in a pony tail
- I can't make up my mind about which way to brush it, straight back, or down to the sides
- I'm losing my fondness of the center part, and I believe there is a certain social stigma around having a center part which I'd like to avoid
- I feel like I'm due for a trim anyway, although my hair is a lot shorter than I usually let it get.
- After having agreed to go through with a hairstyle change I feel I'd be letting my friend down if I don't. I know she's trying to be helpful, so I naturally want to follow her advice.
At present I'm avoiding talking to my friend online (which is obviously a bad sign) because I haven't made up my mind, and don't want to sound as though I have until I'm sure. When I mentioned on Sunday that I'd not slept well because I'd been thinking about my hair all night she said in a huffy way 'Fine, don't do it. I give up.' I recognize that this is a form of emotional blackmail, but even when recognized it is effective.
A rider to this emotion is that I haven't seen as much of my friend as I would like during the last year, and doing this is a guaranteed way of getting to see her for the day. Again, BAD REASON, but I'm fairly sure that if I don't at least go to a stylist and talk it through I won't get to see as much, if anything of her this weekend.
I'm sure after this novel of a post I'll have plenty more replies to read. I'll look forward to reading every one of them as you've all been very helpful and insightful.
Thanks to all again, and I'm sure I'll write more soon.
Zustiur.
No offense, but the pony tail in that picture is tied in a "girl style". I would suggest tying it lower, so that it lays down on the back instead of sticking out.
- I'm not sure what to do with my sideburns and the tufts over my ears which are too long to hide but too short to join the rest in a pony tail
I keep my sideburns trimmed, and use hair spray to hold down the side tufts.
- I can't make up my mind about which way to brush it, straight back, or down to the sides
I think straight back looks more dignified, but that's just my opinion.
- I'm losing my fondness of the center part, and I believe there is a certain social stigma around having a center part which I'd like to avoid
No matter how you look, there's always going to be somebody that's going to be stigmatized by it.
- I feel like I'm due for a trim anyway, although my hair is a lot shorter than I usually let it get.
Say it ain't so!
- After having agreed to go through with a hairstyle change I feel I'd be letting my friend down if I don't. I know she's trying to be helpful, so I naturally want to follow her advice.
Try a tail, (low, not stick-out), or braid(s).
Don't worry about letting your friend down. It's more important to make sure you're comfortable with whatever decision you end up going with, and that YOU are at peace with the decision, because it's YOUR hair, not hers.
I have an idea (similar to what Pat S said)...
Try changing your part a bit. Experiment a little with what looks good to you in the mirror. Personally, for myself I like to comb my hair back, and then let it more or less part itself wherever it decides to each day -- sometimes it's closer to dead-center; sometimes it's more off to the side; and on other days it stayes more swooped strait back.
Changing how you part your hair is a no-risk sort of change, and can even be fun to play around with. Cutting your hair, however, takes a long time for it to grow back. I did that once: back in Y2K, I impulsively decided I was ready for a "change", cutting my then waist-length hair back to short (and I do mean, SHORT)... I HATED IT, and have never considered cutting it short ever again!!
Hope those comments have helped!
- Ken
I have to agree here, one thing I've learned while I've been growing my hair out is all the life it has now. Changing the part, wearing it up or down, it gives me a lot of variety and I have a lot of different looks these days. Kinda nice because it feels a bit more expressive.
Ultimately correct. Thank you.
Out of interest, and as a 'safe' experiment, I went sans-part for the week. All that seemed to achieve was that it took me longer to get ready in the morning, and my hair didn't look as good to me. Oh, and it seemed to cause more tangles.
No fear, I wasn't considering anything as drastic as that anyway. But your point stands, and I agree with it. I wouldn't be happy if my hair was 'wrong'.
Hi Zustiur,
Hey, don't fret over writing so much as more is better the saying goes:)First of all my comment on your picture is ... Your hair is gorgeous!You have such thick hair and the color is fantastic.I'm going to go against one comment and that's about your high pony.Frankly I think looks great on you as it shows off your tail that much better.I don't think it looks girly at all.I mean you have a man's face and all so what's the problem.As for going to a stylist for a consultation well I'd be careful there.The pressure on you to act then may be too great and why would you want some crazy hairstyle anyway.That would mean fussing with it everyday to recreate that look which would take twice as long instead of just tailing it.And styled hair generally means short hair.It can be longish but is that what you want?In all do respect to your female friend, that's nice of her to offer advice from her perspective but to harp on it too much is being a Nag!If she retracts from you just because you are resisting her advice on this one issue then one has to wonder her real motive.Some women, I think, are jealous of men who have nicer hair than themselves.Anyway give it some hard thought and do what YOU want.Asked for advice is nice but having something shoved down your throat is bogus!Let us know what you decide my friend.Cheers and good luck.
Mark
As it happens I was right. While I did still get to see my friend that day (we went out for dinner) I didn't see as much of her as I would have if I'd gone through with getting my hair styled. In the end what happened is I waited for her to mention my hair again, and she never did. So it seems that even though I was in two minds when we had last spoken, she'd got the hint anyway and backed down. So it seems I was stressing over nothing.
On a happier note, I ended up buying a hat that day.
Dude, everything about this post says that you want to keep your hair long, so do it! In my opinion (I don't know you, mind you, only what I've read here) you being single has more to do with your lack of confidence than anything about your hair or how you look (please, no offense intended). Years ago I've had my hair very long (few inches longer than yours in the pics here) and am growing it out again. I would kill for my hair to be as long as yours is right now (because I'm impatient) and you want to cut it short?! Why, cuz you're single?! I get my fair share of "cut your hair"'s and "you look better with it short"'s and "girls don't like it"'s and "long hair is not attractive, it's ugly"'s. 2 things..1)it doesnt bother me in the least, i dont even get offended and 2)I have not had a single problem in that area to speak of since i started growing it again, and I'm about 10 months in. Just quit trying to please everyone else and please yourself bro. Oh yeah, your hair is AWESOME!!
In the end I realized that this was precisely the problem. I was trying to please the wrong person.
While I do still intend to get my hair trimmed in the near future, I have resolved not to do anything drastic. Thanks for your advice.
Maybe chage the part or let it grow if you do anything. Layers ARE gonna be more of a hassle. You won't be able to 'tail it, there's a good chance they could screw it up (go to a good place, no haircuttery etc.)and yes they do look better on girls (punk chick choppy cut is awesome!). But they aren't neccissarily bad. They can look really good, but will be harder to make look good than just good ole long hair.
Peace,
Jarvis
You've hit a key point there. What on earth would I do during physical activities (sports/dancing/even housework) if I could not tie it back?
Though it is a long time ago I do recall the 'pain' stage when my hair was medium/long but couldn't be tied back properly. I do NOT want to use bobby pins and similar devices again. If anything screams feminine it's bobby pins.
I have layers, I can still form a tail if I want to, and they barely take anytime to style. No products are needed unless you want to use them. I use mouse to hide that my hair is thin, but it doesn't look like you will have that problem.
If you do get your hair styled be aware that you may HATE how it looks at first, because you are so used to having hair all one layer. However, once it grows back in it's new shape, you'll find those feelings will go away.
It would help me a lot to see a picture of your hair then. I really can't get my mind around what layers look like.
My hair is kind of the same type as yours: dark, straight, and thick. I'm still kind of in the awkward stage but lately I've been doing a half tail since I can't get a full on pony tail yet. I think the half tail looks really good and fairly distinctive and unusual with our hair type. I apologize for the grainy crappy picture. I will try to post a better one later
My wife has layered hair and it won't braid or go up into a bun worth a damn. She also complains to me that my hair needs some "style" but can never explain what that means or what it would look like.
Mind you, she was brought up to think that her own hair wasn't good enough and that she had to have it permed regularly to look good.
AndrewB
First of all, I think your hair looks great. Personally, I'm not a great fan of the centre parting, but it does suit some people.
What I'd suggest is that you should experiment with how you wear your hair - change the parting, play around with different tails, half-tails, buns, braids, etc. Those are all things that can change your appearance without cutting your hair. They also give you a range of different looks and practical styles depending on what you're doing and in many cases allow you to change that look very quickly.
If you're concerned about not meeting women, rather than change your appearance, have you considered changing how and where you socialise? I don't know what your hobbies or pastimes are, but you're a lot more likely to meet someone if you're out and about doing activities, sports etc than just standing at a bar for instance.
At the end of the day, it's your hair and you shoudln't let anyone pressure you into doing something you don't want to. If you want to try layers, go for it. If you don't like them, they will take a while to grow out, but it's not as if it's irreversible. However, if you don't want to cut your hair, your friend should just accept it and leave it at that. It's not as if you're a doll for her to play with and style as she sees fit.