new thread
My hair is presently in what is regarded as "the awkward stage". My mother is thoroughly convinced that it must be trimmed to look "nice". To my best of my ability, I have explained that such actions will only prolong awkwardness, which seems to be the consensus among this community. Has anybody had this experience and how might I get her off my case until the awkward stage transitions to a substantial length?
Regards,
L.S.P.P
I'm not disclosing my name because it involves mother issues, but there are only two REASONABLE things that can be done with your mother telling you to do something you don't want to do.
1. You give in.
2. You lovingly aknowledge her position and explain your point of view. She will not let it go easily, but if you're patient enough and buy the time you need, she'll either give up or start to like it.
Any thoughts about additional options?
Pepper spray?
Great idea...shame it didn't use that years ago!
Always obey your parents in everything but sin.
I would explain to her that your are going through the "akward stage of growing your hair and that if it continues to grow it will look tidy. Explain to your mother that you intend to take good care of your hair. Ask her to "humor" you for another year and then you can both see how it looks. Explain to your mother that you think of yourself as a longhair; it's part of your identity. If you were to cut your hair against your will it would be like self-mutilation.
Walk in Beauty, bro!
Raymond
well if 'shut up' doesnt work.. LOL
There is a third, perhaps dependant upon your age (which you do not give) and circumstances to an extent. Tell her in the nicest possible way to mind her own business.
This seems like a good way to quell things. Thank you.
Tell her to "shut up" (and mean it)
mothers need to know their 'children' are no longer 'children' but grown-ups who need respect - p.s I am female and a mother.. :) and Scottish - we're a bit more direct over here!!
Hello,
If you are under 18, If explaining does not help you it is best to do as your mother tells you until you are 18.
I do wish you good luck.
God Bless
Birdman
It depends on whether she means what she says. "Making it tidy" might be a way of saying "keeping it short". If that is the case, then no amount of reasoning to the effect that it will look good when it's properly long will be of any use.
I think the best arguments are that you are only young once, and you are determined to try to grow before it's too late. You will keep it tidy once it's got long e nough to do so, but it's not negotiable.
Being a parent of 2 teenagers myself my wife and I try to team up on the kids when there are issues that matter. Perhaps there's another parent you can get on your side?
Our attitude about hair has been "it's just hair - it will grow out again" when the weird hair-styles have been done.
It certainly beats the other things that you could be involved in ....
If you can make a reasonable argument for your reasons on why you want to grow your hair out, you are likely old enough to make the decision your self. This would include taking into account any cultural backlash or support from your local community (family, friends, school? work?), personal life direction, role models, goal length, and ways that you intend to care for it. If you satisfy this, I see no reason why your mother should have control over *your* hair. In that case, it comes down to her own psychology in learning, as a mother, to gradually relinquish control of you as you mature.
This my philosophy. Share or agree at your own risk! :)
Hello L.S.P.P.,
This topic comes up from time to time here at MLHH. Sometimes it's a mom, sometimes dad (or BOTH), sometimes a girlfriend / wife / partner / boss, best friend, etc.... It doesn't really matter. What does matter, however, is your age -- and to what degree you are financially dependent upon your parent(s).
For example: if you are 14 years old and still living w/ your mom, you're obviously still financially dependent upon her to get fed, clothed, and finish your schooling, etc. If you're 50 years old and living on your own now, however, then you need to grow up and tell mom to go take a hike!
Every situation is unique (including the age factor and degree of financial freedom from one's parents). The more you "have to" depend upon your mom at this time in your life, the more important it will be for you to politely negotiate everything (even though technically it is YOUR own hair, which she should leave alone). Once you've graduated from college and are a legal-aged adult, though, it's time for mother to stop telling you what to do with your life (including re. the hair on your own head)...
Sometimes mothers have a tough time letting go of their "little boy", -- in which case, be gentle, yet firm (about it being time for you to make your own decisions now).
Don't bother with long-winded explanations, which can lead to even longer-winded discussions and even arguments. Just keep it simple: you want to grow your hair long. Period! If YOU want to occasionally go get a little trim now & then, that's fine. But let that be your own decision, rather than hers.
Make sense?
Hope my comments have helped -- and good luck!
- Ken in San Francisco
That is one of the best answers I've seen to a recurring problem/question !
Well done !!
Walter
My mother has issues with long hair. I am 52, and this has been going on since I was 13 and first decided to grow my hair longer, so we have been having arguments over this for nearly 40 years.
These days it takes about a week before she brings up the subject, so it's best not to visit for more than a week, LOL! Even then, we just agree to disagree, so it's all quite amicable, but she is obviously baffled as to why I (or in fact anyone, male or female) would want anything longer than her own shoulder length hair.
When I lived at home we used to argue over when I was getting my next haircut and how much I was having taken off. To some extent that continued even when I was away at university. I still look at my graduation picture and think my hair looked nicer (longer) the week before. It's barely shoulder length in that picture.
My mum will say that I look nice with short hair in pictures of my 13 year old self. I agree, actually, but I know that five minutes after the picture my hair would have been sticking up in strange directions. That's what short hair was like for me, a constant battle to control it. The weight of long hair keeps it from sticking up, and as I have fine, thin hair it takes a lot of length to give it weight.
I suppose that I could have adopted a shaved head or a deliberately spiked up style. However, in the England of 40 years ago the former style unequivocally identified you as a Neo-Nazi Skinhead football hooligan and the latter style hadn't been invented.
My father has never really complained about my hair, although he did tell me a funny story once, maybe 10 years ago. He was comparing notes with another guy in his age group, and they were both amazed that their sons hadn't outgrown the hairstyles of their teenage years. The other guy's son wore a green mohican. My dad thought that this was funny. I suspect he is happy that my hair isn't green.
Tell her to get stuffed, My hairs at my arse now, Just look towards the future when they can't say shit! Trimming does nothing except keep mummy happy.