new thread
to my fellow long haired freinds: as many of you have expierienced....
the hassles you get from bosses,family, and others about having long hair is sometimes overwhelming. i'm 35 years old, going on 36 and i have had long hair since i was about 17. i've recently thought about getting my hair cut again so i can "fit in" with the rest of the world. i hate to give in but it's no secret that people treat you differently and stereotype you just because of your hair length. i mean i've been told by management at my job that i give off a negative image even though i'v been with the company for close to 14 years and that it is highly recommended i get my hair cut. i'm a hard worker and
do my job well, but that isn't good enough. women who like guys with long hair are also getting harder to find. back in the mid '80's, it was cool....now it's like socially unacceptable. i'm sorry, but i need to let off some steam. i'd like some feedback, please. i'm having a hard time with people treating me like crap when they don't even know
the person inside. thanks.
My basic rule of thumb (you need the requisite self esteem to be able to apply this to your own life): ignore all of 'em (save for your employers, if you like/want the job well enough that you'd cut your hair if they required you to). As I said to Shy Guy(?), no one you encounter sees you every minute of every day except you. Therefore, you are the only one who has to worry about what you think. If no one else likes it, OH WELL. As for the women folk, well, I'm of the attitude that if you love the woman well enough that you're willing to cut your hair for her, then she's probably someone special that you might want to hang on to. If you find you'd rather hang on to your hair, then your relationship probably has much bigger problems and you would probably be better off apart. I'm lucky enough to be married to a woman who not only loves my hair, but would kill for a share of my follicles(sp?). (grin)
Kurt, I agree with Nyghtfall to a great extent. I was in your position a few years ago. In my profession, long hair on a guy is inconsistent with advancement--or just about being in the profession. I was discriminated against badly. I yielded and cut my hair. I still love looking a beautiful hair on a guy.
On the other hand, I have a great career. I am happy both in my professional and in my private life. I know that I can't have what I have AND long hair. There still is a bit of rebel in me, I know. My response to not being able to keep my hair long? A buzzcut!! It's definitely convenient. And it confuses people a lot. Is it a radical haircut or an ultra-conservative one?? Nobody can seem to tell! I think if other members of my profession viewed it as radical, I might have the same discrimination as when my hair was long. But they just don't know. And I absolutely could not stand the thought of my self with a "standard businessman's haircut." I just do not have that view of myself--way too boring!! At least, the buzz still raises a few eyebrows even with it's newfound popularity around the country.
Those are my thoughts. I understand about the work and the women. Both can be very important; and as much as I loved my long blond locks, I made that sacrifice for what was more important in life.
Good luck--and keep us posted on what you decide. You can cut your hair and still enjoy looking at others. (Nyghtfall has found the balance and has gorgeous hair.)
I can certainly sympathize with you. I used to be in the same situation (in Dallas, TX). Then I moved to Austin, and everything's different now. I work for a company whose president made it clear that he wanted all the contractors to have a very professional appearance. It was expected that we wear business suits and have a conservative haircut. That was the official national policy. The policy of the local branch, however, was a bit more relaxed. We were expected to follow the policies of the clients. My current client is Dell Computer, and I'm happy to report that jeans and t-shirts are my regular dress, and I've never had a negative comment on my hair or beard (now about 9 inches if pulled straight). As if to accentuate that I've arrived home, in the company's most recent quarterly meeting (last Thursday), I was singled out with one other employee to receive an admirable achievement award.
I'm not trying to rub salt into your wounds. I'm just pointing out that it does not have to be as dismal as you make it out to be. You just have to find the niche you belong in.
On the question of women, I certainly cannot be considered an expert. However, I'm finding no shortage of women who compliment me on my hair. Is this a good criterion in finding a mate? That's debatable, however, it certainly doesn't hurt to not be excluded from the outset.
gee, i always thought, the u.s. is a kind of a free country...
i never had ANY problems with my long hair (which is somewhat
less than mid back and i always wear it open).
it seems that long hair on guys is generally much more accepted
in europe than on the northern american continent.
even banks start to employ longhaired men nowadays...
does anybody know where this difference comes from?
is it that being successful means being adapted?
or, is the association of drugs and long hair a major reason?
i travel rather often to the u.s. and never found a reasonable
answer to that question...
thanks. c ya
I don't think it's the hair. It probably is the way Americans treat each other. I live in American and often feel rejected for whatever reason. When I had short hair some people rejected me. When I did well in grade school some people rejected me. When I did poorly in speech some people rejected me. Some will probably reject me when I'm older.
I think the rejection problem comes from an attitude instilled in our culture by years of viewing American television and movies. The American films seem obsessed with an "us Vs them" fight. If you channel serf the cable TV in America, at any moment you'd probably find someone engaged in a hostile behavior, such as a fist fight, assault with a deadly weapon, car chase, condemnation of a religion, condemnation of a sexual orientation, or people punching each other on a daytime talk show. Watching American TV probably causes people to habitually reject others for whatever reason they can think of. I prefer foreign films because the characters in the foreign films seem to respect people as individuals. They want to solve problems rather than look for unnecessary conflict and conquest. I often wonder if I'd feel more accepted if I moved to an English speaking country outside the USA.
When changing your hairstyle, there may be a period of losing some friends and finding new friends. Some cases may include changing careers. In the long run, the people who accept you will be more important than those who didn't accept you.
A great post, Tim!
What many people don't realize is that the whole American premise is built on DISTRUST. We have three branches of government and none is given 51% of the power. We have three tiers of government (federal, state, local) to divide the power further, not to mention school boards, etc., which further dilute power. And if all this fails to keep a tyrant down, we've got our guns!
But the notion of distrust predates Hollywood. It goes back to the writing of the Constitution, and likely far before that, when it was the persecuted who came here. Nothing engenders distrust more than a dose of persecution!
Sadly, a system built on distrust seems to be what works. Though people think of America as a young country, our government is one of the world's oldest, and that stability is what has made us economically strong.
So you or I as longhairs walk into some place and we are "different", and Americans drag out the response dearest to their hearts - they distrust us....
And that is the basic argument for "coming out", whatever one comes out with. People, and in particular distrustful people, can spot a fake a mile away, though they may not know what it is you are faking. So coming out is the giving up of people who didn't really love the person you were pretending to be, in exchange for people who will love you as the person you really are.
Bill
The word TV ringed a bell my friend, haven't you noticed that on tv and movies long-haired guys are usually the bad guys (mobs, gangsters..etc), specially in the movies that takes place in modern America, the rest of the movies (the ones that talk about legends, lamas) long-haired guys are not always the bad guys, but infact they are always the heros!!