new thread
Hi everybody,
I am 20 years old and i have started growing my hair 2 years ago, it is now little below shoulders and i am proud of it!.
I am now studying law, and soon i may be a lawyer or even a judge, but as some of you may know, people do not like the idea of a male having long hair, and they even sometimes treat you like trash, and in a job like being a lawyer your appearance make a hell lot of difference, and you sure need your clinets to have confidence in you, i could even get the "contempt of the court" charge!!.
I could never cut my hair so i thought of something, why don't i make a pony tail and then hold it upward and then wear a wig -you know the kind of wigs that cover all the hair- during my work hours, i think this will cover all of my long hair.
what do you think?
How much confidence do you think you'll inspire by adopting a completely phony appearance? I have yet to see a wig on a man that looks even half-way decent, much less completely natural.
You have lots of options as a longhaired attorney: don't litigate, don't seek clients who don't trust longhaired men (e.g., work for yourself), or try to be the next Tony Serra. Or you could just cut your hair when the time comes and accept that sometimes there are more important things in life than appearances.
Before i say anything i would like you to read the subject "what is the big deal about long hair on guys ? - kurt 21:16:18 2/14/98",thank you.
And now as you can see some people had their hair cut just to keep their jobs or women, others cut their hair just to "fit-in" the world.
I disagree with that, if i will cut my hair because i like to this is OK, but if i will cut it just to "comply with regulations" then it is not just a matter of "appearances" it becomes a matter of "Principle"-"Rights"-"Freedom", what about short-haired women? why didn't anyone said anyhing about them?, if it is a rule for men to have short hair and women to have long hair, then short-haired women are out of the rule, then how can you be rejected from your job while a short-haired women will be welcome, there is no justice in this, didn't anyone knew that Jesus had long hair?, and how can long-hair offend anybody?.
These questions must be answered, but till long-haired men gain their rights, i do not think that cutting my hair will be the answer if i will not fit in my job, i guess that using a wig is much more convenient then having to cut all of my hair, at least i will work only for about 5 hours a day and using a wig during that time is better that having to cut my hair permanently, just consider it as a working uniform or something, and if there is any way i can work with may long hair without having to fake my appearance i will do it, and about the options you proposed i do not think any of them will work with me except "try to be the next Tony Serra" but thank you anyway.
Good luck.
Thank you very much, good luck too, and good-bye.
I did read it.
Ideally, people only make the compromises they're comfortable with. If they're not comfortable making them, then I think it's worth asking why they did it. Besides, we're not exactly talking about someone being forced to give her children to the Nazis. It's only hair and it grows back whenever you let it!
Nope, there's no justice. We're basically just talking about fashion, which has always been arbitrary. No one's going to force you to cut your hair if you don't want to. But you can't force people to accept you if *they* don't want to. Like it or not, freedom is a double-edge sword. You want the right to make the rules? Well so does everyone else!
Please be careful when using words like "rights." I have a hard time thinking of long hair as anything but a superficial trait, like the clothes you wear or the music you listen to. In my own opinion, it is just not on the same par as inherent characteristics like gender, race, ethnic heritage or sexual orientation.
Basically a wig just sounds silly. Sorry to be blunt but I'd have serious doubts about someone who made it clear that he had something to hide.
"Because they will lose their jobs if they do not cut their hair", This could be the answer to your question.
Yes, you are right, we just can't have it all, but do you think these people were really comfortable when they had to cut their hair just to keep their jobs?, ok you will say "because job is more important than FASHION!", but i guess it is a little more than fashion we are talking about here, maybe to you it is just fashion and ok i will cut my hair today it will grow tomorrow, but it is not that simple, the people how cut their hair to keep their jobs where somehow forced to do so or they will lose their jobs.
No, no one will force me to cut my hair, i will just force myself in order to keep my job, unless i will be lucky enough to find a place where long-haired men are welcome to work like anybody else.
And i do not want people to accept me if they do not want to, but not accepting me because my hair is long!.
Yes, freedom is a double-edge sword, you have duties and you have rights, but having long-hair is not a felony so i do not lose my right to work, and you know something not me or anyone else set the rules because they have been already set by the LAW, and till now i can't find anything againts men with long hair in any law book.
You can change you clothes whenever you like but you take about 4 years to get your hair long!.
in some jobs you are to wear some kind of clothes, like doctors policemen....etc, but when you go home or in your holiday you wear anything you like then you are not affected by that, but cutting your hair is diferrent, you will have to take a 4 years holiday to have one day with long hair, and then cut it again and go to work!.
Yes long hair is not an inherent characteristic, as for men as for women so again "whey can women wear their hair long or short and men can't?"
Do you want to know something i think a wig is silly too, i really hate the idea, i did'nt spent all that time growing my hair just to wear a wig over it, but i think cutting my hair -IF AND ONLY IF- i had to is more silly, don't you think?
And don't be sorry i admire you being frank with me i am the one who is sorry because you have serious doubts abut me.
But let me tell you something, i didn't grow my hair long just to look at myself in a mirros happy with my beauty and then wear a wig over my hair when i go out, NO, i am proud of my long hair, and my family is very supportive too, and all my friend do not oppose the idea of long hair in fact some of them tried to grow their hair long though they didn't succeed, so they had to cut it, and do you know whey? because people make fun of them!, but because i am brave enought to know who i am i didn't care, an there is nothing i regret, i only follow religion and law and no one of them is againts men wearing long hair, what more can i say when every body in the streets, clubs, my home and college see that i have long hair, do you think this is hiding?.
A WIG IS A BAD IDEA BUT CUTTING YOUR LONG HAIR IS WORSE.
Sheesh, I'm not telling you to cut your hair or that you can't wear a wig. If you think you can make a wig work for you, go for it.
Believe me i despise the idea as much as you do, but it was my last sanctuary.
Short haired people go to the barbershop every two weeks, so hair to them is like fashion.... like clothes.
LONG hair takes many years to grow. Forcing someone to remove long hair is not at all like forcing them to change clothes. Because of the long time frame involved, the change is damn near permanent, and it is far more akin to a DISFIGUREMENT. And a government should protect its citizens against disfigurement....
Bill
Sorry, in a world where governments perform forced sterilizations, parents circumcize their sons without anesthesia, and churches condone female genital mutilation, I'm not losing too much sleep over whether someone chooses to risk his career for a hairstyle. He's a big boy, and yes, it's his choice.
No one is going to force him to cut his hair. But neither can he force other people to like it or respect him for it. If he thinks he can fool folks with a wig, let him try.
And people mutilate intersexed children at birth, long before anyone could have a clue as to which sex the child is to someday be mentally, as well.
All those things suck too. Mutilations not voluntary are to be condemned, and no eight day old child is by the wildest stretches of anyone's imagination able to give consent.
Our concern HERE is HAIR, but your list of others who have suffered involuntary mutilation is a good place for us to look for ALLIES though! ((grin))
Bill
I'm with you there! ((grin back atcha))
Sure am sorry to stir the shit. We're trying to cross that slippery slope that separates the personal from the social. This stuff is always fun and important to examine, but I'm not sure the answers are ever any easier to define than the issues. Thanks for your spirit!
jim
I believe that cutting long hair is a form of disfigurement. But it isn't a permanent disfigurement. There are many cases of "voluntary disfigurement" or "compelled disfigurement". Some disfigurements last a few months and others can be reversed at a later time. Some change one's appearance and some cause injury. Football players have continued to play while recovering from an injury. Boxers are subjected to possible nerve damage. At least one actress was disfigured from an operation to change the size of her breasts. Circumcision or foreskin restoration can be considered a form of disfigurement. Some people have had health problems from gaining or losing weight too quickly. Some forms of plastic surgery include a risk of making the nostrils of the nose flare (to curve outward). For centuries people have worn body ornaments causing disfigurement. Years ago men wore pointed shoes which may have harmed their feet. Women still wear some types of shoes that might be harming their feet. Sometimes it can be unclear if an individual prefers to do it, voluntarily does it, is compelled by others to do it or is forced to do it.
I am sorry that you totally misunderstood me, please do not think that i am the kind of person who likes to force others to believe in what he believes, i haven't worked yet, and i do not know whether i will be accepted or not, but that doesn't matter what matters to me that i accept myself feeling that i didn't break any law by letting my hair grow long, and here i am not talking just about myself, i am talking about the (i don't know how many) who lost their jobs or were treated differently because of their long hair, and if appearance is the only thing that matters then there will be thousand capable of replacing the **** president!.
People gain respect because they are worth it, because they worked hard to own it, not because they look like it, what matters is the inside, that is what i believe in and i am not forcing any body else to believe in it OK.
Oh God, again i am not trying to fool anybody, and as i told you before i don't feel shame because my hair is long, and maybe -and i pray for it- i will not have to use a wig, i realy hate just to think about it, and maybe -again i pray for it- i will find a place where a man is judged by his heart only, and if -God forbid it- i will use a wig in court, i will not use it to pretend that my hair is short, no, i will use it ony to not OFFEND any body with my long hair though i do not know how it can offend anybody, don't you know that in english courts not so long ago, lawyers and judges where to wear a white wig whith a small pony tail as part of their uniform, that's it, just uniform, with out trying to fool any body, but they were not accepted unless they do so, and if i will not be accepted with long hair, i will just do so, without fooling anybody, without pretending that my hair is short, and the first thing i will do after WINNING my case i will lift the wig untie the pony tail and let my hair go loose again, and maybe that way people will know that a long-haired man is no different than any other.
there are only 4 choices:
1-Cut your hair.
2-Try to do anything about your hair (any new ideas?)
3-Do not work.
4-Find a place where people looks directly inside you bypassing your mortal body.
Believe it or not, I'm on your side. I happen to be gay and think I have a pretty good feel for the challenge of navigating the line between personal expression and fitting into society. Sometimes it's easy, like not laughing at someone's rude joke about a woman (or a "fag") and sometimes it's hard, like not always feeling comfortable bragging that someone special loves me. I like to think I'm an uncompromising guy but I'm not always brave enough. Each time I pull a punch (not often, thank god) I wonder whether I'm doing the right thing. In the end, being and declaring myself to be exactly what and who I am is the only way I can sleep at night. But it is neither fair nor realistic of me to expect everyone to agree. That's just part of the deal.
I agree entirely. But part of earning respect is demonstrating that you can be respectful in turn. Only by standing up and being exactly who you are and proving how smart you are can you possibly begin to persuade anyone that long hair isn't bad. Hiding the hair is the worst thing you could do.
When you find it, give me a shout and I'll join you!
That's a nice gesture, but you'll burn yourself out trying to compromise yourself for the sake of someone else's feelings. So long as you're not lying to or hurting yourself or anyone else, how other people react is their problem. You just have to accept that those reactions may not always be pleasant or the ones you want -- you just can't control it. Two bittersweet lessons that come with getting older (sorry to sound like Dad here -- I'm only 40) are (1) everyone is responsible for his own feelings and (2) most people care surprisingly little about anyone but themselves. This leaves plenty of room for an awful lot of mischief! :) Openly and proudly wearing your hair long won't hurt anyone, even if they don't know that yet.
Sounds a little melodramatic for my tastes, but I'm with you. Sure would feel nice to have a big finish!
Don't rule out option #5: Be a really good, really happy attorney with really long hair that no one can ignore! I'd let you represent me!
Good luck, sir. I admire your spirit.
jim
Thank you very much for your kind words, and again thank you for your advice you know i am only 20 and can't have as many experience in life as you, and PLEASE sound like DAD a man can always use a good advice, and nobody is old enough to know everything, i realy appreciate it.
now i really feel better, and i will surely consider option #5 but not more than considering you as my first friend from this board (if you like to), thank you very much though i can't find the proper words to thank you enough but THANK-YOU.
The always grateful to you LeeRax.
I forgot to say that i will be more than honored to represent you.
I haven't yet made any friends on this board, so you're my first, too!
You've got my e-mail address -- get in touch anytime.
P.S. Let's hope I never need any representation.
I just wanted to say that I am a 32 yo professional man with long hair. I have had long hair for about 8 years and I make a good living as a graphic artist in a really conservative company. Granted I'm a "creative type" and therefore thought of stereotypically, but I perform my job well, (and there is more involved than just drawing... clients, sales reps, management, responsibilities, et.) and I feel I have earned the respect of my co-workers as one who can get the job done. Once I even cut my hair real short, and it had no effect on my career. Just shock! In the past I had left a job because I refused to cut my hair and I worked in a gas station. This is a sore spot with my conservative family. But the fact remains as one already said, that how I perform my job has nothing to do with my hair. It's clean, it's styled, and not in the way, anyone elses, anyway. It's like other disciminations we all have to work harder to gain the respect. I'm on your side and you can consider me an allie.
Great!, because I'm on yours too. ;-)
Actually there is not sides here, we were just discussing the idea of pleasing people more to accept a longhair as a member inside the community, but we are all proud of ourselves as longhairs, and we are not going to change it.
I feel I'm a "second camp" longhair, so I thought about it when I will start to work and how people will accept me as a longhair among them, sure cutting my hair was out of the question, not to please others, when I'm going to cut my hair --hopefully never-- I'll do it because it's my decision.
So this idea came up, and I gave it a lot of thinking, but now I regret even imaging it, because that's me, a longhair, and a person too, if people are willing to look deeper inside me and treat me like a person, then I'm sure I can prove it to them that I'm a good one, but if the long hair will block it, then I'm sorry that there are still people with such minds, but I can't do anything about it.
You're lucky to find a job somewhere where people will respect you, I know the respect is something you build, but there are people not willing to feel it no matter what you do, because they are "Programmed" to hate longhairs, it's a matter of belief, they believe longhairs are bad, and it'll take a lot of effort to change it, but it's my quest as a longhair to try to change it, for me and for all the longhairs out there.
Read "To cut or not to cut? Anybody know a good cheering squad? I? - Tigg 07:59:55 3/12/98", and read all the replies, and you will know that we are one team, supporting each others, and fighting on the same side, welcome Rico.
LeeRax.