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Now we get a lot of shit thrown at us (or at least I do) about our long hair sometimes. Some of us are mocked by complete strangers whereas others are dissed by their friends and sometimes even their own family. As for me, I get the latter. It's not so much my friends but my family are always complaining about my hair.
OK, it's long compared to most guys' hair but nowhere near as long as some of the guys on this site have their hair.
I respect men with long hair. It shows that they aren't afraid to stand up to society's expectations and that they want to be something different to the Average Joe businessman. Unfortunately, my family thinks otherwise. They on the other hand admire the conservative, boring look of short hair on anyone who's not a girl.
So you might be thinking, so what, just grow it and ignore your families opinions and tell them it's your hair you can do what you want, etc... Well that's easy for most people on MLHH to say but unlike most people here I'm only 15.
That means for some reason my parents think they own my hair and are now putting me down about this matter. I'm not giving in that easily of course and I can't now because it's been a year since my last cut, it's past my shoulders and it's the longest my hair has ever been. I can't stop now!
Anyway, my parents, aunties/uncles, grandparents, THE LOT are all against long hair on guys and the reason for writing this is not to seek help to convince them that it looks good but to get advice on how I can get respect because I don't want to be like everyone else, I want to be ME!
Short Hair IS NOT Me!!!
My last cut was quite a while ago but all I remember is being really annoyed to get a cut and being really unhappy for ages until it got to a reasonable length. My hair is now past the awkward phase and I am happier than ever, but my family is now putting more pressure on me than ever. Christmas is coming up and the whole family is coming to our place for dinner so my mum might turn evil and get it cut before then.
So yeah now you know my story there is one thing however that makes my parents happy. If I tie it up it seems to keep them quite and it's the only reason I managed to grow it for nearly a year (Jan 9 2011 marks one year) but it's boring me and I want to have it out sometimes but then my parents just start b****ing at me again.
But really I just need advice on earning their respect and I need something to convince them that people with long hair are not necessarily (quote) "dirty old hippies".
PLEASE HELP!!!!!
Where do you live? Thisd can affect how you can deal wth attitudes such as this.
Lord of the Rings is a good one!!!! You've got a lot of good advice here from these guys who have gone through this. I don't know if you're of Polynesian (tribal) or European descent but these foundling people of NZ were long hairs so there ye go! In fact the European men wore their hair in ponytails and also wore wigs
e.g. James Cook (pics here)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Cook
Perfectly normal. It's so hard when people are ignorant, I still get so annoyed when my partners family - actually his mother who thinks she has the right to say anything - go on about his hair (waist length, he grew it for me and loves it) It is hard to ignore but dont let them get you down - if they start - and you dont want to swear - stand up, stretch, YAWN and leave the room...
Good luck!
Unreal that your entire family would still hold such archaic ideas about a mans hair. However, i do remember the same set of problems that I dealt with back in the neolithic (the mid 60s) when I started to let my hair grow. Yes, i was one of the lads that started combing their hair differently and letting it grow when the beatles first hit these shores. My parents first started battling me on my hair when it, by todays standards, was not all that long.(think Beatles 1965) I just "Muled up" and let the comments pass me. "Was I wanting to be a girl" I look like a girl" Comments of that nature i heard as it grew past my shoulders for the 1st time. I did keep it clean and well combed/brushed and in time my mother, in a quiet act of acquiescence, bought me a boars hair brush. I realized that time will win the battle for you. Just keep your hair neat. Tie it when you wish, and let it flow when you wish, Stand your ground. You may be only 15 . but you can also remind them that all things considered that can happen with teens today, that long hair is not an issue and they should be happy it is their only concern and they should in fact let it be.
There is probably a complicated familial dynamic going on here. One or both of your parents may not like it and some others may not, others probably do accept it but don’t want to be seen to be ‘different’ and therefore keep silent at best or join in so as to be thought ‘normal’.. Your parents may even see it as letting them down and think the rest are judging them not you. You just get the collective crap
You have answered your own question., if they accept it tied back in a tail, then tie it back when the whole group is together. None of us can go through life getting our own way ALL the time unless we are very lucky, so, have it in tail to avoid unnecessary confrontations. To accept some compromise is perhaps the best ‘adult’ approach you can take. As you get older they will back off simply because you are too old to try to boss you about. 15 is not an easy age but if you keep out of trouble the a little compromise should see you OK: You will never get away from someone moaning but pt will diminish, so hang on in there.
Hey! Sorry to hear about your struggle. I am in the same boat, not only with my family, but more so with my employer. I would like to give you a few tips I find helpful:
1. The best way to keep from making hair an issue with being a "hippie" don't play into the mold of what people view as hippie-ish. Pick up a sport, read John Locke, just be you. I have nothing against the hippie style, but people love to toss others in a cliche' label and disregard the complexity of other people. Let your actions speak louder than their preconceptions in other words.
2. Do some reading on the subject! Hair is a big part of culture, religion, status, & human interaction. It has been since people congregated together. I find that the most interesting aspect of hair is the history of it and the changing perception of what it means.
The earliest recorded mention of short haircuts on a voluntary basis is probably that of Alexander the great having his soldiers cut their hair short so as not to be pulled by their locks from the enemy. However, earlier than that the common practice of cutting hair short (usually bald) was to slaves from the owners. Not only did it help keep them cleaner without bathing them, and identify them as an owned man, but more importantly it was seen as a disgrace. In a sense, stripping a person of their hair back then was like stripping them of their identity and subjecting them to the will of someone else. Hair growth was a coming of age right that both sexes had as a sign of adulthood, and it was taken from slaves to remind them that they were under the control of someone else's will.
Further down the line Rome took on to making short hair the look for adults, because if there is one thing Rome was good at, it was ripping off other cultures. This, of course, set the standard for other cultures influenced by Roman rule..etc.
Biblically inclined people will point to Corinthians as a sign that Long haired males is wrong, but they are missing the point completely. Paul was not giving a Godly decree when he told the males to keep their hair short, and his statement of nature showing us that men shouldn't have long hair is shaky at best. Furthermore if someone tries to bring up Corinthians when citing long hair, you should remind them that it also says that women should cover their face with a veil in church and that men and women aren't equal.
In the post-industrial age of America Macey's was big and America was booming. During the time when the advent of modern advertisement and social psychology was being studied by businesses, one of the interests of companies was how to get people to use more and buy more. The "modern" man was always portrayed as a clean shaven, short haired guy with all the most expensive clothes and brimming with happiness. This was a major push by companies to get people to buy razors, hair products, etc. that they normally wouldn't as long haired, bearded men.
I am rambling, but it's in my nature. sorry.
3. Ask anyone who says long hair is feminine to tell you what gave them that idea. Then ask them if: Arnold Schwarzenegger in 'Conan', Fabio, David Beckham, Bob Marley, or most of our founding fathers were "feminine"? After that, explain to them the difference between an objective observation, and a subjective opinion; especially one that is founded solely in cultural narrow mindedness.
I hope this isn't too long to read friend. Remember that no matter what anyone ever says to you, they only have control when you let them affect your actions. people might like to place a label on you with their first impression, but that's just a chance for you to show them who you really are through your actions and words.
Keep your chin up and your hair flowing!!!
That was an awesome explanation Rux!
Thank you for that. :P
Sorry to hear you're going through this. I was never allowed to grow my hair when I was living at home with my parents, so you're lucky in that respect. Unfortunately, your parents are in charge and have the authority to force you to get it cut. It doesn't mean they're right, but it is something you have to deal with. If I were you, I would compromise and keep it tied back in their presence, at least until you're old enough that they can't force you to do it. You did answer your own question with your thread title. If your family is ignorant, which means uneducated about a subject, then educate them. That isn't easy to do with adults as a 15 year old, but you can drop subtle hints, make comments when seeing characters on TV, etc. You have to be creative about it.
Hang in there, and try to be accommodating rather than resistant.
Thanks man. Luckily there are quite a lot of figures in television with long hair and thinking about that, the Lord of the Rings would be a great example. But I guess you're right, I am lucky it's allowed to continue growing!!!