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I'm attending the wake and funeral for my deceased grandfather (passed away Tuesday with a blood infection), and am receiving a lot of flak regarding my hair not being acceptable for either the wake or the funeral and my entire family will not stop hounding me about cutting it. My question is, what can I do to my hair to make it look neater and more presentable that will look good wearing a suit? Attached is a photo of my hair at present. Thanks.
Aren't there more important thinks they could focus on? Like your grief? Good God.
First, I'm sorry to hear about your loss. My grandfather is very dear to me and unfortunately he is not doing so well health-wise, so I may have to deal with the same situation sooner than I'd wish to.
This is exactly what I thought, too. An important member of the family passes away and the first thing on their minds is how everyone is going to look at the funeral? I think it's a disgrace and highly disrespectful to your grandfather to use his funeral service as an excuse to get you to cut your hair. Are people so hung up on this that not even a death in the family causes them to look past and value all family members for who they are? Absolutely incredible.
I apologize if I have gone too far in expressing my thoughts but it just struck me as completely unacceptable behavior.
To answer your question, try slicking your hair back with gel or something similar and tie what hair will reach into a low ponytail. This will make you look short haired from the front and is a popular style worn by professionals. You could even tuck your (ponytailed) hair into your suit collar to make it virtually a non-issue.
Best of luck...you know what's important.
-Dan H.
My take of it: Unfortunately, the family is more concerned about presenting themselves to their friends(?) in the image "THEY" deem proper than they are in just being there for each other at a time like this. The focus of all is completely obscured. The family is MORE concerned about "What will other people think" than they are of the passing of this unique individual. They want to make sure their friends(?) approve and thus look the way they "think" they are suppose to. Please remember, just an opinion and all appears to be an extension of the society mentality in which we live today.
Justin~
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Very well said, Justin. If all that family cares about are the superficial things, then they have missed the mark. Bravo Justin, great words of wisdom.
Scott
Thanks Scott
This is alot of what is wrong with the families in this country today and why they do not hold together. It is tragic. In many cases family members do not even know each other anymore. Too busy w/Cell Phones, text messaging, iPods, computor games and tv sets. No interaction. Thank goodness I was born when I was and not a teen of today.
Take care Scott-
Justin~
Sorry for the loss of your grandfather. As far as your hair goes, I say just comb it back with a little gel or mousse and ignore any ignorant (and ill-prioritized) comments anybody might have to offer. Your grandfather is proud of you for having the courage to be yourself.
--Val
Rich,
First, I am truly sorry for the death of your grandfather. I will pray for him.
Second, I would suggest that you use some gel or mousse and comb your hair back. Put it in a ponytail.
Third, if anyone directs a slur toward you because of your hair look them and say "Why do you feel you have to say that?". You could also say that your grandfather loves you and is proud of you.
Feel free to get on the hyperboard when you need support. We're all here for ya, bro.
Raymond
First off thanks to everyone for the condolences. At this point I'm still in denial about it all I believe, since it doesn't seem real to me, as I expect to see him every weekend like usual. This will be the first weekend I don't.
The day after he died, my mother and grandmother called me (separately), saying that my grandfather never liked my hair long like it is, and asked if I would cut it as a sign of respect for him. I told them both that I would style it and make it look nice, but that wasn't acceptable to them. At first I thought that I was a bad person because I was in fact disrespecting him. The more I thought about it, however, the more I saw it as them using this incident as a chance to guilt me into doing it. Not a day has gone by where they haven't mentioned it, asked when I'm cutting it. The more they kept asking, the more it solidified in my mind that they don't want me to do it for him, they want it for them.
I discussed this with my girlfriend, and it's all about mutual respect. Typically I shampoo/condition my hair with organic products, air dry it, and finger comb when necessary. I keep my hair as healthy as possible, no gel or heat products, and its paid off very well. The way I see it, if I'm willing to use products like gel and blow dry it to make it look nice, then its a compromise. They do not agree at all. Also, I respect my grandfather very much, and I knew he respected me. He would not ask me to do something that would go against something I enjoy having and believe in keeping very much. What they are asking me to do is, I feel, disrespecting me.
Sorry for the long rant here, but it felt good to do so.
Hey Rich,
First of all I want to express my deepest sympathy to you regarding your lose.Second I cannot believe how your family is using this sad time in your life as a tool to get you to submit to a haircut!What an outrage!With support like that from your own family I have to credit you having the strength to grow your hair out.Thankfully you can visit our board for full support that really your family should be giving you.How terrible it is for them to treat you so poorly.They should be thankful having you as a member of the family.Finally I'd like to say the guys here gave great responses.I wish you the very best Rich.
Mark
What they are asking me to do is, I feel, disrespecting me.
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Tell them that. It may upset them, but tell them that your hair is near and dear to you. Also, turn the tables, ask them if they would be willing to part with something near and dear to them, just for a funeral.
Scott
sorry for your loss, but all i can think of is the song from hair. "give me down there hair,shoulder length or longer,here baby, there mama everywhere daddy daddy hair hair hair hair flow it show it long as god can grow it my hair. anyway, man peace
i'm sorry for your loss. I went through the very same thing when my maternal grandfather died. I was 20, at college, and was attempting to grow my hair the first time. I hadn't cut it for over 9 months. it had a great start. I get the call from my mother, along with all of the arrangements to come home, go up to the family home and conduct the funeral.
At the end of the conversation, my mother states "Bill, your grandfather never understood your long hair, and I think out of respect for him, you should cut your hair." I replied, "Mother...grandfather was blind and had no idea I had long hair...I'll cut for you."
That's when I started growing a beard.
20 years later, the long hair is back and ain't nowhere soon.
I wouuld suggest the same as others here...slick it back, tail it up, and challenge anyone who gives you gruff by saying "Grandpa was such a good and honorable man...I'm celebrating that by living up to my own personal integrity"
all the best.
Hi Rich - Sorry to hear about your grandfather. My father was no fan of long hair by any stretch; however, I didn't cut when he passed 2 1/2 years ago. I wore a suit and a tie and made sure to wear a neat bun...I've always found a bun to be the most professional and conservative way to wear my hair, so that is also my approach at work.
Best wishes, hope it goes well.
I love how everyone filled in the explanation of my first brief comment. It was exactly as I would have explained myself! Heh.
You know, if it were me, I wouldn't do anything to make it more presentable. The hell with them. I'd purposely wear it down and loose. Or the way my Grandfather would have wanted it, if it were my Grandfather. I think it's between you and your Grandfathers' spirit. What would he say? .......
Firstly condolences.
Pony tail is you best option: That is an excellent proportionate comprimise for any situation.
Failing that, have the resolve to ignore their silly prejudices: Respects are paid by attendance not transient acts.
slick it back and where a nice hat !
Love the colours mate!
First off, sorry for your loss.
In spite of what your family might think, there's nothing wrong with attending a funeral with long hair. I've been to several funerals where guys wore their hair either down or in a ponytail. At my Aunt's funeral, her son-in-law wore his mid-back length hair down. I can't say that anyone cared one way or the other. Most people aren't going to pay a lot of attention to how you're dressed at a funeral and most aren't going to care even if they do. Do whatever makes you feel best. Up or down, as long as it looks groomed it should be acceptable.
--Dale
If you feel confident in yourself and with your long hair it will show. You can do this by attending the funeral (sorry to hear that, pray for him) with your hair as you wish to wear it. Perhaps hair tied back might be good to give it the look of being neat and less obvious to notice. Don't let anyone pressure you to do anything. I would be invited to a funeral or any family function and NO ONE WOULD DARE ASK ME TO CHANGE MY HAIR LENGTH FOR THE EVENT! People in my family actually compliment my hair given its thickness and massive length.
Thanks again to everyone for their condolences and advice. I've decided to pull it back into a tail and just take any flak that comes with it. I was fairly sure I was going to do that anyways, but it all came to a head yesterday when my father said that it was my grandfather's dying wish that I cut my hair. Without getting into too many details, I saw him the last day he was conscious before he went into the coma, and nothing was said about it. It confirmed to me that now they are trying to guilt me into it, which is incredibly disrespectful to my grandfather. The way I see it, he loves me for who I am, not how long my hair is, or how fat/thin, short/tall I am.
I do know my grandmother and grandfather got into an argument about my hair a few days before he went into the hospital, however from what I was told it was a reiteration of him not liking my hair long. I understand that my family wants to not focus on this tragedy, but this is not the way to go about it. Having long hair is who I am, I wish they would understand that. I thought they did.
A sensible decision - I hope that your parents start to respect you for what you are, not some ideal they have dreampt up and seem hell bent on forcing you to be.
Rich,
First off, my deepest condolences on your loss. On the subject of your grandfather's attitude towards your hair, let me offer this. My father never liked my long hair, and when he passed away a while back, I considered cutting it off as a way of honoring him. I mentioned it to my mother, who told me not to, that while Dad didn't like my hair, he wouldn't have wanted me to do that. He might not have liked it, and he wouldn't hesitate to mess with me about it in a friendly way, but he wouldn't have wanted me to change who and what I am.
Regards,
Jim (aka Frodo)