new thread
Hello again. I usually go by the regular "Timothy", but I once saw someone using the same name, so I'm going by "Tim W."
I'm half Chinese, half white, and I came upon a problem last Friday.
I have a very soft and maybe even effeminate face (which I am very self-conscious about), and I was commonly mistaken for a girl by strangers and even my friends at times when I had long hair. Therefore, I decided to cut my hair and buy a bench press.
Anyway, I was picking up one of my Chinese friends in my parents' car, and he said, "You know, I think you'd look better with my hairstyle, except shorter. Like when you first got it cut. It made you look more fierce, which is what you want." I had often thought thought this too.
Well, after my friend had made this comment, I came upon another thought. Although I'm half-Chinese, people find it very hard to believe that I am anything other than white. I feel out-of-place when I'm with crowds of Chinese (even relatives), and some Chinese adults recognize me more as a friendly white kid instead of one of them. I've always wanted to look more Chinese - at least 50% Chinese. Therefore, I asked my friend, "Do you think I look more Chinese with that kind of haircut?" He replied, "Yeah. That really stood out to me how you looked more Chinese when your hair was really short."
These are two very important things to me - looking masculine and looking Chinese. Now, I'm thinking of cutting my hair down to about 1/2 to 3/4". On the other hand, I've always wanted long hair. Now, I'm unsure of which path to take. I even drew 8 pictures of my own face and gave it different hairstyles to see which one I'd like more.
I had thought that I'd look "more Asian" with long, straight hair as well (even though I'd still look more Asian with short hair). However, there are two problems: my hair grows wavy, not straight, and even though I would look more Asian, I'd also look very much like a girl (which I did anyway when my hair was long).
I've enclosed a link to the sketches I made with various hairstyles. I'd appreciate advice on any hairstyles that would make me look more Asian (doesn't have to be something I drew) and any other advice you might have.
Thanks for your help.
Tim W.
I would vote for sketch #5.
I think you need to be realistic and decide what is important to you.
I would have to agree that if you grow your hair out, you are going to look even more like a girl....at least until you can grow some facial hair. Especially if your hair grows out wavy.
If it doesn't bother you to be called a girl, then grow it out. You can always cut it if you don't like it,
If you want to look more like a guy and chinese, then buzz your hair off. It will definately work, in my opinion.
Not something you want to hear, I don't think, especially on a long hair board, but I would also have to say buzz it. Shave it and I think you would look very masculine and very Asian. Are you open to that? If you wind up not liking it, it would take time, but would grow back. Let us know what you decide.
Well, I appreciate your advice, but I'm going to think long and hard before cutting it. You know, the 2-week rule. It's just so annoying how hair takes so long to grow! Well, I'm not sure about any shaving of the head, but if I were to cut it, it would be pretty darn short.
Until I decide for sure, I'll just keep on growing my hair. Maybe by the time I decide, it'll already be shoulder length! I'm way too indecisive.
Tim W.
Hi Tim. I looked at your sketches, and I don't think any of them looked more Asian than another. I thought each style would look nice on you, just from a woman's perspective. Some hairstyles can make your face look like a slightly different shape, but they're not going to make you look like a certain ethnicity. They can't change your eyes, or nose, or lips. I understand your view, it seems like Americans have no culture (myself included), while other countries are so rich in customs and background. All we have is McDonalds and bowling!
.
Having short hair will probably make you more "masculine looking," but that's just a stereotype, shared by unenlightened people. It doesn't reflect on your character. All I'm saying is, when I'm looking for a man to date, "fierce looking" is nowhere on my list. This is besides the point, but I think you're good looking, and you don't look like a woman, (which I wouldn't care if you did), you just look young. (I hope that doesn't offend you.)
.
So I think you should take some time to consider if these things are really that important to you, and if they'll really be a solution that makes you happy. I'd like to hear what you decide, please update us.
Thanks a lot for your response! I'm following the 2-week rule, so unless I'm sure of it for at least 2 weeks, I'm not going to cut it. I appreciate your response, and it's not that I want to dissociate myself from Caucasians, but I'm just seeking more acceptance from Chinese.
Thanks for your concern, and I take your response as a compliment.
Tim W.
why would you want to seek acceptance from anyone who might judge you because of your apparent ethnicity? if you are concerned about what others think then is long hair really right for you? i think long hair would look fine on you and agree with 't' that your hair length will not affect how oriental you look.
as far as masculine... when you get a bit older and can grow facial hair you will take care of that.
Maybe this guy is already an adult.
is the one some others have mentioned, with the wavy hair: #5. I really like wavy hair more than any other kind, I hope you come to appreciate it, too.
It seems as if others don't understand why you want acceptance from Asian people. Here's my attempt to explain it. (first let me say I'm not Asian and this is just a guess, if I'm wrong, please correct me, I don't want to have the wrong idea.) In the U.S., white people are considered "the standard." I think our culture shuts out other races many times, so a comraderie establishes among those who feel they have this in common. You want others to see you the way you see yourself. I hope I don't come across as arrogant and presumptuous, I'm not trying to define any one else's experience. The racism in this country against any one of color is something that I've spent time thinking about, and in general, unity forms in groups that have a history of oppression, historically.
I don't see what the problem is really. You don't look like a "bubba" that's for sure, but you are just young that's all. About looking more chinese, you can have whatever hairstyle you want, it won't make the slightest difference in your ethnic appearance.
Don't worry a lot about it right now, if anything, it only means you're good looking and besides you'll get older and look more masculine eventually.
Hi! I appreciate all the responses. This is just for reference, but I am 18 years old right now. It's not that I want to have the face of Schwarzenegger, but Tom Cruise would be nice. Except Chinese. Chinese Tom Cruise? OK, I'm getting off-the-subject now.
===
Firstly, congratulations for creating such a well-structured, thoughtful post - it was an interested read and certainly encouraged me to reply.
I think you really should reconsider your 'importances'. The danger of having a deep interest with your image is that it can become an obsession. Ultimately, the way you look has nothing to do with being accepted. Would you really want to be accepted by people who let appearance distort personality?
My thoughts are that you should just keep letting it grow for another year or so, a lot can change in that time and by then you'll have enough hair to style in many numbers of ways. But if you can't wait, I'd say the second picture down in the first column is the most viable option.
Still, you weren't looking for a philosophical response and you're young and will follow go your own path - I haven't got many years over you anyway :) So try not to take it all too seriously and remember what things really matter.
Dear Tim W.
My vote goes to the fifth sketch, or the middle one in the second row.
Anyway, I don't think you should bother about "looking more fierce," and it seems that your friends are the kind who go out looking for fights.
As for looking more Chinese, there's nothing much you can do about that, though the extent to which you look Caucasian or Chinese could vary as you grow older.
However, at present I'd say you have Caucasian features with a Chinese complexion, so it's best that you stop being self-conscious and live with what you are in a positive spirit and make the best of it.
As for wanting to have straight hair, well I also want to have perfectly straight hair which hangs gracefully and swings sensuously as I move my head but that is not to be so as it's wavy but I have to live with it and make the best of my hair as I can.
On the other points you raised, you don't say how old you are but to me you don't look like a girl but instead as a reasonably good looking man.
You did not say how old you are but if you are still a teenager, then it's possible people may mistake you for a girl though that could change once you reach adulthood and your features are more fully formed.
The other thing which might lead people to mistake you for a girl is the breadth of your shoulders -- ie if you have narrow shoulders, you could be mistaken for a girl, since women usually have narrower shoulders than men.
There's this Chinese guitarist I know and I've always mistaken him for a girl from the back, whether he has collar-lenghth hair or hair down his back because he has small shoulders and only realise he's a man when I see his face.
However, why worry. If you trully believe in yourself, then act as you would in confidence.
On another subject, from your description of the cultural problems you are facing, you did not say where you live but I guess you are most probably not living in North America or Europe and are more probably living somewhere in Asia (Hongkong, Malaysia or Singapore) where cultural attitudes among the Chinese tend to be more conservative.
Well, I live in Malaysia where there are a fair number of people like you who are the first-generation offspring of Caucasian and Asian parents who are called "Pan-Asian" over here.
Outwardly, the Pan-Asians I know don't show any outward signs of identity crisis, especially not in the urban areas and many Pan-Asians end up in the music, advertising, public-relations and media industries and some of them have even become minor celebrities because of their looks and you should leverage on your own asset, like the Pan-Asians here have done.
The Pan-Asians usually end up making a choice whether to live here or to live in their western parent's country of origin and those who choose to remain here have usually experienced some problem being accepted in the western country.
I myself am a Eurasian -- ie. of Spanish or Portuguese descent on my father's side and Thai on my mothers side but the only difference is that my ancestors on my father's side have been in Asia for several generations and have better adapted to Asia.
Despite that, in my younger days, I experienced quite a lot of cultural conflict between the more Western values of father versus the very conservative Thai values of my mother.
I know it's always hard people like yourself and myself, especially when we are in a minority but it's something we can to learn to live with.
Charles
Sorry I didn't incluce my age or location. I'm 18 years old and I live in Richmond, Virginia, USA. I'm glad to hear of another mixed-race person here. Thanks a lot for your response. Your reply was very interesting. I didn't know that there were many Pan-Asian celebrities.
Do you have a pic?
Tim W.
Dear Tim W.
Check out http://www.ragtime.com.my/ragamir.htm or the link below.
Regards
Charles
Hi, Tim--
I am an American-born Chinese (ABC). For most of my life I had
a "#2" (barber's electric hair clipper attachment) buzz cut.
There was never any question about being Chinese--social
acceptance was something entirely different from how I looked.
About half of my extended family is married to whites, so I
have many nieces and nephews who are half white and half Chinese
like you. Almost none of them identify culturally or ethnically
with the Chinese sides of their families. None of them have
any interest in things Chinese, the Chinese language,
Chinese culture, history, etc. Those who are adults all married
whites.
I think it's great that you want to appear more Chinese and
are proud of the Chinese side of your ancestry. Most of the
comments made by others here so far are good ones. I always
wanted long hair, but my Chinese parents always wanted me to
conform. So I did. Now I am an adult with adult children
of my own; my own parents have both passed away.
So in 1996 I started growing my hair, and most of it is at
mid-back length, and down past my nipples on my chest. The
longest strands are heading for my waist in back. I've grown
a mustache and wispy "Ho Chi Minh" style beard (most Chinese
can't grow full beards--it's our genes), and have never been
mistaken for a woman. Am slight of build at 5 ft. 10 in. and
140 lbs.
It appears that you have mostly Caucasian features--especially
your eyes. I have always felt that people who are Eurasians
combined the beautiful features of both the whites and the
Chinese, and it certainly appears that you are lucky to
be in that situation.
Be proud of who you are and your ancestry on both sides.
If having long hair is who you are, then go for it and
grow it as long as it will grow naturally! If you can grow
a mustache and/or beard, that will help. Most people mistake
longhaired men as women from behind. If that happens, just
turn around and let them see your mustache and/or beard.
They will be very apologetic. :-) Let them hear your male
voice. They will feel sheepish.
Getting a buzz cut to satisfy others or to gain their
acceptance or approval might not be being true to yourself.
Having long hair must be something that each of us wants
for ourselves. It shows that we have love for ourselves,
as well as for others. It is a part of our self-esteem,
and shows ourselves and the world that we are proud of who
we are. The world can accept us on the terms we choose!
Good luck to you. I hope that you will keep your hair long,
and let it grow to as long as nature intended. Don't cut it!
And be proud of who you are. You are very special, and
especially blessed!
Cordially,
--Loren
Thanks a lot for your e-mail. I really needed it. I'm very surprised that most of your half-Chinese nephews and nieces don't identify with the Chinese part in them. Actually, I go to a Chinese church, and now that you mention it, I've noticed that the half-Chinese there don't really care a great deal about being Chinese either. As I'm thinking of this, I really don't know why I identify with the Chinese more. Sometimes I wish I wasn't half of anything because the other half-Chinese I know look a lot more Chinese than I do.
While I'm still going to try to find some ways to accentuate the little Chinese features I have, I think I'll keep my hair growing. What I meant about trying to look more Chinese was that Kelly Hu (Cassandra from "Scorpion King") is half Chinese, a quarter white, and a quarter native Hawaiian, and she looked more "western" with wavy hair and more Chinese with straight hair.
Then there's Keanu Reeves who is 1/4 Chinese, 1/4 Hawaiian, and 1/4 Caucasian, but he said that he was a "middle-class white kid" when he was growing up.
Sorry for kind of spreading my problems here. I think I'll keep my hair growing and see how it turns out.
Tim W.
I like androgenous looking males with long hair. itz pretty cool... why do you want to look like a butch chinese person anyways? Lots of girls would like you better with long hair i think.
Hey dude, you obviously look like a guy! The people who told you that you look like a girl were trying to be mean against you. It was just insults dude!
My masculinity is not threatened by my having very long hair, besides which I love the look and how it feels spilling down my back. Yes, I have been teased by some men insofar as how very feminine I appear. I would suppose it is due impart to my being petite and somewhat shapely as well as being very sensitive. Being an artist, I tend to be very expressive and less inhibited by my gender identity. My emotions are better reflected in my works as I transmute thought into its physical equivalent. Therefore, call me woman or call me man, makes no difference to me. I applaud all who would be as they are and not as is expected of them.
grow it out again and but this time grow a gotee
