new thread
i have adored the idea of having long hair ever since i was in a little kid.
around 7th grade, i moved from a strict, private school (that i had attended since pre-school) to a public school. a few of my friends back at the Christian school started growing their hair a bit, but getting around the school's "appearance regulations." it always intrigued me.
over the next 6 years of high-school i would start to grow it out, and reluctantly cut it. usually for social purposes, school dances, a girl or two, things like that. but every time i would try growing it, it would last longer. the last time i cut my hair was the beginning of my senior year (September, 2008).
needless to say, as my hair got longer, the people who weren't REALLY my friends made themselves quite clear as to why. the true ones however never flinched. i did end up making about 5 good friends, that have in the 3 years since become the closest people to me. the other 4 are more casual, but we all still care about each other. all 9 of these kids, had long to very long hair.
since highschool, only two of them have stuck with it, as i have grown mine.. leaving three of us.
it's longer than ive ever had it before, and i absolutely love it. i was, without a doubt, born a "longhair." for over the last year of my life i have been dating the girl i love. 20 is a young age to say that for certain, led alone know it, but it's true. she always adored how i looked when we first met. throughout our relationship it has only gotten longer, and longer.
my concern now is not whether or not she would end our relationship because of my hair. if that was the case, it would have been done a long time ago. but she loves me. and sometimes, i catch glimpses of her liking my hair. or at least appreciating how much i like it. either way, iloveher.
however, its getting to the point where i have been seriously considering surprising her by cutting it back to the medium length i used to wear it, however the few times ive worked up the strength, i've lost it in front of the mirror.
i am not a man of high self-esteem, quite the opposite. in fact, i would describe myself as being particularly insecure. however, seeing that hair flowing when i walk, or falling in my face when i write, it gives me a sense of purpose.
can anyone give me any words of advice?
First off, great hair! You should feel proud of your mane.
Your girlfriend has never stated that she doesn't like your hair at its current length, correct? I wouldn't see any reason then to do a pre-emptive move to cut it back. That would not be a good thing anyway if she really pressured you to cut and then you felt forced to cut for her. It doesn't sound to me like she'd ever do that to you. It's clear just from your post how much your hair means to you and I'm sure she has noted that.
As a born longhair, you will certainly not feel more secure if you tamper with it. You will instead feel less secure as a direct result of not feeling fully like yourself.
Just let it grow, be you!
Do what makes you happy, not what makes other people happy. From what you've said, you've been through it before, where you found out who your true friends were when you grew out your hair. If keeping your long hair makes you happy, keep it. If your girlfriend truly loves you, she won't care if your hair is long or short.
Benjamin,
Great looking hair, bro.
You must do what you think is right. From what you said it sounds that you are a born longhair. You like your hair. The word you used is "adore". Your long hair is part of who you are. Your girlfriend recognizes that. You said that you caught her admiring your hair and that recognizes how much your hair means to you. She has not asked you to cut it. She loves you. Your long hair is part of who you are. She recognizes how much your hair means to you. She like the way you look with long hair. You said that you are insecure about yourself. You would not feel better about yourself is you cut your hair; in fact, you would probably feel less secure about your self image. Have you spoken with her about her thoughts and feelings about your long hair?
Your friends love you and respect you for who you are. Part of what makes Benjamin Benjamin is his long flowing hair.
Your friends here at mlhh love you and respect you for who you are and for who you choose to be. It seems evident to me that Benjamin is a born longhair. You're one of us, bro.
We're your friends, too. We're here for you, bro.
God bless you!
Raymond
Hi - first of all let me say I am a female with a male partner who NOW has very long hair (waist length). I have always noticed guys with long hair - it's just what I like (some people like piercings, tattoos, each to their own). However when we first met his hair was only about 3 inches long and he kept flicking it back. I didnt care cos I really liked him (love at first sight!)
He very stuipidly decided to get his hair cut, into our relationship, because he felt he needed to look 'normal' or 'tidy' to be with me. Like yourself, he was young, a bit insecure and the first time I saw him I was shocked and I hated it. As a girlfriend I was annoyed that he didnt ask me in advance or realise what I thought and what I liked. He also realised right away that he hated it himself! At the time I did say 'grow it back' but yes, I would have stuck with him anyway - still annoyed maybe but there ye go - but ONLY if it was what he really wanted.
What I am trying to say is - if you want to cut your hair - but only if YOU do - ask your girlfriend, bring it up casually (what do you think if..) and make sure you understand her reaction. Don't do anythign spontanious or 'to surprise' (surprise can be a really good or a really bad move) because you're not sure of yourself. If she absolutely loves your long hair - and you do too - why ruin a good thing? You may also ruin her confidence in you and the way she thinks you see her as a partner (bad move).
Women in relationships need to feel part of it, not outside (if you know what I mean) and if anything ever bothers you then your partner is the one who should be supporting you no matter what. But a partner cant do that if you dont communicate. Yes I know.. men don't talk.. :) but give it a go - it may surprise you!
She may say 'get a crewcut' for all I know - but at least you've talked and you can make your own decisions from there. Emphasis on YOUR OWN... with input from a partner if she really is the one :)
Talk to her.
everything you said is extremely appreciated :)
the funny part of it is, i'm the one who talks. i'm thr one who communicates, and always is sure to talk about something that's bothering me, while she on the other hand will definitely communicate but its not her first reaction. this may be due to the fact that she is in fact 2 years younger than myself, and is on a bit of a different page as far as where we both come from.
however, i know she would absolutely love to see the boy with shaggy (but short) hair that she met all those years ago, but would never let it affect our relationship. it's a very tough thing to decide upon :/
but again, thank you for your concern and taking the time to respond :)
ben
Hey Benjamin,
She is very beautiful.
Two (2) things:
First, ask her her feelings about your hair. I'm sure that she would appreciate it if you would involve her in your decision to cut or not to cut. She would appreciate this more than if you sprung a surprise on her and then hear you say 'but I thought you would like it.'.
Second, let us know what you decide to do. You asked us for advise and each person who posted a response shared with you from their hearts because we care about you, bro. Whatever you decide to do, we're here for you, bro.
Raymond
thank you,
no that's exactly what i'm gonna do. i'll just try to get her honest thoughts on it as opposed to assuming. and of course i'll let you know. i appreciate everything, from everybody.
but so far, we're doing great :)
Hi Ben
ok - She's 2 years younger and maybe not so sure of herself too but communication isnt about just talking - its also about listening. To each other. Don't overload her - she may well be in awe of you (she met you when she was what 16? and you 18? - have I got that right?? that is young) - and in any relationship one person doing all the talking isnt communication, maybe you both need to work on that (says the 119 year old grandmother... cackle cackle) :)
At the end of the day you know your gf and you'll do what you want.. but you did ask!
p.s. she is loverly! :)
this is me and the girl i love this past christmas.
Stay strong and don't cut it. You've had short hair before, you've had medium hair before, you've decided long hair is your identity. I cut my hair recently and it made me realize that long hair is a part of my identity: I intend to grow it back.
As another poster previously said, you would probably feel more insecure if you cut it, because you would know you were being untrue to yourself. Stay long and flowing brudda man!
Hi Benjamin,
Thank you for telling us such a personal side of you on what I think might be your first post to this board.It was interesting reading how you evolved into a longhair and remained so to date even as your friends were giving up on the look.Certainly that is their right but that doesn't mean you need to follow the trend.My own hair has always been long for over 25 years and its been that way because...I LIKE IT!It makes me happy when I look at myself in the mirror and as far as I'm concerned that is the only person who I want to please when it comes to my personal appearance.If someone doesn't like guys wearing their hair long they are free to cut their own but not me thank you:)I would support you either way if you really want to go short again but just remember how long it takes to regrow it should you makes a quick decision.Hopefully what I said helps you as I really do like your hair, but that's me:)Good luck my friend.Cheers
Mark
Since you have adored long hair since a little kid and still cherish it, I would not cut for anyone. Relationships come and go all the time. To cut your hair in "hopes" will solve nothing. In the end, love is unconditional and does not hinge or have any bearing as to what the other persons hair length is. It is the person that counts within.
Take care and best of luck to you. Your long hair is amazing! :-)
Justin~
hey Ben,
A lot of people have given some good advice here so I am not going to re-hash the advice.
I had a job about two years ago that I thought was going to be a great career move for me. My job was a management position at a convenience store chain local to my area. Head office as well as one of my employees were constantly harassing me to cut my hair to maintain a "professional" appearance.
Two months into all this i decided to cut my hair mainly to stop the moaning about my hair. This was probably the worst thing I had done in a long time.
At first the attention it brought me was nice until I realised that people were not happy for ME they were only happy because I had cut my hair short and was now fitting into THEIR view of how a man and how I should look.
It has taken two very long years, but as of a couple months ago my hair has only now gotten to a point where I am really getting happy with it.
The moral of my story is that if you believe yourself to be a born longhair cutting it is probably only going to make you miserable!
Only you can decide, and whatever you do just make sure the people around you are supporting you for YOU and not just for how your hair looks!
-Kif
Your girl friend should not be tryinm to make her love conditional on her choice for your hair. You sholuld not be letting her.
Make that clear to her and have your hair as YOU want it. If she then starts bleating about your love being in doubt then I would suggest it is time to move on.
You like it long - stay with it for ever and don't have any doubts.
Great advice from Jason, Asdis and Justin.
As the old saying goes, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
At the end of the day, the only reason you should make physical changes to your body or appearance is because you want to, not for someone else. However, if you're in a relationship, it's always a good idea to consult your partner before making any radical changes rather than to spring a surprise on them - as I found out after a zero-crop (although that wasn't through choice).
Your hair looks perfect. I wouldn't change a thing.
Scott