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I'm really liking how my hair is starting to grow out-everyday I like it more and more I feel great when I look in the mirror because I feel like me-what I'm suppose to look like...However, my family members and some friends are pressuring me to cut off my hair-that long hair looks could in 20's but after that it's time to grow up and cut your locks off! I disagree-Now that I'm seeing the longer length I'm very inspired to keep growing it longer...I'm an avid photographer and student of graphic design and I'm finally starting to feel like I'm on the right track with my life and the way I look...Society is always trying to run your life...I know family loves you but they also don't understand what it feels like to try to be the person u feel inside...I have told my family many times that this is how I plan to look like and u have no in-put in it...They are OK with it for awhile and then they always jabb me again with why the long hair...I'm tired of it and it goes for some of my friends too...I don't want to be mean but I'm gonna have to be it next time they suggest anything regarding my hair...
Guys, any advice would be grateful...
You've said it all. It's your hair, your life, your decision. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. I found in the past, that often it's a case of envy "I wish I could grow my hair like that and if I can't, why should he"
It takes courage, commitment and dedication, but follow your head and your heart. Thank people for their comments but remind them it's your choice, not theirs. Your hair looks fantastic now and has amazing potential. Good luck.
Ian
Ian-thanks for words of encouragement!
dee... Simply put, I'll be 50 in October and my hair is shoulder length and I like my hair that way.
If you like your hair, then keep it and enjoy it!
John
I've had a lot of problems with my family over the same issue, if you search back you'll see what it is. Like you said, it's what you want and how you feel. No one has any right to change who you are but you. If you like your hair, keep it and grow it. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Good luck my friend.
Rich
I think if you treat them with loveing spirit and explain nicely that this is you and this is how your hair will be ,you probably wont have to come to hostility. if they corner you on the otherhand then the gloves come off. James
Hey dee,
You are not the first and certainly won't be the last long haired guy having the same issue as you've described.I've been very fortunate having received little of that treatment during my life which may explain why I've had longhair consistently for over 25 years.You just need to stand your ground and not cave to the pressures.As it was suggested it could have a lot to do with jealousy.You have these weak kneed buzzcut clones who actually think that look is cool.I think its ugly.Maybe a select few look OK with it but personally I can't picture myself short haired.I really don't know what further to suggest as its really up to you to take a stand.Good luck my friend.Cheers
Mark
BTW, that pic of you looks AWEESOME:)
Hairball, when i have had buzzcuts in past , i have been told i look like a fat undercover cop. since ive grown my hair out and keep in a tail most of the time , i get more respect from this look, from most people i know and total strangers, i went to church today for palm sunday and had it braided in a tail. and you should have seen the pleasant looks i was getting the ladies. im not being stuck up, im saying what i observed. James
Hey Mark,
I do agree with you on how people perceive you versus short and long hair...When I had short hair when I walked into a bar I pretty blended in with everyone...And now with long hair people seem to look at me as a cool guy lol...(And, I'm the nerdiest person deep-down) I guess that it's a good-compliment-When my buddy and I go into a bar and my hair is down the bartender always serves me first even if it's crowded...lol. He says what is it with all the attention you are getting lately...I laugh and say "well it's my long hair" lol.
"Many times," eh? It's simply time to tell them that you've heard all their thoughts many times before, that you've considered them and rejected them, and that their commenting has now reached the point that they are beating a dead horse, it is no longer welcome, and it will no longer be entertained.
After that, if they bring it up, just cut them off immediately when they start in. Hold up your hand. Talk loud so they know you can't hear them. Say over and over the same phrase of rejection to block them out, and do this until they shut up. Make this unpleasant enough for them that they won't bring it up again.
Good luck.
Bill
Practically every guy gets the "shouldn't you get a haircut?" line or awhile in the first year or so of growing it out. Then people get used to it and their attention goes to something else. I consider it similar to the infamous "awkward phase". It will pass. It helps if you keep your hair in really good shape, too.
Stick to what you want Dee. I recently cut my hair due to the same ongoing nagging pressure and regretted it. You will just want to grow it back and then have lost all the time you have already put into growing your hair. Plus I think its more about how you feel about yourself when you relate to the world than about how how you look, or conform. If you feel really great about yourself, as you mention you do, that will rub off in all your interactions. However if you feel a bit resentful that will also rub off and benefit no one. Good luck and enjoy!
Lance
thanks Lance for the awesome support! I really am feeling great about myself-I would tend to feel uncomfortable when I was growing my hair and very often would wear a hat or always keep it tied---But, now I don't care anymore-my hair is long and if people don't like it then too F#$%^# bad...I'm not letting their negativity affect me any longer...
You know you have my support. I'm wondering though if the some of the comments are coming because with longer hair you look more youthful than they do. Yes, having long hair can be a way of capturing one's youth, but is there really anything wrong with that? Telling you it's time to "grow up and cut your hair" sounds more like they think adulthood means having a boring existence and you should have to endure it as well! I think not! You should be able to keep your hair as long as you want for as long as you want. It's your life and you get to choose how to live it.
--Dale
My Facebook Page
It's funny you say that, because people often tell me I look older with my long hair vs when it was very short.
It's not a universal truth because it depends a lot on the individual and the hair style. In my case when it's tailed I think it does make me look a bit older than when it was shorter (but not real short) and loose. However when it's hanging loose it's another story altogether. It certainly doesn't add any age and does make me appear younger than I would with a really short hairstyle.
--Dale
My Facebook Page
Hi Dee,
There is that saying from the Easy Rider movie:
"They'll talk to ya and talk to ya about individual freedom, but when they see a free individual, it's gonna scare 'em!
This "social awkward phase" will pass, too.
Onward on Downward!
- Oren
Oren- thanks for words of encouragement!! My mind is made up-it's not going to be cut off final!! I went to a family reunion today and purposely wore down and it was puffy and wavy because I had just washed it and normally I feel a bit self-conscious about having my long hair when I'm around people I don't know--However, I am getting better and today felt good to just shove it in their faces--I'm sure I must of stirred up some comments behind my back but I just don't care-I'm starting to own my hair and it feels GREAT!
I normally just put it in a tail, but when i wear it out loose, Im flying my freak flag proudly. James
Love that Oren!
That's right of you to resist it. Keep resisting it. It's none of their business. They're treating you like a kid, and not like an independent free adult. They're the ones with the problems. Some people never get it. You'll get used to resisting it over time. Get used to saying " NO " over and over till it's easy !!!! It's you're right ! Lol. ;p
Thanks John,for the encouraging words! Your hair looks amazing, actually I can't wait for it to get to your length.
Thank you. ;p It'll get there. Don't cut it at all for a year or so. I knew a girl when I was 17 who was about the same age and had thick curly dark brown hair to her waist! Wavy, with ringlets. I actually learned alot about hair care from her for later in my life, though I started growing it at 19. She would go three years without cutting it sometimes to achieve the length she wanted. Her mother was against her keeping it into her 20s & 30s. She tried cutting it to her neck, but it was traumatic, and she went three years or more without cutting it.
Some people never INTEND to get things, and so sometimes you have to avoid those people, even if they're friends and family. I don't talk to my family anymore. My mother hopes someone shoots me, she said once, the last time I saw her, 9 years ago. She let a relative die without getting in touch with me again, because she was afraid of what she might say about her to me, so my mother might very well die without ever seeing me again. I ran to the other side of the continent to get away.
I am close to family but my, brother wont talk to me because he tried to kill himself and i caught him and called the medics. i love him but i will not allow someone to die if i can prevent it
That's hard to understand. My ex boyfriend who I met when I was 19, his brother, the same age as me, jumped off a bridge a few years ago. I tried to make friends with someone ten years ago who hung himself when no one was around. They were both planning it for a long time. It's so wierd.
John C- Sorry to hear about your families separation-it must be hard---Just keep thinking positive man!!
Thank you very much! I do!
In your heart u did the right thing and if he's mad at u, I think someday he will forgive and thank you for saving his life...I would never let anyone kill themselves either... I cut out all people with negative energy around me that I once thought were my friends-I try to surround myself with positive people and enjoy my life even though financially it's been pretty tough the last couple of years...However, things are starting to look up for me and just love to feel alive.
Keep growing your hair because that is what you want to do. People may say that your hair should be otherwise, but, again, it is your hair! If polite measures of explaining to these naysayers don't work, then you have to resort to telling them it's not longer a topic/issue for discussion.
I gave into pressure from family and friends to cut my hair. I was told I look so good looking when it's short and old when it's long and blagh blagh blagh. People will find any reason to give in order to make someone unique feel as if they need to conform to so some societal norm.
Your hair is awesome and I wish you the best with it!
Thanks for the encouragement!
Dee
Dee,
First off, I'd like to say thats a great photo of yourself, i like the B & W . I have grown and cut my hair 3 to 4 times in my life. I can relate with your feelings because I and probably alot of us here on the board have been pressured from family, friends , and society. The all want us to " fit in" the the common stereotypical look of a " man". Unfortunatelly the have forgotten how our ancestors looked like when how we look was acceptable. Family and friends did the same to me with the comment to disfigure my identity. They never really got that this is who we are.
I am now 42, married w/ 2 kids and have hair similar to yours ( wavy but curlse on the end ). About six months ago my mother, the one who had always said to cut my hair, was commenting to her freinds how beautiful her sons hair was and how..... " he always had a great head of hair " right in front of me! So it goes to show you... Always be yourself and things turn out in your favor.
Be true to yourself and dont cave in. Just look like yourself. The only one you have to please is that guy in the mirror you see every day. Trust me, I know its hard but you have alot of support here and maybe with a friend that appreciate your look.
Like I said, I can turn around one day so hang in there
Peace
Glinka
Glinka- thank you so much for the kind words and support!! I really wish times would go back to the 17th century or earlier---society loved guys with long hair and it was normal for guys to sport their long locks...It's funny people who get my look and long hair, seem to show respect and admiration...I'm also your age Glinka and the people that respect my look tend to be the younger generation in their 20's and 30's...Anyone one in their 40's just don't get it and kind of look down on me and form all types of stereotypical perception of me---But,in my opinion those people are very unhappy or are just jealous that they can't be who they want to be...(When asked, I tell people that as long as I have a good head of hair I am going to keep it long-therefore, not planning to cut it short ever again) It's just not me...This board is so full of support!! Thank you Fellas!! U are all awesome!!
Here is a pic of my hair a bit more tamed--in other words brushed-however, it never stays this way for long lol...I'm hoping as it gets longer the weight tames it much better...(And for the guy that was asking about henna-this is how it looks after using henna for three years-it pretty much is my own natural color-but the conditioning that henna provides is off the charts! I recommend it for anyone-even if u just want a gloss which does not change your color)
Hi Glinka,
One of my tenets is that if a person or group cannot respect me then I cannot respect them. Gangs and Bullies come to mind. As Bill of San Franscisco said so well in his essay " On Being a Long Hair" most of a person's identity is established in childhood before adolescence and remains unchangeable for the rest of someone's life. To give up something that you feel is important to your identity would be a betrayal of your inner self if you felt that strongly about. It won't be good for your mental health if you did cave in which from the feel of your posts indicates that that will not happen anytime soon. Through suffering you do develop character and know yourself better :)
Best,
Duncan
Its unfortunate when you're growing your hair out and you lack support from people close to you. There will always be those that make comments, but to be honest I found that after a while they realise that you are serious about your look and the way you want to lead your life and will leave you alone.
Good luck and don't give in to them!
~ Dave
Thanks Dave for the encouragement--my hair is staying and I can't wait for the Summer because I'm sure it will be much longer
Dee.
Insert right index finger in right ear, left index finger in left ear. Say loudly, "Lalalalalalalalalala...I can't HEAR you!" Roll eyes. Walk away. Laugh. They will either shut up about the hair, or they will call for the guys in the white coats. Probably the former will happen. Just kidding about the latter. :)
Carol,
This is brilliant! I love it! Gets the point across, AND lets them know you're annoyed at the same time!!
-Kif
Carol- thank you soo much! that is really funny---that is my next strategic move...
Hoss, there comes a time when you must cease to be nice, and trust in the weight of your own judgment. When people act like they can dictate your life and your actions, you must find a way to get it across to them that it is your life to live, and not theirs. Whether it's a harsh word in response to passive aggressive statements, or showing them somehow that it's a part of who you are, you must give them no quarter and never back down.
I'm not familiar enough with the situation to be exceedingly specific, but I do hope that you find closure with this soon!
I am envious of your long mane. don't let them pressure you into conforming like everyone else.
Do what feels right to you, not them!