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I went to Home Depot last night to get some home repair stuff we needed here at our house. While I was waiting for a clerk to help me, I saw them--a group of people I call "the starers". After they look at a dude with hair like mine (or longer), they ususally snicker and whisper among themselves while gesturing in your direction. All they really end up doing is make themselves out to be looking like immature idiots.
Starers take on another form--and they would be funny if they weren't so pathetic. I can be in a business' parking lot and will notice somone walking past me, literally craining their neck as they go! Some have almost tripped over their own feet, due to trying to mind my business, rather than watching where they're going.
I grew my hair out for my enjoyment. Period. I could give a flip about any stranger who doesn't like the idea. My wife, son, and I live in Oklahoma City, one of THE most conservative places on the planet. (I had an Obama sticker on my car during the last election and had people yelling at me when I stopped at red lights.) I knew I was about to be a dude that had a target on my back when I grew my hair! LOL!
Which brings up my question: what have YOU gone through?
Keep it growing!
Steve
The only rude comments I've received have been from family still in the Watchtower organization. My aunt asked me if this now means I'm going to want to have sex with men. (She knows damn well I'm straight.) One of my cousins said I no longer look "dignified".
I live in Massachusetts and perhaps the general populace here is a bit more enlightened. I haven't received one negative comment from work nor anywhere in public.
You have the right attitude: wear your long hair with pride. Confidence goes a long way to shut detractors down. I don't give my long braided hair a second thought no matter where I go. It doesn't even occur to me to cower to anyone. I won't be craven to any bigots or narrow-minded morons.
No one bother me but, I look intimidating.
Darrin
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Indeed Confidence Pride and Attitiude is the key.
Also not caring what other people think...
As for Massachusetts being a more enlightened state, I can agree to a point. When I lived in Boston, I never had an issue. The farther north I moved up is when I started to experience some prejudice. For the most part, I've heard people refer to me as hippie, or gigolo. Sometimes even drug dealer. But I do enjoy the stares from some of the small-minded individuals because I know most people adhere to the herd mentality and they feel threatened by individualism.
You're a hippie, a gigolo, and a drug dealer!?!? Dang, you got some talent going on there!!! Can I have your business card??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
But seriously, let's break this down:
Hippie: a peace and nature loving person. I believe that qualifies as a compliment. :)
Gigolo: a man who can satisfy another man's woman better than he can ~ and get paid to do it! (Ohhh, burn!) I believe that, too, qualifies as a compliment.
The truly baffling comment is that of 'drug dealer.' If all dealers had long hair, and non-dealers had short hair, wouldn't that make law enforcement's job exceedingly easy?!?!
Comments like these are clearly a case of exercising one's mouth before exercising one's brain.
Thank you, Laura. I do wish I had the talent, LOL.
For the most part, none at all. A couple of family members made occasional comments at the beginning, but that died off quickly. I've had one job interview where the interviewer mentioned I'd need to cut my hair if I took that job (which I didn't).
Other than that the only remarks anyone's taken the effort to make to me have been positive, or at worst neutrally curious (which is where I rank the occasional "Wow, your hair is really long" or "How long have you been growing it?")
As for people staring, I've never concerned myself as to whether others are paying particular attention to me, so I couldn't tell you.
Frodo
have had no adverse reactions to my hair, this time around, other than some lighthearted comments from friends, at the outset of growing, and My older sister not "understanding" but this has passed. I really don't notice any "lookie loos" However, my first foray into growing long hair in the late 60s and early 70s did meet with vocal commentary and sometimes downright dangerous actions In time that passed aswell as even Good ol' boys started growing their hair out and sporting sideburns, beards, and moustaches. That was then, and this is now. Just ignore the twits.
I had my first real discrimination a few days ago, while I was at work, I was shocked at the lengths people will go to piss me off. I had just got off work, I work in food service, and took off my hat and let my hair down. After it had been crammed into a hat all day and in three ponytails ill be the first to admit it doesn't look the best. I was in line to get some food, hey it is free on our work days lol, and I bent over to do something I can't remember. As I bent over I heard a "click" and a business card had been hurled at my head and missed. The business card was for a salon, I turned around and said "nope." I didn't know who did it so I couldn't really do much. I went into the back and asked my boss if it was fire-able offense or merely a write up if I beat somebody's ass. She said it was fire-able, and I asked what would make it not so. She then said I would have to cross the street to be off the premises and take off my work shirt. I told her that was good to know for the future.
Carl
Your anger and indignation are understandable and justified, although, in my opinion, resorting to physical violence would not be justified, in this instance. If somebody actually tried to cut your hair, then I'd say--by all means--unleash hell. In this case, though, physically hurting somebody simply because they suggested--however rudely--that you cut your hair, would only serve to reinforce negative stereotypes that already exist about longhaired men. I think finding ways to embarrass these sorts of people can be even more effective than hurting them physically.
--Val
I agree, even though I still probably would have handled it badly had that actually hit my head. I take disrespect very seriously, plus it was in my work place, so they were most likely thinking they could just get away with it. I would not stand for that in any sense, I have had disrespect happen far to often, and use to take it in my stride but I have changed quite a bit over the last few years. If people want to roll, then I'm down for it now.
But I will, in the future, try to heed your advice.
Ziggy
To add one more quick comment, in my opinion they had already resorted to the physical had that actually hit my head. To throw something at somebody merely to make a statement in my book is assault already.
Ziggy
"Assault" is any implied threat of, or anything that makes you feel threatened with, any unwanted physical contact. "Battery" is any unwanted physical contact, even as little as laying a finger--or flicking a business card--on another person.
One way to handle it might have been to simply pick up the card, flick it back into his face, and state with an icy glare, "I think you dropped something." Then let the jackass decide how he'd like to react, or how important the length of your hair really is to him.
--Val
That's awful, but I just had to say your name is awesome
Nothing like that, not since the 70's. I do keep mine neat, clean and trimmed so it looks like I care how it looks, which I think helps some. But I think you need to move! If these people are like that about hair I would guess they have other negative attributes that would make the area generally unfriendly.
Yeah, like I said, last Presidential election, my family was harassed simply because we weren't for the Republican candidate!
Hello OKCdude,
I would love to be able to say that I have had no problems whatsoever. Unfortunately, my experience has been pretty much completely the opposite. When I started growing my hair (when I was 14) I was in the penultimate year of high school and for that year, while my hair was still short, I didn't really get any problems. When I came back for the final year of school it all started. I could deal with the dumb remarks and I got the better of the "physical" bullying the two times it happened (one of the kids ended up in the river next to the school!).
I finished school in 2003, and for the most part I got little remarks here and there, mainly from balding middle age men, young kids in there early and mid teens. Then in 2008 my brother and I were assaulted by a group of about 15 kids in the mid-late teens - boys and a couple of girls. Fortunately, my brother and I were ok, a bit bloody, but alive and no broken bones. This event did knock me a lot though, I ended up with severe anxiety problems, which eventually peaked at me not being able to leave the house without panic attacks.
Luckily I got help for all this and now I am SO much better. Also as part of my new life, I started to look after myself a bit better including exercise. Now I do an exercise routine suitable for boxers. I'm not a boxer, but the routine has bulked me up somewhat and I ever since I've noticed that people don't bother me so much nowadays. :)
So yeah, long story. I still think it's been worth it though. I really enjoy my hair and I'm quite proud of myself for persisting with it despite my problems.
Take care,
Neil.
I get called a "fag" and told I "look like a girl" though that may be any combination of things from the eyeliner to the hair to the big hoop earrings.
What have I gone through?
Nothing traumatic, I am happy to say. A few joking comments from people I know well enough to laugh with them. An occasional glare from my mother (chief anti hair person when I was first growing it in the 70s).
I have had a few people staring, and one person yelled "You're having a laugh, mate" out of a car. To which I responded "Yes, all the time, mate".
Hair is to enjoy. It has made me more confident to be myself. If anyone doesn;t like it, then they can look away.
A while back I got harrassed by some Hindu-Indian (or whatever he was) guy who hung around my school's back gate. He yelled some stupid slurs but without me reacting he just made himself look like a fool. Other than that and comments from my family I haven't been abused because of my hair now especially because I buzzed it all off. Come to think of it, I should be expecting abuse from my girlfriend who absolutely loved my long hair. When I go back to school tomorrow she'll probably kick my ass for cutting it LOL!!!
Well mine is just barely past my shoulders right now but the only comments have come from family members with the "hippy", or "girly" type of thing. No one outside of family has said a word as of yet though. This is in the Ozark Mountains in Northern Arkansas. Not many guys where I live have long hair, I've seen a handful but it's pretty uncommon. I just got home from spending 5 weeks in Southern California (San Diego County) and noticed that long hair on men is very common there. I also received no comment in California (aside from one person actually complimenting my hair).
I'm saddened by some of your comments, but it reminds me of an old saying my Mother taught me as a child.
"Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words can never hurt you"
Ian