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Ok, I'm 15, just got out of my freshman year at high school, and my mom can be a jerk about my hair. The usual procedure goes as follows: I get my hair cut, I'm allowed to grow it out for about a month, and somewhere she tells me I need to get it trimmed. Then she completely changes her view and tells me to get it cut short, and then we argue, and then I get it cut. She usually makes me cut it around the 3-4 inch vicinity. Anyway, she's been working a lot lately, and hasn't had time to notice, but now it's 4 1/2" in front and a little over 2" in the back. She has told me to get it trimmed and has changed her story again, and is beginning to yell at me to get it cut. However, I've been fighting this war with her for way too long (somewhere between 3 and 4 years), and I am sick of it. So, my plan is to throw down an ultimatum, and refuse to get it cut. I figure there's no way she can physically force me to do it, and her only source of power is to ground me. And, if I take the grounding, and don't give in, she can't make me cut my hair. My only concern is how long this will last; is there anything I can do that might influence her to let up on the grounding, other than a haircut? I do make all A's in honors classes, and have never gotten in trouble, I can definitely use that on her. Does anyone else have any other ideas?
I can remember having exactly the same fight when I was between 13 and 16. 16 was the last time that I ever went to a barber and paid for a haircut (since then, all I have had were trims done by relatives, friends or by myself).
It is hard to make moms understand that however much they love you that you need to be yourself. She probably thinks that by making you cut your hair she is helping you to get a better job when you finish your education etc etc.
You still have a few years of education before you start to look for employment, so tell her that you want to have your hair long all the time you are studying and that you will then decide how to have your hair when you are looking for work in a few years' time. (And that is YOU not SHE who will decide then!)
Good luck, keep on respecting your family, but make sure they respect you too.
Age may be responsible for the problem. I was nine years of age when I first wanted to grow my hair. I just knew it wasn't possible. I actually had to wait until I was about 16, and when I eventually did grow it out once I got to 19, I had to cope with nagging which didn't stop... until I could get it into a ponytail. After that it all stopped. Now I just say that having long hair is a findamental basic thing in my personality. Nobody will ever change that.
If you intend to continue your education, as has already been mentioned, then that is the starting point - maybe it would be best just to wait a couple of years. I know that can sound difficult, but is it really worth the family upset when you can grow your hair at a later time anyway? Don't fight over it, specially as there will come a time where you can grow your hair.
When I first decided to grow my hair, I just told my mom "I'm gonna let it get longer than usual" I knew I wanted it long long, but she didn't, hehe. So it started to get long and curly in the back, and she bribed me and let me skip school if I got the back cut, which I did (I think this made it so my hair is more even now anyways :-) )
After like two more months it got bad again, and she said I should get it cut again, I this time said "Well, i'm actually going to grow it really long, so I won't be getting haircuts anymore" She was surprised but she didn't stop me. My dad says stuff like "You'd look so much better if you just got your hair cut" I couldn't disagree more, I always hated how I looked with short hair, i'll be very happy when my hair is really long.
I would recommend negotiating with your mom more, I don't know how unreasonable she might be, but I don't see waht the big fuss is, it's YOUR hair :-) Tell her you would like to have long hair, it won't affect anything really, and it's your hair, not hers :-)
Hello Clay, I hate to see families not getting along. Personally, I think an ultimatum is a bad idea. It will only aggravate this power struggle you two are engaged in. How have you talked about this subject with her? Has your dad been involved with this? Maybe if you discuss it maturely without raising your voice, she would be willing to listen to your view.
Ask her for the opportunity to change her opinion. Then get into action and do some kind of research on the matter. Treat it like a school project. Many anti-drug organizations state that a child's appearance can not predict whether they do drugs or not; and that their appearance can be left unaltered. That may make a good starting point. Perhaps a school couselor could also help. Just remember you'll have to work for this if you want it. Good luck and let us know what happens.
I know how you feel. Although my mom was never against me on the long hair issue, she's been against me in the same way your mom is in many other areas. Now, I'm not sure just how strict your mom is or how far she would actually go. Some people have parents who give in pretty easily, and then some have parents like mine, who would go to almost any length to hold out and not give in. But from the look of it, considering your age and your position in high school, there's not much you can do. At your point in life, there's actually still a lot your mom can do to you. She can ground you, like you said, or she could deny you the right to go out with friends or she could cut off your supply of spending money...etc. So you see, you're not in that good of a position to throw down an ultimatum unless you really don't care about much anything else but your hair. You can still try to talk some sense into her though. It never hurts to try. Maybe your mom will actually listen to reason. All I can go off of though is my own experience with my mom, who never listened to reason. And I was a straight-A student with honors and AP classes too, but that never really helped me. But what I can guarantee you is this: the more independent you are of your mom, the easier it will be for you to grow your hair. So try to start being independent now. Start trying to do things for yourself; and if you can, get a job as soon as you can. I know how this crap with parents can be. It'll get better as you get older. Just hang in there and keep doing whatever little things you can to make your mom loosen her grip on you.