new thread
I'm new to this board and 43 yrs old.
about a year and a half ago, i decided to let my hair grow long again. it was very short at the time, i felt it hardened my look, did not flatter me and was just "not me". I'm an artist/musician and felt like i needed to get back to what felt right for me, and i had long hair when i was in my 20's and cut it because i was getting so much flak from the "suit and tie" guys at the office where i worked.
Well, now it's long enuf for a tail. Most people have been complimentary about it getting long, but a few have said some negative things. I'm never sure how to combat these things, but usually just say I didnt realize they cared so much about my looks. I'm really getting comfortable with it being long and I think I look really good like this. Judge for yourself:
http://www.itsallart.com/KHtrip.jpg
Then, the other day i was going to a press-proof for a job i'm having printed for a client. the customer service guy looked at me and said "What the hell is up with your hair, you dirty hippie. It looks like a mop."
Now, my hair is very straight and dark, very well kept and never dirty...I just looked at him and smiled one of my darkest smiles and said "What are you, a nazi?" because I just couldnt think of anything else to say... of course, later I thought of tons of very clever things to say, but i guess i was taken back. Plus, I'm THEIR client and wondered why I was being treated like this. I made a point to lodge a formal comlaint and had a new CSR assigned to my account.
What should I say in the future to idiots like these? I just don't know a non-violent, non-negative thing to say back and I'm not a big guy so I think i'm an easy target for this kind of abuse.
What the hell? Personally, I think your hair looks damn good. That was just a stupid thing for him to say. Grr, just reading that pisses me off... I'll be where you are before long, you know?
In any case, just keep growing it. That's all I can say. Tell them to f themselves, which they can easily do. There's really nothing that you can say to people like that, in all honesty, and frankly, they don't deserve a response. =\ Don't know what else to tell you. Good luck, though.
Look at it this way: if they hate it so much, why are they paying it so much attention as to actually comment on it? Take it as a compliment-strangers are paying attention to you.
You know, that's a great thought. I guess it's like being a celebrity, if you are getting press, even bad press, it puts you in the spotlight. (unless, of course, you don't like being there.)
You must ignore them and continue your quest to let your hair grow! Remember that you have good reasons to let your hair grow and people that tell you to cut it are a bunch of stupid and jealous losers, so you can't listen to them!
Sounds like he was stuck in a 1950's television time warp.
You might ask the next person who makes stupid comments about your hair if that is in fact the case.
First, your hair looks very good. I am 42 and began growing as you did, almost two years ago. I have come to the conclusion that whenever we do something outside of the status quo boundaries, for whatever reasons, we touch something in others that often they don't want to deal with. I think there is something archetypal about long hair (archetypal meaning that it touches something deeply universal in all human beings)in general, and maybe particularly on men. Our culture is so dualistic, especially about gender things that a longhaired man just asks some poeple, especially men, to look at things they are frightened of. The quickest self-defense they have against their own discomfort is to verbally attack the longhaired man.
There's not much you can do. I personally favor something that is not hostile. They are already threatened, so a hostile remark only increases the anxiety. If I can, I try to make a comment that is confident and non-threatening. Fortunately, the few comments that I have received outloud of a negative sort were mild. Mostly, I perceive the stares that have this kind of anxiety behind them. A smile is all that I can offer.
To the fellow who made the comment to you I would offer (in similar circumstances) something like this: "This is what happens when you stop cutting your hair. And I am sure that my hair is as clean as yours. At 43, I am barely old enough to have been a hippie. Were you a hippie at one time?"
Of course, all this must be said with a smile and confidence that what you are doing and who you are is perfectly acceptable. If this softens the other person a bit, you might even try to engage them: have you never wanted to grow your hair out? Or, change the subject--great day for golf, isn't it?
Good luck,
Robert
It's funny, how a guy like you can have such a tiny brain and still have that huge mouth.
Man, I'd rather pluck my eyeballs out with a red hot fork than look like you for a day.
And my personal favorite...
Wow! Tell me, could you use your brain for something besides holding the stupid haircut up?
Someone at work was giving me some grief about my long hair, saying that I was going to write a book about hair fashion tips. Laughingly I replied that THEY were going to write a book about humor ...and that it was going to be a very thin book.
As an individualist, it has always been my observation that if no one is giving you crap, you're doing something wrong.
The Rev
Did you make that up yourself?
Complete genius.
The man in those pictures is not a dirty hippie.
People are just small-mindied, or, perhaps jealous. I mean, we are obviously more attractive (permit me some smugness) than buzzies and it stands to reason that they would be enraged at out handsomeness and intelligence. Why do you think those brainy computer programmers become longhairs? Because they're smart. Yeah.
I just realized that made no sense. Well, maybe it made a little sense.
Or maybe not.
Ah. The "dreaded" longhair insult. I've gotten many, but I've also gotten compliments (mostly from women). The possible responses are, of course, infinite -- ranging from downright insulting to humorous. Well, anyway; here are a few :
I'm a musician -- not a conformist.
Too bad more people don't think like you. We need more control over other peoples' appearance.
Hair growth is an indication of intelligence.
Hair length is directly proportional to penis size -- too bad for you.
Peace. (hold up two fingers)
I'd rather be a nice guy with long hair -- than a prick with short hair.
Yeah, I guess not everyone can look like a dork.(dweeb, etc.)
Oh good. Looks like the mind control experiments worked on you.
At least I use deodorant. What's your excuse?
The cult I belong to requires me to look this way.
Well, just use your imagination. I find that the best replies occur spontaneously, depending on the situation. Personally, I never let rude comments slide. A good response (and a look) usually shuts them up. Good luck.
I've got some more on my site.
There's some interesting psychology going on here, I'm fascinated by it, but don't pretend to understand it all. A highly condensed version of my standard rant:
In the 1960's, women fought for, and won the right to define their own femininity (and I'm all for it, to wear pants like the men, etc, etc.
Ok, what about the men? Men are STILL stuck in a narrow, pre-defined masculinity. Goddess help the man who tries to define himself or go against convention. No long hair, no earrings, no skirts, no colorful clothing, just drab colors, blood constricting neckties, and wool jackets in summer!
The most interesting thing about this? This is NOT a 'battle of the sexes' like it was for the women - in fact their enemy is our enemy - the ones who most ruthlessly enforce the narrow male box are the men themselves. We've met the enemy, and it is US!
Go figure.... Like you, most of the compliments I've received on aspects of my 'alternative' appearance is from women! Seldom men, and most the negativity is from men, seldom women!
-Zorba
Hey Zorba. I notice more and more on a daily basis the differences between men and women's hairstyles (perhaps since I found this board). I've still been trying to figure out where this "men should have short hair and women should have long (or any style) hair" concept came from. How did it become so ingrained into society? Somehow this conformist idea has still propagated beyond the year 2000. It endlessly puzzles me how people can simply accept this. It certainly makes sense that women are more accepting of long hair on men. I guess because they tend not to be raised with the idea that they "should" have a particular hairstyle to fit into society. I'm still searching for a (somewhat) concrete answer to this. Later man.
Are things easier in California or New York? I hope so.....
Well, I don't know about New York; but it probably is a little easier here in CA. In the bigger cities (L.A., etc.) it doesn't seem to be a problem at all. I live in a small town between L.A. and San Fran. Even here, most people don't pay it much mind. However, there are a lot of "rednecks" where I'm at. For the most part, they don't even seem to care.
I'm almost 50, work in an office and am working my way back to a pony-tail afer 30 years. Unlike a lot of guys my age, it's all still there, so I don't have to worry about looking like Friar Tuck.
Anyway, I endured endless in shit in the 60's because of shoulder-length hair. Refused entry to Disneyland, kicked out of stores, yelled at by rednecks, construction workers and cowboys from one side of the country to the other.
I wish I could think of a clever comeback to those taunts, but it's just incredible that it still goes on. Basically I can't get past "go fuck yourself", though that's probably not the best choice. Maybe reminding them "that its 2002, for God's sake, and men have been wearing the hair past their shoulders for about 35 years now" (probably since before they were born).
Not much help, I guess, but give'em hell!
Hey everyone: Thanks for your supportive comments and tips on what to say back. The support was great and made me feel less alone here in short-hair city.
I think for the most part, this narrow-mindedness is something that is very deep and entrenched here in the midwest. On the coasts, I'm sure the attitudes are much more open minded. I hope so anyway....
Anyone out there on the coasts have anything different to report???