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Hi all! Merry Christmas. I think this hyperboard is pretty neat but the people here are what's interesting. It's amazing to know that there are other guys out there like me. Ever since I started high school, I've wanted long hair, but my high school required a certain hair length for boys. I awaited the day when I would finally graduate and could grow the beautiful long hair I wanted, only now I'm in my second year of college, and after one botched 'trim' last February I knew I had to put my foot down. Only now everyone's on my case about it. I have friends and family alike telling me to get a haircut; it's like being told to switch political parties because every male is that way.. Even one of my piano professors accused my hair as a flamboyant substitute and flashy ersatz for real musicianship, something I take very, very seriously. But that's not what I'm here to write about. I know it's crazy that we're programmed nowadays to think people should look a different way and I think that's wrong. Even though it's tough, I need to stand up for what I believe in even in face of people close to me.
But this is my question: Why?? Why is it that I want this? It's an awkward thing nowadays, long hair on men, and it isn't even that practical. Is it vanity? I'm not gay, so I don't think I'm trying to confuse my gender. I've been asking myself this for weeks recently, trying to find out why I want what I want and why I like what I like. I know you guys can't tell me, but maybe you have some answers to share for yourselves. It's just a relief to know that for some reason there are other guys out there somewhere who are like me in that respect... Is this all just dead vanity? Or is this a strange, elusive sense of identity?
Identity for many of us. Opinions vary, some like it, some don't but what counts is what you think about having long hair. Individuality is very important to longhairs in general. Being herded and prodded by the masses with their litany of reasons against having long hair is not something we let influence or control us. We identity it as the bullshit that it is and ignore it.
Life it too short to be someone you're not. Grow your hair. Be you.
I started growing my hair long when the Beatles invaded the US of
A back in the 60s.
It's part of my identity, cutting my hair would be akin to
cutting off my an arm or a leg.
I got lots of complaints when I was in school back in the 60s and
70s. I still continued to grow my hair and never gave in.
I also got lots of complaints from family, I finally blew them
off years later by telling them "this is my house, I pay the bills here, if you don't like it you can leave."
It would have been easy to just give in and cut my hair,
I didn't so I didn't take the easy road.
Well, I'm a whole lot older than you and I've gone through most everything you are now. I've had lots of time to think it over and here's what I'd tell my younger self (and you):
"Ever since I started high school, I've wanted long hair"
- If you don't grow it long now, you're gonna really regret it when your 55, balding and thinking "why did I try to please everybody else instead of doing what I wanted to do?"
"friends and family alike telling me to get a haircut"
- This is just the initial reaction to change. After you've had long hair for a year or two-- and kept it looking good-- they'll give up and pipe down.
"Why??"
- Why do we do anything? It's who you are. The best way to end up in a padded cell is to over self-analyze. The general rule is if you like something and it doesn't hurt anybody, doing is probably a good thing. Self-repressed people tend to be the most destructive in our society.
Identity is formed from childhood, this has been proven in the field of psychology. You must have wanted this and the fact that you were (and are still) deprived of it, made you want it that much more. I personally remember wanting long hair since the original power rangers was airing on TV when I was a kid. Tommy the white ranger had a neat ponytail and I always thought he was the coolest person ever lol. Anyway be true to yourself, it's not about being rational, but about doing what feels right.
^^ Personality and identity are a combination of nature (the DNA you are born with) and nurture (the environment(s) that you are exposed to). If you feel very strongly about something, and were not expressly taught to feel strongly about it, then it is probably something that is hard-wired into your DNA.
Yep, I'd say that just about sums it all up in my view, too, Laura -- and would explain why at age 3, when my ex-navy dad first brought me to the local barber shop, I can still remember kicking and screaming and crying over getting my hair cut. For the first 18 years of my life, in fact, he tried his best to brain-wash me into "liking" short hair; but for some odd reason, it only made me want to grow my hair out all the more... Now at age 58, something tells me that it looks like I'll never change my views and feelings about preferring to have my hair long over short... I guess you could say then that I must be "hard-wired" that way (LOL)!!
- Ken
Well I've only been growing mine for a couple of years but I feel it's mostly an identity thing. Sometimes I get tired of it and want to cut it short again (thinking back, mostly just times when it's frizzy and hard to manage, in which case a little olive oil usually does the trick even though I sometimes forget it in my frustration), but so far I've resisted the occasional urge. Most days I like it. Even when I feel like cutting it though, it's strictly for utilitarian reasons, not to "fit in", some days I just get fed up with taking care of it or I feel like it's in my way, but then I end up settling down and feeling better about it again and feeling greatly relieved that I didn't cut it (believe me I've come close a few times).
I also enjoy not having to cut it anymore, so even though I have to deal with washing it (which is far more time-consuming than with short hair) it sort of balances out in that I don't need to put forth so much effort to maintain a length. Buzz cuts were pretty easy because I could do that myself at home but I'm fed up with that look and if I were to have short hair now it would have to be a slightly scissor'd cut and that would mean regular barber appointments and money. Whereas with my long hair, once it gets long enough that I want to keep it at a certain length, I can once again do it myself at home with scissors (it will be long enough to easily pull in front of me to see) and I won't have to do it nearly as often as I would with short hair, as the growth is harder to notice when it's really long. Even though I shave on occasion, I've noticed the same benefit comes from having facial hair. If you are able to grow a beard and let it come in for a month or so, all it requires is a quick trim once every couple of weeks to more or less maintain it, whereas a clean shave requires daily scraping to maintain "the look".
As far as insults go, I've personally I've never had anyone give me flak over my hair aside from family, I don't know what others are thinking but no one outside my family has had the nerve to say anything so far (at least nothing negative, I did receive a couple of compliments when I was in California for awhile hehe). My family still teases me about it sometimes but for the most part it has died down. As it gets longer it will probably slow up even more. If people are giving you the "girly" thing just ignore it or grow a mustache or something. ;P
For me I don't feel it is a vanity thing, I'm not really sure what it is, I just grew tired of the buzz cut that was my previous norm I guess, and "it grows on you" I guess, the longer my hair gets the longer I want to let it grow it seems. So far it's to my shoulder-blades but I'll probably let it go to mid or lower back. Another bonus is if you're into Renaissance Fairs and the like (I'm not, but know some people who are) you can pull off a much cooler look than most people there, think The Lord of the Rings. Guys with long hair look infinitely cooler in medieval clothing and/or armor than guys with buzz cuts.
Forgot to mention. Even though I just started growing my hair out around 19 or 20 (I'm 22 now), I've always thought long hair on guys was cool and never pictured it as a feminine look (unless the man was intentionally making himself out to be feminine). I never pictured myself as having long hair but I think that was just because I was so used to keeping it buzzed. I don't know what triggered it really, I just got to the length that I usually buzzed it back again (I didn't do it weekly or anything, just when it started getting long enough to need a little bit of brushing, like every couple of months), and instead of cutting it I just let it keep growing for some reason, and so on and so on until now suddenly it's back in a ponytail as I type this. Funny how things progress.
Can't speak for anyone else, but I've always liked long hair, and once I had it, I found I liked it on myself (I started to grow it because it pissed my Mom off (teenagers! all the drama!)). I've been fairly lucky to have a mostly supportive family (Dad was like...you can grow hair? Sweet!), and living in a area where people are much more likely to fawn over long hair than condemn it, I've missed a lot of the problems...work doesn't give a damn how long my hair is as long as I show up and do my job properly.
Nothing wrong with vanity...if you look good, and your hair looks good, why not flaunt it? Long haired gay men are few and far between, and get, if anything even MORE crap than straight men over their appearance!
So long as you are comfortable with yourself, and your hair is part of that, well, why worry. Of course, depending on where you are, you do pay a price for being different, on the other hand, the reward for that is that you may end up associating with other people who are not cookie-cutter mainstream which can be very nice indeed!
Be who you are, don't stunt yourself for others.
I have found the question "why" to be a fun one to mull over the last few months. The answer changes day to day. You like it, so continue. Enjoy the journey.
Lots of factors but the basic answer is pretty simple (for me at least) ...
'Cause long hair on men is NATURAL (short hair is artificial), it tends to be far more flattering on many men (there's nothing effeminate about caring about your appearance!) and you resent being forced to be a mindless clone just because everyone else is!
Short answer to a "big question". ;)
Oh and ...
Your professor needs to learn not to stereotype and get their braincell working. I have long hair and I don't play a note!
Damon
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"Why?" Because you LIKE it! Why do some people like yogurt over ice cream? (or, visa-versa!) Why do some people prefer swimming over jogging? (or, again, visa-versa!) Why are some people in love with living in the cold winter climate of North Dakota, rather than moving out here to sunnier California? Why do some people prefer having a dog as a pet, while others like only cats? Why do some like to eat food that's ridiculously hot & spicy, while others can only tolerate the most boring and bland stuff possible?? The answer: because that's the way they LIKE it!!!!!!!
Also, re. the issue of being gay or strait and wanting long hair...
Most gay men I know like their hair short -- as in very VERY SHORT!!!! I've never fully understood why this is so; but it is what it is, and have had to just accept it as fact (although I have a few theories as to why, it's not worth getting into it here).
I belong to a gay & lesbian Country & Western dance community here in San Francisco, and out of the approximately 500 regular members of dancers, I can only think of 2 other guys who I remember having their hair long -- and in both cases, their hair is now short (so I guess it was just a "phase" for them?)... so that makes me the only longhaired weirdo in my own favorite social community!
The good news, though, is that I no longer give a shit why: all I care about is that I like my own hair long, and that nobody dare attempt to ever change that about me. Period!
I hope my comments have helped!
- Ken in San Francisco
Ok I have to take a stab at answering this. I hate winter
but i'll stick with living here in Upsate New York since when
you compare the weather you get areas that are even worse.
Yeah I don't like winter and snow but when you compare the weather to other areas it doesn't look so bad. Yeah California has warm weather and it rarely snows but they also get huge brush fires, mudslides, huge storms off the ocean, a state that is mssively overpopulated, it's too expensive, and too overcrowded, etc. Yeah Florida to Texas has warm weather but they also get hurricanes, tornadoes, destructive Thunderstorms, flooding, etc. Many other areas have bad weather too various forms. So when I weigh all the pros and cons of the weather i'll stick with what I have here in upstate New York.
But ultimately when it comes to hair, you should wear it the
way you want, not what other people think you should do. After all it's your hair.
No problem, Upstate NY is beautiful -- I haven't been there in many years; but I remember it well, and don't blame anyone for liking it there one bit!
Just FYI, California is such a big state, and geographically so diverse -- desert in the Southern areas and far eastern reaches (beyond the Sierra Nevada mountain ranges, both "high desert" and "low desert"); while along the Northwest coastal areas and Redwood Empire, it's a rain forest, in some sections not far from the town of Eureka, over 100 inches of rain annually is normal for that area... And then in-between these two extremes, you have plenty of mountainous regions as well as valleys that create a lot of micro-climates, the famous Napa Valley wine growing region being one of them. It's not uncommon to see on a summer day both the hottest temperatures in the continental US, AND the coldest daytime temps both recorded in the state of CA on the same day -- also the highest mountain peak in the continental US is California's Mt. Whitney, with only a few miles away being the lowest elevation in the US in Death Valley National Monument, also in CA. It's a bizarre state!!
Back to the main topic of hair:
Long hair on men here in Calif. is much more common along the coastal towns, especially here in the SF Bay area and in Northern CA -- whereas inland in the Central Valley and more redneck (both politically and socially) rural interior, it's not as common there.
As far as Hollywood and Southern CA in general goes... Well, that's pretty much "another planet" -- much like the difference between Upstate NY and NYC is for you guys back East (LOL)!
- Ken
Hi Sealed,
If people are causing you to ask yourself why you want long hair, actually, the real question should be "Why are people causing you to ask yourself such things?" The answer would be because in today's society, many people (not all) would rather criticize you for your style of hair, the accidental extra crease in your ironed pant leg or for not wearing the same hip brands that everyone else does instead of being polite, civil & curious - what we all should be to one-another. It's pretty sad :( .
People really shouldn't care how a person looks if that is how he/she want to express or identify themselves (unless that person is harming himself or just looks so bad that it just doesn't work). So if a person or a group is bugging you about how you look, either blow it off like a lot of us do, tell them how you really feel (and tell them to stop doing it at the same time ;p ) or find a group that will accept you for who you really are.
In addition, if you are still unhappy about your botched trim fro a while ago, give it time to fill out - time heals all ^_~ ~
That'd be my advice to you. Good luck on what you choose and on the road ahead. I hope that you choose what is right for you ^_^ !
Sincerely,
yoshiki
The world is full of idiots. I have long hair and work in a law firm. Whilst I can count like-minded coworkers on the fingers of no hands, I don't find that it affects me negatively. Like some others, only family critiicise my hair, specifically my mother!