new thread
Since most American men are so afraid of looking like a girl or a woman, a man who grows long hair gets broken down and built back up in US society.
As an ex longhair as of right now, the confidence in my own masculinity is far stronger than the Average US male. You see insecurity in masculinity every day in US society.
Haircare or skincare products are sold at higher prices for men and is just a rebranded item that was originally marketed to women.
Just a thing I notice in a city with 8.5 million people.
Would especially like the older longhair's point of view on this as my view is limited by that I'm only 28.
Let's just say I am well beyond 28. As I look back, I realize that like most people, I spent a Lot of Wasted time and effort trying to look like or be like or at least be perceived like what society told me I should. Funny because the true trend setters that we are encouraged to follow are trend Setters Not followers. EVERYTHING we do is based first on marketing by those who want to sell the "latest" and then on the desperate urge to find affection and acceptance and a mate. We are TOLD this is what we should want and what we Need to be happy. In fact, now I realize that I NEED only to be the Real Me to be happy and confident. That is what so called leaders and trend setters do. They need no validation. Once I realized what makes me Me, and what makes me really at peace and happy, I no longer think in terms of masculine-feminine, or what other insecure people feel or think or how they judge. I try Not to judge appearance, lifestyle, etc. I AM a longhaired dude, it is just who I am. Just like I am not tall, etc. I find that all that wasted time of youth trying to be what you Aren't is only corrected by admitting and living as who you ARE without apology or asking permission. The confidence this instills in you seems to exude from you and leads to total acceptance by the outside world. That is possibly why those of us who are no longer in our early youth find it easier to have longhair. Those around us are attracted to our self-acceptance and confidence and integrity. Know that until you can live as yourself in all ways, you can't bring much to another human being. Just do it, and attract the people who will really be on your level of develpment and acceptance. Sorry for the long post, but I have thought a lot about this. SJ
For a good portion of my life, I was what I like to call a professional people pleaser. For some reason, several years ago it just clicked: I could spend the rest of my life trying to "measure up" to all the expectations everybody had for me or just ditch all that and be the man that I wanted to be. The person that God made me to be--with no apologies to anyone for doing it, either. These days, my wife and I are happy, at peace, and could care less about what people think or say about something as small as how I wear my hair. And, believe me, with it mid-back length and our living in conservative Oklahoma, there are several times a week that somebody draws a breath to give unwanted opinions. The thing is, I DON'T CARE what their thoughts about it are: I didn't grow it out for them, anyway!
Steve
I am twice your age and like others who replied I don't care what others think. My hair is long but I carry myself as a man. I get more second looks now with somewhat shorter but styled hair than I did with very long hair, but no bad comments. I wonder if it really is an issue of older people bashing younger longhairs, a sort of false authority thing. Anyone else older find that they, too, are immune from comments?
I've pretty much always had the same disregard for comments. The only change is that with more experience, my responses are quick and ready. "I can't tell if you are a girl or boy!" "Women don't have that problem, so it's OK!" and "..." "And that is a problem in SF, how?"
The negative comments from older people may be false authority or simply because they are cultural relics and don't realize that things have changed since the 50s.
I've just never understood the drive to conformity and the ridiculous fear of others' perceptions. I mean, sure, people try to insult me, but either what they are saying is wrong and I don't care, or what they are saying is right and either I resemble the remark or it is MY problem to deal with.
I will note that most of the incorrect insults are from people who don't have a clue ("You look like a girl" from older balding guys, "You look gay" from straights...girls and gays don't seem to have this problem, :rolleyes:)
Part of this probably comes from my childhood in the howling redneck wilderness of the Deep South, where I got everything from verbal insults to dogs set on me for being not only mixed race, but from the academic group. I never ever wanted to be like the cultural norm. All the people I have looked up to for my mentors all my life have been individuals for whom conformity was just not considered as necessary.
I knew, growing up, that I didn't want to live in a place where conformity was culturally important or necessary, and escaped ASAP to a place where diversity is valued and, amazingly, skill/expertise/ability were more important than uniformity.
OK, two places: San Francisco and the Internet!
Be yourself, and be yourself in a place where you can be yourself without looking over your shoulder. Life is too short to spend it being unhappy.
Written from the perspective of 46 years.
Now that i'm 57 years old I wear my hair the way I want to
and wear the clothes I want to and don't care what others think.
I haven't gotten any complaints about my hair in a long time.
The relatives who used to complain about the long hair
have since died.
(I was at a family get together a few years back, one dad
was giving his son a hard time about how long his hair was.
Of course I'm sitting at the table with hair much longer than
his and got no complaints at all. It seems to be a thing about
dumping on those younger, but stops once you reach an older age.)
Hi Kenneth,
Thank you for the interesting post! You already have some great replies, below mine; but I'll add another $02. worth by chiming in a few more comments as well...
Traditionally-speaking, women have always been willing to pay more $$$ for their hair being cut, because taken care of by a "stylist" at a "beauty salon" (as opposed to the old fashioned male-dominated "barber shop")
Again, tradition has it that hair salons catered to women (who traditionally had longer hair); while barber shops used to be for men only (who traditionally used to have very limited style options, all of which were basically quite short.
The above perspective might be mostly my own opinions, but they are based on the fact that I am 58 year old, and so what I'm remembering as "tradition" is coming from what I remember from my childhood in the American Midwest during the 1950s and early 1960s (I was born and raised in a suburb of Chicago, IL)...
When The Beatles first came to America circa 1964, all hell broke loose (haircut-wise, at least - LOL) -- not that Elvis didn't already have rebellious-looking "long-ISH" hair before the Beatles; just that The Beatles took it one step further, essentially causing a rapid hair-style change-of-look for American males that also coincided with anti Vietnam war protests, along with various other social upheavals associated with the youth at that time.
Back then, American youth did NOT view long hair on males as "feminine"; but instead, viewed having long hair as very cool-looking and a "sign of the times" -- however, the older generation of Americans did their best to insult & ridicule long hair on guys by saying things like: "You look like a girl!"
Prior to 1953 (the year I was born), I haven't a clue what was happening re. hair styles for men, because I wasn't around earlier than that -- so I have to read history books on the matter, just like you and others probably do (LOL)....
Anyway, Kenneth, thanks again for posting such an interesting thread here, and I've also very much enjoyed reading everyone's responses, too -- and before I also forget to say it: I'm really glad to see you back here at MLHH!
- Ken in San Francisco
Hi Kenneth,
I'm 51 and author of Our LONG HAIRitage, a book that explains the philosophy, symbolism, and health benefits of long hair. Long hair on men is by design. The truth is that most women wear their hair the way men used to - shoulder length. Most modern men wear hair unnaturally short - they are shorn - super short hair is unhealthy for the scalp. In ancient times those who were conquered were shorn, prisoners, slaves, etc. This was done to distinguish them from the free man who wore long hair. Those modern people who think long hair is looking like a girl is because it is primarily only women who wear long hair. So when they see a man with long hair, they think girl. But the truth is: most men have kowtow'd to the scissors. In the time of King David, the longer a man's hair was, the higher it was esteemed. The mighty Spartans extolled long hair and no one considered them girls. The ignorance of modern society is great. I am trying to get the word out about my book, which can seriously help you and others, and, in part, help change this modern ignorant society.
Peace,
Roger S
Our LONG HAIRitage
I guess I hit a chord with this post, and probably the best quality post I've ever made on the internet. I've learned to be myself, but myself at my best.