new thread
I'm 15 and have been growing my hair for 4 years. My parents say it is getting to long, but I want it longer. Another problem, I tend to dress a little androgynously. Tight clothing, vibrant colors, I guess the combination is not to fun for my parents. How do I convince them to let me be?
P.S Im straight, so thats not the problem
Just explain to them that your hair doesn't change who you are as a person. It's just the look that you prefer and they should respect that. Maybe make a compromise with them. Say you'll keep or get high grades and keep your hair clean and brush it. I hope things work out.
Well, the bad news is that when you're 15 there's generally not much chance of convincing your parents of things. You're looking at about a 3-4 year struggle ahead of you that everybody goes through. It doesn't stop until they realize you're old enough to be responsible for yourself and when you do the same.
Keep your hair clean and looking really good-- that is looking as if it should be long. In the past that's always worked about as well as anything for me in dealing with the "your hair's too long" comments.
promise them you'll keep it neat and clean, trimmed if straggly, and maybe tie it in a tail to show them how you can deal with it, and how good it can look when worn long.
Been there, I know what you're going through. I started growing my hair long in 1964 when the Beatles were on Ed Sullivan. Got lots of complaints from parents, from my school, and others. Through out it all I kept my hair long and it is still long today.
My advice:
1. First and foremost keep up your school work and strive to
get good grades. If you're getting good grades they have one
less thing to complain about
2. Stay away from drugs, alcohol, and other vices. Your parents will be lucky if long hair is the only thing they
have to complain about.
For many years i got complaints from my parents, it wasn't until
I bought my own house, had my own money paying the bills that
I could set down the law that "it's my house, my money
that is paying the bills, I'll wear my hair the way i want to
and wear the clothes I want to. and if you don't like it you can leave." I was in my 30s when I finally issued that ultimatum.
So now my hair is still long and I get no complaints.
But it wasn't easy getting here, I had to wade through
a lot of complaints along the way.
It actually does get easier, i'm now 57 years old and
get no complaints anymore. The complaints stopped as
I got older.
[I was at a family get together a couple of years ago,
one dad was complaining to his son about how long his hair
was. His hair was just long enough to put in a pony tail.
I was at the table with much longer hair and nobody said
anything about it.)
Age has it's advantages. I can wear my hair the way i want
to and wear the clothes i want to. And if someone complains i'm not afraid to tell them what window they can jump out of.
Hello,
I hope this finds you well.
If you are under 18 and your parents want you to cut your hair, reason it out with your parents but if they still insist that you cut your hair it is better to obey your parent in this. when you turn 18 you can move out and grow your hair out.
It is best to mantain harmony in the home.
Your friend
birdman.
I'm straight and like wearing bright colours. Right now I'm wearing red leather shoes, and no I don't mean burgundy, they really are red. I like bright solid colours for shirts too (or tie-dye!). Wearing a dark purple shirt now, so that's a poor example, but I never wear a plain white shirt, ever, or a black pair of shoes, even with a suit and tie. What is it with the idea that men should wear 'earth tones' with white or pale blue shirts, for example? Fine if that's how someone else wants to dress but I don't.
As for hair, that hardly needs words. Just look at my mug shot.
Convincing your parents is a whole other issue. I don't think mine ever complained about what I wore, but my mum always had plenty to say about my hair. Still does. She's 82 and I'm 54 with a wife and two kids.
And that's not a white shirt in the picture, it's a black one with a white collar.
If they only "want you" to cut your hair and are not threatening you then you are not so bad off. They seem to be willing to talk, and I'll bet, let you keep it long.
I agree with the other posts that you need to keep it clean and neat. If it it is straggly at the ends get a minimal trim (and inch or two), to make it look great. The androgynous look can be cool--just do it with good style.
The advice on being an otherwise virtuous person is spot on. I have found I always have to go a bit further in all my efforts, courtesies, etc., because I am also defending the reputation of all my fellow longhairs.
Here is an idea: show your parents your message and our replies. If you do, this is for them: Mom and Dad, if this is all you have to complain about, count your blessings and revel in the joy of having a son who is not just a copy of every kid his age. It sounds like you have a pretty cool kid!
It wasn't so long ago that we had a similar post from another young man having similar comments from his parents, but his attitude towards his parents left little to be desired. And we told him so.
I commend you on being able to grow your hair for 4 years already! And also give merit to your maturity and your concern of your household relationships.
As you seem to be handling this quite maturely, I suggest the next time your parents have a comment about your length of hair (as someone said, be glad they are comments/hints, and not demands):
Sit your parents down (it's good if they are both there), and tell them that you like having your hair long. It's not a sign of rebellion, or neglect (assuming you keep your hair neat), it's purely your choice of fashion and individuality. Remind them that you're still a son they can be proud of, and that you will remain so, but you would appreciate less comments on the length of your hair.
From my experience, the more mature you treat a situation like this, the better your parents will respond to your thoughts.
[You can also use that time to explicitly state your heterosexuality, if you wish (e.g. if you think that is a concern of theirs)].
If you do take Never2Long's advice and show them this forum post then maybe you could also show them the post further down from the other young man who didn't have such a mature attitude. I'll include a link.
I showed them this, and after questioning the credibility of this site (wth) they agreed to let me grow it as long as I want. I'll keep it waist for now, but I might grow it longer. Thanks guys!
glad to have helped, enjoy the growing experience.
I'm glad I recommended you show them your support! Remember to keep it looking good so they have no valid complaints, and good luck! Post some progress pix!
Hi there Mr. Why?
A couple of thoughts that might be helpful for me to share here...
First of all, not unlike some of the others who have already replied have said to you: in proportion to how excellent your grades in school are, your parents are probably not going to worry too much about how long your hair is. However, if your grades aren't so good, then they will probably put pressure on you in other ways as well as hair.
That issue aside, while living in a household where you are still financially dependent upon your parents for your education (as well as survival), sometimes it's a bit easier on everyone concerned to "pick and choose your battles" according to whatever is seriously most important to you....
Here's a good example of what I mean:
For me, having long hair is more important to me than whatever clothes I have to wear (at work, for example) -- so, if I have to compromise SOMEthing, I'd rather compromise on my clothing style, than to ever give in to cutting off my hair. (I can always wear wild-looking clothes for special occasions; but gluing my hair back on my head is unfortunately NOT a possibility - LOL)....
I hope it all works out between you and your parents -- and my best to you!!
- Ken in San Francisco