new thread
Just sharing some thoughts here...
Whenever deciding to walk up to a total stranger and speak to them, letting them know that you like this or that about their physical appearance (especially in our case, walking up to another long-haired guy and complimenting them about their hair), I find it best to make sure I follow these general common sense rules:
1) make sure the person you wish to approach looks generally-speaking friendly, not in a hurry, relaxed, and "approachable" (hint: a mean-looking scowl on their face means best NOT to speak to that person - LOL)....
2) when opening my mouth to speak, I try to keep whatever I say as totally non-threatening (including non-sexual) as possible -- and MAINTAIN that tone and choice of wording throughout whatever conversation ends up following afterwards;
3) The old saying, "Keep it simple", is always good advise in this kind of situation!
Whether someone is gay or strait, male or female, young or old... whenever someone speaks from the heart, to all those who tend to hear with their hearts, a genuine compliment is usually much appreciated in all but the most unusual types of situations.
Example: I recently was riding our local MUNI street car when an attractive Black woman stepped onboard. She was wearing a really flattering outfit, and looked hands-down gorgeous; but feeling a bit shy (and also being a gay guy and not wanting her to think I was coming onto her), I kept my thoughts to myself. When she got off the streetcar, she turned and smiled at me, -- and I did the same in return -- but still decided not to say anything to her.... which now in hindsight, I regret not doing!
Every situation is a bit different from the next one or the previous one -- and sometimes we choose to speak to total strangers, and sometimes we don't...
Whatever the case, I've found in life that in most cases, as long as there is not an ulterior hidden motive, human beings are often hungry for a compliment or 2 -- it can make their day!!
It should go without saying that any Hollywood-handsome buff young stud or glamorous Marilyn Monroe type ravishing beauty is bound to get PLENTY of natural attention from the world (certainly much moreso than a chunky old Santa Claus looking geezer such as myself - LOL); but my point is that for the "average" person, a kindly-worded genuine compliment can go a long long way -- and thank goodness for places like MLHH, where we know it's totally OK here to speak up and say a few words of encouragement to guys who are either in the process of growing, or already have long hair and need a word or 2 of encouragement to keep from cutting...
Just some random thoughts going through my head right now as I take off to go away to where I work over the weekend!
Long Lox 4ever,
Ken in San Francisco
Very insightful, Ken.
Somewhat tangentially, what I find irritating is when someone, male or female, gets a haircut and gets an avalanche of compliments. Why? Usually just because it's an instant, noticeable change.
I almost never compliment someone on a [substantial] haircut because I honestly think it detracts from their appearance. But I've actually had people fish for compliments from me when they get shorn!
Long hair comes on a person gradually and doesn't seem to elicit as many remarks, at least not complimentary ones. How much better to give people positive feedback as you suggest for their long hair!
It can be tricky for sure. Short and sweet is best as you say. Sadly, I know very few people IRL who have what we'd consider long hair but I do my best to offer support when I can.
Sad, but so true, Jason -- I can't claim to always know what to say in that situation, either (if anything). I remember one time saying to a female co-worker of mine who relatively recently cut her hair short-ER: "Are you happy with it?" She said yes, so I said something like, "Good, then I'm happy, too!" (not knowing what else to say)....
My favorite comment after my infamous Y2K short haircut was when one of my neighbors looked at me and instantly said, "Why the hell did you do THAT?" I loved her for that comment!
- Ken
In our uptight culturee men ae notn supposed to tlk with other men about their hair. But not let's give up breaking down barriers. Never when a man is in a group.
I choose only non treatening situations and usually omment "enviable hair." I always get a thanks or a smile. Sometimes it results in a conversation.
Cal
In our uptight culturee men ae notn supposed to tlk with other men about their hair. But not let's give up breaking down barriers. Never when a man is in a group.
I choose only non treatening situations and usually omment "enviable hair." I always get a thanks or a smile. Sometimes it results in a conversation.
Cal
(snippage)
I prefer "drive-by" compliments, both giving and receiving. Keep it simple...something along the lines of "Great Hair!" instead of a long drawn out semi-intelligible gush of words. The receiver doesn't owe you an answer or response, don't try to box them into giving you some kind of attention. If they want to respond or continue a conversation, they can! Compliments are nice, but talking to creepy sounding people sucks.
Oh yeah, if you have long hair, show it when complimenting...extra nice to hear good things from fellow longhairs.
I have been working with the public lately and have the opportunity to talk to folks with longhair. Recently I had a fellow on tour who had a waist long braid. When I said "That is one impressive braid" !! He just glowed at the compliment, adding "but it sure is a lot of work"
When I have tried to compliment other men on how well their hair looks, I've always gotten the response that their wife/girlfriends likes it to -- in other words, I'm straight, leave me alone, I'm not interested -- but neither was I; I just wanted to compliment them on the hair. So, consequently, I've stopped complimenting other men on how well their hair looks. Sometimes, I doesn't pay to be nice.
Maybe you could just reply (regardless of whether true or not) "I'm sure she does, my wife likes mine too", so they don't feel like you're coming on to them.