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I can't believe it. I don't even feel like me anymore. I arrived at military school this morning and it's been hell ever since. A couple of senior cadets took me to what they call a utility room. They made some nasty comments about my long hair. I had to strip and I couldn't even keep my own underwear. They gave me military issue tighty whitys-i haven't worn in years. Before getting my uniform they put me in the barber chair and the one cadet took a pair of clippers and all of my long blonde hair came falling off and when I got out of the chair and looked in the mirror- bald and in briefs, I looked 9 instead of 16.They cut off my mustache I was in tears and wondering what my girlfriend would think if she saw me like this. I'm in this ridiculous uniform and have to call everybody 'sir'. My best friend, who has long hair, is supposed to visit soon. I'll just try to take one day at a time. Thanks for being there.
Hi Larry, and I'm really sorry your hair is all gone! But it's not! you are only 16 and have a lifetime of growing in front of you if that's what you choose to do in the future. Good luck - and keep in touch. Ian
Sometimes you can't get out of shit like this at your age, but don't completely give up. Your hair will grow back, and if I were put in your position, I'd probably make it a point to show my parents that this military, loss-of-manhood school.
As for your girlfriend:
1) if she's break up with you over that, good riddance,
2)you're young, it probably won't last anyway (sorry, it's the truth)
Sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch, Larry. Like I said below, I can't judge whether or not your parents sent you there with good reason, but I do sincerely sympathize with you regarding the forceable shearing of your hair and the other demasculinizing treatment you've had to endure. It's ridiculous that hair length even enters into the equation of so-called "reform."
Dig down deep, find the strength within to move forward and get through this experience, and do what you can to build on whatever good lessons might come of it (both intended and unintended). I know it's hard to see it now, but there's an ending to this part of your journey, and you'll be there before you know it. What you take away from all of this is up to you.
--Val
Larry
Please use this experience to build your own resistance against the norm and what the worl expects from you. You have got no one to please but yourself, and even though right now you are depending on your parents decidions, you will be able to grow your hair back one day.
I don't know what mistakes you've done at your school, I don't really think you deserve this regardless, but anyways... don't get frustrated and just know that it will be ok. If you stay positive, you will overcome this.
Use this experience to make sure you learn from what you did, and to show other people, right after this, you will still grow your hair.
Good luck and stay strong. You will have your hair back =)
Thanks. My hair looked just like yours before they shaved it off. Are you a teenager?
No, not anymore. I'm 23 now =)
Did you ever have to get your hair cut off for military service? I appreciate your support. do you do men's fashion?
A link describing the military (the real military) training on survival and resistance to capture seems apropos. In particular, point 6 "I will never forget that I am an American". You can substitute anything you like for "American" when placed in a hostile alien environment where you are subject to peculiar pressure that doesn't comport with your own sense of identity. /me relurks...
SERE
While it may be difficult now, look on the bright side......
A few years from now when you graduate from school, have your
own house, and earning a living you'll be the master of your
domain, you'll be able to decide how long your hair will be,
and what you'll wear. In the meantime I would suggest making
the best of things, attempt to stive for excellence in everything, and look to the future. The military background
will provide great benefits in the coming years, although it
may be difficult to realize that now. The military has alot of
great people that can teach you alot, that will be life long friends, and can provide alot of satisfaction. If you
have relatives who served in past wars ask them about their
experiences in the military.
Things may look bleak now, but it is what it is. But there is more to life than hair, and the military can be a very beneficial experience that you'll look back on in later years when you'll be free to grow your hair as long as you want.
Eventually you'll graduate from school, have your own house, and be in control of your life. Just think of what it will be like to prove to your parents 20-30 years from now how you turned out to be a successful, long haired man with a bright future. And a long haired man who finished up his career as
an officer served his country proudly.
Good luck in your travels.
agreed w/ everything.
He's not joining the force to serve his country. He got sent unwillingly to military school. While some of the things that the reply mentions are true, he's not going there with heroes, he'll be meeting a lot of misbehaved kids. Being that as it may, it's always good to make the most out of every hand you're dealt. Good luck and hang in there, something good can come out of everything.
I see you went for it. You also have Internet access, and that is a Very Good Sign. It speaks to the issue that they are not isolating you.
If you have a longhair identity, and it sounds like you do, the seeds of that identity were planted at a very early age, about the same age as your sense that you are male and that you are gay-or-straight was. It is not going to change.
Age 16 to 18 is an important time in one's development, a period where you loosen ties with your parents' identity and you strengthen ties with your own. Blocked from doing that, you will enter a stage of Arrested Development, to the extent that you are lucky. This is where you realize you'll do that work after you are 18. It's not as easy then. Everyone else did it when they were back in high school. You had to put this development on the back burner, and then you are dealing with it in college when other people aren't anymore much. But Arrested Development works on an intact and preserved identity. Catch-up can mostly be done.
All your identity will go into Arrested Development and one other cubbyhole - Shattered Development. This is where aspects of your identity are broken up and shoved into the subconscious, and pulling them out and putting the pieces back together is extremely difficult. Accomplishing this may take many years. During reassembly the task will impact many aspects of your life - it can impair your personality, your performance at your career, etc.
Your task at this time is to make sure as much as possible of your identity is sidelined into Arrested Development. Solidly put it there by keeping in touch with your longhaired friends. Put pictures of yourself, with your hair, in your living space, where you will see yourself as you truly are every day. Play music or read materials that get you in touch with your identity. Find others in your environment who may also be in your identity group and you can support one another. Tell yourself every day that you are valuable and your identity is valuable to you, and remind yourself that only so many days remain until you can resume your growth to adulthood.
We are all pulling for you, but no matter what anyone does, one thing is inescapable. You will someday be eighteen.
Bill
Hey Larry,
Hang in there, buddy. There is one positive side to the fact that they shaved you, though: you won't associate long hair with this frustrating time in your life.
In just a few years, you'll have long hair again and when you look back on this time, you'll touch your hair and say "man, that time seems like an eternity away, I look totally different now.
So with this buzz cut, you look like a different person, because that's what they want: they want to shape you into a new person. But once you're out of there, you'll revert back to, and "grow back into" your old self. Something to look forward to!
Think positive deep inside, no matter what they inflict upon you externally. They can only break you if you let them.
Take care,
Mick
I was threatened with military school, and it probably would have done wonders for my self-discipline, I just probably wouldn't be the same person if I went.
It's not just cutting your hair, they're trying to cut his personality, just like they do in a regular military service.
This is why you're not allowed to do many of the things other kids your age take for granted.
Best of luck and don't be afraid to escape from the school if it turns into a nightmare and becomes an abusive situation.