new thread
Sorry It is Long Post. Anyway I am updating on what I have noticed here, and at work in my situation.
I have noticed a few things lately. The first is that I have slowly been noticing longer hair, more than usuall, in my part of the world. Although not a huge percentage of the population, even more around the area were I work, which is heavily dominated by conformist military types (I work on air force base). They are obviously government contracters like myself, not military. But some have some pretty good length. Unfortunatly the Supershort "trendy boy" look is still the dominant style, YUCK!
Second Alot of my male coworkers have been wondering about my hair. It is just past my shoulders now, I can finally put it up again, but a few years ago it was past my butt. That is what I'm aiming for again. Any way most of these guys are baby boomers age group, and they all keep saying "i use to have long hair too" They have actually been cool about it. I'm only 24 so I am a little suprised they haven't given me a bad time about it. I am suprised how much suport I have gotten from them since I have been very verbal letting evryone know about how my boss, (what a jerk) blackmailed me into cutting it.
The thing I noticed is that it seems like at one point every one has tried their hair long, but they all end up conforming, (conformity ICK!) to the short cut hair. I have seen a few pictures, some just shock me.
I usually suggest they grow it back, since some of them say they want to again, but then they act confused and bewildered, and just say they don't worry about it, or that it is too late. It sounds like a lot of my co workers are closet longhairs, just wanting to grow out again.
I did have one good laugh though. I had to go to a meeting that was led by a group of military guys. All had the same ugly short hair and same camoflauged clothes. You get the idea. MAssive Conformity! Any way he says "we're (implying the military)trying to break the stereotype of the big conformist military machine, and bring some individuality into it." I just about feel out of my chair laughing at such a comment. One look at them as a group and you know it is a bunch of hot air.
I hope your boss will burn in hell!
I DO TOO!
See how easily the violence replicates?
Robert
At 24 you will begin to notice that to move up the corporate latter you must set an example for those you supervise. You may not want more responsibility, but you will likely want more money. You agree that these baby boomers for the most part earn more money than you do, right? It comes a a price. You get nothing for nothing.
The conformists you see probably have families, kids in college, car payments, mortgage payments, and they have a lot more to lose if they piss off a boss and get demoted or fired than you do. You can't have too much seniority at 24, but at 50 these guys only have bewteen 5 and 10 years before retirement.
Individuality comes at a pretty big price. That is why most people opt to conform. I am a non-conformist. In a small way I know some people envy me - even though I couldn't be any other way - but in the bigger picture, they couldn't consider doing what I do. Wife/ girlfriend, family/extended family, peers, other coworkers, just couldn't handle it and would put pressure on them.
It appears you are under contact to a gov. agency. Pretty liberal in the corporate sense. If your employer had a contract with let us say a major gas company Esso, Chevron, etc. an executive could call your boss and say, you send another longhired employee, and we will cancel your million dollar contact. Now you see why people conform as they get older.
Nobody ever conforms more than they have to to get what they want.
I am not a manager, first off. ALso because the place I work has very bad management in general, we have a very high turnover there, especially in the department I am in because my boss is a micro managing jerk, who lets his personal fealings get in were they don't belong.
Because of the turnover, I actually have a good amount of senority in the dept I'm in. One of my coworkers is leaving soon, and I will then be right behind the boss on senority in that dept.
I also have bills and responsiblitys but, I have tried to work very hard and be as productive as possible. I know some customers have been very happy with the work I do, and I was given some positive reviews. I hope that works to my benifit.
I also relize that my mental health and my identity are more important than money. I could always go somewere else, or work for my self.
Tommy, your description is consistent - everybody else leaves because of the boss. He tolerates your hair because you are a productive hard worker. Mental health and your identity are important but you will go hungry without money for food! You could always go somewere else but it will be the same. Work for yourself means that you must please the customers 24/7 or they won't come back. What it really means is that life is like a scale. You must balance one thing against the other. You can never have it all. What is important today will not necessarily be important tomorrow.
I have to take a bit of exception to the statement "work for yourself means you must please the customers 24/7 or they won't come back".
I've owned my own business for 7 years now and many of my clients have seen my long hair and know that I'm basically a non-conformist. I have gotten good/bad/indifferent comments from all of the above and am dead-center in the midwest, land of conservatism. However, my clients know that if they come to me with their business, they will get an excellent job, on time and within budget. My work speaks for itself, my personal look has nothing to do with my product. One client wanted to take his business elsewhere because he found me to be "too real, too honest" with him, so I advised him to simply work with me through someone else in his company to allow him to still get a good product from me without having to deal with me one on one. This seemed to work for him and we still do business, albeit through odd channels.
I never roll over when a client trys to strong-arm me, and I never will. If you want what I do, you must play by my rules, which, by the way, arent very difficult rules: Pay on time, respect me and realize that you've come to me, the professional, because you can't do what I do.
Longhair43, I agree with you. Yes, you say you have to take a bit of exception to the statement work for yourself means you must please the customers 24/7 or they won't come back. You have not said your line of business and you certainly don't have to, but I think it is fair to say that many self-employed people don't have total freedom because they are self-employed. That was really the response or message to the guy. You also sound like you are the best. The very best in any business does as he pleases because there is no competition. But an average person running an average business with average quality of work probably has to look average or conservative in a very competitive work force. Your clients know they will get an excellent job, on time and within budget - work speaks for itself. It also sounds like you don't subcontract. Many business do, so although a person is self-employed, in a subcontract environment, others call him or don't call him as the case may be.
I guess there are exceptions to every statement, but I wonder about the thousands of subcontractors out there that are in construction, drywall, painting, cement, etc. Many of these 'average' laborers still pretty much write their own rules and many have long hair. The contractors know that they can rely on them and have to put up with their appearance AND their work style whatever it is...
i guess in the end we are both somewhat correct, there probably are many people who have to answer to their clients 24/7 and let the tail wag the dog...
my biz BTW is graphic design.
Yes, you are right, in the end we are both somewhat correct, there probably are many people who have to answer to their clients 24/7 and let the tail wag the dog Auh, a graphic design artist. Chosen!
Terry, you articulate the dynamic very well. Unfortunately, we only talk about the conformists and why they conform without naming the other end of the dynamic--violence. What else would you call it when someone threatens your ability to feed your kids, shelter and care for you family unless you dress or groom in a certain way. That's level 101. THen, when a corporation threatens a million dollar contract, which in turn threatens many, many households and welfares, because of the way someone grooms or dresses, the level of violences escalates.
This is violence, and it is what demands conformity. Demanding conformity is the nice way of saying that I insist on violating you. No wonder we are so quick in our culture to point outwards at others and call them terrorists. Not that others are not. But, the old saying, it takes one to know one, comes to mind.
BTW, I am married, 20 years, three kids, and teach in a public school. Long hair, beard, and fairly non-conformists. I think most people think of me as liberal. I am except for those places where I am not. The single grief I observe every day as a teacher is how often adults (read parents and many, many teachers) use the same kind of violence you described above to control kids. Why do we control kids in this culture? If we did not, they would remind us of something deeply important that all the damned conformity has allowed us to forget.
Robert
Robert, there is a place for comformity. As a non-conformist, I know. People who know me say I see the world very differently than everyone else. I don't think like anyone else. It isn't a problem for me but it is a problem for others trying to relate to me. I should like to add a distinction here. Young people often wish to be non-conformists as a phase and a reaction to authority. It is very common. But people like myself are non-conformists simply because we see the world differently. We are tolerated to a point probably more broadly than any young person because we have established ourselves, established our views and established our integrity. The employer and customers know we are different but in no way a threat.
But understand there is no need for violence. Everything has a price. No one forces anyone to conform. Most people do it for money. But look at all the non-conformists. Street kids, Street musicians, visual artists, to name a few. When someone threatens your ability to feed your kids, shelter and care for you family unless you dress or groom in a certain way must be understood from the employer's perspective. If an employer loses business because people feel uncomfortable with your presence then he simply can't afford to employ you. You are a teacher and parent with three children. If your children were being taught things very unconvential by a teacher dressing in a very inconvential way, in spite of being a non-conformist, you may not like your children coming home with unconvential ideas and wishing to dress in unconvential ways. Other children in your neighbourhood may shun your child and the problem grows from there.
You say demanding conformity is the nice way of saying that I insist on violating you -- but only if you want what they violator is offering you.
You are fortunate to be in the education system. It is one of the few places that encouages individuality and non-conformity, thinkers. Television, radio, written media for the most part are sedatives. The world as a whole wants conformity and is very comfortable with it.
You have comformed to some degree. You have taken a wife, married and are raising three children within a traditional structure. Not bad, not good, just is.
Anyway, there is a lot of people with long hair succeeding! The prime minister of Japan is a longhear for Christ sake! Also I have seen city mayors and many priests with long hair.