new thread
Don't really have anyone else to talk too about this. I'm not really organized either so this will be as it comes to mind.
Last night at a family dinner, the subject of my hair was brought up. Dad started immediately with anger towards my hair. I'll spare everyone the argument between us, nothing moral or rational was exchanged between us. Dad and I started getting physical, then my brother in law stepped in. I wasn't there for even an hour yet when this occured.
At this point, my family(immediate) isn't really interested in talking to me nor my father. Some are in agreement for me to keep my hair, some would give anything for me to cut it. My mother included. Dad hopped on his Harley and took off, been gone since. I just went straight home without saying goodbye to anyone. I've been up all night thinking about this, how to clean this up so to speak.
The thing is up to this point, never in my family has there been a fight. Some in my family aren't afraid to voice their opinions' that's fine but one can only take so much.
Another point, my Dad is a former long hair back in the 60's and 70's. Shoulder length blonde locks until 78 when he married Mom.
Back on track. I honestly feel at this point, the best thing is let time do the work. Hopefully things will cool down enough to the point where I can atleast talk over the phone or text. I'm in disbelief, anger, pretty much anything that defines not being happy or have my head on straight.
Sorry guys for the long text, just throwing my mind out there.
Unofrtunate and probably a set up. Ignore. don't worry or lose more sleep. Time is the best cure.
Back a number of years ago I had some run ins with my mother
over my hair. It finally got to the point where I laid down the
law, "this is my house, I have my own income, i'll wear my hair
the way i want and the clothes I want. If you don't like it you can leave."
Well it worked, when mom visited there were no further complaints.
It's up to you whether you want to pursue it to that length. I'm 57 now, I was in my 40s when this occurred. I was old enough that I wanted what i wanted and was willing to cut
off my relationship with mom to get it. You should think
long and hard about whether you want to push it that far. I
did and it resulted in me getting my way and still have
a good relationship with mom. YMMV.
I would also add that i've had a number of arguments with
my brother over the years about my hair and the clothes I wear and a bunch of other things and the result now is I haven't had a relationship with him for a number of years now.
Sorry you had to go through that. It sounds like you were set up for an "intervention" of sorts. I'm glad you stood your ground, but I'm sorry you had to. I agree that time is the best answer. Let things cool down and let them come to you. I had a blow-out with my mother a few years ago and cut off all contact with her because of what she pulled. It took over a year for her to approach me and appologize, but I think our relationship is better for it. I'm not suggesting you take things to that much of an extreme, but it's food for thought.
WOW, that's quite a story there -- so sorry to hear about it, and I certainly hope for the best outcome possible for you, even if it takes some time to see the improvement in your family relations.
I'll share a bit of my own family history, hoping whatever I might include in my story might give you some hope or shed some light that maybe might be helpful.
In a nutshell: I left my father's house when I was 18 (almost 19), deciding to go out on my own and never ask him for any further financial help of any kind, including not returning to college for my sophomore year, and simply joining the workforce earlier than I had originally planned in life. There were other complications going on at the time (like: my dad & step-mom were going through a divorce, which also had a difficult effect on my step-brothers); but generally-speaking, my decision to leave home at age 18, although it cost me my college education, ended up being my ticket to freedom from living with an emotionally (and sometime physically) abusive dad.
This decision was triggered by my dad's insistence on me and all of my brothers keeping our hair very short; but my dad's control issues of course went much deeper than just hair.
Looking back now, it was the best decision I knew how to make at the time, "the nearest right under the circumstances", so-to-speak. I had wanted to grow my hair out for a long long time, ever since I was very young, in fact -- and even though I didn't "immediately" grow it to the extremely long length that it is nowadays, just the fact that I was on my own, making my own $$ to pay for rent of my own place, etc., and allowing myself to make my own decisions about my own hair growing on my own head meant the world to me.
One thing I did try to do was to maintain at least a civil and respectful attitude and behavior towards my father (even if he didn't necessarily treat me in the same manner in return) -- in essence, to behave more like a mature adult than he was doing (he was very resentful towards me when I left home)... Over time, things slightly calmed down; but he died 4 years after this -- but at least I felt like I treated him respectfully up until the end, which now I'm grateful I did.
I hope some of what I've narrated helps you out a bit, and reassures you that:
1) you have the right to wear your own hair on your own head whatever length you wish to;
2) over time, family squabbles over hair fade into unimportance (or if they don't, then the family member who is being the asshole will lose out on getting to enjoy you for who you are on the inside);
3) just do your best to love & respect them (in spite of their bad behavior right now), knowing that eventually your good treatment of them is all you really want from them in return -- and that hair length is a shallow reason to not be able to get along with each other.
My best to you!!
- Ken in San Francisco