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I know you guys don't exactly like listening to guys gripe vent, but I think that this one has to be mentioned. It's difficult to read, and even more difficult to write.
I'm writing this story now because I have time and I think I've calmed down enough as to be able to sound a bit more coherent than before.
Late April, my principal forced me to get a haircut (I already cornered him down, and apparently he's just abusing his power. Can't exactly argue with that because nobody dared or bothered to challenge a private school dress code staple.) -- no updo was acceptable.
At the time that I was in the office, my study hall teacher noticed that I was in the office, obviously in trouble for something. She was able to realize that being the good student I am it was just an arbitrary dress code violation. After the incident where I cornered the principal, I had to go back to class. It was a statistics final, and I could not concentrate on the test at all -- at several points I was on the verge of breaking down silently. Study hall was slightly better, but I really wasn't able to get anything done.
I hitched a ride home from school that day, and I figured that the front door to my house was locked. I called my mom, and told her about what happened at school that day. She then praised God for that act. I'm still Christian, and I was absolutely disgusted by this act. In the Bible, nowhere does it glorify closely cropped hair. (1 Cor 11 doesn't count by any argument) I then told her that I wanted to retain as much of the hair as possible, to minimize the already large loss that I was going to get -- I wanted to get my hair down to the center of the polo collar instead of the top of the polo collar. Apparently that fell to deaf ears. She then tried to coerce me into getting a Kpop/bieber cut. At that time, I was so mad that I had to restrain myself from smashing the computer into the phone. She called me sick, and then called Zach and Kenneth that too just by looking at the pictures. That still didn't work. I told her to cut exactly at the collar then, but that still didn't work. She then went to try to style my hair to the kpop look, but I kept hissing to do exactly as I said. I did not let her touch the front or the sides, but only the back. She took out the scissors, and then made the first cut higher than the nape of the neck. At that point, I went into a verbal diatribe and put my hands behind my back -- only revealing what was below the nape of the neck. My mom flipped out and cut it exactly at the nape. Two months later, it's barely collar length. But I did manage to save 80 percent of my hair. On the other hand, there's an annoying chunk missing behind my right ear. It's not exactly visible, but it's still there.
I went back to school, and everyone noticed the cut. They all said that it was too short. And I hated it too. The back really looked horrible -- frayed, unhealthy, and poofy, and absolutely unmanageable. It no longer had the graceful look that the mid-late awkward stage had. I decided against styling or "cleaning up the damage" -- rather instead having worn the style until now.
The harrasment still continues. Even people who originally I thought were very close friends are becoming mean.
I skipped two formal dances -- winter ball and prom -- to try to ensure that nobody important would see my hair. And I'm not going to those two dances next year either. In retrospect, it's not a hard decision, but still -- it would have made me feel better if I stayed home for another reason. Same with several other school events -- I had to refuse to attend several robotics tournaments.
I stand a good chance of being valedictorian for my school. But with current conditions, it feels wrong to be accepting any accolade from such a school.
And the moral of this? Make long hair against the rules, and the only long haired men you have left are those that break the rules.
On the brighter side, the cut asymmetry from last October is now trivial. And it's a one year milestone for me -- I had a shed measuring 6 inches, and I'm sure that the true length is around 6 1/4 inches.
I know how you feel, my last cut was a forced one, looked horrible, and as a result was the last one I ever got or plan to get. As for you being valedictorian, try as hard as you can to achieve that, and then make your speech one giant fuck you to the school and their punitive, out of date rules. Include that you are the valedictorian, and you managed be that while having your hair as long as you could and that, as valedictorian, you have no plans on getting your hair cut again and that you feel sorry for the heads of the school because they are too ignorant to look past someones appearances at who they are and how intelligent they are. Make them KNOW that you WILL succeed in life and you WILL have long hair while you do, and because you aren't so upright about something as menial as hair length, you will not only be successful, but you will be happier and less stressed than they have been their entire life. That you will be not only successful, but happy. And that, while they may think their money brings them everything they want, that you will have that and a smile on your face.
Hope my input helps. Sorry about that all being one paragraph, I just got off an 11 hour shift at work and I'm working on going to sleep. I felt that I needed to reply to this before I did, though.
Peace, love, and happiness to all,
Jarvis
Hell YES!!!!!well put. Im sick of the old rules keeping us down.
Thanks for agreeing, and (I'm not digging for praise or anything like that) but you're welcome for defending you as being not a troll a few threads down. I think you're are a legitimate person, just with the tendency to be a little rash at times :p it's cool though, I am too. :)
As somoeone who has been down that road i'll tell you what will happen, the school officials will pull you off the stage pretty
quickly.
It may be a nice sentiment and you may have lots of support on your
side but the principal of your school will yank you off the stage
pretty fast even if he has to resort to going backstage and
killing the public address system and /or cutting the wire to the
microphone.
when I wss in school at various times someone would protest
the dress code/ the Viet Nam War/ or lots of other stuff at
school assemblies/graduations/etc. and the principal would always
step in end it any way he could. I worked at many of our
college graduations and there was little tolerance for disruptions like this espcially when you had big name speakers/
the many high ranking school officials (read: deans/college
president/teachers/professors/often the governor/senators/etc.)
At your high school you may not have as many of these big shots
but you'll still have parents, the school board, many school
administrators, the school superintendent, the mayor, city
council, etc.
Add to that parents who have waited alot of years for
this graduation, and you'll get a lot of negative feedback.
And remember some of those with the negative feedback
may be the person in a position to hire you after graduation
or be asked for a mortgage, business loan, or an inspeciton
when you go to open a business.
Finally when you go to apply for a job they'll ask you for
infomation about where you graduated from. You do what you're
planning at gruduation and you probaly don't want to know
what your school will tell prespective employers or prospective
schools.
As someone who started growing his hair long in 1964 and encountered lots of hassles in my school years I understand
where you're coming from but i urge you to thank this through
carefully.
As much as you want to have long hair I would caution you to
think long and hard about what bridges you want to burn on the
way out the door.
Sage advice. I came close to doing just that. and It may not have had the consequences than, that it would bring, today. due to the far stronger connections that exist in today's world. Though i would have loved to lambaste the powers that be. It is to my good luck I was not given the chance....A shame though, 'twould've been glorious.
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Giving maximum negative feedback to the control freaks is a good way to control and rein them in. BRAVO. BTW, they hate that, but they fully deserve it and need to understand how it feels.
I sure wish I had done that to the control freaks back when I was in school rather than giving in to getting a forced haircut.
With the internet, it is a lot easier to do now than back in 1964.
Scott
I think I'll just give them some chirping crickets -- I don't actually plan on going to any of the school's graduating ceremonies either way because I have a math competition that I'd rather attend.
Duping a speech really isn't the only trick in the book...
I may be in the minority here on my opinion, who knows. My hairstyle was dictated to me by my mom for most of my life - even into my adult life some, her finding ways to get me to cut my hair by citing debts, etc., so I know how forced haircuts feel. I had wanted to grow out my hair ever since 13/14 yrs. old...
...but being in the real world now, I can say that you never come out on the better end when it comes to revenge, being a graduation speech, some other ways, etc. Those who have their minds made up will always and continue to have their minds made up and most of the time there is no changing what they have already decided. You may be able to persuade a few people, but for the majority who are in power - sadly that's the main reason they are in power, to make the decisions for us ~_~ . Getting back just makes it worse.
The best way I have found to get your way is doing it stealth. Draw minimal attention to yourself. Be sneaky on how you go about things so that people don't notice. If someone raises an issue, put up a good fight, but if in the end push-comes-to-shove and you're forced to doing something, what can you do? Do what you're told, but do it as close to what's permissible as possible, then see how far you can get again on growing your hair out (or whatever it is) before someone notices or calls you out again. If you do it enough times, those in power might begin to get tired of that fight and might relax things a bit... if I remember right, seems like mlhh member Venya was successful at that strategy, I think (I wonder where he has been lately :o ~)...
...and look on the bright side... you have one more year, then off to college. If you play your cards right - be nice to those you don't like at school but stretch the limits, get good recommendations, etc... my guess is is that you'd get a full ride off to some nice university far away from your parents without any of the "home rules" that go along with it (and do whatever you want with your hair ;) ). It's all in the plans, under the radar ^_~ ~
Before then, find some other like-minded longhaired friends outside of school since your other friends are turning on you, it'd be a refreshing breath of air :) . Also, if it means anything, I never went to any of those dances, either... overrated!
Anways, that's my two cents... others may disagree, but that's fine :) . Good luck with whatever you decide and we're all hoping the best for you ^_^ ! Keep growin' it and longer each time :D !!!
Sincerely,
Eric
When I said that, I did not necessarily mean to tell the school "fuck you," just a figure of speech. Actually, I completely agree that strong emotions matched with the absence of "foul language" is much more effective. Use as wide of a vocabulary as possible to explain everything which I stated in the other response.
And how much will the school be able to say? You were valedictorian, you went to robotics competitions, you went to math competitions... The only "bad" thing you ever did was not want to cut your hair. You even were ok with tying it up. The school has no ground to stand on for giving an employer a bad recommendation. I was never valedictorian, but my grades were pretty damn good and I did all I could to break every dress code violation and every other rule outside those that are just illegal... And both of my employers were given my guidance counselor and principal (probably the two who hated me most for it) as a reference and I still got both jobs.
As got the rest of what you said, I agree. That is the safe and therefore more tempting route. But I ask you this, mkl, when you look back on it years from now; do you want to look back and know you made the safe decision as your principal and the like would have done, or do you want to know that you fought for yourself and any other kids that will be put through what you're gone through? Do you want to go quietly or make a memory?
I don't know about everyone else on this board, but I'd rather be able to look back and say I did something.
Peace, life, and happiness to all
Jarvis
Except if you got up in front of the whole class at graduation
and bad mouthed the adminstration in front of parents/administrators/maybe the mayor/etc. You're starting to
play with fire.
Never underestimate the power of an vindictive school sdminstrato to ruin you life. It's not jUST about hair,
it's you questioning their authority, someone who has the
auithority to make your life miserable long after you
are gone from the school.
Before you get up in front of the entire graduation ceremony you
need to fully understand the power strucutre in your town
and who will side with the administration and who will side with
you. You should really think it through because those school
administrators can make your life miserable for a lot of years.
Take a close look at how often you have to list your education
on job applications, college applications, etc.
I was never valedictorian, but my grades were pretty damn good and I did all I could to break every dress code violation and every other rule outside those that are just illegal... And both of my employers were given my guidance counselor and principal (probably the two who hated me most for it) as a reference and I still got both jobs.
Except that for every guidance counselor/principal who
gives you a good refefrence there are others who
will nail you to the wall. Especially if you bad mouth them
at a graduation ceremony with lots of influential/important
people.
I for one want to err somewhat on the side of safety since
I don't want to spend the rest of my life in that town
watching over my shoulder as the police and other town
officials watch me like a hawk just waiting for something
to nail me with.
I want to stick up for my rights but I'm also fully aware of
when it's time to give up. Yes I wanted long hair
in school, but I didn't want the town police arresting me
for the heck of it if I looked at them the wrong way.
I'd like to say I did something too, but I draw the line
at getting arreeted/angering the school to the point where
I get screwed/etc. I also wanted to be listed in the newspaper as graduating from school, not getting arrested for disrupting
ceremony.
The mentality of your school and parent leaves me gobsmacked. They insist on asserting THEIR control over YOUR hair even if it means the stress they needlessly cause you may compromise your academic prowess. What an amazing priority!
I totally agree with Jarvis's suggestion. Make your speech a memorable one!
Damon
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Now this goes back to the neolythic, relatively speaking, for you youngwer folks. I had a chance to be Valedictorian in my HS class of 1969. (told ya) I was not chosen, It could be pointed out that my hair which was shoulder length at the time and flouting the dress codes, was the reason. However, my political stance may have had an impact as well. I was fairly quiet on most fronts. however, I did make my feelings about school bureaucracy and politics quite well known. No doubt the admin of the school decided not to take the chance and I was passed.. It was a shame. I had a doozy of a speech prepared.... how did they know!? This may work against you in your case vis-a-vis your chances of being valedictorian. I hope I'm wrong and you get the chance.. however. those in power tend to work at keeping it and will brook no possibilities of being pillaried.
While I can see longhairinAlbany's point, we cannot allow fear to keep us down forever.
it's like one U.S. President said:
"The only thing to Fear is fear itself!"
give your best speech, but I would suggest phrasing it in a way that starts out soft by stating what you liked about the school(maybe some teachers and courses) and accelerates in tone to to put emphasis on what you feel is wrong with the school. keep the speech short, but make it clear where you really stand!
Except that i've worked enough graduations over the years that
those people from the school can exact a lot of retribution on
you. Never assume thet you're entirely safe on graduation
day. They can always pull you out of line to get your diploma,
They can pull your diploma and have the diploma case empty, they
can hold up you8r grades and stuff after ther cremony, they
can hold up your references for jobs, they can hold up
releasing your transcipt. All of this can make your
life miseable for alot of years. Finally they can
always expunge your record entirely to the point where your
school caeeer at taht school never existed. They can
make grades/classes/commendations disappear, etc.
In short they can mess you up for alot of years. I've seen that
happen to too many over the years.
So it is a really good idea to stay on good terms with your
former schools, even if it means swallowing hard and holding
your tongue at your graduation speech.
Finally i'd point out the school ultimately has the right
to have you arrested and hauled out in hand cuffed facing a slew of charges. I've seen that happen to some who protested the
war in the 70s at graduation.
Do you really want to have your name plastered all over
you local paper as the persobn who got arrested at the
previous days graduation?
That was the 70 s, and protesting war. This is 2012 and a speech about the school ignoring grades and judging based on hair length. Don't compare the two.
As for the rest, I'll agree with nigel and add that if you're living your life in fear, you're not living. With the current job I have I'm not doing quite a few things that I'd like to for fear of loosing my job. This is the only time that I've changed my life to fit around something like that, and I have to tell ya, makes me feel empty, like a robot, and just not like me. I hate it. I've been dealing with this for about 6 months now. I'm not sure what the end result is gonna be, but right now I keep letting fear control my life and I feel dead. Keep that in mind when you make decisions.
Hate to tell 'ya, Jarvis, but schools have gotten worse in recent years, especially since court rulings have steadily eroded free speech rights within schools over the years... unlike the 1960s and '70s. Private schools are especially bad - my mom taught at one and I worked at a public school, so I know how students can get hit when the hammer comes down. You can be remembered, but damned if you do and probably suffer the consequences while not accomplishing much. Me, I'd rather just go out quietly and go about my own ways knowing I'm happy and free without having caused any lasting waves.
Perhaps I'm not a trailblazer or a warrior, maybe that's why I wouldn't do it... but before you step into the hornet's nest, have a clear goal in mind: What are you going to get out of it? Does the good outweigh the bad?
I say just leave those losers behind and forget them - there are better people waiting for you around the bend anyways :) ~
Sincerely,
Eric
I would point out I encountered a lot of battles over my hair
before graduating high school. But after all those battles I drew
the line at getting up in front of the graduating class and
slamming the administration at a very important ceremony.
Also by the time graduation came the adminstration knew
full well how I felt about growing my hair. Making a scene at
graduation would not solve anything, it would only make matters
worse.
You can fade away meekly and always wonder what it might have felt like to stand up for yourself and those who follow after, or you can seize life by the balls when the opportunity presents itself, telling your oppressors and everyone else within earshot that what they did was wrong, and that you will succeed in spite of their efforts to make you conform to their distorted vision of "decency." You only get to live this life once... do so boldly. When you approach the end of your road, your greatest regrets will not be the things you did, but the things you allowed fear to prevent you from doing.
--Val
Just remember that in life you only have so many cards to play. You only have so much money, so much time, and so many times to take exception before people regard you as a crackpot. The last situation will reduce your effectiveness in future endeavors. You therefore want to play your cards where they will give maximum benefit.
On graduation day school is about to become history, and for the rest of your life what goes on there will mean little to you, and you will be elsewhere so what you care about will mean little to them. Your time and energy may therefore be better spent elsewhere. Just something to consider....
Bill
I think Bill is right. Your graduation should be an occasion to celebrate getting these people out of your hair (pun intended). Get the diploma in your hand, and a copy of your transcript, before you say anything.
Mind you, I am not really well placed to comment, because in England we take public exams in school, and the school has no control over them (although of course they supply the invigilators, what you would call proctors in American). We have nothing that in any way equates to a high school diploma, and I think that's a good thing.
We have no transcripts either, although I did once have to produce a college transcript anyway. The college authorities had to make one up from the other records that they held. They do this routinely for graduates that end up in the USA or Canada, the only two countries that have transcripts AFAIK (?).
I have no high school transcript, and cannot think of any earthly use for one, and nor, as a college graduate, can I see any scenario in which I might ever need one. That's a lesson in itself. Go to college and get a degree!