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Today someone suggested I should cut off my hair and donate it to charity - and tried to make me feel guilty when I declined. I nodded to some women with long hair nearby and asked him why he didn't suggest it to them. He just raised his eyebrows - as if to say women have a right to have long hair but men do not.
Male hair and female hair is identical. I'm all for giving to charities but why are men with long hair pestered (expected!) to donate it when women with long hair are seldom asked to do the same thing?
It seems to be saying that long hair on women is natural and taken for granted but long hair on men is unnatural and freaky.
I have long hair for pretty much the same reasons a woman does. I love it and I think it improves my appearance. Yeah, it would grow back but it literally takes years.
Why should I want to get rid of it any more than a woman would want to get rid of hers? I guess my reasons are petty and selfish, and I'm feeling a bit guilty. I now find myself having to justify my selfishness. Should I have to?
Damon
My hair is hardly extreme. It's about the same length as loads of women have theirs.
It's only a couple of inches longer than it was in this pic taken in May.
Damon
Hi Damon,
Yes, but your hair is long enough-to not donate! Please don't cut and donate your hair. I think it looks awesome on you. I think some people are just envious of other people's hair being long. Sometimes I think people should just live and let live.
Take care, Ted
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If, or when people put that question to me, I offer my saved shed strands. I have a huge box of them, enough to make maybe 3 wigs.
Scott
There's a tradition of doing just that in Sicily. A buyer visits long-haired women once a month to buy their shed hair for wig-making. It's known as La Cascatura.
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This just makes so much sense to me. I have a huge box of hair, probably enough for 3 long hair wigs.
Scott
Hi Damon,
To answer your question at the end of the post...Of Course Not!Nothing selfish about keeping something that means a lot to you.Your post comes at an interesting time as just today I was in a lunch line at a Subway store and overhead a customer behind me talking to the sub guy behind the counter.The guy behind the counter had a shaved head and the customer had a small ponytail just below his neckline.They must have known each other as the ponytailed guy told the employee he was going to donate his hair.Don't know what triggered that topic but whatever.I opted not to join that conversation but thought how much it irked me hearing this and why guys take this "feel good" attitude that if they give up there hair they somehow saved a life or something.When I heard the name "Locks Of Love" mentioned I nearly saw red.So Damon, you want your hair then keep it.If someone needs a wig then buy one out of synthetic hair and everyone is happy:)Cheers!
Mârk
First I would refer you to Hair Religion's page on this topic.
He brings up lots of good information. LOL needs money more than they need hair. And in my case they don't want grey hair and I have lots of grey hair that i'm very attached to and intend to keep until the day i die.
Whenever I encounter these types of things i just ignore them
the same way I ignore the person at the stop light who is
homeless and looking for money to feed his/her family. (I'd bet that in most cases the money will go to drugs and/or booze.)
And if they can stand/walk around that intersection all day
they can hold a job and get paid.)
The bottom line here: when it comes to charity contributions,
be it money/your hair, etc. don't be feel presssured, just
do what you want, not what others pressure you to do.
If you want to say no then by all means say no. Ignore the
pressure. Ignore the coercion.
If you really want to have some snark, here's a less than appropriate reply:
Sure I'll donate my hair... as long as you agree to donate your (insert body part here).
And without giving them time to think, briskly walk away.
One of my female friends has one of the best reply (only works if your hair is thick enough or in a braid/tail):
Puppy eye the person asking about the donation, and say 'but... I won't be able to do this...', and then proceed to whip the other person with hair. Braids are PAINFUL! (never been hit, so it's all anecdotal.)
And then walk away while the other person is stunned.
I wouldn't say that NOT donating your hair is selfish at all - I read somewhere that these "hair donation" charities only use something like 3% of the hair they get, and the rest is discarded - so much more than likely it would end up in the trash bin. Plus - as far as I know - there's not a shortage of human hair wigs for people that want them. And essentially, you're doing something that you like, which doesn't hurt yourself or anyone else. Also, instead of cutting your hair, you could make a donation - or volunteer somewhere - a lot of other options if you're feeling charitable.
Thanks for some great comments!
I was going through a guilty moment and I resent being made to feel that way.
Perhaps I should have had a longer conversation with the guy who suggested I donate my hair. Something like this ...
HIM: Why don't you cut off your hair and donate it to charity?
ME: I prefer my hair long.
HIM: That's selfish!
ME: Why don't you cut off YOUR hair and donate it to charity?
HIM: It's too short.
ME: Then why don't you grow it so you can donate it?
HIM: I prefer my hair short.
ME: That's selfish!
HIM: Huh?
ME: How is you not donating your hair to charity because you prefer your hair short any less selfish than me not donating my hair to charity because I prefer my hair long? We both have the same potential but choose not to use it.
HIM: I give to charity in other ways.
ME: So do I. But we BOTH choose not to donate our hair.
[end of conversation]
Damon
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Damon, I think you've just hit on the perfect answer. Completely turns the fallacy of their argument back around on them. I'm going to have to remember this one.
Frodo
I love it. That is a great response.
That is the perfect response!!
Bruce
I love this!
Thanks for the idea. I think I'll be using this in the future.
It just seems so hypocritical of people with short hair to expect people with long hair to cut it off and donate it to charity. There is absolutely nothing to stop THEM growing out their own hair to do the same thing. The only reason they don't do that is because they prefer it short and keep cutting it all the time. In other words, they consider their appearance to be more important than giving their hair to charity. How on earth is THAT any less selfish than me???!!!
And to those who can NOT grow their hair long (job, illness, balding, whatever) my answer is that MY hair is part of ME and is none of their business. My hair shields my head from the sun, helps keep me warm in winter, improves my appearance in my opinion, and gives me an incredible amount of pleasure - yet it is totally free and has zero impact on the environment. I'll bet it is a darn sight more eco-friendly than some of the things THEY do to achieve the same objectives! :)
And when it comes to charity, I'll wager that people with long hair are every bit as generous, helpful and out-going as people with short hair.
Thanks again for your comments.
Damon
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Damon. Nothing selfish about growing hair for yourself. You should have said, I am growing it for myself just in case I need it in the future!
These charities are nothing more than scams. Read up on locks for love! They sell a huge amount of the hair for profit. They don't take chemically treated or grey hair. I don't even understand why they need real hair. Hair can be made now. Don't get me wrong, I feel bad for people who are suffering and who loose their hair. But I frown upon the unethical actions of these charities.
Darrin
Why on earth should you get annoyed or guilty because some fool makes a comment like that? You could ask if he gives to charity. Very probably not. I suspect you're a better person than he.
Your hair is more valuable to you than to some dubious charity outfit- enjoy it!
For some reason, I never get comments like this on my hair, even when it has been at its longest. I wonder why. I think as you get older, they realise it's a waste of time trying to wind you up about your hair.
Regards
Andy
I'm female, and have donated my hair to Locks of Love twice (once in 2006, and then once again last year). While people used to tell me that I should donate my hair a lot, I was never pressured or considered any lesser for not doing so. I didn't realize this was a problem for guys though. If only you had thought of that excellent response earlier! As many others have pointed out, it's no more selfish of you to keep your hair than it is for the guy who was bugging you to keep his.
I get this a fair bit, usually someone will compliment my hair, ask me when I'm going to cut it and when I say I'm not going to they tell me I should donate it to a charity. I didn't go to all this effort for the third time around to cut it for a non legitimate reason!
An aunt (my uncles second wife who I barely know and rarely see) at a wedding I went to actually got upset and didn't talk to me for the rest of the night when I refused to agree that I should cut my hair! I'm 38. Get over it dear!
Also some people from work when I went out for drinks for someone's last day the conversation ended up being about my hair and when would I cut it, I could donate it and I would look "sexy" with short hair. I already know what I look like with short hair from the first 30+ yrs of my life thanks! Not sure what makes people think they can just say these things. Maybe the weight of societal norms is behind them so they get fearless and open their big mouths.
All in all my thinking is I work hard, those people don't pay my bills, so just ignore them, what are they to me anyway?
My 3 cents! (due to inflation-2 cents is no longer enough)
PS below is a picture of me with short hair at 22. I wish I had tried long hair then, I'm lucky it's still very thick at 38, though not so much as it was back then. The only thing I've gained is wieght and stress! I shudder to think what another 16 years will bring.... time for some exercise I think!
MattT
I've always been a bit suspect of this whole idea. For one thing, your hair is a basic part of your identity and lifestyle. If somebody asks you for charity and you want to give something, give them money, give them some old clothes-- whatever. Leave your hair on your head. Sheesh.
I know a bit about the wig business and virgin Caucasian hair is the most expensive hair on the market. However, almost all wigs are made in Asia. If you donate your hair to one of these charities, I wonder if it's being sold and shipped someplace, rather than appearing on the head of a local hair loss sufferer. Most human hair wigs available for purchase are made with Asian hair mixed from various lots and many can be purchased relatively cheaply. Wigs made from hair like yours are quite rare, usually custom made and very expensive. It would be interesting to know a bit more about what these charities are actually doing.
Most hair used in wig-making is that of a thick coarsed stranded hair. Fine hair like I mostly have would be useless. Why not used Synthetic hair instead of the real thing? I see Locks of Love as a scam and also a lobby group for haircut nazis to hid behind. They seem to get a great delight in seeing someone shorn. I disagree that male and female hair is identical. There are subtle differences in between the sexes. Female hair generally grows a bit faster then mens and often has a longer growing cycle and can achieve greater length. Women's hair also has a bit higher sulfur content then mens hair. Since early school I have noticed too that male hair is often a lot thicker and more curlier then female hair. When I was growing up I went to schools were people of Anglo-Saxon extraction was around 95%.
cheers,
Duncan
Yes, I think there is a hidden agenda element to it.
Thanks, I've learnt something. I always assumed that male and female hair was identical (apart from balding patterns obviously).
Damon
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Don't feel guilty!!! Remember that you are at the center of your own existence. You grew your hair out for no-one but yourself. You and you alone own your body, and no-one else is entitled to what you have!!
And yes; there is no word for it but sexism. This is the time of women, most unfortunately, because it was supposed to be a time of gender equality. It is socially acceptable for women to do whatever they want, but men are restricted to the pre-1960's "typical male" image. Women are encouraged to celebrate their individuality, while we are expected to happily all be the same.
Do not cut your hair. Do not give it to anyone else. It's beautiful(yes; a man is allowed to be beautiful) and it's yours!!
Many thanks to all of you for all the comments. While there are too many for me to reply to individually, I have read every one of them. There are some brilliant comments and LOTS of food for thought!
Damon
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Check my website for information on the subject.
Thanks, Eric. You make some excellent points on your page. I particularly liked your closing comment: "Help others with their esteem by lowering yours? What does that accomplish?".
Damon
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I noticed that a few of the links have gone bad, I'll have to fix that. Basically, the give.org link was showing how L.O.L. refused to provide it's tax information as required by it status as a charity.