new thread
Thanks to Treyn, John L., Robert and j.s. for listening to my complaints and everyone here to allowing me to sulk.
I understand all your messages and the thoughts you want to convey. I fully agree that I should have more control over my emotions instead of letting my emotions get the better of me. Yes, I do love my mum even after she (once and again), made insulting remarks on my long hair. But I'm just wondering how long more can I sustain such outbursts from her before my love for her start to fade. I'm just VERY WORRIED that this day MIGHT come.
For now, I'll be handling this matter to whatever my maturity takes me to, and I'll definitely be sure (at least currently) that she's STILL my mum and I STILL have love for her. After this episode, I cannot hope that she'll never bring this up again and I think the onus is on me to handle the situation in a different manner if it happens (that is, if I can keep my head).
Thanks for all the great and kind advice you've given me. You've all had made me feel childish and immature (although I'm ALREADY 27) and I think I've still got lots to learn in life.
Thank you very much :)))
With utmost appreciation,
Jin
Your a good man Jin. Do worry about stuff you can't control. I am sure things will work themselves out. Take CARE Bud!
You are quiet welcome, my friend! GOD BLESS!!!
Hang in there, Jin. I am just a couple of years older than you, and face almost identical problem, with arguments that leave us both in tears at times. What I have learned to do is:
1. Tell my mum that my hair is my own business, that I am a big boy, and she has no control over it.
2. Tell her to refer all those noseyparkers who see fit to ask/tell her about my hair to me direct.
3. Tell her that I feel its a shame that her acceptance of me or her own peace of mind should depend on the length of my hair.
4. Show her that I would accept and love her whatever she does/says.
5. Ask God for strength to carry on without losing my love or patience, or succumbing to pressure and cutting my hair for wrong reasons.
It's hard, but so far it has worked.
And keep growing. As the Bible puts it: "Man looks on the outward appearance. God looks on the heart."
Take care,
Rudy
Jin, you're welcome.
Trust me, I'm feeling the same way, except, in my case, I also happen to wear skirts, as well as have long hair. After my mother's last outburst, I actually was packing up and planning to leave that night. In retrospect, what I did was probably better, since she did cool off, and I still had what hair is left from the cut that I was given in mid-April. I also was treated with some amount of respect again. It still hasn't changed my plans, though. Next item on my agenda is to continue to look for a job, and, after I've done that, find a place to live. I just feel that my getting out of the house will help improve my family's relationship with me.
Good. She will bring it up again, trust me on this. What I have learned from living with my family, is that if I change, my family cannot handle the change, and will do everything in their power to force me back to the "norm" that they have created for me (i.e., short hair, trousers/shorts, no beard). So, if you are still living at home, I'd start looking for a place to call your own. That's probably one of the only ways you'll be able to relieve some of the stress between you and your mother. She might say that you have no love for your family, when you decide to move out, but, she'll realize that it's for the better.
And, yet, I still have about 5 months to go before I'm 27... :)
Hope things get better for you...
-J
if my post made you feel immature then i didn't pick my words very well.
Jin,
Just let your mom talk and DO NOT RESPOND. The less you say the better--as long as you continue to not cut your hair. Just sort of laugh when you are being told to cut and shrug it off. After a period of time, it will not be as bad. Hang in there!
John
Jin,
Just as a little reality check here, you do have beautiful hair, but quite honestly, your hair, your overall appearance and your demeanor ("poses") in your pictures do seem quite (maybe even extremely) feminine. As a gay man myself, I had long assumed that you were gay. Your hair is your business. You can do whatever you choose, but in fairness, I think your mother's opinions are not too far off base from the ordinary "man in the street." Try to be a little understanding of her position, too.
Hi,
Perhaps, it's the last few photos taken in my bedroom that makes you think I'm gay (or look femme)?
Now, if you were to notice, apart from the pics I took in my bedroom, I do believe you'll agree with me that the other pics were unlike those you mentioned (gay OR femme). My actions and poses in the bedroom is just simply the direct result and consequence of the quiet setting in the room.
I FULLY believe in my SEXUALITY and never have I had any doubts or wavering thoughts of being a STRAIGHT GUY. It's simply my external frame (I'm short, JUST 1.68m, 5' 7"), my looks (I admit I have softer features) and my silky hair, THAT MAKES PEOPLE WANT TO EVAULATE ME AS A GAY OR FEMME :( The bottomline is, that's all external and superfluous!!!!!!
In fact, I cannot blame you for evaluating me in that manner as that's what you SEE me as (as you haven't KNOWN me as a person). But please remember that there are always TWO SIDES to a human being. If at first, his/her external outlook do not satisfy or please you, his/her internal attributes and/or qualities might make both of you the closest of friends. I'm just sad that my mum (the closest person one can ever have), CANNOT LOOK BEYOND MY EXTERNAL SELF.
That's my point and so there.
Jin.