new thread
Hello gents,
I am new to the community here, and I honestly need help, now more than ever. For the past year, I've been growing out my hair, and now I'm starting to lose heart about growing it. I want to grow it out more, in hopes that it will keep getting better; the reality however, seems to be different. I'm visiting my family away from home, and I just keep getting flak over it, and everyone is telling me to cut it.
As you can see from the pictures, this is how my hair looks like now, and it tends to vary in how crazy it wants to be. I have short frizzy hairs all over my head, I can't seem to figure out how to style it to suit my face; I can't tie it, because my front hairs still aren't long enough to be tied back.
So, how do I style this hair? What can I do to make it look good in general, and if there a way to make it look presentable in a formal/professional situation.
Thank you.
Hi Duff,
Don't lose heart! Your hair looks very cool and once you reach the stage you can pull it back there is no stopping you from being a longhair. In my experience growing hair out and working in a professional setting required creative use of hair gel. Nothing really looked great for me but I managed to tough it out until I could tie it back for work. My family always gives me flack for something and having long hair was a focus for them but now it seems to be tapering off finally. Wish I had a better idea for you than hair gel. Your hair really looks great and will be even more awesome in the near future. Keep going!
Hi: My name is Tom to tell you the truth your hair looks great, you have a beautiful thick head of hair, please keep it long. You may try some gel but only a small amount, you don't want to much product in your hair. It does look great.
Tom
Hi again Duff,
I just showed your pic to my wife who has similar hair type to yours and she responded with "Oh my god he has great hair!"
Hi Duff,
First of all: WELCOME to MLHH!!!
Secondly, re. styling your hair during the infamous "awkward stages" (the in-between lengths you are experiencing right now): just do whatever it takes to get you through to the ponytail stage -- whether it be gel, hats, bandanas, or hair spray, it is just a temporary stage that all longhairs have to endure until the hair is long enough to be able to tie all back neatly into a good tail.
And now for the most difficult issue of all: dealing with criticism from friends, family, and co-workers who don't like seeing your hair growing out....
#1 - remind yourself of the fact that this is YOUR hair, not theirs -- and that you have the right to do as you wish with your own hair on your own head!
#2 - a little bit of humor always eases some of the tension: I don't mind being teased a little bit about my long hair, for example, as long as they don't mind me teasing them right back!
#3 - "This too will pass", as the old Biblical saying goes -- criticism from others normally stops once friends and family see that nothing they are going to say will change your mind, especially once your hair gets long enough to fit into a ponytail (for some odd reason, they finally shut up by then -- many of us have experienced that very exact occurrence ourselves with our own friends and families)... it's as if they give up on trying to "convert" you back into the world of returning to short hair once they see your hair has made it too far along!
#4 - a little distance and avoidance never hurt anybody going through a change -- or, another way to put it: as the old saying goes, "absence makes the heart grow fonder!" If you need to stay some distance away from family for awhile to give yourself a break, by the time you return to see them again, not only will your hair be a lot longer, but they'll probably also be so glad to finally see you again that they won't care what the hell you look like!
#5 - Worst-case-scenario: if you have to "lay down the law", by all means if they won't shut up otherwise, tell them that the hair topic is off-limits around you, and that if they don't love you for who you are on the inside (regardless of your decision of how you want to look on the outside), then they don't deserve your company. And then leave their house, if that's what you have to do.
I hope these ideas have helped!
By the way, I think your hair looks hands-down AWESOME!!!!
- Ken in San Francisco
That is what i had to do about 15 years ago. I got lots of complaints about my hair from my mom. I finally had to lay down
the law, "this is my house, I pay all the bills, if you don't like
my hair, then you can leave and not return." Well after that I got
no further complaints from her.
Hi Duff,
Welcome to the board and thanks for the update photo! Your hair looks great and nice and thick! What I would do is figure out if you want to part it or just comb it back. Then what I would do is use hair tonic like Vitalis which is non-greasy to sort of make the hair lay down better. I go to Dollar General and they have hair tonic similar to Vitalis for a lot less. Whenever I want to make my hair less fluffy, I just comb some of the tonic through my hair.
Also, I have been only washing my hair with shampoo about 2 times per week. The other days I only use conditioner. This helps weigh the hair down. Shampoo tends to make my hair frizzy and unmanageable. Also, when I wash my hair I always rinse it under the coldest water I can stand and comb the cold water through my hair. I find this makes a world of difference in the frizziness. I think maybe these things might help you. Your hair is wonderfully thick and has awesome color. Please keep growing your beuatiful hair.
As for the flak you're getting, I would just ignore that. Those people really need to mind their own business. As has been said here before, just keep growing your hair and avoiding the cuts. Eventually people will get the idea that you are going to have long hair. Right now, they probably think you are not serious about growing your hair. I wish you much success in growing your mane. You look cool in the photo by the way!
Ted
I would add to this when i started growing my hair in 1964 I got lots of flak from teachers/parents/school administration/employers/etc. Well I continued to keep my hair long, finally when my age hit the 40s, the complaints stopped.
And now at the age of 58 I never get complaints. Alot of it has to do with people picking on those who are younger. Once i hit
the 40s the complaints stopped, I was now that eccentric old man
who has long hair. And I was fine with that.
Hey, I think it looks great just like it is. When I first saw the picture, I noticed the thickness and wondered why you were upset by how it looked.
Critics? Who cares? Not that it matters, but I'm 61 and have been growing mine out for about four years. I've had my share of people not wanting to mind their business, too, believe. That includes a sister-in-law who got insulting about it in my own home. Since then, she's fine about it--but not until I put her in her place about what was her business and what wasn't.
At any rate, it all boils down to what you want and what's best for you. With me, I wanted the hair. I knew if I listened to the people griping at me and cut it the way they were badgering me to that I wouldn't be happy and after the hair was gone, it wouldn't matter to them one way or the other.
It's your call.
Steve
I too think your hair looks great. I'm 58 years old, I started growing my hair long in 1964. And now at the ripe old age of
58 it's still long, and I don't care what others think.
The only person you need to satisfy is yourself, just stick to your guns do what you want to do, not what others want. If you give into them you'll regret for a long time.
Do you guys wanna know what the sad thing is?
I'm now faced with a horrible situation, I'm to meet a few big business people in the coming days; these people will start my career in a very important way, and this is where both my beard and hair will not do whatsoever (I made sure, there's no way around it). I just learned of this today too, and now I have NO idea what to do. I've put an entire year of patience, only for this to happen.
My first post looking for help about styling my now somewhat manageable long hair, and then this.
If someone knows magic, this would be the time.
P.S. Final pic of my hair being this long
Oh no! That is awful news!
Sadly, I don't know any magic nor do I have a crystal ball. Only you are in a position to gauge whether "these people will start [your] career in a very important way". It would be a major bummer to cut your hair only to find that your career boost was all a bubble or the wrong direction.
Your hair is truly awesome. Here in the UK I see plenty of professional people (law, business, etc.) with hair as long as yours but I guess the situation is different for you?
No, whatever happens, that is NOT the final pic. It's just a pic of this stage in growing your hair. I have no doubt your hair will far exceed that length one day. ;)
In the meantime, best of luck with whatever lies ahead.
Damon
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Hi Duff = ur pain is palpable - 1stly: ur hair is amazing - & when longer 'Peter Jackson' will be ringin' you for his next BIG movie ... 2ndly: you have 2 options - plead your case @ the interview - your smart - your an asset to the company:(long hair or not) - placate them - promise to slick it everyday, ANYTHING so as to keep your hair growing ... beseech clemancy in this case ... if ALL else fails - sadly you may have to comply:(if the position is as lucrative as you say) - ur career & livelihood, buying a house, becoming successful - wud need to be prioritized @ this point in your life - especially now due to the 'GFC' ... GOOD LUCK !!! I hope it is a 'win-win' outcome. ... cheers CEM.
Hi Duff,
I am sorry to hear about your hair. However, I think paying bills and eating is definitely a priority. If you can't reach a compromise and this is a lucrative deal only you can make the decision to cut your hair. I would try to bargain with the powers that be to keep growing your hair. Whatever you choose, I wish you much success and happiness in your life my friend!
Ted
Before you do anything drastic, make sure this is a done deal. Too many have sacrificed their hair only to find the deal wasn't as certain as they thought. Personally, I think you look presentable enough as is, and I would seriously consider meeting with them as is and only agree to cut if they were serious about their offer. Only you can judge the risks involved in this tactic, but for me it's a chance I'd probably take. Look at it this way, few things say you're more dedicated than to agree to drastically change your looks for a position.
Good luck in whatever choice you make!
--Dale
Hey Duff!
first i might add your hair looks awesome! I would strongly not reccomend cutting it because you are already almost there. I would say another couple of months ( 2-4 ) before your hair starts falling down and rests nicely on your head. When i first started growing my hair back in 2008 i had the same problems as you. I really didn't know what to do with it and many times i debated on whether or not to cut it. You are almost out of the akward stage and judging by your picture I would say you are fighting the battle nicely :). Patience is key brother, everyone that has or had long hair has gone through this and though it may be very tiring and bothersome the end is more than worth it. I would say leave your hair alone, shampoo and condition reguarly and if you have frizzies, try putting in a leave in conditioner such as garnier frutice, tresemme, etc. That worked wonders for me! Your hair right now looks awesome, thick, and full of volume, i bet when you does start to fall down it will look beautiful, please do not cut it. I've seen alot of ppl in the same predicament as you and when they do decide to cut it they regret every day of their lives lol. Keep it growing brah and rock on!
hope this helped :)
PS : if your hair tends to get in your face alot, brush it back but keep your middle parting, and if you want it a bit more kempt brush it lightly when you get out of the shower, then your hair will dry out in the directions that you brushed it in!
Just tie it looks long enough. Leave the front hanging out it looks cool imo.
Hello,
If you are over 18 no one has the right to tell you how to wear your hair. Do not be rude to your family just tell them that you are wearing your hair long and leave it at that. If they keep bothering you about it, tell them plainly not rudely that the conversation is over and you have made up your mind.
Birdman
Hello,
If you over 18 and I asume that you are, no one has the right to tell you what to do with your hair. Tell the ones whe are bugging you about your hair that you are growing your hair out and leave it at that. DO NOT BE RUDE TO THEM. If they contineau to bug you about it then let them know that you have terminated that conversation and that you have made up your mind.
Birdman
Hello Duff,
I can relate to what you mean by frizzy hair. I tried many times to grow my hair out and had no support and often cut it back in frustration.
But in the end I decided to stick it out and I think the rewards are well worth it. As regards criticism you will soon find out who are your real friends and who isn't.
Real friends will respect your wishes for long hair and others that try emotional black mail are shallow people indeed. I think you are coming out of the awkward phrase within another 6 months meaning you can tie most of your hair back in pony tail which would make it a lot neater.
In the meantime just wear a cap, or gel, or whatever is need to keep the hair under control or just wear it loose and go through hell for awhile.
My family initially didn't support my growing my hair either but later on I was surprised that the criticism stopped and even got some compliments.
Hang in there Brother as your hair looks like an excellent type to grow long.
Cheers,
Duncan
Half tail and rat tail if it couldn't be braided.