new thread
Hey everyone,
I've recently started feeling some stirrings to cut my hair.
It's gold/blonde/red, and comes down past my shoulderblades in back, the front a bit past my shoudlers. I've gotten so many compliments on it from people, mostly because I go out of my way to take care of it, (alot of that help and info having come from this board).
In my exec job, I'm the only one around with this length of hair, and though most seem to like it, I'm feeling that need from whatever source to "fit in". That's a first for the way I live my life. I wonder if it's because I'm coming up on 35 and feeling now that I'm really hitting the "adult" stage of life, I should be more like the rest of the world. !!! I !!! don't even like the way that sounds.
Also, being gay, at least here in DC, I can count on less than one hand the guys I've seen with long hair, and I wonder if I'm considered wierd or an outsider.
I'd like to think this is normal, to feel this way at some point in the process of growing hair long, and that it'll pass. Anybody else ever feel this way?
I could use some cheering on and encouragement. I need to hear the pros for leaving it long and letting it grow. And if someone can help me look at these things and see the positive side of them, I think I'd be really hesitant to even consider such a thing as a haircut.
Anybody?
Tigg
Hey Tigg,
Yes, I've noticed too that a much smaller percentage of gays than straights opt for long hair. This of course debunks the myth some have mentioned on here about long hair being "gay", but beyond that,
all I can say is it must be a matter of fashion in the two communities. We all know that hair length is not genetically linked to either sex or sexual orientation.
There seems to be two kinds of longhairs. In one camp are those who have long hair for fashion reasons - to fit in with a particular group they cherish. These people are apt to change their hair if the fashion of their group changes or their choice of group changes. It is the existence of this first camp that is going to affect the varying percentages of longhairs in various groups.
In the second camp are those such as myself for whom long hair is a part of their identity. These people have likely yearned to be longhaired since childhood, because identity arises there. These are the folks who shout, "No, I am not a biker, no, I don't do drugs, no I am not a rock musician!" Guys in my camp don't have long hair to belong to any group. We have long hair because it is part of our identity - who we ourselves are. Our longhair mindset arises from WITHIN, not from others.
Perhaps if you are in the first camp, the feelings of other groups tugging at you make sense, since the existence of these other groups go to your decision to be longhaired in the first place. As a member of the second camp, I find gravity pulling me in the opposite direction - with increasing age and maturity I am more committed than ever to be "myself" - a person consistent with my identity. So I want to be more longhaired than ever. See, I don't care whether that makes lots of people think I'm straight. I'm not longhaired for them. I'm longhaired for ME.
To start with, I'd give serious thought to which camp best describes you. And consider there could be a bit of both camps within you. If you feel you are heavily in camp two, the answer is simple - don't cut your hair. On the other hand, if what other people think is a big thing for you, you'll want to consider the various groups and how important each is to you.
In closing, because it takes long hair so long to regrow, a change if made will seem like it is near permanent. So you might want to follow a scheme I follow for such decisions. I call it "the two week rule". It is simply this - I never act on any such decision, like cutting hair, unless for two weeks straight, with not one moment of hesitation, I feel it is the right thing for me to do. From what you said I see lots of hesitation, so for now you are nowhere near there.
Good luck with your decision, Tigg, and of course I hope you opt to remain a longhair. There are far too few of us in the world, and this planet can always use more longhairs!
Bill
I agree with Bill in that longhair in the gay community is fashion driven. Nowadays buzz and presission cuts are the rage, but some years back gay discos were dominated by greased short ponytails. If nothing else the gay trends are volatile and god knows what will be fashionable tomorow. Be yourself, and hopefully that self is longhaired. Good luck. BabyHuey
Second Camp - Definitely!!!
As far back as I can remember, I wanted long hair. I loved the way it looks, the way it shined, it was always incredible to me, and I wished I could be in a position to let mine do the same.
When I was about 20, I let it grow long, but then chickened out, and got it cut, but kept a wide tail tha eventually reached about 3 feet in lenght, and it was a compromise, but I loved it.
I eventually met this guy who I liked and we dated for awhile, and eventually got a place together. He was the total conservative to my liberal.
He convinced me to cut the tail. (I was 26 at the time).
Then, about a year and a half ago or so, I was single after a bad breakup, living on my own again, and had a roomate in a group house that had hair to his mid-back, the house manager had hair to his mid-shoulderblades, and the third just past his shoulders.
I got my last haircut a month after I moved in, and just got the ends trimmed.
It's been growing ever since, and I love it!!!!! It's long, it's silky, it's got the prettiest shades of gold running through it, and f*ck it, for work, I can put it in a ponytail!
As for the gay thing, it does go against the norm, but it also gets alot of compliments. And if it makes me stand out in a bar among all the retail-bod-clone-cuts, that's a problem? :o)
So thanks guys, I needed that! I appreciate it, and yeah, I think if I cut it, I'd probably never forgive myself for having wanted it for as long as I have. I think I'd rather believe the Universe'll deal with it.
(((((((((((((((Longhairs of the Universe)))))))))))))))))))
(cyberhug)
Tigg
(And hey! If my church's theatre group ever does "Jesus Christ Superstar", I'm a shoe in! *grin*)
Congratulations Tigg ! Your hair sounds totaly awsome.One more long haired man in the world! Yeah,I know you're gay, but I'm married and only get to look anyway : ) I think in your heart you knew you were a longhair,just needed help in making the commitment.That's why this board is so great.The way all of you support each other is so cool. My hope is that soon men won't have to agonize over their hair length because of other's negative stereotypes.Think how many men would grow their hair out if they didn't feel the pressure of society.My sincerest respect to those of you who buck convention and go with what you are.....a longhair.
Hey man.....I for one ma a gay guy who loves guys with longhair. Unfortunately you dont encounter to many in DC. But you can rest assured that when I do, I dont hesitate to compliment the guy on it. I really admire a man that can grow it as long as you can. For me, my seems to stop right below the collar....:(...so definitely keep it goin'!!!!!! Bob
Uhhh, Bob? You just encountered one - I live in Adam's Morgan right up 16th street.
Tigg
Hi Tigg,
I am posting a follow-up to Bill's message because I can't say anything new after what he said, he made a good point and I agree with him and his ideas, also the two camps thing is the real life situation, Bill is a true longhair.
Before you decide whether to cut your hair or not, think about the time when you first decided to let it grow long, why did you take this decision?, was it because you felt long hair is cool?, were you impressed by the appearance of a longhair guy?, did you think that long hair was in fashion?, did someone encourage you to be longhair?, or did you simply feel like longhair?.
Answering these questions might help you to know which camp are you from, if you are longhair because you are longhair and you feel like it then don't cut your hair because it's a part of what you are, stand to what you are and be tough, don't let people interfere in your course of life, you are free to be whatever you like, and no one can change that or blame you for it, as long as you're not doing anything wrong or illegal then you don't have to answer to anyone, if you will start to please people with what you don't like then expect them to ask for more, if you will cut your hair to please them then don't expect them to respect you anymore, they will know that they can easily change your mind and that you don't fight back and what's worse will come after that.
If you feel that people don't like you because you're a longhair, then know that those who dislike you will not start to like you after you cut your hair, they simply don't know you enough and they are looking to your outside, these people are judging you from your appearance and nothing will be satisfactory and pleasant enough for them whether it's long hair, short hair, or no hair at all, they are thinking of you as a puppet they can change it's appearance whenever they decide to, and cutting your hair will prove it to them, so don't bend to them and be what you are, the people who truly know you will not be affected by your appearance because they simply like you for your morals and behaviors, and no color of shirt you wear or kind of perfume you use will matter to them, they are looking deeper than that.
If by any chance you decide that you will cut our hair because YOU don't feel like it anymore or because YOU don't feel longhair anymore, then it's ok because it was YOUR decision and YOU take it, in this case you are doing what you like without interference from anyone, but please don't do it for the sake of others, this major step must come from you and without any other considerations.
If you happen to be from the other camp, then I guess it's not a big deal to cut your hair, because fashion changes and so the public opinion, but in my opinion I think long hair is cool whether the person is a true longhair or not, but anyway don't cut it to please people, cut it because YOU want to.
A longhair is like any other person, he is a human being and he have feeling like others, I can't figure out why people sometimes treat longhairs differently!, a lot of debates went on this WWWBoard without answering this important question, because you can't go inside everyone to know how he thinks, but we came out with some points, some of these where:
-Some people are just too mean.
-Some people don't understand anything new or unusual to them so they get scared from the sight of longhairs.
-Some people want to have long hair but they can't because they are afraid from others opinion or maybe because their hair isn't good enough to be long so they mock longhairs but from the inside they envy them.
-Sometimes when people don't like a person, they try to make fun of him, and the first thing they notice is his long hair, so they work on it.
-Some cultures oppose longhairs because they have certain traditions which shows a longhair as a bad person. Some of these cultures think that longhairs must be gays or bisexual and this idea scare them too much, others think of longhairs as persons who want to showoff themselves, others think that longhair are not men and they are trying to look like women, others think that longhairs are opposing God's will and they are disfigure their appearance................etc.
-I think that part of the problem come from the public opinion, and this opinion is tampered due to the bad publicity longhairs get, if you watch movies too much you will start to notice that most longhairs characters are : Drug addicts, gangsters, filthy persons, persons who live a reckless life, persons who commit crimes ( have you noticed that in most movies, in police station scenes, you find a cups dragging longhair in the background, or you find a longhair setting inside a cell, also most movies show longhairs as part of an organized mob or gangsters, what do you think ? ), not too much movies show longhairs as normal persons, mainly the only movies that show a longhair as a hero are the ones taking place long time ago, or the ones dealing with legends and myth (Hercules, Samson....), I liked "Renegade (TV) and Highlander (TV)" because it shows that a longhair can be a hero helping people.
-Maybe some people get frightened from longhairs, because their big brother was scaring them by waving a broom in the dark!!!!, in this case a mental asylum will sure help!.
-There are too many other silly reasons, I can't know them all but I think these are some of the most silliest ones.
Anyway, it's not our fault that people don't like us, let's be ourselves.
Let's pray for the time to come when people will value each others according to their heart, without considering their appearance.
Hang on Tigg, and be yourself :-) .
/
Forever longhair, LeeRax. (:-)
\
excellent answer.
...and now for my slant:
if it is mere stirrings to cut, i advise you not to, for you will almost certainly regret it. that you're in your 30's shouldn't matter... are people telling you to 'grow up'? that's a tip-off that they are judgemental types who will find something else to criticize after you've cut your hair. i'm 35 and have hair past mid-back & still growing it. i don't care what my detractors think!
i'm not gay. i've spent my entire adult life trying to overcome deeply ingrained homophobia. it was the fear that some would assume that i was gay that kept me going to the barber when i was younger. i don't know what advice anyone can give you apart from running a singles ad in a local publication. too many people are willing to act upon their hatred these days; advertising such info about yourself can be risky. your best bet might be to follow bill's advice about the web page.
if you are easily swayed by the opinion of others, i respectfully suggest that there may be a self-confidence problem. be secure in who you are... instead of cutting that head of hair, take a hard look at what's underneath... something i had to do a while back. i had no self image beyond what i felt others thought of me. one of the most difficult lessons i had to learn is that i couldn't please everyone. self confidence is one of those intangibles that make a person more attractive to men or women. people will admire you for who you are, not for who they think you should be. please yourself. everything else will fall into place.
stepping off my soapbox.
j
Don't do it. My hair was just below my shoulder blades. I to felt like I might need to cut it. So I did. Now it's just above my shoulders. I wish I had never done it. I also take very good care of my hair. Don't worry about what people think. As long as you like it and you enjoy it, that's all that matters. I too am in my thirties. I know what your thinking. Don't do it. :-)
Hey Tigg,
I can't improve on bill's great advice for the gay man with long hair!
His link is wonderful, and I hope it inspires you to keep brightening
the D.C. desert with your great hair!
But I want to bring out a few things about the advantages of letting
your hair grow from my own experience and those of others on the
board.
First, when the hair gets really long, people seem to sense a real
sense of commitment from the wearer and don't even consider that they
should want to cut their hair. It is as though the long-hair is just intrinsically 'different' and gets accepted as such, just as does a person from an unusual religion or ethnic group. Hence, as your hair grows out, you should feel less pressure from your peers to cut your
hair; after all, what is more conservative than just letting the hair grow.
Second, once you get to mid-back, the longer the hair gets, the better it looks since the weight of the hairmakes it hang down more. It won't come over your shoulders and hang in your face any more when you bend over. It also gets easier to care for since tangles occur
near the ends of the hair and when it gets long enough, you can pull
any tangled ends around to the front and resolve tangles in comfort
instead of reaching behind the head! So, let it grow at least long
enough to realize these advantages and you should feel much more
relaxed and comfortable with the long hair.
Keep in there!
Pete_J
Hey Tigg!
DON"T DO IT!! I had hair half way down my back and cut it to where it looked like an everyday kinda guy cut and HATED it. Now, 18 months later, it is barely to my shoulder. I had to grow it back. Just couldn't stand it. I agree with the "two camp" theory. I'm just a long-hair because it's who I am. . .always wanted it, even as a kid. Long hair makes a big statement and looks good.
Good luck!
Mark
DO NOT!
I doesn't like to ruin the work of 13 years!
My hair is now 44 inch (1.1 m)(from the neck to the end) long!!
I'm not gay but I do tolerate gay and lesbian.
I'm not a standard man in the eyes of the common people because I do wearing skirts and dresses!! And I enjoy this!!!!
Ales
Hi Tigg.....I agree with ya about seeing guys with longhair around DC. Its pretty much non-existant. I ran into this guy once at Badlands however that had the most awsome hair I had seen in quite some time. It came half way down his back, and was a reddish/blonde in color. I think he worked for some kind of beauty compnay like Aveda or something. Unfortunately we lost touch but his hair was really quite something. As I said in another followup, Im quick to compliment guys with longhair that I see around here, so.....hang in there! There are guys around DC who love long hair on guys! Bob
I consider the length of my hair an indication of how "long" it's
been since I've had modify myself to suit someone else. I'm currently
working for a a huge company (as a webmaster) but until taking
this position, I've been a consultant - pretty much surviving by
my wits. The last haircut I was "forced" to have was 12 years ago.
Since then, people have hired my mind rather my body.
A great line Chris! One more for the longhair's arsenal....
Thanks. Growing long hair is one of the few ways white males have
to attempt to experience discrimiation. Obviously, nowhere near as
effective as being of a different race, gender, sexual orientation,
etc. but still enough to be hassled by the occasional unenlightened
person. Enough to remind one that the world can be a fairly difficult
place.
If you're really wanting to, go ahead and cut it but make sure it's what you really want to do. I've cut mine short 3 or 4 times and have always grown it back out each time but when I cut it I was really ready for a change and didn't regret it. I was glad for the change but over time I was ready to let it grow again. So, if you really want to..and by the looks of the posts on hair buying on the board, you can make some money on that hair too.
Dear whoever wrote this,
I don't think you should cut your hair, to me it sounds like your hair is really pretty and if you get alot of compliments on it than i should think that you shouldn't cut it!
Believe me your not considered a guy if you have long hair i know one girl got made fun of because she had short hair and they said she looked like a guy!
I felt the same way, when i was growing out my hair. But, it's what you like and not what anyone else thinks about your hair, that should be the least your thinking about!
Emily