new thread
Hi everybody. I know I haven't been as active as I used to be, and that's because I've been doing a lot of soul searching. Also, I got a real job, but mostly the soul searching.
Anyways, you’re probably wondering why I gathered you all here today.
Essentially, it’s to make you aware of something important about me.
“But we already know you’re an awesome human being!” I hear you cry.
While that is correct, the truth could be seen as a little more serious.
The truth, then, is that I am not the guy you’ve come to know and love.
Welcome to my (slightly long) round-about, humour-to-cover-anxiety way of ‘coming out’ as a transgendered female.
Surprised?
I hope not too much, really.
I should have worked this out a long time ago because I’ve felt this way for as long as I can remember. This isn’t a spur of the moment thing.
I’m not sure how much you know about transgendered people, so I’ll give you a quick run down. Physical sex (ie genitals) has nothing to do with gender. Obviously for the vast majority of people, they match. This means that a person who was born a male feels he is a male and is all very happy about it and doesn’t even give it a second thought. ‘Gender dysphoria’ is when this doesn’t line up so well. In my case, I was born and from the outside I looked like I should be male, so that’s what my parents were told and that’s how they tried to raise me. I may have rebelled a bit. Ok, quite a lot. I have told my parents, by the way, and they’re cool with it.
No one is really sure why people can be transgendered. There’s theories that suggest it’s all about problems with hormones as a foetus develops, as the genitalia and the brain develop at different times, with two bursts of hormones. If only one hormone burst happens for whatever reason, the brain and genitalia won’t match. That’s a theory, and there’s a whole spectrum of both variables. But you don’t really need to know why, just that I am. And there’s a lot of us.
Now, I’ve known you all for different lengths of time, and you all know various different parts of my history (which would be great edited together in my future biography) but I’m pretty sure all of you can see where I’m coming from. Because I’m still very much the same person I’ve always been (sorry about that) and I personally don’t see this whole thing affecting us that much friendship-wise.
What would be awesome of you all would be if you could start thinking of me as a girl, not just that super-cool Septet-dude. (dudette is fine, if you want to sound like you're from the early 90s) I know things are going to take a while to get used to, but using female pronouns when talking to me and about me (because I know you talk about me all the time) would really help me settle into this and feel a lot better. This means using ‘she’, ‘her’ and ‘hers’ etc. You’ll slip up, I know, don’t worry. If you get it wrong, just correct yourself and move on. Simples.
So to the nitty-gritty. I’m taking steps to physically transition. Lasers will be shot into hair, estrogen will be taken, breasts will be grown, and genitals will be turned inside out. This is going to take years and, while I hope I still know you all in a few years, some of you I may never see after this fall. Some of you I haven’t seen in a while anyway and again, while I hope I do see you in the future, I may not. This makes it easier for you. You can disregard this message and get on with your life. I won’t even get mad if you call me ‘he’ when you reminisce about our times together to your grandchildren.
As for you people I see all the damn time. I hope you read this and find it in your kind, accepting hearts to take this on board and support me through all this. You don’t even have to do anything except change a few words. Oh, and stop thinking I’m a guy. But that’s it, I swear.
So, yeah. A long message. Sorry about that. It’s not ideal doing this through the Internet, it seems really tacky, but I’m lame at talking to people and no one sends letters any more. And there’s too many of you and I don’t know your addresses. Who knows anyone’s address these days anyway?
Anyway. I really hope you’ll stick with me and accept my simple request (well, that sounded needy) because you all mean the world to me (urgh, I need to stop now) and I’m obviously going through with this with or without your approval, because your approval is not what I need.
I'm on a lot of online groups, but MLHH is the one of the very few I would consider to be "family". You guys have helped me through some rough patches, and I hope I've been the same kind of positive force on your lives. Ah, memories... Anyway, as family, I felt you guys should know.
Thanks for sticking around for this essay, I’m going to leave you with a few links if you want any more information. See you on the flip side, as I’ve never said before now.
Comment/message/text/email/fax/semaphore me or ignore me, I’m not fussed.
http://www.transwhat.org
http://tranarchism.com/2010/11/26/not-your-moms-trans-101/
http://www.wikihow.com/Respect-a-Transgender-Person
http://americantransman.com/2012/04/18/14-reasons-why-its-not-okay-to-out-someone-as-trans-a-public-service-announcement-from-your-friendly-neighborhood-trans-person/
http://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/02/03/how-to-ask-a-trans-person-questions-without-being-insensitive-about-it/
Hi Septet,
Thanks so much for checking in and updating us on your status! Quite frankly, I have been wondering how you've been doing my friend! And I am happy to hear you are going through with what you have felt all these years! You have my full support and I wish you nothing but the best! My parents raised me to have much tolerance. So I don't take too kindly for people who are not open-minded like me. I very much enjoyed your essay also! Please feel free to email me with any updates if you like. Please take care and have a wonderful weekend!
Ted
It is really sad (tragic) to read/hear about what transgender
individuals have to go through. It's really heartbreaking to
read/hear about what some of these individuals have to go through
in this world. It's a very diffitult road to travel and
there are too many who make that difficult road even more difficult.
One thing I would suggest is find some transgendered
individuals to connect with on Facebook. I've noticed that
for transgendered folks that has been very helpful in coping with a very difficult situation.
Thanks Ted, you have no idea how much that means to me. So far, everyone I've come out to has been incredibly nice about it, but I still worry that someone isn't going to take it very well.
Hi Septet,
Please follow your heart and don't mind the idiots who don't take it well! Life is much too short for stupid people who are ignorant and intolerant! One love my friend!
Ted
Septet,
I was also raised to be accepting of all folks regardless of (Fill in the blank). My entire family was accepting and supporting of me when I disclosed I was gay. I think it is grand that you have come to peace with who you are and are comfortable about it. Though I only know you through this board. I would be honored to mmet you someday and you would be welcome in me and my partners home. Stay true, Luv.
Thank you Rktect. That means a lot to me. Here's to a gay day for everyone!
Hi Septet,
First of all I wanted to congratulate you for coming out and for being so brave to take this decision for your life.
I am not really that impressed about this because -fortunately- in my country this is very common.
In fact, we have a "Gender Identity Law" which allows anybody to change their sex and name on the Government ID with no intervention of a Judge. Also, you can get reassignment surgeries for free in public hospitals (the Government pays for those surgeries, for this reason we receive a lot of transgenders from all over the world to get their surgeries done here).
So as you can imagine we have been educated about the differences between gender identity, biological sex, etc.
Of course, same sex marriage is also allowed nationwide ( there have been marriages between gays, lesbians, men and transgenders, men and transvestites, transvestites and women, women and transexuales, transgender females with transgender males). So everything is allowed.
I think its very important to live your life the way you feel like. Hey, we only have one life to live. So you take the chance now, or never.
So now, I have a couple questions:
1- How would you like us to call you? Of course, you want to be addressed as a "she". But are you thinking about a female name?
2- I dont know the others, but I would like to follow up your transition so I dont know if youre gonna keep us updated here or if there is another way (facebook , i.e) to get in touch with you.
I dont want to bother you anymore, so again: Congratulations and you have all my support!
Have a great weekend :D
I wish the United States government would figure these things out!
You guys have everything you need to give a step forward and do it.
My country is considered a catholic latin american "third world country". We often go through financial, economical and political crisis . If we have been able to provide public health care and open our minds a bit to include everybody in our system (no matter if you're gay, lesbian, trans, or straight) , I guess you guys can do it also.
Check out the following news . A few weeks ago the Government granted a 6 year old transgender child a female ID.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/10/argentina-child-transgender_n_4077466.html
This is the type of things that make me feel proud of being argentinean and I hope that little by little, other countries in the world start doing the same thing
Actually, I saw that story a few weeks ago. I'm really happy that that Argentina is so accepting of people.
And the United States is a much different matter, unfortunately. The west coast and upper half of the east coast are far more socially advanced than the south and the majority of the middle of the country ( meaning, like 3/4 of the land), mostly due to religion. Not too mention that the government is no longer representative of the people. Progress is being made on these issues, but not nearly as fast as it should.
I don't know about anyone else but i'd suggest keeping us updated on this site. I already waste enough time on Facebook already.
Besides with all the time I spend on Facebook I hate the way it
is set up and all the related problems.
"Facebook removes major privacy setting
Facebook has removed the option to hide your profile from public searches."
"Facebook also made changes to its Graph Search that can expose your profile."
Wow, Argentina sounds like a magical place.
As to your first question, just keep calling me Septet here on the board. It's pretty androgynous, so there's no need to worry about it. Elsewhere, I'm changing my name to Kristal.
And for the second, I've put a link to my Facebook further up in the thread, but I'll give you another one in case you miss that one.
My Facebook
Those are some really interesting and inspiring facts there, Dave! Most of us think of south (latin) America as well liberal than the states and Europe, while gems like Argetina really should be shining through and getting the recognition they deserve!
Thanks for sharing! :)
Hi Raul,
There is actually a lot of machismo along Latin American countries. For some reason, Argentina, Uruguay, Chile and probably some parts of Brazil are totally different. We are countries that received more European immigration in the past centuries so people's mind in these countries are different to other countries in the same continent.
that you'll be accepted for who you are, it's this board. As everyone else has said so far, I'm happy for you finally taking the steps to live your life the way that you want. :) I hope everything works great for you and you get the body you want. Also, I second Dave's question about whether or not you have a Facebook.
Cheers and good luck :)
Billy
So you were essentially a female trapped in a male body.
;I may have rebelled a bit. Ok, quite a lot. I have told my parents, by the way, and they’re cool with it.
You're lucky. I've come accross other transgenders who have
parents who were not cool with it.
Ultimately it doesn't matter why it happens. The bottom line
is it happens, the result is a transgendered individual.
I wish you luck and am supportive of what you're going through.
I know several transgenders who have gone through this in recent
years. Ultimately it is a very rough road to travel and I wish
you a lot of luck (you'll need it, transgender is very much misunderstood and is very hard for others to understand. And it is even harder to understand when that transgendered individual
has children. It's hard enough for an adult to grasp the concept, it's even more difficult for a child to grasp.
You go, girl!
My sex is male but my gender identity is longhaired male. Both of these are on the same side of the M/F line, so I am not "trans", but nevertheless, growing out my hair was the most meaningful coming out of my life.
Over the years we've talked on MLHH about there being two groups of longhairs, "social longhairs" (for whom long hair is a fashion statement) and "born longhairs" (for whom long hair is an integral part of their identity). After reading the more recent writings by transgender people that have become available to us due to the Internet, it's quite clear to me that the mechanisms behind their identities and those of "born longhairs" are much the same, if not exactly the same.
I have one MTF friend whose identity includes wearing flowing dresses, high heels, and having long hair. We went to the zoo with her one day, and we noticed that all the other women there were wearing tennis shoes and shorts. She said she would not feel comfortable dressed like that. I have a similar thing with my need to look like a hippie. I don't feel nearly as self-conscious being the only hippie in the room, than I would feel were I to be dressed otherwise, even if that would make me look like everyone else there.
I see the world as having three genders: females, male hippies, and male yuppies. The two terms for males expand their coverage to include all males. The minute I see someone, I classify them into one of those three groups. I suspect my MTF friend has a similar thing going on, by separating females.
There may thus be more people on here than you imagine who through analogies seen with themselves, understand what you're going through. It's far tougher when your travels take you across the M/F line, of course.
Transgenderism has been a rocky issue at times here on MLHH. This is rooted in the common anti-longhair slur, "You look like a girl," which is highly offensive to many men who have no transgender tendencies, because it has no truth in fact, and because it is intended as a slur. And also, some of the men here were run off of longhair boards which were mainly populated by longhaired women and their boyfriends. Some of the boyfriends did not like seeing "their fetish" on a man. It was this second circumstance that caused the founding of MLHH as a separate place for men.
MLHH is probably not the place to post pictures saying "See how girly I look" due to this history. Other than that, I can't imagine that you won't continue to be most welcome here. The gang surely will enjoy hearing how things are going for you!
Oh, and the web pages you linked did not mention one thing. You do need a new avatar. The beard is so unbecoming on a lady!
Bill
Absolutely.
After 49 yesrs as a long haired maie I can absolutely identify
with this.
I would be a "born longhair."
I can absolutely identify with this too.
Except that around here in this part of the US of A most
women now have short hair and when I go into any place in town
I find my long hair is longer than most women. I've noticed
in recent months that 98% of women have hair that is shorter than
mine.
I would disagree. IMHO you'll find this place more welcoming than Facebook. On Facebook you may need to be prepared to
remove a number of friends depending on the makeup of your
friends list in Facebook.
Also I seem to recall we've had several trans gender individuals
on MLHH in past years.
Yeah, a lot of us here can identify with issues similar to those transgender people face.
The issue has not been hair length. It has been "celebrating long hair as an expression of femininity". Transgender people need support, but also another group does. This group is men who have been harassed with false assertions that their long hair is feminine. The moderators decided long ago that these men needed a place free of such assertions, and that those men were part of MLHH's target group, while transgender people were not. Supporting both groups was incompatible, and supporting the second group was the choice that MLHH made.
Also, there have been trolls from time to time who wanted to harass longhairs and would jump in pretending to be transgendered to rub the femininity slurs in our noses. Users don't see this stuff because the board is moderated.
My goodness, please don't compare us to Facebook! We are twice as old as Facebook. This site is moderated by fellow longhairs to keep it civilized. No one moderates Facebook. Facebook wants you to post everything, because each post is one more page they can splatter ads on. Users of Facebook have been driven to suicide because of the behavior of other users. MLHH is a much more happy and welcoming place because of its moderators. So long as one acts civilly and follows the rules that are here, one can go for months if not years and never be aware that the moderators are there. Trust me, they are.
Yes, we have! So long as they have been supportive of our mission to support longhaired men, and that includes men who have come here for support after being harassed about their hair being effeminate, transgender folks have been welcome. The same can be said for women. The two are actually mentioned in the same rule.
I would add that the rule is probably directed towards MTF transgender people, although the rule doesn't say that. I've never seen problems here with FTMs.
Bill
I recall finding myself on such a site some years ago. It was before I found MLHH, certainly. There were a few women there, with long hair, but they seemed to be a definite minority. Most of the members were men who were there to see pics of the women! That a man had joined with the goal of growing his own hair extremely long was preposterous to them.
First of all, I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Your support means more to me than I could ever fully articulate with words.
Several people have expressed interest in keeping up with my transition, so I've placed a link to my Facebook account on the bottom of this post. I figured that this wasn't the right place to put my transition updates, being that this is, first and foremost, a male site.
Also, I've included a more recent picture. Yes, I've removed the beard, I did so about a month ago. Those of you who are familiar with the term "beard", as it applies to the gay community, may find it funny that my beard was an actual beard. Irony~
Again, thank you, all of you.
My Facebook
Hoodely-doop!
I would mention here that this probably is the better site to
put your updates. On this type of thing Facebook can be a very
unwelcoming/nasty/angry place. In recent years i've found it discouraging how some on Facebook react to LGBT issues.
I'm sure she'll have support over that negativity tenfold.
I would also mention that she will be welcome here since
even beyond being trans gendered she is also supportive the
prime directive for MLHH, i.e. men growing their hair long.
From the FAQ:
17. Are women and transgenders welcome?
Our site is intended for men who want to look like men and consider long hair to be part of that look. Unlike with women and transgenders, having long hair puts a man in a small minority, and our site's purpose is to support that minority. Women and transgenders are welcome if their purpose is to support men who have long hair. There is infinite room on the Internet, and others are free to set up their own sites or visit existing sites if our site's focus does not meet their needs.
Thank YOU.
If I were you I would not post about your transition here either simply because of the lack of privacy.
Everybody (members or not-members) can find this website and see what we talk about , and your transition probably is not something that you would like to share to the entire community of the internet. So on Facebook you can control who is following your updates.
Actually you can't. Bear in mind you can have privacy controls set
and someone finds lots of private information about you by using the new graphics search. And then there is the boatload of security breaches on facebook.
Assume you have no privacy on Facebook. If i were you i'd stick with this site. Especially where you've got employers and schools who instst that students/employees disclose their
social networking passwords.
Also with facebook you may be careful with what make available,
but your friends may not be as careful.
I agree with Albany's comments (beginning with "Actually"). Facebook privacy settings are a moving target; what you set today may be meaningless tomorrow. And all of us have flaky friends.
The "students and employees being told to cough up passwords" problem has ceased in California and some other states:
State laws end demanding passwords
In time, this ban may become a widespread rule.
Bill
It is only illegal in six states. That means it is legal in 44
states.
Now i'm not a lawyer nor do I play one on TV but these laws
in those six states may not be fully legal. If you're accessing
Facebook or other social media or your email on company computers your employer has every right to read that email or
posting to the point where they could key loggers on the computers (the company owns the computers so they can do stuff
like that.)
So the bottom line here is if you want to read your email, read
posts on Twitter or facebook do it at home on your own computer.
I would also note that post anonymously on an internet board
the company can break through that anonynimity, obtain your
identity and fire you. A few people found that out the hard way
when they posted anonymously on an internet chat board and the
company tracked them down, found out who they were, and fired them.
So even though six states say it is illegal to ask for Facebook
passwords, there will be companies/schools that will still do it,
and there will be those who will hack into your account, or find
other ways to access your account. Or they may just demand the password under threat of termination.
Now I would also mention that if you're a parent there is
software you can get to monitor your kids on social media. At some point schools and employers will figure out they can use
that software to monitor users. Or they can use the old fashioned method of using a class mates or made up name
to friend them.
Indeed. The trend is headed in that direction though. Sometimes such trends can move very fast. Other times they take a long time. One never knows. It depends upon what riles up the populace.
Yes, but you enjoy looking at the legal angle of stuff, something we share. I actually am a lawyer, admitted to the Illinois Bar in 1973. I have not done any work requiring that license since 1979, though, and I put it in retired status to save the renewal fees. My current license is as a registered professional engineer in California, which I did need for my primary occupation, which was designing electrical systems in large buildings and preparing the construction contracts for them. I did the electrical in several of San Francisco's largest buildings. So that is part of my history. Hell, I'm 66 years old. I've had the time to do lots of cool stuff.
Anyone who does anything private on the computers at work is foolish. I think that is pretty well known.
You bet.
And risk legal liability. Admittedly, the odds of it are low.
I will share with you my "universal privacy policy". I made it as a joke but it is wholly true. You can read through pages and pages of a privacy policy, but save your time. This is the real one on every site you visit:
Computers at home if you live with others (such as parents) or at school carry the same caveat as computers at work. If you don't physically control the computer 24/7, others with access can get into it and snoop on its activity.
This trick is older than the Internet. My sister skipped school one day in 1963 as did a lot of kids to go to a popular auto race. The school had a secretary with a childish voice call each absent student and ask, "Is (first name of student) there?" My mother said, "No, she went to the auto races." My sister was toast.
Bill
Look or it to move very slowly and in many cases to stop.
The bottom line here is in many cases people are using
computers owned by their employer/school which giove the owner
of the computer full rigths to access anything that computer is
used for.
Moral of this story: if you're going to access facebook: do it at hoem on your own time. Don't use the ocmputer at work. And don't use your employers wifi either.
I'm not a lawyer but i'm also fully aware of what is legal
and illegal on computers so I can stay out of jail and out
of the courts.
Actually it's not well known. Hence alot of folks have gotten
nailed for stuff they did on their employers computer.
Also many employers actively monitor computer use including things like what site an employee visies and installing
key loggers.
Some of the IT magazines I read content that as many
as 85% of employers monitor employee computer usage.
Finally i'd also point out even if it is illegal for an
employer or school to ask for your social medea password
the employer or school can often break into the account
when you have stupid people using "PASSWORD" or "1234"
as their password.
One of those states, though, is California. Almost all the companies employers are interested in are in California. Facebook, Google, YouTube, and Yahoo are an hour's drive from here. I can walk to Twitter in thirty minutes. If you commit a crime that happens in two states, you can be tried in either. This was decided long ago when someone shot someone else across a state line. "I've never been in that state" did not hold water as an excuse. California will regard such an act as akin to a burglary.
Indeed the employer has access. However, there are two types of access. To a programmer, if he has root, he has access. To managerial types, if someone has their permission, they have access. I laughed when Snowden rolled off all the places he had access to, and the bigwigs emphatically denied it. It went over the bigwigs' heads that the meaning of the word "access" was actually what the disagreement was about. At some level, every computer system has to be managed by humans, and those people have to have access to everything, i.e., root. At MLHH that person is Vivien. Vivien can look at everything. You cannot run a web site without there being someone like that. The question when you choose among sites to visit is, who do you trust more, Vivien or Mark Zuckerberg?
Indeed, Vivien can't look at anything you do if you never visit MLHH. And your boss can't snoop if you never use the computers or networks at work for it. This is the physical blocking of access, the one that programmers understand. Steps that prevent this access work. Steps that take on managerial or legal ideas abut access don't always.
Well, it's well known by people who are not net newbies. People who get into a technical hobby and don't read up on it first get what they deserve.
I worked for a place like that. My job was to put news stories on their web site. I had to sit in front of my computer waiting for changes to come in, and to avoid falling asleep during lulls, or chatting up neighboring coworkers who had work to do right then, I surfed the Internet and did private e-mail. They didn't like the idea that I was doing e-mail, and the computer was taking frequent screen shots for their snoop department. I told them that I didn't care whether they looked at my e-mail or not. I am not really a very private person. I went on to say I didn't care if they put cameras in the stalls in the men's room, just don't come complaining to me if they saw sh--. I never heard a word from them after that about e-mail. I don't know if they ever looked at it or not. I didn't care.
I grew up in a small town. Everyone knew everyone else's business. No one had any sense of privacy. I got into the ham radio hobby when I was 16. Federal law prohibited anonymity in ham radio. Anyone could be listening to your transmissions. They could be in Russia for all you knew. When hams shifted to the Internet, many of us used our names. "Handles are for CBers," many of us said. (Hams looked down on CBers (who never had to take a test) as children, and even called CB the "children's band"). For 18 years I've used my name on the Internet, and no harm has come from it. Yeah, you can Google me, and right now it just showed 10100 hits. A few of those are to two cousins of mine, but most are to me. I figure if there's any bad stuff there, the good stuff will swamp it out. Have I ever looked at those ten thousand pages? Of course not, and certainly no one else has had as much interest in "me" as me, so they haven't either.
But do they take the time to READ it? Collection of data is easy. Reading it takes up someone's time. My web site logs all IP numbers of everyone it sends data to. All web sites do. But I haven't looked at that log in a year. Just now I looked at it to see how many IP numbers were listed for looking at that "privacy policy" image. Less than a dozen had requested it, so this tells me few users are interested in looking at these deep threads talking about legal and engineering stuff. I wondered if you and I shouldn't just take it off the board and e-mail privately. On the other hand, it may be educational for the few who don't know about this stuff and are motivated to learn. (See previous "newbie" comment.)
Yeah, and that can still lead to jail time. I think it was in Tennessee that someone broke into a prominent person's Yahoo e-mail account. Law enforcement was motivated to draw blood, and they did. When you go into a place and take something knowing you don't have permission, it is burglary. It is burglary in every state. Even if the door is not locked at all.
Bill
Actually Google operates in other states besides California.
I beleive they have locations in a number of states besides
California. (I'm trying to remember where it was but
I noticed a google office when I was driving earlier this month.
And this was no where near California.
Also You Tube is owned by Google.
Also isn't Yahoo located in other states besides California?
Not necessarily. if you post anonymously on a chat board
your employer can go to court and get that anonymity broken
thus allowing him to find you and fire your posterior. A number of people posted stuff in regards to publicly traded companies
on wall street and the companies successfully tracked them
down and fired them. Now the folks used their computers at
home anonymously and they still got tracked down and fired.
News flash: it's a radio going out over the radio airwaves.
Anyone with a radio can listen to it.
BTW, I'd love to get my ham radio license but I hate
morse code.
You are right, and that makes your data less secure, not more, of course. They have to keep more jurisdictions than one happy. Yahoo in particular has not managed this situation well. They gave China access to a dissident's e-mail causing him to get a long prison sentence, and they harassed people who had posted about Nazis because that was illegal in France. These were both cases of users expressing political opinions, which is a sacrosanct activity in the U.S.
True. But they have to have a valid reason to get a subpoena. Trying to find out who at their company has long hair is probably not a valid reason.
And you think microwave towers moving net traffic, and cell phone towers, are not using radio?
Morse code is no longer required!
Go for it!
Bill
And if Yahoo didn't China would have found other ways to find
the disadent. It's China, they most likely already knew where
each and every disadent was, what they had done and could
pick them up faster than you can say "Bejing."
Also China could ultimately shut down the internet
completely or severly limit it's use if Yahoo didn't
co-operate. Also China could bar Yahoo from operating in China.
For Yahoo in China it's a no win scenario. China will always win no matter what Yahoo did.
Insider trading or tips that could tank a stock price are
things that have gotten folks nailed in recent years.
Potentially being gay or trans could get you nailed by a
company if they company is staunchiy christian.
I would also point out there a number of states where you can
be fired for being gay. Sad but true.
http://www.businessinsider.com/states-where-you-can-be-fired-for-being-gay-2013-4
Coming out is a process in which you replace people who loved you for the way you aren't, with people who love you the way you are.
No law can make people love you. I learned a long time ago, if people don't like you because you are gay, because you wear hippie clothes, or because you have long hair, then you just write them out of you life. You take your talents elsewhere. They lose. You, and the recipients of your talents, win.
Bill
The Morse requirement was eliminated in 2003, but it took the FCC until 2007 to remove it in the US. Most European countries had done it within weeks.
Alun
How true. Once it goes on the internet its floats around cyberspace for ever. And if it embarrasing it'll surface at the
most inconvenient time (like when you're running for congress.)
And if it is something you sexted to a friend/classmate/teacher/
etc. it will surface when you run for public office.
Too many kids do lots of stupid things on the interent and
live to regret it in their adult years.
I know that Privacy policies constantly change on Facebook. But at least you have a privacy configuration to set.
Here on this board, everybody can see what we're talking about. Anybody who types mlhh.org on the browser has access to all of our comments.
So, considering that this is not a minor thing in her life (Septet's transition) I dont consider this is the right place to keep us updated, simply because its not fair that everybody in the net knows what Septet is going through .
Also, the fact that employers and schools in SOME states of the USA insist on people to disclose their passwords , does not mean that happens worldwide. This is the first time I hear that and sounds ridiculous.
If much of MLHH were hidden behind passwords and privacy settings, half of the longhairs who are benefitting from the support that the site provides would not be here. They would have never found the site. Lots of people lurk before they jump in. It's ironic that this thread is about "coming out", but there is no coming out for a longhair. Everyone on the street can see you are a longhair.
Soon after MLHH was founded there were discussions about hiding stuff, making people log in, etc. We decided that most men wit long hair don't need privacy about that, but some may be timid, and barriers keep men from participating. That is why a newcomer can simply post. No joining or log-in.
Because of this, no one will ever succeed in extracting your MLHH password from you. MLHH does not have passwords!
It's surely a different deal than having long hair, and she may want more privacy. This is not the site for privacy, as you said. Longhairs are not timid about flouting their hair. We let the freak flag fly, and we don't care if it hits you in the eye.
All I can say to that is, "Never underestimate the chutzpah of Americans with money."
Bill
Because of this, no one will ever succeed in extracting your MLHH password from you. MLHH does not have passwords! :
Exactly! Thats what I am trying to say. This is place was meant to share our long hair journeys. I think that sharing the transition from Male to Female on a public - open space is something dangerous.
What I meant is that the law you guys talked about was a US law, not a new Facebook privacy policy . Is not that Facebook is implementing this worldwide, is the US Government the one who wants you -for some reason- to disclose your FB password. For this reason Facebook has to complain with the local government laws. If it were a Facebook policy, then that would be the same worldwide, and is not.
No it is not. it is schools and employers who want
social media users to disclose their usernaames and passwords..
This includes both public schools and private schools. Alot of thise is motivated by kids who use socail media to bully other
kids and otherwise terrorise them on social media. It's also
employers who don't want trade secrets going out on social meedia.
(Now it should also be noted that lawyers/IRS/law enforcement
also gather information through social medea. some youths forget that when they post photos of their friends drinking underage, shooting cocaine, or trashing a house after a
big party.)
It is against Facebook's terms of service, which all users agree to, to ever give your password to anyone else. It is also against their rules to not use your real name. Needless to say, people violate those rules all the time, and without moderation, users know they are very unlikely to be hassled about it.
As for privacy on Facebook, it is such a moving target that I long ago quit keeping track of it. Since they can change their privacy rules at any time without telling you, you really have no privacy at all.
And as for the U.S. government, or any government, with subpoenas and access to the servers or appropriate employees of a company, they can seize any information it has that they want. Any country at war will be more aggressive about that than others, and the U.S. is currently at war. You cannot keep a government with a subpoena out of your servers even if you put them in a bank vault. They will just dynamite the door.
As I said before, there really is no absolute privacy on the Internet. The company actually matters a lot. Twitter is known as being very protective of users' data, for example. To get info from them, you have to fight them tooth and nail. The government knows that. Google is also in California, but they have been in the middle of the pack on "fighting back". Some companies just hand over requested data without any fight at all.
Bill
Bear in mind the U.S. government has computers monitoring everything going over the internet. Everything. Now someone is not listening to every word you send or speak. Rather they are
monitoring for specific keywords. If they come accross one of those keywords they will flag you for more scrutiny. In this
post 9/11 world you can probably guess those key words.
Any country at war will be more aggressive about that than others, and the U.S. is currently at war. You cannot keep a government with a subpoena out of your servers even if you put them in a bank vault. They will just dynamite the door.
Some of these servers are in remote countries outside of the
jurisdiction of the U.S. of A. And many of these servers
are in countries where the laws are so old they haven't caught
up with telephones much less oomputers.
Keep in mind they have other ways to access your data. If Twitter won't co-operate they can get the data from the many servers that your data goes through from your house to Twitters
servers.
I agree with this, but between having a privacy policy changing all the time and having NO privacy option at all, I would choose the first option. Specially when it comes to a place where I am going to publish certain things about my private life.
In Facebook I can choose who is reading my posts, who I have as friends, etc. I cant handle that on this board. Everybody can read this board. And thats great, because the topic we are treating here is not a big deal , its just hair. But if Septet wants to update us about her transition, she would probably have to do it on a website where she can handle who sees and follows everything she shows. It will be better for her . Thats my opinion.
I agree.
But there is a major difference, i.e. on facebook people
post things like their real name, their home address,
their home phone number, when they won't be home, etc.
A crooks dream come true. "John Doe live at x street
in Chicago IL and he won't be home tonight because he'll
be at x concert."
MLHH doesn't have that problem, since it doesn't have home addresses, phone #s, etc.
I think people post private info in Facebook just because they want. I mean, you are not forced to post your home address, real name, etc. You do it only if you want and if you're sure about who is in your contacts list.
I would never post my home address . I dont even post my email.
Something that does happen here in Argentina is that when you apply for a job and send your CV , Human Resources personnel tend to look for your email address on Facebook to see if they can find your profile and check it out (profile pics, etc) to find out who they are interviewing or hiring.
Thats why I have 2 Facebook profiles. One is the one that I ALWAYS use. The other one is the one where I registered my CV email address (its a more "professional" profile) so if they ever check it out they will not find any surprises hahaha.
I'm very stingy with what I post on facebook..............
no home address, no phone #, I don't even post the city
or town I live in.
I also stick with very generic posts that don't really generate
debate.
Hi Septep,
it would be cool if you could be a woman and keep the beard !!
I don't understand why you have to go through all the surgery and stuff (except for a good rack)
Cheers and good luck !!
Tes
Hi Septet,
First of all you also have my full support in your transition as like others have stated its your life to live and no one elses.Life is shorter than you think and it would be a shame to not follow your heart.I'm not very familiar with transgendered people,since I don't know any personally,but I'm sure if I came across one they would be nice like all other civilized people.Anyway it would be nice keeping up with your transition so I will check out your FB page.Best of luck and cheers my friend.
Mârk
Actually you might very know someone but not be aware of it.
Well that's very possible and if I do then they are keeping it a close secret.I would imagine they could hide that fact very easily if they chose to.Cheers
Mârk
Or maybe they transitioned their sexual identity years ago.
I would point out a number of transsexuals will never
mention it given the very toxic atmosphere in countries
like the US of A.
I find it absolutely horroble what trans gender folks have
to go through in the in the US of A and how deep the
hatred/misunderstanding is of transgender folks.
Hello Septet/Kristal!
Wow, I can't say I saw this coming, but then again we only know as much about our online friends as they're willing to share.
While I can't say I for certain I've met anyone who's gone through the change, I do know of a few people that have (one being my best friend's uncle that became his aunt) and have known a few guys that started down that road and for whatever reason turned back. (One spent two years living as a woman before calling it off) It's not an easy road to travel, and some taking that path end up finding themselves somewhat gender ambivalent. I hope whatever your ultimate path you find the happiness you deserve.
Good Luck!
--Dale
Dale's Facebook Page
I weep for the loss of your lovely beard...
Just kidding, of course. There are two trans women in my family, one of whom became extremely successful and happy after the transition. (The other is medium-successful and happy, like me). These transitions go back between 10 and 15 years, and one thing I've observed is that even the doubters (many in my family) come around with time.
So if I may give some advice, I think it would be worthwhile to keep the supporters close (obvious, that), but also not completely cut off those who aren't initially as open and supportive as you would like.
Best of luck as you become your authentic self for all to see.
Septet,
You have my admiration and respect. I know a number of trans people. One of the struggles is needing to educate others. You did that so nicely and without judgment as people try to understand.
I don't know you that well, but I stand by you my sister.
Tony
Hey Septet!
While this is rather surprising and sort of out of the blue for me as well, especially after having followed your statuses and life both of facebook and on your YouTube channel, I have nothing but words of respect and encouragement for you.
It's not easy making such a statement, being so true with one self and saying to the world, this is me, please accept me as I am, as I want to be free.
Whether it's long hair, sexual orientation, skin color, religion, race or what not... we are all deserving of living fulfilling lives, and to get to experience what it is to love someone, and to be loved back by that person.
While I do understand where Bill is coming from when saying that this board is mainly for helping the minority of men wanting to be manly with their long hair, I assure you there is place for you here as well, as for any one else for that matter, no matter the differences between us :)
I would even go as far as to guess that a big part, if not the majority of users here are homosexuals, which again, does nothing at all to detract from the part that we are all here to support men being able to grow and be accepted with long hair.
What I do, sometimes feel uncomfortable with, is getting inappropriate comments from others users, whether here or on Facebook, but thanks to the great moderator team here, as well as being able to remove such people from your friends list on facebook, it all works out just fine in the end.
So.. to end that ramble with some coherent point... you were a great dude to hang around virtually with, and now you will be a great dudette to do the same with here on the MLHH! You've got nothing but love and support coming from me, Kristal :)
One love, people!
Hi Septet,
Congratulations on your coming out! Although I don't post here often, I do read the board almost daily, and it's nice to see other GLBT members.
Good luck :-)
Kris
WOW, what an amazing read, and very brave of you to share so much private and personal info with us; yet I can certainly relate, because I've been very open with the regular users here at MLHH that I'm a gay guy (officially coming out to my family way back in 1987, the year I separated from my wife of 6 years, eventually getting divorced and moving back to Northern Calif. before the end of that year).
Although I support you 100%, I have to admit to one thing I'll miss about the old you: I will miss your awesome-looking beard!!
No worries, though, I'll get over it -- it's more important that you be the person you feel you are are the inside, than you try to make people like me happy looking at your avatar photo (LOL)!
I also thoroughly enjoyed your subtle sense of humor -- or in some cases, not even all that "subtle!" (LOL)
Two years ago I went with some dance friends to a trans wedding up in the No. Calif. redwoods. We knew the groom, "Dane" (used to be "Diane"; so this was a M to F trans.)... As you had mentioned in your comments, the one thing that was difficult for sure was getting the pronouns straight (no pun intended - LOL)!
Anyway, my best to you -- and thank you again for your remarkable post, and your bravery to share so openly and so freely with us!
- Ken in San Francisco
Total respect and support!
Damon
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