new thread
So I'm a licensed social worker in NY. I'm also a libertarian, so my views sometimes conflict with the liberal status quo of social workers.
When I was hired for my current job about 2 years ago, my hair was very short. I have been growing it out now for about 18-20 months. Despite the very liberal field of social work, and my registered democrat co-workers constantly touting 'tolerance', I still get negative comments about my hair from a handful of them.
It's often in jest, but sometimes the comments walk that line between making a harmless joke and being quite offensive in nature (were I the type to be offended by such things).
It's interesting that professionals in a field that actually has tolerance of people's differences as part of the the code of ethics, that something like long-hair on a man still riles these people up. Just goes to show you, even in 2013 there is no line of work that is immune to silly prejudice and bigotry.
To those of you who might be new to the long-hair thing, or feel self-conscious because you get made fun of, or somewhere deep down you feel bad about having long hair because your family or upbringing discouraged it for whatever reason... just remember that its your hair, its your life, its your decision. You can be the positive man with long hair that helps change these people's minds about what it means to be a longhaired man. You can be someone who shows then that long hair and a Y chromosome can co-exist and its no big deal.
Take heart, and happy growing :)
Hi Rome,
That's too bad your taking some heat at work over something as petty as the length of your own hair.The fact that you work in what I guess is a "liberal" field makes it even that much more surprising.Goes to show being liberal only works when you march in lock step to "all" their ideals.Waver off the trail in any way and you receive backlash.Regardless I hope this doesn't make you second guess your hair and persuade you to eventually cut it back short if you really enjoy it long.Thanks for telling us your experience and hopefully your co workers will back off from their negative comments.Good luck my friend.Cheers
Mârk
Well spoken! Thanks for your encouragement!
... very well said & a great pic. cheers CEM. :))
Hi Rome,
Thanks so much for sharing your recent experiences, comments, and observations in this post -- amazing, isn't it, that such a simple harmless thing as the hair on your own head can receive some negative feedback in such a liberal field as yours, and in such a modern era as the year 2013!!!
It sounds like you have an excellent sense of humor and are able to take most anti-longhair comments in stride -- I have very much had the exact same approach & attitude ever since first growing my own hair out during the 1990s. In fact, I totally LOVE a friendly joke or tease about my long hair; but occasionally I used to experience a not-so "friendly" joke (more like a mean-spirited jab), or as I put it about a once-upon-a-time used to be close friend of mine, her "Mother Knows Best" advise (strongly suggesting I keep my hair short after my infamous Y2K short haircut) got old real fast... And, just like you, I thought of this person as a "liberal".... so much for those kind of so-called liberals!
Anyway, thanks so much again for your beautifully written post, I enjoyed reading it very much! You are obviously a deep thinker, as well as wonderfully articulate -- including having an ability to communicate your thoughts and ideas not only incredibly clearly, but also with a gentleness & humor that is quite rare in today's world... What a beautiful gift!
Thanks again,
Ken in San Francisco
Based on the scornful way that you speak about your co-workers, it sounds like you have a huge chip on your shoulder and are the one creating the friction in your work setting.
Yours is the tone that is scornful, not Rome's. Way to support a fellow longhair trying to battle prejudice and stand up for himself and his rights. Shame on you.
Amen,Jason. I totally agree with your point. I work in the health care field and find the same kinds of hypocrisy. Recognizing and resisting bigotry and prejudice does not constitute "having a chip on your shoulder". Rather the opposite. Only by resisting undue control by others on our personal appearance and rights do we maintain freedom at all. Keeping totally quiet and just letting others express crap in our direction is just the first step down the slippery slope to making us All Clones, unthinking, scared little manipulated beings in a world controlled by despots and bullies.
I agree, too.
Is this dude for real?
I am always okay with self-reflection and don't shy away from someone shining the light on me to see if I might be the issue. In this case, however, I'm not, and your one-liner analysis of "the chip on my shoulder" is erroneous. I very much like my co-workers, and they are the nicest and hardest working group of coworkers I have ever had at a job (I've had over a dozen jobs now).
The hair comments that have been made are completely unprovoked, and sometimes inspired by an environmental impetus (like merely having a comb laying on MY desk leading to "You wouldn't have to comb your hair during the day if you had short hair, you know...")
Anyways...
I have had jobs that I was told I had to keep my hair short, some for safety, some for customer relations etc... but then I get there to find out the current longhairs keep their ponys under their hats.... (had I known ...I wouldn't have cut it!)
And besides, if a guy with long hair is not good with the public, why is it that guys in pro sports, movies, TV and Rock Bands can get away with it? (never could figure that out...)
Don't worry, the others are just jealous.. Onward and Downward..
The first thing I would mention is alot of it comes down to
age. I would bet that of the comments come from older co-workesrs who are very much set in their ways and attitudes.
I stated growing long hair in 1964, I got lots of greif from
school administrators, teachers, employers, relatives, etc. about
my long hair. I'm now 59 years old, when I reached the age of
45 the comments, complaints and greif all stopped.
For many of those who are older it is burnt into the their
DNA to criticize, complain and rag on those who are younger.
So my advice is to stick to your guns, and keep your long hair
long. Ignore all those co-workers, the only one you need
to not ignore is your boss(es) or supervisor(s). But then
you may be able to get around them by 1. keeping your hair
neat and clean, and/or doing such a great job that
you are irreplaceable that they'll tolerate your long hair
to keep you as an employee. And if it is an elderly client
that is complaining about your hair maybe take some extra steps
to win their support/confidence/etc.
i would also mention that being in a position that deals with the public there may be some clients that are not comfortable
with younger men with long hair. Could that be coming into play here?
I deal with a lot of elderly in my civil war group (the averrage age is about 70) and they're all find with my long hair. The elderly will complain about young men with long hair but their
fine with me having long hair. It's in their DNA to
comaplain about the youger generation.
I would also mention that about 20 years ago I was
a libertarian until i came to the realization that
libertarianism can't work, haven't figured out how to
get themselves elected.
Many years ago I used to listen to the Gene Burns Show
(he was the libertarian candidate for president back
a number of years ago and complained for many years
that libertarians never were able to figure out how to
get themselves elected. Sadly he died recently.
The other major problem with libertarianism is it dempends
on the marketplace to correct problems. Except that
never took into account lawyers. One of the prime examples
libertarians always used was why do we need government to shut town a store that sells bad meat, they market place can do that
without government. Expcet in the real world, that can't happen.
Consuemrs complain about the store selling bad meat, the store
turns around gets it's lawyers to shut down the complaints,
and the result it the market place fails. The result is
libertarianism can't work.
so it took me a few yesrs to conclude that libertarianism wasn
not workable. Too many flaws in the philosophy.
The bottom line is at the age of 59, i've found
the elderly complain about younger folks because they can.
So take a few extra steps to prove they can trust you,
rely on you, be comfortable with you. After all they lived
in a much different era when they grew up.
Wow, a lot here, thanks for the reply. I kind of unintentionally invited a political discussion when I started that I am libertarian. Clearly I believe the ideas do work and there's a difference between libertarianism and anarchy, the latter of which I don't espouse. I will humbly bow out of any political ideology debate in this thread as that really isn't the point of disclosing my basic identifying political affiliation. I love debates and would be happy to do so in a private message.
You are correct that the people who make the majority of the comments are my older co-workers (50's+). I have no trouble working with clients and have a good reputation as a worker, I'm not worried there. I also have no thoughts of cutting my hair because of work. I just made this thread to note that no field or workplace is safe from prejudice against long hair on men, even the ones you would expect to be pretty accepting.
Hi Rome,
This is interesting to me because I'm going into the same field, and am also in the process of growing my hair out. I have 2-1/2 more years until I get my master's, but I'm sure I'll be doing internships while I'm in the midst of my awkward stage. Thanks for the warning.
Kris
If you want to message me about the field or what you might expect starting internships, feel free to private message me. Some people might say not to cave to any of the "professional workplace" pressure regarding your hair. I found that internships during awkward stages were best handled by learning some styling tricks that work for your hair type to make it appear more tamed or conservative. You have enough to worry about in a grad internship. Silly prejudice about hair shouldn't be one of them. And if you can blunt it a bit with mousse or the like I think its worth it.
The awkward stage is also a confidence-killer IMO. Styling can improve confidence, which can improve your performance at work.
One thing I've learned (and that you've found out) is that hate knows no bounds. However, the same is true with love.
At first mention of my look, I always give them the benefit of the doubt. I treat them as if they like my look and are friendly. They may just be looking for conversation openers. I will smile. If they go heavy on the hippie stuff, I'll throw them a peace sign, or throw in a hippie expression with a big smile.
If the tone is very negative they get no response at all. I pretend it didn't happen. For the most part, I thereafter pretend that they didn't happen, either. They are probably a lost cause.
As time goes on, you figure out if the comments are friendly or not. If they are friendly, you mutually tease each other lightly about each other's identity. Everyone has an identity. By this time, you should have come to know theirs. Eventually you will settle into a level with this that you are both comfortable with, and it will generally be a very "low" level.
If the comments are not particularly funny, and you don't react to them much, they will tire of making them and it will all be in the past, unless they are abusive or totally clueless types. If they are such, I tell them they've worn the subject out and it's not funny anymore, and you don't want to hear any more of it. If they persist, you can either ignore them altogether or start making just as nasty comments about aspects of their identity. I prefer the ignore route, but if they are too in your face, you may have to resort to the latter. Hint: The "ignore" approach ALMOST always works.
The previous paragraph, by the way, is what works with rude people in general.
Bill
Interestingly, the most straight-forwardly negative person about my hair happened to be a coworker I liked just fine as a person. She told me once, very bluntly and in front of our peers, "I don't like your long hair. It's not very professional. I saw a picture of you on facebook with short hair. You looked much better, really sharp and professional. I thought I should tell you."
Can you believe that? Hair had never been a topic on conversation before. She just kind of blurted that out one day. To which, in my slight shock, I replied, chuckling, with "Oh stop, I love the long hair! More importantly my wife LOVES the long-hair, and she' the only woman whose opinion really matters to be on the subject!" and laughed.
Later I asked her "Whats not 'professional' about a man with long hair?". She had no answer. What baffles me is what she "thought she should tell me". As if she believed her opinion was valuable enough to me that it would change my mind, or if she believes that her opinion that my hair wasn't professional was a fact and I just seemed unaware of the truth...needed to be enlightened, as a favor to me and our workplace. Odd interaction, that was.
Exactly! There IS no answer. People just get stuck with meaningless preconceptions. I do wish more people could think for themselves instead of blindly following some stupidity they get from others.
Damon
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Rome -
I had a feeling when I saw your picture and post a few weeks back, that you might be part of the Sterling Fair - but, now I know we share locations and lines of work - I am also in social work, although I did not get my Masters (my regret). I lean toward Libertarian ideals, too. I am not totally surprised by what you are saying - even though we are in a more liberal area and social workers tend to be liberal leaning - I find they follow a narrow path of acceptance, much to many folks surprise - I have been growing my hair out for 10 months - I haven't got much flack about it, but I know my peers are talking about me behind my back. I am kind of bracing myself, as I am getting to the point in hair growth where it is now obvious I am doing something deliberately. I tend to keep to myself. I don't share my political or spiritual beliefs with too many people unless asked and I mind my own business - I expect others to do the same - but, I am not always so lucky. Thanks for sharing your post.
Count me as someone who is a little surprised that you get this kind of flack in social work. I have a close friend who is a licensed social worker and works for one of the major hospital organizations in town. He is not a longhair, but he bleaches his hair, wears vintage clothes, and lots of jewelry...rings, bracelets, necklaces. The overall effect that he is apt to stand out more in a crowd than just about any longhair. So I did have the impression of social work being pretty tolerant of individual appearance.
I work in local government and surprisingly I have had no negative comments addressed to me from co-workers. I sometimes get relatively neutral comments from colleagues who don't see me every day and might react to the growth in my hair because they see the difference more than the day-to-day oh-so-gradual change.
Nonetheless, it still amazes me how free many people feel to comment and give their opinion on my hair. Depending on who is doing it and what they're saying, it can be weird and rude and disturbing. Making such a personal comment is not something I would ever do, except for a compliment. Even then, I try to consider the appropriateness before opening my trap. :-)
I appreciate what you wrote in the paragraph below....it's how I'm trying to live my life.
Chris
I've found that most people willing to be bold enought to say something have also been open to accepting this as my choice - most are supportive, even if they don't agree... I don't really see what the difference is from me deciding to grow my hair long than a female who decides to do the same thing, except that I don't have as many options as a woman might have as it grows -I try to keep myself looking neat and clean - dressing professionally - with my hair under the best control I can give it, considering this awkward stage goes on and on and on...
I don't like to make a big deal out of my personal choices and decisions - because it's my business and not my peers - I try to remember that it's none of my business what others think of me... But, if I need to stand up for myself, I will. I just do it in a matter of fact manner - fact is, this is the way it is - and I'll keep going with that. Best of luck to all you guys, Rome, and others - who face the prejudices in people along the way...
Peace,
Fitz
As I was reading through this thread it occurred to me that
if you're a social worker you'd be more apt to have a
better relationship with clients if, as a social worker,
you had long hair, maybe some tatoos, and lost the three
peice soit. That way the social worker would have better luck
connecting with the younger generation who comes in to partake in
the services of a social worker.
As someone who is not in the social worker profession am I correct
in this observation? Am I correct that if you're counseling
an 18 year old to stay in school and graduate that you'd have better luck connecting with that 18 year old if you looked more like someone his age and not a stock broker/banker/etc.?
I also have to take issue with the concept of "looking
professional." For example you have a boss who complains
about someone not looking profeesional with long hair while
the boss is going bald and has this massive combover
to cover the bald spot. (I had one friend who worked for a
boss who complained about his long hair, meanwhile the boss
had a combover was longer than the friends long hair.)
You are correct, to a point... if you are working with teenagers in a drop in teen center or runaway.homeless center, casual dress, jeans - shirt - no ties, suits, etc. would be appropriate - if you wore an earring or had a tattoo, that would be OK.
I work with senior citizens - My professional dress is by wearing chino pants, corduroys, khakis, and a button shirt - no tie - on Fridays I get to wear jeans as we have dress down Fridays. It's no big deal - my professional dress code would not fly if I worked in a hospital or if I were a lawyer or if I were a TV news anchor... I rarely wear a tie. I don't like them and I don't have a job or other requirements where I have to wear one -if I go to a wedding that is formal, I will wear a tie and a jacket - I own a suit but only wear it on the most rare occasions...
Some social workers have more formal dress codes, some are less formal. Our agency is probably what is known as business casual.
I work in a hospital, we have a lax dresscode. Basically no jeans and no t-shirts. Anything with a collar is acceptable.
I work in a hospital, we have a lax dresscode. Basically no jeans and no t-shirts. Anything with a collar is acceptable. For the past few years before this job I was an outpatient therapist for kids, adults and couples. I wore shirt and tie everyday, and when I had longer hair I had it tied tight in a double or triple banded long ponytail. Got complaints but never from bosses, just co-workers.
Most clients loved my hair, especially teens and women. Middle-aged and older guys didn't like it, and were vocal about it,unless they had long hair themselves.
Atay the course, my friend. Do not let the cossacks win. Liberal field or not, Your hair is just that.... Yours. My field (Design & build) is rife with folks of all mindsets. Many longhairs and tails can be seen in this industry. Some even in suits. I have had to wear a suit on occasion. and I chafe at the idea. I truly loathe suits. (Same as my father, And he was a company owner.) Yes smoe guya in stations of authority try to impress their tastes on "the underlings" however, It is all for naught. Shaved or to the knees. It's not the hair that does the job. Its the whole person. and an emplyee who feels trapped or made to be something he/she is not, and that includes hair length, is a damaged asset. Stand your ground and ignore the braying of the asses.
I feel for you and have had issues with these types of "liberals" as you are dealing with now.
at one time real liberals used to encourage guys to grow their hair longer. they praised the Beatles to Woodstock and thought how revolutionary it was for young men to grow their hair long, but that was some time ago.
it seems that those types are quite rare anymore.
it's one reason I have become increasingly Apolitical.
wear your hair the way you want! you only have one life to live!
As i've mentioned before alot of it comes down to age not politics or party affiliation. When I started growing my hair long 1964 I got tons of complaints from relatives, and my school. My mom was supportive but other relatives were not.
All those complaints continued until I reached the age of 45. Never got any complaints after that. Adults have it ingrained
into their DNA to complain and criticise youth. But once I reached the age of 45 all those complaints stopped. And many of the folks I know are liberals and conservatives, and once I reached 45 years old none of them complain about my hair.
For example i'm in a civil war group and most of the members are considerably older than me, are extremely conservative, and
republican. And not one complaint about my hair. I was concerned my hair would be an issue when I joined the civil war group but it's never been an issue.
The moral of the story: stick to your guns and keep your
hair growing and flowing. Enjoy your hair farming and
ignore the nay sayers.
Believe it or not some older people(over the age of 55) are far more accepting of long hair on men than many 30-somethings.
as for political orientation there is no indication that one is in full support of our rights over the other.
I've known some Republicans, who are quite conservative who have no problem with long hair on men and some women who are republicans love long hair on men while some democrats don't like it, but there are some on both sides that are against or for so it does not come down to the liberals are against us vs the conservatives are for us.
the pc type liberals generally will be more inclined to insinuate that I need a "haircut", but this is a generalization.
some far-right evangelical conservatives will quote the bible regarding long hair on men, but these people are equally against short hair on women as well and probably are among the least tolerant.
from what I have experienced most libertarians seem to be far more tolerant than most conservatives AND liberals when it comes to how people wear their hair regardless of gender.
Yup. Do whatever you want, as long as it doesn't infringe on the rights of others. Including hair length.
Of course i've noticed a number of libertarians are all for small governemnt, except when it comes to womens rights. Then want
a government huge enough to be in every woman's uterus.
Actually i've found that to be true. When I was encouaged to
join the civil war group by relatives I thought, oh no i'm going
to get lots of complaints about my hair. So for years I
avoided joining. Finally i did join and to my surprise I haven't gotten one single long hair complaint. Not one. And the average age of the civil war group is about 78. So at
59 one of the younger members.
I haven't notice either party being more anti long hair,
it's all older guys dumping on the younger guys. (Guys in their
teens, 20s, 30s.) As i've said before when I reached the age of
45 the complaints stopped.
I haven't noticed that.
I haven't encountered any (even including the guys
we have as chaplains in the civil war group.)