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My wife lost her dad this week and I ended up attending a funeral and several other events. I have not spent a lot of time with my wife's family, and barely know some of them, so I was curious how I would be received with my long hair. I wore it in a tight ponytail to keep it from attracting attention, not out of fear of what would be said, but because the funeral wasn't about me and I felt I had no business taking any attention away from where it belonged. It was a rough week and the only other men I saw with long hair were one of my sons and a couple older gentlemen in the American Legion Honor Guard, but I am happy to report that I got no comments at all about my hair, good or bad. That surprised me considering the socially conservative nature of the family.
AS you say, your hair was not the centre of attention and it is to be hoped that minding their own business was as central to their thoughts as respect for the occasion.
My wife lost her dad this week and I ended up attending a funeral and several other events. I have not spent a lot of time with my wife's family, and barely know some of them, so I was curious how I would be received with my long hair. I wore it in a tight ponytail to keep it from attracting attention, not out of fear of what would be said, but because the funeral wasn't about me and I felt I had no business taking any attention away from where it belonged. It was a rough week and the only other men I saw with long hair were one of my sons and a couple older gentlemen in the American Legion Honor Guard, but I am happy to report that I got no comments at all about my hair, good or bad. That surprised me considering the socially conservative nature of the family.
I would mention that no matter how you wear your
hair, the center of attention will be on the deceased and
the immediate family. The family will greatly appreciate your
being there and supporting them no matter how you wear your hair.
Once I turned 45 I got exactly zero complaints about my hair at the many funerals i've been to over the years.
That does not stop some - they cannot help themselves, especially if they are there out of duty and not much more.
I agree that as I get older (I'm 40 now), the comments have decreased. I don't know if it's a matter of people deciding that I'm not likely to change my mind at this age, but it has become less of an issue as the years pass.
It's respect for your elders. Many of the elder relatives have died off, the younger ones respect their older relatives.
Now we have many in the Civil War group that are older than me
(the average age is 70+), but I get no complaints from them.
IMHO these guys are so glad to have active members that they'll
let the long hair slide.
Hi Michael,
First of all, may your father-in-law rest in Peace always! That was very thoughtful of you to draw attention away from your hair. I am glad to hear there were no negative reactions to your hair. That is a good thing. Also, very cool to hear of the long hairs in the American Legion Honor Guard.
Thanks for posting this news.
Ted
I've been to alot of funerals over the years for both family members, friends, co-workers, and memebers of the civil war group. I usually just wear my hair down and loose. Sometimes
it will be in a pony tail but most of the time it is down and
loose.
Once I reached the age of 45 (i'm 59 now) I ceased getting
complains about my hair.
I would also mention that family memebers deeply apprechiate that
you showed up and are there for them in this time of greiving.
I would also mention that when a member of our civil war group
dies we perform a GAR style service.
Of course everyone who knows me knows I have long hair.
Throughout all these funerals (and the many to come) I will
continue to wesr my hair long, I won't cut it, and I won't try
to hide it.
My condolences and my sympathies to your family. I am glad you made it through the week as best as possible. Your presence was a good measure of love and respect and I am sure it was appreciated.
That's bad news.
I like your explanation of why you put your hair in a tail. I would have done the same for exactly the same reasons.
I find no comments acceptable. Especially from the conservative side.
Sorry to hear the news about your wife's dad, my condolences. Loss and grief are tough for all of us, and I think your attitude and explanation of why you ponytailed your hair for the funeral was absolutely spot on-target. Good to hear that there was no negative comments (or ANY comments) from the conservatives in the family, as you are 100% correct: the purpose of a funeral or memorial service is to show respect for the deceased -- and just by you being there, they should appreciate that.
Take Care,
Ken
Also the purpose of the funeral/memorial service is to console/comfort/support the family in their time of grief.
My condolences about your father-in-law. I would say that tying your hair back was appropriate and respectful. I'm not surprised that you didn't get any comments even from a conservative family because non-crazy people recognize why they are there and don't seek confrontation at memorials.
I went to a funeral earlier this year for a neighbor and friend who passed away at age 92. She had been a WAC in World War II, and she had an American Legion Honor Guard and motorcycle escort at her funeral as well. Fully a third of the guys in the Honor Guard had long hair.