new thread
Today I was at a place for little kids to celebrate my little brothers birthday and I had to take a piss. After I came out of the toilet stalls, two little girls ran past me and one of them asked the other in a loud voice whether I was a guy or a girl. Now the hallway was a little bit dark, but I was facing in their direction when they ran past me and since no one has mistaken me from the front I wasn't sure what to think. It's disgusting that they would do something like this when the person could hear it, thereby proving that they don't actually give a $h!t about it and their parents should have taught them from such a young age about not being impudent little kunts. I should have turned around and lectured them about their stupid behavior and next time someone does that I will do exactly just that. It's just that I don't want to be mistaken for a girl, especially not from the front. On the other hand I don't want to grow a beard (I can't even do it, due to my shitty facial hair growth potential, despite being already 18). I'm starting to work on my body, to become bigger and more muscular, to avoid such situations and I also hope I will grow some more too (although it's unlikely, but since I've heard of guys who had late growth spurts when they were 18/19, I have some hope).
I would just ignore it and take it as a compliment. It has happened to me a few times, at the age of 59 I just ignore it.
I'm 5'9" with a slight build so I can see where/why it would happen. Most of the time it when someone sees my from the back
but it has also happened several times from the front. It also doesn't help that i'm usually wearing cut off shorts, have all grey hair now, and hairy legs. At 59 years old now i'm not about
to change what I wear or how long my hair is. My hair is long and it will stay long until the day I die. If someone doesn't
like it then they can go and do something that is anotomically impossible.
I don't know whether I should take it as a compliment that I seemed to appear feminine enough from the front that a kid wasn't sure whether I was a guy or a girl. On the other hand, they didn't really seem to look in my face and since it was a little bit dark, along with the fact that they ran instead of walking, it might have been easier to confuse me with a girl. I'm 177cm and while I'm not skinny, I'm rather thin. I kinda wish I was taller, like my brother who is between 6'1" - 2".
I can understand why it would bother you, but try to tell yourself not to let it rent space in your head... They were just little girls, after all. It doesn't matter - there will always be people who will say something they should not say about someone or something. I guess it goes with the territory of being human... Besides, how you look or dress is something you do for yourself - your hair is your business. Even if you can be mistaken for a girl, so what - you aren't - you are a young man. So, take stock in what you know is true about yourself and let the rest go...
check this out..
Tumblr link
You are right, but it's not that easy. I have always wanted to be a tall, big guy, even before I had long hair, but the fact that some people mistake me for a girl (Not saying that I want to be big and tall just so people wouldn't mistake me and to appeal to others) tells me that I'm not and porbably will never be.
Btw, I know that tumblr blog and I really like it. There are other blogs for long haired men on tumblr.
I know what you are saying... When I was your age, I wanted to be a lot taller and more muscular. I was kind of a tubby farm boy. I wanted to be more like the other guys who were taller and had more athletic, defined bodies... A friend of mine who was quite tall told me that he wished he was more my height - that started me thinking - but, it takes time to work through and accept who we are...
Maybe you are taking this way too seriously. Just chill and
take it as a kind of indirect compliment of your hair, which
must have impressed them.
I doubt that they actually looked at me and since it was somewhat dark in the hallway (and they were also running), they probably just saw my hair and mistook me for a girl. Also, as of right now, my hair isn't that impressive, but I'm working on it.
It occurs to me that if those kids really thought you were a girl, they wouldn't have said or done anything.
Part of being committed to long hair (as you obviously are going by your photo) is ignoring the teasing and jibes. Whatever you do, some people (kids or adults) would always find fault in you. Even if you shaved your head or cut both your legs off, they would still have something to say.
Even in our 50's, it takes guts to grow our hair out. That's what we all need - guts and courage of our convictions. You have nothing to prove to anyone. You don't have to build up your muscles, unless you want to do so for your own reasons. You don't have to dress in a particular way. You don't have to grow a beard if you don't want to.
Another technique. Get someone to give you a real girl's hairdo with a bun and braids - and enjoy it. Someone a long time ago said something about walking an extra mile. Give them nowhere to go. When you no longer care what others think or say, then you can really enjoy life.
Good luck,
Anthony
* * *
My blog
You are right. Given the circumstances, they only really saw my hair (and since they were running I doubt that I actually looked into my face), but since I had a kind of masculine presence they weren't sure. But still, this little $h!ts should have kept it to themselves instead of acting like douchebags.
If you have been given in to peer pressure from a young age and continued to do so later on in your life, it will definitly take guts to do it, especially when you are old, because the later you do it, the harder it's going to be. For the record, I listed these things above incase someone was going to give me this kind of advice, but the building muscles part is something I have always wanted to do and being less likely to be mistakent for a girl is one of the good side-effects, so that gives me more motivation.
That's a pretty solid advice, if it weren't for the fact that I don't like any kind of fancy hairdo's and I generally want to leave my hair loose all of the time, but still a good idea, nonetheless.
Thanks a lot!
Well, you could have said, "There's only one way to know for sure. Come sleep with me, and you'll have your answer in nine months!" [evil grin]
Bill
That would have been a good response, but considering that these girls where about 8 years old, I don't think that would have been so great.
Oh my I loved Bill's response but given these girls are eight years old you don't want to end up in the slammer!Oh well just customize your response as you see fit;) Cheers
Mârk
Yeah, 8 years old is a bit young for that approach. Besides any legal concerns, for most men nothing would have happened in bed, and if it had, nothing would have happened in nine months!
Bill
Well, I kind think of any way to do so, which wouldn't be inappropriate, but since there is a possibility that it might happen in the future again, I have to think of one.
Seriously now, since you seek an answer....
My general rule on comments that might be slurs: If it's clear it's a slur, and as with the example of those girls it was, my response is to ignore it totally, and also at that point begin ignoring the speaker totally. If it was not intended as a slur, I'll say something polite or humorous, but I'll keep it very short.
Ignoring someone is the strongest insult you can give someone, so I say, if they have slurred you, why weaken your response of ignoring them with words?
Bill
A close runner up is to take the insult like an honest compliment, or at worst, constructive criticism.
Heh, I had answers all ready to go for the comment "I can't tell if you are a boy or girl", that I never got to use because the insults were so rare. "That's what my BF likes, can't tell til we're in bed", "OMG Thank you! Glad the treatments are working!" The last one I used (to an older unattractive female) was "I'm so glad younger women don't have that problem". And the two part one for an older male regular passenger "Really??!" and the next time he rode "Oh hi! Look was I got for you!" *turns head to show hairclip festooned with 30 clear and pale blue rhinestones* He got off the bus and to his credit never rode again!
I do miss being a cranky bus driver from time to time!
You could tell them that they overpaid their fare because the disabled get a discount, and that includes the mentally disabled, but tough, Muni doesn't issue refunds.
Bill
It's probably best to ignore them and/or be careful with the comments. As fun as some of the comments might be you should be aware that the person making the comment may be carrying a gun. Here on the east coast there have been a number of shooting incidents on mass transit.
As a father of young children I find that comment really offensive Bill, you may be hard of hearing but I assume you can read to a decent level. I am completely flabbergasted, as an intelligent man you should be careful what you say on the internet. If that type of comment was thrown at the gay community there would be outrage, everybody deserves respect.
Dave
Dave, I've long ago quit quibbling with people over cultural differences. You have your culture and I have mine. We all have different life experiences, and I am not, nor have I ever been, "a father of young children".
None of the followup posters saw the event. At issue here was whether these were young innocent children or children old enough to know what slurs are and who chose to use them. It sounded like the latter to me.
You mentioned my having a hearing impairment. To me, that is irrelevant, and your mention of it is offensive, but as I said, your culture is different from mine, and we are each entitled to our own. You relate to who you run with, and I relate to who I run with.
Bill
Dave, one more thing. When just replying, I missed your comment above about using the Internet, and I assume you wanted it noticed and addressed:
The Internet has done more to bring people with different cultures together than any invention in history. Through it, people like you and me discover lots of people are not just like ourselves. I see that as a good thing, because it leads to more understanding of others. How would I have come to know how people with your culture felt on this matter, had you not chosen to "say it on the Internet"?
Yes, you said it, and I am just as outspoken, but really no more so, about speaking about mine.
Bill
how many times adults did say "Jesus Christ has come" when they were sure i could ear them!!!!!!
they were only little kinds be tolerant, it will be better for you
They might have been adults, but not very mature, if you ask me. And this are the people that raised this generation...
Maybe it wasn't so bad, but still, they should have been taught better than that.
By the way, as much as I like that picture of yours, you don't have to post it over and over again.
Yeah, that's what the avatars are for, you know, the little pictures like the one of me in the upper left hand corner. A man's avatar can be made to link to a big picture like the one of Chamane that we've seen lots of, or to the man's web page, where he can post as many pictures of himself as he would like! Click on mine to see an example.
The avatar system is also automatic, so you don't have to remember to put your picture in each time. If you've posted a bunch of times and figure you'll be posting a lot more, it's worth getting one.
Bill
Sorry to hear about your experience. I am a couple of Decades older than you, but have had similar, if rare episodes like this as well. They Do piss you off, but in the end, who really cares if ignorant, inconsiderate people Display those negative qualities!? My immediate response is Exactly like yours, I want to punch someone out, as I would Never judge anyone like that, as I am sure you wouldn't either. I Also get lots of unexpected Compliments too, which is great. So, in the end the pluses outweigh the minuses. If anyone thinks my hair is as luxuriant and nice as a girl's, I am happy. I KNOW I am Not a girl, and so does anyone who really takes the time to notice, just as I am sure is true with you. IN the End it is about what YOU are and feel about yourself. Anyone who really matters in your life has long accepted your appearance and celebrates your gorgeous hair like you do. The rest we just have to write-off for what they are and move on. You will Never get Full validation from Everyone you encounter for ANYTHING in your life, let alone your appearance, so you just have to know yourself, who and what you are and stand for, and just have self respect for being an honorable and considerate person and Move Along. Unfortunately, there is no other remedy. Be thankful you have Great looking hair and that the people who matter in your world are not judgmental jerks like these strangers were. Be proud and be happy and successful as YOURSELF, SJ
I'm glad you can relate and I appreciate what you are saying. Thanks a lot.
You must not have much experience with little kids, especially little girls? A lot will say pretty much whatever is on their mind. Their brains have not reached the point of maturity to allow them to process that what they say can hurt other people's feelings. Plus, they didn't even intend to hurt you. They probably observed some (from their point of view and experience) contrasting features....nice, long hair....boyish face, etc..
Their brain didn't immediately identify boy or girl. Their minds were still computing their observations. Little kids will speak WHILE their brains are still computing.
Yesterday while in a store checking out, something dropped out of my pocket. I didn't know it. I heard someone say a couple of times, "Ma'am, you dropped something". I had no idea they talking to me, until the clerk said, "Sir, I think you dropped something". The person who was trying to be nice only say me from behind. I had my hair in a bun.
When I get a "Ma'am" from behind, I just take it as a sincere compliment, because my hair must look pretty good for someone to think it is attached to woman =:-)
Even people who like long hair on men will be confused at times. I've made the mistake myself a few times when I've seen a head full of gorgeous hair that happened to be on a man.
I've had women come up to me and compliment me on my "beautiful" hair....and admit that they thought I was a woman at first glance because they just noticed my hair at first. Again, I just take it as the ultimate compliment to my hair!
No, in fact, I can't stand most children and I avoid them if possible.
Anyway, thank you for making this clear to me.
I think you are right and I'm taking this too seriously, but here in germany long hair on a guy isn't that rare, although the part I live in, it kind of is. Also, where do you live, where women just randomly come up to you and make comments about your hair, especially positive ones, because here no woman ever does that.
San Francisco! Where people appreciate diversity AND care less about appearances than the stuff that actually matters.
People trying to insult me with personal comments used to bother me...until I realized "Either it is false, or it is true. In one case it is irrelevant, in the other it is MY problem if I'm not happy about it." Also, "Should I respect and value this person's opinion?...on This Subject?"
Good luck, be who you are, and become who you want to be.
One advantage of being old and quite deaf is you can't tell the difference between "ma'am" and "man". I would have never noticed that one!
Where this is annoying is on the subway. I can't tell if they are announcing an arriving train as an "M" or an "N" train.
Bill
"This is an Ehh.. to the Zoo"
Don't give me ideas!
The problem is with Silicon Sally. She always says "M" and "N" the same, to me. The other letters, like the L, I can tell apart. If you figure out how to cram the F into the subway, I'll mix it up with the S, though. Well, I don't think she says "S", actually. I recall she says "Castro Shuttle".
Bill
I've never been to San Fransisco but the problem around here is the quality of the Public Address systems on Mass Transit suck biog time. They have incredibly sophisticated sound systems available today but they haven't figured out how to do it at on the subway, on buses, at fast food drive throughs, etc. It doesn't matter how they pronounce it, it will come out all garbled and will be impossible for even those with the best of hearing to follow. It's almost like they got the guy who did sound at drive in movies to do the sound on Mass Transit or fast food drive throughs.
I have a similar story. I was ordering at a Subway restaurant and I heard a kid behind me ask "Mommy, is that a lady?" (there was a family in there eating). I didn't hear a response, but a minute or two later the kid started yelling "Hey lady!" over and over again. He was clearly addressing me since I was the only other customer in there.
On the one hand, its FAR from the first time I've been mistaken for a female. On the other hand, had I behaved like that when I was a kid, I would have been BELTED by my parents! They would not have tolerated such behavior.
Neither would my parents have tolerated that. This generation just hasn't been raised correctly and this is now the consequences that we have to face. Anyways, I'm glad you can relate.
Hi Michail
Who knows what parents are teaching their kids these days, but kids are not used to seeing guys with long hair which most likely accounts for this single event. Here is how I managed two different "events."
1. In a store was a mom and her young son. I heard him exclaim to his mom: "Mommy, is that Jesus?" I could hear his mom trying to quiet him down and hush up the whole thing. I turned around, walked right up to this boy and as I passed by patted him on the head and said "bless you my son." The reaction was too funny for words and his mom was smiling at me greatly relieved.
2. I was walking through a local park when suddenly some little kid and his friend came up to me and asked: "are you a girl?" In my highest voice possible I replied "yes!" Then, this same youngster said "no you aren't." But I countered with "yes I am!" Then he got louder and said "you're a Man" with his friend now saying the same. As I continued on my way they were both screaming louder and louder "you're a man! We know you are. You're not a girl!" Meanwhile, I was laughing as I continued on my way and figured at the rate they were now screaming what I was that they wouldn't have a voice left by the end of the day. LOL
Probably in both cases I simply took kids this young by great surprise and I imagine this very well may have been the case with yourself with these girls. Please don't let it phase you Michail. You know what you are and very likely so did they.
Justin~
Hi Justin,
Those two little tidbits were awesome as you answered each perfectly in my opinion.Hey, why not go along with the gag with kids this young as I loved how the second encounter ended ;) lol.Oh well, as a longhaired guy never a dull moment my friend.Cheers
Mârk
I get that, particularly in December, with "Santa Claus". I just say I'm one of Santa's helpers. If I wanted to be really mean, I could say, "Yes, and you've been so good this year that you will get everything for Christmas that you want!" (And then watch Dad have a heart attack while clutching his wallet.)
Bill
As an aspiring "Santa's helper," I look forward to the day a child walks up to me and makes that comparison! Count me among the rare few who hopes his hair goes silver sooner, rather than later! :)
Cheers,
Val
I had an experirnce recently where a little boy of abbbbbout 6 -8 yrs old came up to me and said hi magic man! I looked at him quizzically as his mother came up to me and said "he thinks you are Gandalf". I smiled and said, how are you doin'little guy! Made my day in a way!
peace,
jonalbear
Hi Michail
Hey Justin. You handled those situations pretty well, which I probably wouldn't have done the same. Thanks a lot for your words of encouragement and it did actually help me to get over the situation.
Be lenient with kids their brain functions are on hold.
Ignoring those comments is the one and only possibility, I'm still not at ponytail length but it happens to me too now and then but since I had my last growth spurt with 17/19 and just 174cm I think I have to live with that(fun fact: my father is 210cm).
But if those kids are too penetrative I would say to their parents that someting may be wrong in their conception of parenting.
-Christian
You are right, Christian. I should not let this phase me.
Seems like the shorter you are, the more likely you are going to be mistakent for a woman, so you are right, we have to live with that. Thanks a lot for you encouragement.
Also, your father has my fucking dream height. I don't care about the disadvantages of being that tall, because I'll take them over those of being short any time of the day.
You already have. Just forget it, one of life's little ways.
Today I was at a place for little kids to celebrate my little brothers birthday and I had to take a piss. After I came out of the toilet stalls, two little girls ran past me and one of them asked the other in a loud voice whether I was a guy or a girl. Now the hallway was a little bit dark, but I was facing in their direction when they ran past me and since no one has mistaken me from the front I wasn't sure what to think. It's disgusting that they would do something like this when the person could hear it, thereby proving that they don't actually give a $h!t about it and their parents should have taught them from such a young age about not being impudent little kunts. I should have turned around and lectured them about their stupid behavior and next time someone does that I will do exactly just that. It's just that I don't want to be mistaken for a girl, especially not from the front. On the other hand I don't want to grow a beard (I can't even do it, due to my shitty facial hair growth potential, despite being already 18). I'm starting to work on my body, to become bigger and more muscular, to avoid such situations and I also hope I will grow some more too (although it's unlikely, but since I've heard of guys who had late growth spurts when they were 18/19, I have some hope).
Don't worry about what spoiled children think....
take it as a complement for nice hair...
The Spaf Man
Hey there Michail,
I think I can relate to what you're going through. I've been growing my hair out for the better part of the last 3 years. I've grown it out before, but have cut is short (because of a drunk bet).
I'm telling you this because while I have very long hair, I'm not as bulky as I'd like to be (yet) and no facial hair to speak of...
But when I say that I can relate I say because I've been in different (but very similar) situations: guys from bars have thrown various phrases at me, including "hey gal come here", (former) friends have said "when I saw you I thought you were a woman" and young punks saying behind my back "is that a girl or a boy?".
I think it just comes with the territory. Many of these people knew full well I'm not a girl yet they do it because it gives them power. Same reason some people call others fatties, skinny, ugly, short, stupid, etc. Other times it's just sheer ignorance, sometimes they really do just mistake you. In any case, don't let that define who you are.
Remember: no matter what you do, how you look, there will always be an a**hole in this world that will have something negative to say about it. Just think about the people that really matter and what they think. My friends don't care if I have long hair, neither does my family.
And besides, 99% of people never mistake me for a woman, they never give me any crap... But we have a tendency to let that 1% get to us, even though we know it's not worth it. Don't.
In your case, they're just kids. What do they know? In my situations, they were: sad pathetic drunks, friends that weren't really friends and some punks I don't even know. Am I going to give them power by ruminating on these thoughts? Hell no.
Neither should you. You look great.
P.S. While its very tempting to "lecture" people in various ways (I could have beaten some people to pulp when they made their comments) - remember its rarely worth it. Be at peace with yourself and then everyone can say whatever they want, you'll be like a rock.
Have a nice day!
~Michael
Hello Michael.
I really appreciate your encouragement and your way to relate to my situation and I can't thank you enough for that.
I guess, it's easier to brush it off, but I also think that they will believe they can just get away with such things, because they haven't been put into their place. It will eventually happen,though and they aren't going to like it.
At the end of the day, following your advice would be the best idea.
Also, thanks for the compliment.
P.S. Why would you take a bet that involves cutting your hair? That's just not worth it.