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I have a problem I think. Ive been growing my hair for 8 years now, Im 26. Its at a little lower than the middle of my back, and not once have I let it out of a pony tail in public. I want to so bad. I take care of my hair really well and nothing is wrong with it but im just scared of what people around here will think and stare.
I live in southwest virginia so long hair around here is viewed to be bad.
How do you guys do it? Just not care what bigots think or what? This is sad for me :(
Thanks for your time.
Others here might suggest you defy the bigots and do what you want. I'm a lot older than you are (55) and am inclined to see things differently. In my opinion, the best is to avoid provocation and wear your hair tied up in public.
That's where the old expression "to let our hair down" comes from. Tied-up hair is for avoiding provocation, and letting it down is when we are at home, with family or friends, relaxed. To me, it is like the way we dress. We don't wear the same things in town as on the beach - at least I don't, and I dress casually nearly all the time. You don't go to a gentlemen's club in swimming trunks or to the beach in a suit and tie!
I think the watchword is "prudence". Don't provoke "blowback" that could even go as far as someone assaulting you and cutting your hair by force in some situations. It's a question of looking after yourself and not "conforming". I hope you understand me right.
Just keep a good balance between your being yourself and avoiding provocation. Then you'll be OK.
Anthony
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My blog
I have to disagree.
I'm 59 years old (will be 60 in four months) and I say wear your hair the way you want.
I've had long hair for 50 years now (started growing it in 1964,
my attitude is I have long hair, i'll still have long hair when I go out in public. At 59 years old I flatly refuse to hide the long hair. Most of the time I wear it down and loose. I'll tie it in a pony tail/braid/bun/pig tails when it's very windy or there
is the possibility of damage. But most of the time I wear it down and loose. Also most of the time wearing cut off shorts.
At 59 I wear the cloths and my hair as I want to, I don't care
what others think.
Even when I'm participating in our civil war group I still have my long hair down and loose. I've never gotten a single complaint from them. And if I did I'd be gone from the organization.
I'm also active in a local science fiction convention where many of the guys also have long hair.
My attitude is i have long hair. If someone doesn't like it they can go jump out the window.
I fully understand you and you have every right to disagree. As I felt in the supermarket, we have to have guts and the courage of our convictions. But, human nature remains. It can sometimes be frightening, but I have the experience of wearing my cassock in Paris or Rome - and people can be very unpleasant when they hate priests. I'm used to it and am immune, but I have experience of life.
Also, for you or I (there are some 5 years between us) it's easier because we are mature men. For someone younger, these feelings of social alienation are more difficult to manage. There are also things to consider like how "Morbid" dresses and which are his cultural references. At 26, I was not very assured in many ways.
It seems to me like dealing with a nasty dog. If you allow the dog to feel (or smell) your fear, you are more likely to get attacked. If you face the dog squarely and show authority and character, you will dominate the dog and put him in his proper place.
To an extent, we can choose the people with whom we socialise, and set our own terms. That's not easy for a younger man. I would not like anyone to think I am laying down the law for all. We live and work in so many different circumstances in life and there are no hard and fast rules. We just assume the consequences of our own acts and attitudes.
All said and done, it's our hair and our life, and we will always have friends and enemies. As Oscar Wilde might have said, that's the importance of being earnest!
Anthony
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My blog
Geography can also be a determining factor. Some areas are more generally bigoted than others and each of us must decide what our chances of being harassed might be and whether we're willing to deal with it. Here in mid-Michigan, I generally don't have to worry about what people think of my long hair, especially since I have a generally intimidating appearance. I never get any comments. I would think differently if I was smaller and still lived in Oklahoma where there are more religious conservatives.
...to me, it is like the way we dress. We don't wear the same things in town as on the beach - at least I don't, and I dress casually nearly all the time. You don't go to a gentlemen's club in swimming trunks or to the beach in a suit and tie!: I think the watchword is "prudence". Don't provoke "blowback" that could even go as far as someone assaulting you and cutting your hair by force in some situations. It's a question of looking after yourself and not "conforming". I hope you understand me right. Just keep a good balance between your being yourself and avoiding provocation. Then you'll be OK.: Anthony
I agree with Tony - be yourself: ( of course ) - but there's no point pretending this is a perfect world with perfect people in it - Americans = I'm sure you can relate - in Australia now - violence is 'thru.-the-roof' increasing exponentially day by day - murders, shootings, stabbings, rapes, old people bashed & killed by young men & women - the list of offences & destruction of lives is not measurable - the 'King-Hit' or more apt the 'Cowards Punch' is now claiming one life per week here in Oz. by our drunken lawless youth - this punch kills the person instantly or within a week - I've stopped trying to make sense of any of it - I don't watch the news now as a result ... be authentic, live well & prosper, thrive & procreate: ( if you must ) - but be prudent, cautious, self-preserving & wise, learn by others mistakes - ultimately you want health, contentment & longevity - ultimately long hair is for ourselves - we don't grow it long to swish it in peoples faces - restraint of hair is more practical in our modern busy lives anyway - maybe your God-given gift of intuition is directing you to restrain, knowing that by not restraining, you divert un-necessary & potentially dangerous attention to one ... good luck with your hair & life journey peace & love CEM. - Balance-Moderation-Faith-Gratitude-Justice-Prudence-Temperance-Fortitude.
For me, I've always tried to consider the situation or event. There are some places
where embracing a wild, unkempt style just isn't appropriate. The key is finding the places where you (and others) would feel more comfortable with it down.
For example, I keep my hair up when I'm meeting with my daughter's teacher or if my wife and I are going out to a nice restaurant. But if I'm heading to a ball game or going shopping for groceries, I let it down.
A couple of decades ago, I'd get some looks from people and the occasional snide comment - especially in more rural areas - but no one ever did more than that. In cities and college towns, I never heard a disparaging word, even back then.
These days, I get the feeling that long hair is a bit more accepted, if for no other reason than it's a bit more common, and people are exposed to it more. Of course, attitudes will vary by geography. My advice would be to search out areas where you feel it might be more acceptable to let your hair down and use those to start testing boundaries. From there, you can push those boundaries based on the reactions you get (or lack thereof) and your own comfort level.
Good luck.
**** what they think. I'm in western Maryland, prettymuch in the same sociological boat as you. I can tell a lot of people disapprove of how I look when I go out in public, but very few actually say anything. And the ones who do try to give me **** are dealt with with jokes.
I tend to walk out of my house with Moe than just long hair working against me socially. I'm usually found in either all black with knee-high boots and makeup or in tie die and plenty of jewelry. And I always have my baphomet pendant around my neck no matter what the occasion.
My point is, you can't please everybody. And when it comes to your hair, you don't need to please anybody. So **** what they think, wear your hair however you wish.
Well stated Jarvis,
I wear my hair down all the time,except for maybe dental or doctor's appointments where it might get in the way.I never get negative remarks although sometimes "the look". Occasionally I get compliments on my hair or beard, Hair compliments usually from older women and beard from younger men and women. The point again is that this is me and I feel great about my look and that's what matters most!
I have to admit that my 6-month awkward stage hair is beginning to look like an 18th century wig with curls at the sides. Perhaps I'll have my little queue in a few months!
I was in the local supermarket and perceived a few dirty looks from some of the people, especially women in their 60's. The feeling of tenseness is there, so I do know what it feels like.
You have full length hair, and you have the option of tying it up. I don't. The best I can do for formal occasions (like the Synod of my Church at the beginning of next month) is to slick it back and get some discreet hair clips in behind my ears. Of course, I will be in my priest's cassock and collar, so I have to tone things down a little. The following year, I will have my queue and will not be wearing a powdered wig (I don't have one)! I might however use a black satin ribbon tied into a bow. That should cause a little sensation!
Anyway, my Bishop and I get on well, and he has a beard even though he has short hair. My brother priests are used to my being completely stark raving bonkers! :-D
The important thing is whatever we do to "get on" in conservative society, we remain ourselves.
Anthony
My blog
Actually I have to disagree. Three years ago I was in Virginia for the National Encampment for our civil group and had absolutely no problem with my long hair. Not one single complaint. I should note though I was only there for a week. YMMV.
I would also note that alot of it has to do with age.
When I was younger I got lots of hassles about my long hair.
Now that I'm 59 years old I get absolutely no complaints,
haven't gotten any in close to 15 years.
Just ignore the bigots and be yourself. Otherwise, they win.
One of the things to consider is if they didn't have your hair to
complain about they would find something else. In my case if
my hair was short they'd complain about my nose, how slight my build is, or who knows what else. There would never be an end to what they would find to complain about. If you cut your hair/
didn't wear it in a pony tail they'd have a never ending list of stuff to complain about.
Hi Morbid,
My bottom line is that we are responsible to make ourselves happy in our lives. If you depend on others to make you happy, you might not always like the result. Growing your hair that long is not easy. You should definitely wear it how you like. I sure hope you can overcome your insecurities. Please don't let little people bother you!
Ted
I live in Western NC so pretty close to you....
I Wear mine down all the time.....iv had people say stuff about my hair very rarely in a negative tone.....to those i just respond with something like "id cut my hair but im to afraid ill look like you after"
The proper answer is, "I quit taking grooming tips the day I turned eighteen." However, we do make our own decisions about what we are going to look like in various places, when a change really doesn't matter much to us.
I wear my hair down, but usually tied with a bandanna so it is not unruly up top, most of the time. That has become part of my look, and I'll wear that anywhere. On the other hand, I may wear flowers stuck in it at the Haight Street Fair, but not lots of other places.
Some longhairs are way more sensitive to what others might think than I am. I have one longhair friend who "senses" that people all around him (and me when we are together) are giving disapproving glances, where I never sense that.
One other thing, if you have a large beard, you have to wear it "down", so tying your hair "up" to look neater is really pointless.
Bill
It is very rare that you wear long hair for 8 years and now you are worried about what others think
No doubt someone with long hair does not go unnoticed and protrudes from the crowd
What is the best thing about being long haired? It's a form of self-expression and it's another way to let people know about our fredoom.
How do you think having long hair impacts your life? I don’t want to say that it makes me unique because with or without my hair, I believe that I’m a unique individual. But it does make me very recognizable and it adds to the branding of my personality and my look. A lot of people remember me because of my long hair. It's really cool!
Long hairstyles for guys are common in this modern day especially for guys that love freedom. Some women also love the unique sight from watching a guy with long hair now, they said that a guy with long hair has unique attraction and looks special. There are many reasons as for why some guys choose to have a long hair instead of short or bald. It’s not always due to the reason of they like fashion as the reason for having a long hair. There are some guys that prefer having long hair because the unique looks derived from it.
Choosing this kind of hairstyle also has many downsides, not all people like this kind of hairstyle and brand the guys as feminine and don’t have the charm as a man when they have long hairstyle. You also need to take care and maintain it carefully because you need to be a good looking man with your style.
Never worry about other people’s negative opinions. Deep down, people are yearning for a way to express themselves and find happiness, and that takes truth and honesty. By letting your hair grow out and use a hairstyle that doesn´t disturb the others, you’re making a statement and expressing yourself in the most natural way.
Thanks to everyone who replied :) makes me feel a lot better, thanks again!
I used to have the opposite problem. I already had long hair before it was considered acceptable for men to tie it back in a ponytail. I used to feel very self-conscious when I did, as I was worried that people would think it looked too feminine wearing a ponytail.
I was just getting beyond this, and started wearing a ponytail to work, when something odd happened. Another guy I knew was wearing a ponytail to work, and his boss suggested that if he tied it back all the time he might as well cut it, so he did. And you know what?, ever since then I have worn my hair loose every day to go to work, because I don't want to be told that I might as well cut it.
OTOH, if I am doing some dirty or messy job at home I tend to braid my hair, and if I need to run out to the store or buy takeout it stays like that. Most of the rest of the time it stays down. Nobody comments either way, except sometimes I get a positive comment if I am having a good hair day, but only if it is loose, and usually from older black women.
I confess there have been a couple of times I have tied my hair back for formal occasions, but those were black tie, not merely suit and tie.
There was one time when I got a positive comment from someone I am pretty sure was a prostitute, as I passed her in the street, but I'm still not sure if complimenting me was her way of plying for hire, or whether she just liked my hair, LOL!
Im 47, decided to go long 3 years ago from short spiky hair. I live in southeastern VA and I have never been made to feel uncomfortable or disrespected or threatened in anyway by anyone and I work with the public in a fairly rural area. I have been pulled over twice while driving after dark because a low beam headlight was out. Perhaps profiling but the officers were very polite and no problem. I dont drink or drug but perhaps leaving Taco Bell at 2 am with long hair and a low beam out was too tempting a suspicion for that particular office. No harm no foul. I have been mistaken from behind for a girl, been called miss, mam a few times. Again no biggie. Not offended at all. I have had my ass grabbed, by mistake once, and once I think not by mistake..again the key is to not overreact. respond with humor and all is good usually
First off, don't hang around bigots if you can choose at all. I suppose we all have to occasionally go to public places where there are all sorts of people, though. In such situations I like to recall a great saying by Dr. Seuss: The people who matter don't care and the people who care don't matter.
i might have the same problem...my hair is just below shoulder and i always keep it in a ponytail when i go outside but i am usually shy so i think it is because of that
I'm 59 years old and at this point in my life I don't care what others think. I wear my hair loose most of the time. I'll wear it in a pony tail/braid it/bun it/pig tail it to prevent damage but most of the time I wear it loose. Even when I'm doing my civil war ceremonies i'm still wearing it loose. So i'll continue to wear my hair as I see fit as long as i'm still alive on this planet. Life is too short to worry about what others think.
Besides if you cut your hair or wear it in a pony tail they'll find something else to complain about. In my case it would be that my nose is too big, i'm too short, my build is too slight, etc. so screw them, i'll continue to wear my hair long and loose.