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I've been getting this a lot lately. Where someone will tell me I don't have a good job because of my hair. I always tell them it's something i'm not willing to compromise. But then for the most part I get taunted or laughed at, being told how selfish I am for not willing to part with something so trivial. I'm constantly being reminded of my financial insecurities and how i'll never get out of them because I'm not willing to change myself.
What can be said to combat this? It's getting a bit hard to handle. I'm tired of being made to feel wrong and selfish.
By growing your hair, you affirm your personality and independence of mind. But cutting your hair for the reasons you mention, you would be affirming your negation of self and being prepared to conform to the collective and the corporate.
I don't think any of us sets out our life according to our hairstyle, but according to our philosophy of life - of which long hair is only a symbol. On its own, it seems quite frivolous.
I suggest organising your professional life and intentions around the independence and personal affirmation you obviously seek. Get the training for the kind of job that tolerates personality and its symbols. Perhaps you are an artist or a musician, or a computer programmer or a designer. But, don't have an ambition to work in a bank or a large business corporation and be otherwise than in a suit and tie and short hair!
Perhaps you could leave the USA and live in other countries, experience new things and new people and get away from conservatism.
It is a choice we make in life - not to conform to short-haired standards or long-haired standards, but your own identity and what makes you well-adjusted and happy. That would surely decide whether you keep your locks or say goodbye to them as they lie on a barber shop floor.
Sorry to sound rough, as you reflect many of the fears of younger longhairs. You have to take your own life in hand. I have recently read some lovely stories of little children knowing what they want and being tolerated and encouraged by their liberal parents. You are the company you keep.
Be yourself and you'll be happy.
Ever thought of setting up a business? Just a thought...
By the way, count on support and encouragement from people on this board, and from myself (still in my "awkward stage").
Anthony
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My blog
Hi Caesar,
I'm very sorry you are experiencing this negativity regarding your hair and that people in your life are trying to use that as a weapon against you as to why things might not be going your way professionally.Anthony made some very good points in that you must believe in yourself and present yourself to the word in a way that makes you happy.I in no way could imagine having to sacrifice my long hair just for a job which you can be laid off from at any time.There are plenty of professions that your hair would be a non issue.Of course it all depends on what you enjoy doing for a living.I don't feel you are selfish in wanting to keep your identity but some people just like to control others for whatever reasons.I don't get why they feel your hair is so trivial anyway.Maybe to them hair is trivial especially if they don't have any of their own!I hope you can get through this and prove them wrong plus get the last laugh.It can be done as I've kept my long hair for 30 years now and that's continuous, no short hair cuts in between.Please keep us posted my friend.Cheers
Mârk
You can tell them that you know of many men who are successful at their chosen fields and their long hair has not hindered their success in any way.
Just among the men of this forum, you will find many men who are successful in a wide variety of professions... The only career I can think of that would hinder your success by not cutting your hair is a military career - where you have no choice but to cut it to get in...
I don't know where you live, or how old you are, or who is saying these things to you, or what motivates you career wise - but as the guys have said, you need to figure out what you want to do and go for it -
best wishes to you as you find your voice,
Fitz
First, you are neither wrong nor selfish. Being outside the mainstream is neither wrong nor selfish. It's only different.
Second, it's only a few career tracks that put more emphasis on superficial looks than results.
You're being asked to conform for the sake of a career that values appearances rather than results. Is that a life decision or career decision you think is wise?
Next, be certain that it's not your skills, attitude, or work ethic that's holding you back instead. You may have to work extra hard to overcome preconceived notions. Many times longhairs are perceived as uneducated, not serious about their work, and lazy. Make sure you aren't seen in that light.
Economic insecurities are a fact of life. Even the super rich--especially the super rich--have a fear of being poor. That's part of what makes them so greedy.
Many years ago, I had to make the same decision. Do I cut, conform, and go into a lucrative field dominated by buzzcuts? Or do I remain true to myself, and perhaps sacrifice a McMansion and Mercedes in order to be happy?
We all face this choice, or one similar to it.
Back in the 70s, I chose to cut and conform. The outside pressure was overwhelming. When asked why I didn't want "the good life", I seriously had no answer. I caved. Thus began the worst two-and-a-half decades of my life. I was on the treadmill of more money, more stuff, bigger house, nicer cars, even more money. I worked at a job I didn't like--hated actually--because everyone said it was the future (tech) and it paid well, enormously well.
By the 90s, my business card had the words "Vice-President" on it. I owned a house that backed up to a forever-wild park. There were two sports sedans and a mini-van in the driveway. I owned all the "right" clothing, furniture, electronics, kitchen decor and had all the "right" investment advisor.
And I was suicidal. And I didn't know why.
I'd come to rate my days by how many Manhattans I had to drink when I got home. When that wasn't enough, I turned psychiatrists and their prescriptions. Then I added street drugs. Eventually, it all fell apart.
It was only in rehab that they taught me how to look inside and discover what I really felt like, and what really mattered to me. During that time, I developed a fear of false-positives on the routine drug tests.
I grew my hair so I could have a continuous record of sobriety. And that's when I started becoming happy. I was becoming true to myself. I began to know what I wanted rather than substituting the preferences and values of others.
And I found I remembered what I liked about having long hair.
Fifteen years later, I'm the happiest guy I know. I live in the city, instead of next door to a nature preserve. My apartment is smaller than my garage used to be. Instead of three cars in the driveway, I have three bikes on the wall of the living room. (Although I haven't lost my taste for high-end, and it shows in my bikes.)
I have a job that I absolutely love at the public library. I can't wait to get to work every day, although I usually take a long route on my bike to get there. I like my co-workers, and have fun with the patrons. I routinely win customer-service awards. Yet, I make a good wage at union scale, have a nice pension building up, and the job security of government work.
So yes, you can have it both ways. The trick is to discover your own values, then be true to yourself. Find a career that lets you be true to yourself, and finally, scale your lifestyle to your income, not the other way around.
Happiness flows from there.
You are different than I am, so I can't say which choices you should make. But make the ones that are right for you rather than what someone else thinks.
Consider too the possibility, that just maybe, cut and conform is the right choice. You shouldn't rule it out, just because we're a longhair forum.
Just do what's right for you. If you pay attention to your inner feelings, you'll learn when you've gone off the rails and can then correct. Maybe you won't know the right choice, but you'll know the wrong direction.
That was my problem. I didn't know myself, and didn't listen to my feelings when they told me I was uncomfortable with the decisions I'd made.
I hope you can do better.
Of course, I missed this second part, which is just as important as the fist.
So what can you say?
Nothing.
You don't have to justify your life, nor your life choices to anyone but yourself.
Further, there is nothing you can say to an advice-giver that will change their mind. So don't even try. It's an endless and fruitless battle.
Depending on your viewpoint, it's a very zen thing or a very judo thing to deflect an attack rather than fight it.
Don't be drawn into an argument you can't win. Deflect attack by not engaging in it.
My favorite is "Tomato, tomahto." In other words, diversity. You can learn how to politely close the subject, or change it. You can also just plain walk away.
Be advised that nothing upsets someone who wants to win an argument quite like someone who won't argue. But keep at it and it won't be long before they pick another opponent.
Bruce, your post was so inspiring. I really needed to hear your message today!
I especially like what you said below. It bears repeating…
Bruce,
I know this is a very late response but your story had such an important life lesson that really touched me. I have been watching this board for many years now but I never knew you had such an experience.
I see so many people on the treadmill running towards "bigger, better, and more expensive" and never being satisfied. I feel like your story would help many disengage from this damaging lifestyle. Have you considered publishing it as self-help literature?
I worked in a public library in the past and I loved it as well. It was still my favorite place to work out of the many jobs I've held. I live in Seattle now and would love to find work with its amazing public library.
-Dan H.
its not trival nor selfish ,, its your hair, its who u are ,, or who we are ,, most important be yourself
If someone in control says that it's your hair, they're more or less just trying to find something that may seem out of the ordinary as an excuse against you -- not actually about your hair. If someone wants to promote you, they're going to overlook as much as they can in order to give you the spot that they think you should be in. You could do everything correctly and they could kick you out at the drop of a hat.
IF you're worried about money, a combination of having a skill, cutting expenses, and being willing to move should solve the problem.
Also you should look into having a side business that you could eventually grow into your primary source of income.
Best thing to do is ignore and simply walk away. Don't even bother to say anything. These people are just so out-of-place when they say things like this. No matter what you do, with people like this you can never win.
All the best and just remember that you are a far greater individual than they can ever hope to be.
Justin~
One of my subscribers on YT made this video today and I am sure that his words will help many people. Anyone reading this message may gain great inspiration from this video.
Justin~
http://youtu.be/PGFLjtKdVfQ
They are full of BS. I have long hair and make 87 grand a year. I also have both arms sleeved in tattoos from shoulder to wrist. I work in telecommunications and not once in my nearly 10 year career has any of that held me back.
I'm 42. Let me tell you something: you will never be successful pretending to be someone you're not. The only way to be successful and happy is to fully embrace your true self. The most successful people I know are totally freaky looking. They do their own thing and kick ass.
You may not have a traditional career, but who wants that? Don't compromise!
I don't think it's unrealistic to say employment opportunities are still more easily attained if you are a white male between 20 and 40 wearing a suit and a short haircut. However that hasn't stopped a heck of people from succeeding-- women, longhaired guys, the President of the USA for example.
I think the reality is that if you want to a bit different and succeed, you need to try harder. Be better at it. I heard Steve Martin (OK, a short haired guy) say the best way to succeed is to become so good they can't ignore you. Prepare. Do your homework. Be super good at something.
I've gone though a couple of employment periods in which I tried to be a different person in an attempt to satisfy what I thought the employer wanted. Trust me-- it doesn't work. Trying to be someone other than yourself will eat you from the inside out and end up screwing up your job and life, too. Just be yourself and work harder.
i get this too, eventually someone who doesn't care about the length of your hair and instead looks at your qualifications will hire you. after all, length of hair has nothing to do with job qualifications. just hang in there, and don't cave into pressure.
I don't buy the whole argument that you can't be successful with long-hair. Given, I"m self-employed, but since I've had my long hair, I've been elected chair of an international board. I see a fair number of successful people with long hair. Don't let people bring you down.