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I been getting stressed over growing long hair and so far to me I feel it's not worth it. I thought of positive and negative things about long hair. I came up with mostly negative things about long hair like worrying about split ends, damaging hair, peoples reactions and maintaining it. The only thing I came up with that is positive is you like long hair. When I shower I can't enjoy hot showers anyore since I worry if it's going to damage it and so far I feel when I have short I can relax and not worry about this. When my head itches I think I am damaging it when rubbing my head. I really want long hair and don't know what to do and feel just giving up so I don't worry about all this. I try not to think about this but it's hard since I don't want my hair looking horrible so I don't give long haired guys a bad reputation. Because a lot people don't like long hair on guys and want to show everyone they are wrong about long haired guys. I really need some advice incase I overlooked some positive things and incase others worried about things like this before.
You've made a choice to worry. If you don't want to worry, then make the choice not to.
In other words, it sounds like your hair isn't the problem, but worrying is.
I have an oily complexion. Scalp too. I really don't have a choice other than to shampoo daily. I use the cheap shit shampoo from BJ's, and the cheap shit conditioner. (Dove, a huge 40 oz bottle that lasts six months or more costs about $6.)
I scratch itches. I don't perform fancy rituals to "protect" it when I go to sleep. I just plain don't mess with it.
My only transportation is by bicycle--365 days a year. Between the helmet and the wind, my hair takes a beating. Yeah there's a few split ends. Yeah, it's breakage that keeps it from growing past mid-back length.
So what? People who do comment universally comment that they like it.
The difference is that I've made the choice to not worry. I think there's more to life than fussing with my hair. And I think there are far more important things to worry about.
Now there are plenty of people who fuss with their hair--here and in real life. The entire "hair care" industry is based on people who worry and fuss with their hair.
If worrying about your hair and fussing with it works for you, then by all means do it. But from the way I read your post, it's not working for you. You can cut and be sad about having short hair, or you can just not worry about the hair you have.
Your choice.
Thanks for saving me all that typing!
Benign neglect works for me.
Absolutely.
Ultimately it is your hair, your choice, your decision.
Personally for me cutting off my hair would be akin to cutting off my left arm or right leg.
I'll continue to have long hair until the day I die.
You seem to have a problem of self-confidence. Of course, I don't know anything about your age, lifestyle, job and philosophy of life. Those are things that "provide the context" about choices like growing hair and affirming your identity and personality in different ways.
The bottom line is that it is your choice, and no one will blame you if you choose to keep your hair short. I did that for many years. If you want long hair, there are several "usual reasons" like following the fashion of a subculture or because you "feel" it is part of you.
Growing hair and going through the "awkward stage" is not easy. That's where I am at 7 months since my last haircut. We need to avoid being self-conscious. Just act natural, or be natural.
Hair is often tougher than we think. Just look after it normally without getting worried about it. Use good shampoo and conditioner and let it dry in the air without using an electric hair dryer. You can still have a hot (or warm) shower and either wash your hair or tie it back to keep it dry on the other days.
There's a lot of anxiety in your message. Hair is something we need to enjoy, otherwise there's not much point to it if it's an ordeal. You seem also to be worried about what "others will say". You can't please everybody, and it still won't be good enough if you fit exactly into the mould. Be yourself.
My advice is to get the basis straight. Is long hair your way? If it is, you have to take the awkward with the good and persevere with it. There are all sorts of practical things people can help you with on this board, but the essential has to come from you.
Anthony
My blog
Another thought came into my mind as I was showering and washing my hair this morning. It is all to do with our attitude in life and our expectations.
Some people are constantly worried about their health, constantly seeing the doctor for minor problems and looking for remedies on the internet. Life has to be lived, even when we do have problems. Our friend Ted on this board is a heroic example of this. We just go on, whether it is life in general, health, money problems and poverty - or the minor inconvenience of growing hair and keeping it reasonably clean and tidy.
Another analogy is saving money to buy a new car. We deprive ourselves of other things to be able to afford what we really want. That being said, the greatest gift in our life - beyond possessions and things that make us feel powerful - is our happiness and freedom in being ourselves, whether or not we believe in any kind of God or some other "being" beyond ourselves.
For many on this forum, growing hair is a journey, like exploring the sea or an unmapped piece of land. It is an exciting challenge, but there are difficulties we have to face and overcome.
My own experience over the past few years has been illuminating. I look back at my own desires and beliefs of when I was about 12, and I find many things I have missed over the years. One thing was sailing, and another was the long hair of poets, artists and musicians in the early 19th century, another (which I never put aside) was music and organ playing. Another was composing polyphonic vocal music, and all these things are adding up into something beautiful and whole.
I went up many blind alleys from my teens and up into my forties, so it is important to take up threads where we left off. This is even more so when we begin to get older and see the sand running through the glass - there's no stopping it.
You are not me, and you have another experience in life. Look at your "reference age" and you will see the answer. You will then never let go of the precious pearl!
My blog
You only have one life. Do you want to look groovy or not?
Bill
Absolutely, Bill! Heck yeah, I know I want to look groovy! :)
Ted
A lot has been written here about the question posed by this thread, but after quite a few years at it, some of us older guys realize that where all those discussions lead gets you to here:
So this can be further shortened and summed up with, "You only have one life. Do you want to look groovy or not?"
Bill
I would pay good money for a tie-dyed t-shirt with a picture of Bill and the words, "Choose Groovy."
Cheers,
Val
I would too, Val! And it wouldn't even have to say anything on it! Bill, you're one groovy guy!
Ted
I concur Bill! Always love your posts!
Ted
All of the things you worry about (split ends, damaging hair, people reactions) are things you get used to.
1- Having split ends is the most natural thing when having long hair. There is a variety of things to do to improve split ends and if that does not work, you just cut them off and thats it. Its like having to shave when you grow beard. Once you become a long hair that's part of your life.
2- Almost everything I know damages hair, for example, exposure to sun, water (yes, the one we shower on), rubbing your head, etc. So it makes no sense to worry about all those things. As long as you dont get your hair color changed every week and dont expose your hair to heat tools without protection I dont think your hair is going to damage.
3- Regarding people opinions. You know, people will always have something to say about others.
Whether you are poor, rich, gay, straight, fat, thin, beautiful, ugly ..people will always find something to talk about you. So, lets say you are not a longhaired any more. Ok, they will find another reason to criticize you.
Now, let me tell you why I decided to grow my hair.
My hair grows super fast, really fast actually. So when I had short hair I had to go to the salon every 15 days to get a hair cut so that translates into money and time (money and time that I dont have, of course) I work all week and the only time available to go the salon is during the weekends, so why would I spend my day off (and money) going to the salon every 15 days to get a haircut?
You also damage your hair even when its short: consider all the amount of hair products (like gels, mouse, etc) that short haired guys put on their hair.
Longhairs dont need those products (other than using oil or leave in conditioner).
You can pull off a lot of hairstyles with long hair, you never get bored. Guys with short hair can't do that.
Long hair might not be right for you at this point in your life. Other times I tried growing it in the past, I let what other people thought affect me. It wasn't until I reached the age of 36 (and had a supportive wife) that I truly committed to growing my hair long.
Some of the other things you mentioned are easily addressed. Regarding hot showers....you don't wash long hair every single day. I put my hair up in a clip so it doesn't get wet on my "no wash" days. You can even clip it up while wet on "hair wash days" so you can turn up the heat.
It's okay if you're not ready to commit. Hopefully you will find the right time for YOU. I wish you luck.
Split ends - I hardly get any but if I do I simply trim them off. Takes ten minutes.
Damaging hair - Unless your hair is super-long, it won't get damaged any more than short hair.
Peoples' reactions - Long hair conveniently filters out jerks. As they say (attributed to Dr Seuss), those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.
Maintaining it - I find long hair much easier to maintain than short hair. You have to wash it either way but since long hair takes longer to get greasy (more hair for sebum to distribute itself in), you don't have to wash it quite so often and - BIG BONUS! - you don't have to get it cut all the time.
Huh?! Hot showers make zero difference to my long hair.
Ditto huh?! Itching your head makes zero difference whether your hair is long or short.
Quit getting stressed over nothing. Human hair is a helluva lot tougher than you seem to think. I simply grew mine long and simply treat it exactly the same as when it was short. I don't use special shampoo, conditioner, oils or anything else. And it looks great! :)
The ONLY downsides of long hair are the dreaded "awkward stage" (when your hair looks a bit dodgy during the first few months of growing) and taking a lot longer to dry after washing. That's it!
The rest is heaven. As Bill said, "You only have one life. Do you want to look groovy or not?" Well okay, I'd update the "groovy" to "cool" but the sentiment's the same. :)
And oh yeah, did I mention to quit getting stressed over nothing? Life's too short, man. Just go for it!
Damon
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There is a shade of meaning difference between the two words that any hippie guy from my generation would appreciate, but yeah, "cool" is a term that has had staying power. It came into use before "groovy" did, and it's use has been consistent over more than fifty years that I personally know of.
The connotation of "groovy" is that you're relaxed about it and you don't get worked up over what other people might think or say, while "cool" has a mild aggressive and assertive edge to it. Otherwise, the meaning is the same. I used "groovy" because that difference in nuance caused it to better express the state of mind that I have.
Because of that shade of meaning, someone might assert that he is cool, but it would be ungroovy to assert that you are groovy. I wouldn't put it on a T-shirt as some in the thread suggested, for that reason. If you feel you are groovy, people will pick it up as part of your vibe, and it need not be stated.
That was the point made about how one plus of having long hair if you think that is a better look, is that people will pick up a positive vibe from you, whether they like your hair or not, and the value of that vibe should not be underestimated.
Bill
Aha! Thanks, Bill. Yeah, I can see what you mean. There is a subtle difference between "groovy" and "cool". I kinda like "groovy"!
Damon
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Now when I grew up in Wisconsin in the 1960s I never got that definition of groovy. Maybe that is what it meant elsewhere
(San Fransisco?) but not in Wisconsin.
Ok as one of the original hippies from the 1960s after growing my hair long in 1964 i'll weigh in on this...........there is really no difference betwen groovy and cool. They essentially mean the same thing. There may be a slight difference but through my years of living through the 60s and beyond they essentially meant the same thing. Also wasn't cool in use in the 1950s? I seem to recall hearing that it was.
No matter whether it was groovy or cool I loved growing up in the 60s and growing my hair long even with all the hassles I got at school.
Hi RF,
I think you should just grow your hair and see what happens! How are you ever going to know if YOU like it? I can tell you right now that I could care less how people see my hair. I really think you are overthinking this. I can't really add much to the other great replies here. But, just one question. Have you ever grown your hair longer than normal?
Ted
I think it is worth it...
I want it in the worst way...
I have always hated haircuts, and while others would talk down the longhair look, I would secretly admire them.... I just wish I would have started earlier.... at the rate my hair grows I might not have much left on top before I get to mid back...
At 45, I don't care what others think anymore...
This journey builds patience and confidence... and I wish you the best.... The Spaf Man
I definitely think it is worth it. Especially for the ego. It does my self esteem a world of good to have young women compliment me on my hair. Some have just outright said "I love your hair, it is so pretty" across the isle in the grocery store. It sure does not hurt the ego.
Go ahead and take a hot shower, it doesn't matter that much.
You don't say how long your hair is, but my advice is just relax and let it grow until it's at least 12 inches. Then you can obsess about hair care n
Chris
I been getting stressed over growing long hair and so far to me I feel it's not worth it. I thought of positive and negative things about long hair. I came up with mostly negative things about long hair like worrying about split ends, damaging hair, peoples reactions and maintaining it. The only thing I came up with that is positive is you like long hair. When I shower I can't enjoy hot showers anyore since I worry if it's going to damage it and so far I feel when I have short I can relax and not worry about this. When my head itches I think I am damaging it when rubbing my head. I really want long hair and don't know what to do and feel just giving up so I don't worry about all this. I try not to think about this but it's hard since I don't want my hair looking horrible so I don't give long haired guys a bad reputation. Because a lot people don't like long hair on guys and want to show everyone they are wrong about long haired guys. I really need some advice incase I overlooked some positive things and incase others worried about things like this before.
I'm 59 years old and have had long hair since 1964. At this point
in my life I can't think of a single negative reason for having long hair. So the hair will stay long until the day I die.
It doesn't take very long to care for it, I don't care
what others think, and I wear it down and loose most of the time so I can fully enjoy the long hair. At 59 I don't care what others think. If they don't like long hair they can go jump out the window.
Like with most things, you have to personally determine the meaning of what you do in your life. If having long hair doesn't seem to be working for you then maybe it's not a good choice...but don't let other people make that choice for you.
Remember though, growing hair long and then keeping it is a "long" term commitment and you should make up your mind about the effort so you can work it into your lifestyle...then the little bumps along the way are easier to deal with.
You seem far to concerned with some minor issues. You can have long hair and scratch your head, take hot showers etc. Do you really think all the women with long hair take cold showers?
Because this is an internet forum, and one for "hair enthusiasts" at that, you are going to read lots of comments about the best possible way to maintain your hair. Go to a computer hardware forum and you will only read about the BEST possible components and builds. Take these with a grain of salt and realize that you can have a head of long hair and not worry about those things.
Might it be better to shower with warm or colder water? Maybe. But who cares? Its your hair.
I have grown my hair out twice. The first time I was so intense about measuring, caring for it, avoiding hot water, etc etc. It was a fun journey but it became tedious and I cut it. This time I stopped caring about any of it. I got more frequent trims to keep it looking nicer while growing, I took hot showers, I brushed it as long or as often as I wanted to, I used whatever shampoo I liked the smell of, etc etc. My hair looks and feels the exact same both times, and now it doesn't feel tedious.
Is long hair worth it? It is if you want it. If you have to do a pros/cons, I assume that means you want long hair it a lot. Grow it your way and don't worry about all the things that could go wrong. Deal with them when they come, if they come and just enjoy it. Relax :) It's supposed to be fun.
I'm not gonna sit here and sugar coat stuff. I do care what others think of my hair, I want my hair to look good. But I will not ever let their negative views sway my decision to grow my hair out.
Growing your hair out, and someone telling you that it looks bad are 2 different things. If someone says it looks bad, maybe you aren't maintaining it correctly and it looks real dry and fuzzy. Maybe they don't mean the long hair looks bad, just how you maintain it.
NO one wants their hair to look ugly, or someone else who likes your long hair length to think it looks poorly maintained.
Long hair is like teeth. Poorly maintained teeth will definitely make your ego drop just as fast as poorly maintained long hair.
It's not for the lazy. It's a lot of hard work and dedication, but in the end, it is definitely worth it.
You will have to dump some money into it on regular occasions. And you will spend many hours primping on big nights out to look your best. But in my opinion a man with a well maintained mane will always look better than a man with a lazy buzz cut and no flavor.
Hair has life. It makes so many characteristics about yourself that otherwise, would never be seen, stand out.
Personally I got back hair down about 2 inches past my shoulders, and my bangs come down about 1/4 an inch under my chin, and not every woman, but a lot of women drool over it.