new thread
You guys have all been great here. I've enjoyed reading and writing posts here. You've greatly encouraged me in my own process of growing my hair long. I am only a couple weeks away from my 2 year date since the last time I sat in a barber's chair...
Something happened to me, though - that causes me to want to post this - I know I am free with my compliments in telling various guys they look great, not just their hair, but they, themselves... I want to say that if I have caused any of you to bristle or be uncomfortable with my compliments, I apologize.
Apparently I have written some things here and on the other long hair site that is linked here that was brought up on a search by someone in my family. They feel that my fascination with men's long hair and my compliments, along with other sites I am attached to out there on the internet, are a big reveal to my sexual preferences. I have been naive.
Truth of the matter, I have never felt any negativity from any of you guys - you have all been the most accepting, positive bunch of guys and I have been honored to know you and follow your journeys here. I felt I needed to say I did not intend to ever put myself out there in such a revealing way here or on gaylonghair - but, it's there for anyone to see just what I write and and how I feel about any number of things.
Thanks for listening. I needed to get it off my chest, that's all. I hope I have not been an offense to you guys.
A non issue here. I have been "Out" since my late teens. You have done naught to upset anyone. A compliment is always appreciated and if someone reads anything into such, that is their issue.
Oh man! I'm sorry your family member shamed you for complimenting other guys. It's totally cool to do that. In fact, it is a very very nice thing to do. I think one of the reasons we all come here is to get some positive reinforcement ... it's a harsh world out there, and a little bit of kindness can make all the difference.
There's nothing wrong with being kind! How could anyone argue against kindness?
I don't know your situation in particular and I don't want to disparage your family member, but it sounds like they are being narrow minded ... and a bit homophobic. Please don't stop complimenting people.
A compliment is a compliment. I'll take them in the spirit they are given!
Fitzgarce,
I haven't noticed anything that you have written in a post or by reply to another that would lead me to even have any conclusion as to a sexual preference. All I've seen is that you are free with compliments and accolades, if only the world had more men like you there would be less hatred towards our fellow man. I do have to ask though (I'm not expecting an answer, cause only your relative can answer this) why was your relative searching out what you are involved in on the internet? Seems to me like this would be a nosy busybody to me, and not something of his/her concern.
Daniel
Hi Fitz,
I very sorry to read how someone in your family was,in a way,checking up on you via the internet.I know of both sites you reference, of course this one, and know they are open for anyone to read.I have read your posts and don't feel anything you've said was over the top.And who doesn't enjoy a compliment really!I hope whatever was said to you ends there and the subject dropped.Obviously you may feel the need to measure your words and that would be a shame really.After all we should be free to speak our minds.Keep the faith my friend :) Cheers
Mârk
WOW, there's so much I could say here; but I'd like to keep it simple and strait-forward (pun intended - LOL), and not making it too long-winded (of which I can easily do - another LOL)....
First of all: You have NOT offended me!
Secondly, labels (like: "gay", strait", "bi", etc.) are more hype than they should be. Human beings are sexual / emotional / intellectual and also spiritual beings -- we are more complex than any Dr. or Psychiatrist or even common family member can ever categorize.
I choose to label myself as "gay" because I was married to a woman once, and I'd prefer never to mislead another woman into believing I might be good dating or future marriage material for her -- don't want to repeat the same mistake twice! (But also, yes, I am primarily attracted to men)
We are all hungry for compliments and feeling appreciated. PERIOD!
So, for what it's worth: THANK YOU for all of the nice comments you've said to me (and others) in the past, I've loved reading every single word of it!
- Ken
You said it better than I ever could.
Truth of the matter, I have never felt any negativity from any of you guys - you have all been the most accepting, positive bunch of guys and I have been honored to know you and follow your journeys here. I felt I needed to say I did not intend to ever put myself out there in such a revealing way here or on gaylonghair - but, it's there for anyone to see just what I write and and how I feel about any number of things.
Fitz. - you've been nothing but a pure gentleman - so thank you for that - sexual orientation is irrelevant: ( to those that matter ) - it's the essence of the person that matters ... thanks for sharing ! CEM.
Question, has someone in your family been using your computer?
The chances of them finding it in a google search would be
a million to one unless they knew what to look for (from following your browser history.)
They googled my tag "fitzgarce" which I use on youtube, email and here - and on other yahoo groups I've looked at - I was naive to think that when I joined a group that required approval (not this site, but others) from moderators, etc. that it was private - but anything written on the internet is accessible if you have the desire and the patience to sift through it all...
We have recent Apple products that automatically transfer web site use history from the apple computer to two tablets and the phone thru I Cloud. Any E-Mail goes to all devises. This minimizes privacy. When using social media sites, I just assume anyone will read it eventually, including loved ones.
Don
i would add to that that it very easy for someone to get on your computer to find your browing history, If you use wifi in a public spot, they can snoop on whatever you send (i.e. credit card numbers, passwords, account numbers, etc.). And they can search for you on google. Finally if you post on the internet it's there forever. And what is even creepier is when you search for an item online, that item will show up on ads as you surf the web.
I appreciate the comments and the support - I knew you guys wouldn't let me down... not as down as I feel I've been let by my B-i-L. I don't know his motivation - or how long he has known what he thinks he knows about me - or why he chose now to tell me that I make him uncomfortable - truth is - I have a burning red face from the anger and hostility I feel - and I really have no place for it in my life - I don't have an issue identifying with any particular label - I am who I am - I am what I am - I've spent years trying to conform to what I thought others expected of me - but, at the ripe age of mid- 50s, I decided I needed to be true to myself now - these last few years have been about exploring and accepting - and growing my hair long has been a big part of that experiment... I wish I could remove the reference to gaylonghair and my nametag from the internet when googled, not because I wrote anything inappropriate there, but just because it is like a glaring neon sign that labels me to haters or people with prejudices - and I don't want to hurt my wife and family because of it - although, I have already hurt my wife - it's part and parcel to being married, I think. I hope some day I can achieve a level of confidence that I feel coming from you guys here - It is still a cruel world out there and we need strength and faith to face each day. I've got miles to go...
Too bad a family member thought your words were not appropiate.
Also, if any of the members you complimented had gotten upset because of your comments, they would have contacted the moderators and - if applicable- the moderators would have emailed you to let you know about that ( and I don't think that's the case).
So I personally believe there is no reason for you to apologize about anything at all. Being kind and receiving compliments is okay.
It is impossible to undo anything you've done on the Internet. The good news is that there are skeletons in everyone's closet, and the ratcheting down of privacy that the Internet has brought us in recent years has occurred to everybody.
There was a time, just a few years ago, when there were concerns among teens that future employers would see pictures of them drunk at parties. The truth be told, and now recognized by many, is that most popular teens did the wild and fun things that teens do. The guy who is about to hire you probably did. Hire someone who never had an active teen life, and you'll be getting someone who probably will lack people skills with your customers.
Also, in the earliest days of the Internet, we worried about posting pictures of people on line without getting their permission first. Now so many people are snapping away with cell phones, that the social rules have changed. The attitude has become, "if you don't want to be photographed looking like that, then don't go out in public looking like that."
All that said, of course there are times when stuff on line can become an embarrassment for folks, and it's frustrating when that happens to you. I've always taken the attitude myself that if anyone finds something bad about me on Google, they'll at the same time find a flood of good stuff that will drown out the bad. To me, it's more creepy to Google someone and find nothing than it is to find a person who has a real and active, but imperfect, life. Real people aren't perfect.
John, the site owner at gaylonghair.com, and I e-mail each other frequently, and earlier today he asked me what would be involved in removing someone's activity totally from his site. (He perhaps has you in mind or someone else. He asks me to help him with quirky requests because I used to own his site and I wrote its software.) This sums up what I am about to tell him, but it would likely apply at MLHH or any other site you've posted to:
MLHH and gaylonghair.com have similar "removal of material" policies, which boil down to "it's a hassle, but if we take pity on you, we'll do it". This is where being a well-liked and supportive member of the communities like you are pays off. Someone will have to spend considerable time if they are to remove stuff, and they are more apt to do it if they like you. Their hesitancy is heavily rooted in their knowledge that their work may in the end not be particularly effective. Sites like archive.org save everything they find forever. And sites like Google have a cache that can show old stuff. There are enough sites like those that, even if they'd cooperate when asked, you're unlikely to find all of them.
One reason it's a lot of work to remove someone's stuff is that other users react to it, and to stamp you out, the site techs have to remove those users' material, too, and this may not set well with them, particularly if they've made long posts or included really great pictures of themselves. The site owner may feel he has to get these other users' approval first. So it becomes a political issue as well as a technical issue, and on both fronts this takes up someone's time.
Also, the question comes to mind, "What about this MLHH thread we are all reading now?" If you decide to ask John to remove your stuff, will you want MLHH to remove this thread, too? Now you'd be going through the same routine with a second site. Do you see where this is leading? The bottom line is that all the king's horses and all the king's men, no matter how much they take pity on you, can't put everything together again, not like it was before.
Besides, the cat is out of the bag, and the people who really mattered now know about it. The more you act like it bothers you, the more you will be exposing a weak flank to them to snap at over and over. If you take a "so what" attitude, it will all blow over, because that horse will have already been beaten until it is totally dead.
So, you're supportive of others. Last I heard, that was a good trait!
Bill
That is so so true.
I have friends who work in Human Resources for different companies and they told me that is very common to search for the Facebook profile of the candidate who is going to be hired to know what kind of person he or she is in the "real" world.
Also, I've heard that if companies don't find your Facebook profile online, it can be a bad sign about yourself.
Nowadays, not having a Facebook profile is like not having an email account. Not having an email account is equal to be out of this world (unless you are a person who has no knowledge on computers and never will, like my grandma for example).
I've personally had a lot of problems regarding my records on the internet. I had a partner who - one night - googled my old email address (one that I had since I was like 12) and found all of the websites where I had registered with that email address.
He was like "Why are you registered on that website? Can you close the account?". Honey, I dont even remember why I am there or what my account password is for that website, how am I to shutdown my account?
I know, it's crazy, but some people do that.
Your wisdom, Bill, far outweighs my emotional, knee-jerk reaction to the personal violation I experienced this week. Ultimately, I agree with your view on all of this - and ultimately, I don't really think I have anything to be embarrassed about - CEM wrote that allowing self-doubt or negativity reside for more than a few seconds creates damage - I tend to allow damage to be done instead of focusing on the positive - The comments on this site have been highly encouraging to me.
Hi Fitz,
Sorry I have been busy, and haven't had time to post...
(but I have been reading..)
I have always appreciated your comments, as I can relate to you in your journey.... Sorry people are being cruel...
You know your reasons for going to the sites....no matter what others think....
Take Care.... The Spaf Man
These are you family's problems, not yours.
You appreciate long hair and the effort it takes. Other people who do not understand that commitment to individuality will never understand. Those who spend time looking for deviance from what they consider to be "normal" will always be able to pick on something and make a mountain out of a molehill.
Just ignore them and go on being yourself and being true to yourself.