new thread
I have been a member of this awesome site for over 8 months now, and it has really opened my eyes to what I want for myself in life, and how I want to represent my image. I have, in the past, lacked a backbone so to speak in certain situations when facing conflict. I am a very cautious person, a logical thinker, and to be honest, expect the worst from people. I am a dreamer, a free-spirit, a rebel in many ways, and for 35 years I have floated along in life, living a day at a time with no real sense of direction career wise. 8 months ago, I asked my boss if he would ob ject to me growing my hair out. He said he didn't care how long my hair was as long as I performed my job well, as it should be. I have made great progress in length, and am loving my overall look each day. It gives me a sense of pride, and confidence to be able to grow nice looking hair. I even talked to our HR director, and made sure that there was no policy against men with longer hair. As long as the hair is not in my face, there is no policty against length. Lately, I have been receiving comments from the boss of my boss, that I need to "trim or tidy up" my hair. It has been subtle and today it was a more direct request though still a bit vague as to what "tidy up" means. I work in IT, but I also visit offices regularly for hardware fixes/upgrades, etc. I get along great with everybody, and even received an Employee of the year award the first year I started working here, which was 4 years ago. The IT department has never had a member win such an award previously. I am starting to feel pressure to cut my hair, but I will not break my resolve to cut or trim my hair. Even if there is a possiblity of me losing my job over my hair length, which is ridiculous to begin with in my opinion, I will NOT cave in and cut my hair to appease somebody that has a different opinion on hair length for men. I would rather find another job, and even have to downsize/move than cut my hair and then feel miserable doing so. My work ethic, skill set, and personality should be all that matters at work. People are still too judgemental these days, and I am afraid that it may never change. It definitely will not in my lifetime. My wife is with me on my decision to stand strong with my view, and she absolutely loves my hair as much as I do. You guys give me strength to carry on, and I appreciate all of the stories, and advice that each member posts on this site. Take care all !
Well, you're still in the awkward stage so the hair will tend to look untidy at times. If they mean they want you to trim it to tidy it, that will only prolong things if you touch the hair on top of your head and particularly in front. I trimmed the back of my hair during this stage but many do not.
I used very strong gel to slick my hair back for work during the awkward stage and never received any negative remarks. I did this until one day my hair all reached a tie and I immediately started wearing ponytails to work. Once I learned how to braid, I've been wearing one to work every day since.
I am debating on trimming the back of my hair, but really don't want to honestly :) I guess I can while the top and sides are catching up, but only if push comes to shove.
Don't trim your hair unless it's just to neaten it or layer it so it grows out in a more flattering way. Your boss has no right to ask you to cut your hair -- it's a part of your body.
You might want to talk to one or both of those supportive people, telling them about the one harassing you. They likely have more clout there than you do, and their support could help. If you've decided for sure that you'd "leave rather than cut", it might help for them to know that, too. Then they could say they value you, that your work is valuable to the company, and they know you'll leave if the harassment doesn't cease.
And unless your harasser intends to sleep with you, your wife is entitled to more of an interest in your hair than he is!
Good luck!
Bill
I agree completely, and am trying to avoid "quitting" versus getting possibly fired for unemployment reasons :)
Hi Patrick.
I command you for sticking with your beliefs!
Since you'll be at the awkward stage for quite some time, I suggest that you use a gel on your hair while at work. It will help maintain them in place and will look clean. It worked for me!
A.D.
That is two suggestions on using gel. I will have to give that a try :) Thanks !
...
Do you mind if I ask whereabouts you live? Here in Portland, Oregon I've never heard of an IT professional being asked to trim or cut hair, even if they're working on someone's machine "upstairs." I'm a software engineer but I've occasionally worked within IT departments, and you should have seen how scruffy (and smelly) some of our IT guys were, even at more conservative-type companies! They did their job well and nobody complained.
I won't tell you what to do, but personally I would find a different job if I were being harassed about my hair, or even the fact that I wear sandals in the winter when it's over 50F/10C outside. As far as tech-related jobs go I believe we are well within our rights to be as we are so long as we're getting the work done.
Either way, I wish you luck! :)
I have made great progress in length, and am loving my overall look each day. It gives me a sense of pride, and confidence to be able to grow nice looking hair.
I am starting to feel pressure to cut my hair, but I will not break my resolve to cut or trim my hair. Even if there is a possiblity of me losing my job over my hair length, which is ridiculous to begin with in my opinion, I will NOT cave in and cut my hair to appease somebody that has a different opinion on hair length for men. I would rather find another job, and even have to downsize/move than cut my hair and then feel miserable doing so.
My wife is with me on my decision to stand strong with my view, and she absolutely loves my hair as much as I do. You guys give me strength to carry on, and I appreciate all of the stories, and advice that each member posts on this site. Take care all !
Hey Patrick Brands,
You are a "longhair"; you are a born "longhair". It is part of your identity; part of who you are. For your superiors to require you to cut your hair would be like asking you to cut off your nose or a finger. You would, in a sense truly not be fully the man who does a great job each day, who gets along with everyone, who won the "Employee of the Year" and was the first in the IT department to do so.
You are feeling a ne sense of pride in yourself because you have discovered and are realizing this part of who Patrick Brands is - a "longhair".
Is your job worth sacrificing part of the man you know you are?
If you stand firm in your conviction to keep your long hair and remain with your company do you think that you might contribute to opening the way for other guys who might also feel the urge to realize this part of their identity but are afraid to "push the envelope"?
You know what the right thing to do is. We, your longhaired bros are right here with you.
Raymond
First I want to say, great progress on hair growth...
I have now been "bunning" my hair at work, even though many women are not...
I think all of us feel that this is who we are...
Hang in there.... All the best... The Spaf Man
I would not do it. In my opinion corporations have no right to tell me how to wear my hair. They do not impose hair limits on women? If you cave, what will they want to change about you next? Same goes for women or partners. If they do not accept you for who you are, move on because life is to short for this nonsense.
It constantly baffles me as to how this type of discrimination remains legal in 2015. And- it's not hair discrimination, it's gender discrimination, as I suspect your employer has no problem with women having long hair.
The way I see it: don't cut it. IMO, submitting to these ridiculous rules actually enables this type of stuff to continue. If I were to have a job offer and they required me cutting my hair, I would turn down the offer. But that's just me. I know people have to pay the bills and such, which makes it all the more frustrating. They already have someone in a vulnerable position. It's not right.
Good luck.
I agree it is gender discrimination. The EEOC even say that it is, with the caveat that no judges have agreed with them, so it cannot be upheld.