new thread
Hey guys. I reached shoulder length about 2 months ago. Here is my second post about being longhair at age 30.
One thing I notice, is there is a big difference between not washing your hair, and keeping it behind your ears as you go around town. Usually when I don't want to attract attention I just tie it back, which is about 80% of the time.
Now I probably condition and shampoo my hair once a week. But on a day that I do, and if I go out around town. Boy the stares. Stares from everyone. Dirty looks from the men. Women, I can't tell if they are admiring or giving me a dirty look as well?
Either way, I think my hair looks great with proper conditioner. My lady likes it .
I'm just having trouble getting used to being Bold like that in public! I'm not one to attract attention, but in a way I feel like an attention whore when I shampoo and condition it, because it flows in the wind and is all nice like. The thing with that is..
I don't like getting dirty looks from all the men! Or the strange looks from women! It's who I wanna be though ! It's who I am!
If I've learned anything in my years as a student, I've learned that you'll be judged anyway, so why not enjoy yourself in the process? I just started my journey to manehood, and I'd give anything to wear it long and loose! Don't feel ashamed or embarrassed by your long hair, let it grow and be bold! You'll be happier the quicker you accept your hair and how people will react towards it. it won't be easy, but you can do it!
You're experience completely substantiates my favorite quote from Dr. Seuss: "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
I'm over 50 and have worn long hair for most of my adult life. When I was young I cared a bit about those looks. I cut my hair a couple of times. Lo and behold those frowning kinds of people are more likely to talk to you when you have shorter hair. But then it occurred to me that they were not people I wanted to know anyway. I'd rather wear my long hair proudly and let the frown. Nowadays I look forward to every one of those grumpy frowns. I usually smile back to them, then go about my business.
Having long hair is a good way to instantly filter the people worth knowing from those who are not.
I used to wear it down in public, but then again it wasn't really that long (and it was usually a mullet anyways)
Now with actual long hair, during the winter my hood is always on (except when I feel comfortable to take it off, but that's typically in very private areas.
There's certain pros and cons to wearing it in different ways:
Loose:
+ Display your glorious mane to all the world!
+ Less danger of it getting all cut off
- Tangles/catching
- It gets EVERYWHERE! Especially on a windy day.
Restrained:
+ Less attention
+ neater
- Someone could sneak up behind you and cut it off
- Uncanny valley -- you're both displaying your long hair and hiding it at the same time
Hidden: (turban, hat, hood, etc)
+ No attention, whatsoever... with the right headgear.
+ Doesn't get in your way
- Takes diligence to keep up the appearance
- People don't like it when you wear headgear indoors.
During the winter, I take the hidden route. I haven't had a summer with long hair yet, but I think I'll continue with the hidden route, although it will be harder to do so
I've had long hair for 50 years now. I've never had someone try to cut it.
I've had long hair for 50 years now. I've never had someone try to cut it.
If i'm on the bus or subway and feel threatened i'll just pull the hair forward. The key is to be aware of your surroundings.
Now that I'm 60 years old I don't care what others think.
i've got long hair, i'm not going to hide it. So most of the time I wear it long and loose.
I do restrain it to prevent damage on windy days or around
hazards.
...there's certain pros and cons to wearing it in different ways:Loose:
Thx. .mkl ... I love this synopsis of hair display 'pro's & con's' ... it's extremely accurate ... & highlights a very important point - to display or not to display ? ... to display for me: ( & for most ) is a combination of mood-driven: ( do I feel like attention today ? OR do I just wanna blend in ? ), appropriate setting, environmental factors, safety issues, hassle-factor & finally energy: ( do I even have the energy to fuss ) - so yes ... shall we be 'showy' today or shall we be 'one-of-the-crowd' ... these are decisions that ALL long hairs make on a daily basis ... cheers CEM.
Sad but true! I'd wear it loose every day if I could. But if its at all windy... It gets bunned or at least in a ponytail and under my hat.
I long ago got over having "stage fright" about my long hair. Now I look forward to days/places I can wear it loose!
I'm glad that here, people simply don't care so much about diversity. There isn't much policing of other people's appearance. So I just don't get so many of the looks, and especially few of the dirty looks. I also don't particularly mind being noticed. So if I am going out, and I feel like having my hair down and flowing, I do. The heck with the small minded people.
In my experience weather and hair texture dictates the requirements for washing. In the dry cold Winter of the U.S. Northeast, it makes more sense to water only wash, and not to wash that frequently. When I do wash, I do hot water followed by cold to seal the hair shaft. Sometimes you have to get the hair oil out, but I find that I miss the sebum on my hair because it helps give it healthy sheen and a smooth texture.
As far as dirty looks and stares, I get none at Church. The reaction of most Orthodox people has been a positive one. Ladies in middle and old age tell me they like my hair pulled back in a pony tail. Even the priest has given me positive feedback on the ponytail.
There is no shame to enjoying how God made your body, just do it in the proper context. It does not sound like you are outside the proper context to me. You are being sensitive to the views of your wife, that is part of what builds a long happy productive marriage. Your body is her body, so if she likes the look, feel and other experiences with your hair, then great!
Don't worry about the dirty looks. Living honestly is more important than dirty looks and strange looks. You are showing your identity as a person. You are being emotionally honest with yourself and others. You are being intellectually honest with yourself and others. That is good. One cannot go through life in a dishonest fashion. It eats away at the soul and produces all kinds of negative effects on the body, spirit and relationships with self and others. It is highly likely that the dirty looks from men, stem from their own self-dishonesty and fright at living attuned to who they truly are. Instead of dealing with their own phobias, insecurities, passions, and identity issues they are externalizing and projecting all of that on to you. They are emotionally and spiritually weak. Do not be bothered by them. In the cases of the women, I would surmise that they are probably not accustomed to seeing a man in public who is secure in his masculinity, emotionally self-connected, and able to model that.
You are emotionally self-connected, sensitive, and emotionally and intellectually honest. Keep being that person. Hang tight to your wife, as she appreciates that about you, and that sort of woman is extremely hard to come by in this day and age. You have way more going for you in life than the people who are giving you dirty looks and confused looks. You are emotionally intact. Be thankful.
I'm sixty years old now, i've found the looks and reaction were aimed more at my age rather than my hair. Older folks like to dump on younger folks. I got that when I was younger. But once i reached the age of 45 all the complaints, dirty looks, etc stopped. Now wherever I go i'm confident there will be no complaints about my hair. So I wear my hair down and loose most of the time, I wear the clothes I want (mostly cut off shorts), and at the age of sixty I get no hassles/dirty looks/etc.
So my advice, just confidently walk through life and enjoy your long hair.
About five years ago I joined a civil war group. With many older guys in the group I was expecting lots of complaints about my long hair. To date i've gotten exactly zero complaints. I now have the longest hair in the organization, there are five other guys who also have long hair, and my hair is longer than
all the women in the ladies auxiliary. Most of the time I wear it loose, i'll bun it/braid it/pony tail it/pig tail it to prevent damage but most of the time it is down and loose even at formal events/weddings/ceremonies/etc.
BTW, even when i'm on the bus or subway I still wear my hair down and loose. After many years of doing that i've never had a problem. If i'm concerned about the hair i'll pull it forward onto my chest but that very rarely is needed.
I agree with the others, that you just have to get used to looking as you want to,which to some is "different". One thing to guard against, is to assume that the looks from men are "dirty looks". Remember men looking at other men is a taboo just in itself in this society, so they may just simply be Noticing you and trying to Not appear to be coming on to you. Don't let the negative thoughts you Think others may have, become reality. Most really are just noticing you as different from the crowd and further, the more confident you act and become, the less they react to your timidness or defensiveness. This was the case for me, and Now, I just go about my business. I think a lot of the looks are those of envy that I am being my true self. My hair is midback, thick, and Always worn loose. Best of luck, sj
Those dirty looks might be just envy. A lot of guys want to have long hair, but they are afraid. Afraid of bucking social norms. Afraid of being laughed at. Afraid of standing out.
Guys like that are repressed. They probably can't even admit to wanting long hair, let alone expressing envy over another dude's long hair. So it comes out as anger or aggression.
I feel sorry for those dudes.
What a world we live in, where just growing your hair long takes bravery! But it does.
I don't like to wear my hair down for 2 reasons. It gets in my way (its waist length) & make me tempted to cut it, but most important, then I have it up people tend to ask how long is it? rather than ask why I have it so long. Also why should I reveal everything? Other than the length of someones hair, their physical features are almost identical. So the length of our hair is the ONE thing that can set us apart from the crowd!!!! wayne
What you think others are thinking about you or your hair may not be true at all -- unless they speak and tell you their thoughts, you might be entirely inaccurate in your assumptions. As others have said below, they might be staring at you because they admire your hair; so the sooner you learn not to be self-conscious about your hair (whether down & loose, or tied back in some way), the freer you'll feel, regardless.
Quick story as an example of what I'm talking about:
In the late '90s, several times I had contemplated cutting my hair. One day a co-worker was chatting with me, and I revealed the fact that ZI had made an appointment with a hair stylist later in the afternoon to finally do so... he totally shocked and surprised me with his reaction, because after I told him I was going to cut it, he jumped up & down and yelled at me, "NO, don't do it! Your hair is so rad!! You'll hate it if you cut it!!!"
I had no clue previously that this guy even cared or even noticed my hair before; but there he was yelling at me not to cut, even though he himself had very short hair. He was practically crying, begging me not to; so to shut him up, I told him I was just going for a small trim...
Although I ended up cutting my hair short a year later, that guy made me change my mind about cutting that particular day. You never know how others think Nobody on the planet that I know of has truly learned the art of mind-reading!
Just go about your business making your own decisions about your hair as you choose -- you'll be happiest that way!!
- Ken in San Francisco
I've also found that if you do cut your hair folks will find
numerous other things to complain about. In my case it would be i'm too short, my nose is too big, etc. Keep your hair long and
ignore the naysayers.
And before you jump to the conclusion that others will be critical stop and consider they may be thinking what great hair you have and how jealous they are. I've heard too many guys over the years say how they wish they could grow their hair. There is no time like the present, you're only on this mortal coil for a short time, take advantage of that short period of time and let your hair grow.
I've had long hair for many years, and the number of times anyone comments on my hair are few and far between, even though I usually wear it loose.
I only get comments atall when it is loose, never when it's ponytailed or braided, and the comments I do get are almost always positive, although rare.
Most of these comments come from black women, not from men or other white people. One such comment was from someone who I'm pretty sure was a lady of ill repute, although I think it was probably a genuine compliment and not just touting for business.
Sometimes other longhaired guys will react, but either by giving me a peace sign or telling me to get a haircut, which is obviously ironic given the source.
The negative comments I do get are usually from my mother, although lately my wife has been saying I should cut it because it's getting too thin. Yeah, right. Then I would just be a short-haired guy with thin hair. How that would help is honestly a complete mystery to me.
You need to be you! I have s sort of shoulder-lengthish bob cut and I always wear it down, clean, conditioned and flat-ironed smooth and sleek. I want it to look good. I don't seem to get the looks you describe, though, at least very often. I ignore it when I do. You only get one pass through life--enjoy the ride!