new thread
I've enjoyed commenting on some recent "Manbun" threads, including reading that NY Times article that Never2Long posted a link to. I get a kick out of hearing how some sort of latest hair trend is now suddenly "in style", just because a magazine or newspaper now says that it's so.
The truth of the matter is:
In order for a man to successfully grow his hair out, -- and even more importantly, in order to KEEP it long -- you have to not really care about what's currently "in" or "out' of style.
If today the man-bun is considered to be the coolest-looking hair trend, then prepare yourself tomorrow for an announcement from the "Fashion Police" that all guys who wear their hair in a bun look like a doofus... "What goes up, must come down", as the old saying goes!
You have to NOT care about what others think about your appearance -- not to the point of no longer bathing or wearing clean clothes (which will gross out even your favorite aunt who normally unconditionally loves you!); but simply re. your preferred longer hair length, you become as steady as a rock about not compromising on that particular issue.
Only the young and the drop-dead gorgeous (AKA "Hollywood-handsome") can get away with literally ANYthing, as far as their individual "look" goes... The rest of us mere mortals have to be a bit braver, confident in our own masculinity enough to not give a damn what others think; but loving our long-haired dreams and goals enough to quietly continue "onward & downward"...
I'm totally OK with looking like a doofus -- and I know I do whenever I happen to look in the mirror, especially every time I put my hair back into a man-bun! (LOL)
But hey, I'm happy: whenever I let my hair down at the end of the day, I have something that a lot of timid guys will never get to experience... HAIR!
- Ken
Hi Ken,
I could not have said it any better the way you explained it in your thread.I've lived long enough to see many fashion trends come and go but for me its easy.I just stuck with what I liked and made me happy:) I recall during the 1980s how many guys grew their hair out when the metal music scene actually became mainstream!I loved going to the clubs seeing all those hair bands, and then look at the audience and seeing just about every male with longhair just like the band members onstage.To me it was a magical time but cemented my desire to always have longhair as long as my genes allowed.Sadly when the 1990s came about I saw the writing on the wall when hair bands fell out of favor and the grunge scene took over.With that longhair on guys started to vanish when compared to the 80s.It's sort of making a comeback with the manbun trend but for me I stuck with what I liked for decades despite the trends.
Looking forward to catching up with you shortly my friend:) Cheers....
Mârk
Good words, Ken. But then again, that's par for the course, where you're concerned.
Frodo
The rest of us mere mortals have to be a bit braver, confident in our own masculinity enough to not give a damn what others think; but loving our long-haired dreams and goals enough to quietly continue "onward & downward"...
Great post! I've had longer hair (a little below ear length and just at eyebrow length..don't judge please!!! That's the longest I've ever had it, and that's no where near to what you all define long hair as ha ha) as a middle schooler into my first 2 years of highschool. I did like it back then but I buzzed it because wrestling required me to.
I'm not sure if I am a long hair at heart or not. I remember reading the post in the link section where there are 2 types of motives for growing out hair. I wonder if I am a mix between the 2 (under "Why be a longhair?" In http://www.choisser.com/longhair/four.html) . In 2011, 2012 and 2013 I tried growing my hair out but I cut it because of the awkward stage (4-6 months) and basically just being impatient with it. I can't remember the term man bun back then anyways, but I do remember a few lacrosse players and musicians with a nice mane. I started growing this March when I believe the man bun fad increased. I'm so determined to get there this time. I want to power through the awkward phase as I hear it is well worth it. Only the strong survive and I want to prove to myself I can do it. As of right now I'm in uncharted growth territory...6 months and about 2 weeks of growth.
I hope when I reach collarbone length it is here to stay for good, and that I remember all of those days/months where it looked bad and how patient I had to be.
Did you or any other longhairs report a time in which your longhair became part of you? For example did you fall more in love with it as it grew longer?
I'm not sure if the longhair is embedded in my natural identity or if it is just in this present moment of my life (graduating from college and feeling more free/rebellious ha ha). And does it really matter which category I fall under?
Thanks for the pep talk in encouraging us to be confident and brave. I wore an Alice band to work retail tonight and even though it may not seem like much I feel I faced my fears of others judgement and became more confident in who I am. I did this because I want a glorious mane and I don't want to damage it one bit from styling products! We truly do have to not care what people think (yet maintain proper hygiene as you stated)
. It always helps me to remember people will judge me no matter if I have short or long hair. Of course I will probably be judged more with long hair, but because that makes me happy I am willing to deal with it
Hey Wesrob351,
Thanks for baring your longhaired soul.
Bro, I think that it is important to identify to yourself whether you are a born long hair or if you are a long hair because of the style and you like the style. I think it is important to identify what kind of a long hair you are for yourself because then you will know if being a longhair is part of your identity. If being a longhair is simply a matter of style and fashion for you then you can cut your hair and it not a matter of great importance; it's only hair. If, on the other hand having long hair is part of who you are then you can not simply cut your hair when the winds of popular style change. If you are a born longhair then to cut your hair is an act of violence against part of your identity.
The fact that you have had starts and stops during your life in growing out your hair says to me that for you having long hair is more than just a matter of style. There is something in you that keeps urging you to try long hair; to let it grow out beyond the awkward stage. The fact that you wore an Alice hair band to work was a statement to yourself as well as to your co-workers that there is a part of my identity I want to explore and celebrate.
I think that you are showing signs that being a long hair is not just a matter of being in style for you; it is something deeper.
As to whether or not born long hairs become more enamored of their hair the longer it grows, I can only speak for myself. The answer is absolutely yes. I still get excited as I perceive my hair getting longer and passing one (1) milestone on my body after another. I hope that you will allow yourself the possibility to try it out for yourself. You have set a goal of achieving collar bone length hair. I hope you achieve your goal. I hope that when your hair is collar bone length you discover that you like your hair so much that you continue to let your hair grow outto terminal length.
Wesrob351, you can cut your hair when others make negative comments about it or if the awkward stage seems to be dragging. You'll live. However, when you are older will you look back at this time in your life and wonder what your life would have been like if you had let your hair grow? What would you give to come back to this day and make another decision if you decide to cut your hair now?
Your long haired bro,
Raymond
Raymond,
Thanks for the well thought out response and enlightenment.
For some reason, this time around I do feel a stronger urge to grow my hair out. Maybe it is because I am sick of caring so much what people think or because I am a longhair at heart. I do feel more of a connection with my hair this time around. Its almost as if I need to grow my hair out (strange feeling to say the least because ive never had this urge). I have had a slight desire in the past (2011,2012, 2013), but now it is more serious. It certainly is an outward statement of an inward change (ex. not trying to control everything, "going with the flow", not wanting to be boxed in).
I am learning so much from this process about patience and just learning that I can't control every single hair that gets out of place. Its so crazy how the simple act of not cutting my hair and nurturing it with good care and nutrition impacts myself as a person.
"Wesrob351, you can cut your hair when others make negative comments about it or if the awkward stage seems to be dragging. You'll live. However, when you are older will you look back at this time in your life and wonder what your life would have been like if you had let your hair grow? What would you give to come back to this day and make another decision if you decide to cut your hair now?"
- This is so true. I think my past failures, or longhaired heart, have strengthened my desire to have a long mane. Even if I do decide to cut it after I reach my goals, I will be satisfied with succeeding. But I hope the flow is here to stay.
wes
Hey Wesrob351,
Listen to that urge within you to grow out your hair.
When you feel that you want to cut your hair because of negative comments from others just smile and realize that maybe they secretly admire you for growing out your hair. Perhaps they would like to grow out their own hair, although they might not admit it even to themselves. But perhaps your growing out your hair might help another more timid born long hair bro to grow his hair out. How would you feel if you helped another long haired bro to throw off the constraints of social pressure to keep his hair short and to begin to experience the freedom that is his birthright?
As for the "messy" or unkempt" appearance as you are going through the awkward stage' remember that there are things you can do to try to keep your hair looking "reasonably" neat. I would be glad to recommend things for you to do to help you get through this stage. I know that the other long haired bros are here for you too. You alluded to the growing feeling that you do not feel the need to control every hair that might fall out of place. Enjoy the freedom, bro.
Wesrob351, let your hair grow out to collar bone length. That's the goal which you set. Notice your feelings about your hair and about yourself during this process. If you experience an inner sense of peace with yourself as you watch your hair grow out, as if to say that this is really a part of who I am then you are a born long hair. I hope that you will experience a sense of excitement as you see your hair grow longer and pass one (1) milestone on your body after another. I hope that when your hair reaches collar bone length you will want to continue to let your hair continue to grow out to terminal length. That inner urging at the core of your being which is your heart is telling that this is who you really are. Having long hair is a part of you; you are a born long hair, a long hair at heart.
Your long haired bro,
Raymond
But perhaps your growing out your hair might help another more timid born long hair bro to grow his hair out. How would you feel if you helped another long haired bro to throw off the constraints of social pressure to keep his hair short and to begin to experience the freedom that is his birthright
-- I honestly never thought about it that way!! I'd love to inspire other men to grow out their hair and be themselves. Come to think of it seeing other dudes growing out their hair gave me the confidence to do it, and I can't thank them enough for being a "trailblazer"
--- I'd appreciate any tips! I typically have been tucking it behind my ears and trying to slick it back but product isn't really working anymore. I've been wearing an Alice band the past few days and hats. I'll attach a picture of what it looks naturally
--Thanks Raymond! I appreciate all that you have said. I responded specifically to certain points you made between the paragraphs above so it would be easier to follow. I definitely am loving having longer hair and it does feel like me. I always like being different and unique from everyone else. Reaching 6 months was very exciting for me-as I have not had my hair this long in 7 years. It feels nice to kind of find who I am- because I am in my 20's I am still developing this.
Should I set smaller goals to make the long term goal (collarbone length) more achievable? Like set goals for even months (8, 10, 12, 14 months etc.) to keep me motivated and feeling accomplished? Because right now looking at it as about 2 years for collarbone length seem like forever ha ha, but if I break it up it might be seem more manageable. Also staying busy will probably help too!
Thanks! Your aspiring long-haired friend,
Wes
Here is the side view (I keep submitting the photos sideways ha ha). Hopefully this one is right side up
Wow - your hair looks so healthy and thick. I'm so jealous. It looks good with the beard, too. I'm looking forward to seeing how it looks as it gets longer. Keep posting those photos.
Thanks so much Marx,
I try to take VERY good care of it. Ha ha almost obsessive care. Exercise, vitamins, lots of water, good nutrition and most of all maintaining moisture in the hair (shampooing 2-3 days per week and using conditioner, leave in conditioner and occasional coconut oil deep treatments).
I'll be sure to keep in contact here!
When I first saw the Beatles in 1964 I knew I born to have long hair. I'm now 61 years old and still have long hair. Will have long hair until the day I die.
I learned long ago if cut your hair they'll find other stuff to complain about. Even with short hair the complaint list will be
endless.
Hi Mr. Wesrob,
Great questions! I'll do my best to answer them...
Answer #1: Don't worry too much about whether you are "born longhair" or not; just enjoy the journey -- it's a discovery process. You might end up feeling like being a longhair is embedded in your natural identity, or you might not.... But most people find this out by at least starting with the growing of their hair. The longer your hair gets, the more you'll discover whether you're falling in love, or increasingly annoyed (LOL).
Answer #2: There's nothing "wrong" with trying out longer hair for awhile, even if you feel it's primarily a temporary fashion interest. Just grow it! If you end up not really liking it all that much, you can easily cut it back to short. Nobody has the right to judge you over a silly simple thing as your own hair on your own head! It's YOUR hair on YOUR head -- and it's YOUR choice to do as you please with it!
Answer #3: No, it doesn't really matter what "category" of longhair you fall under. As I said earlier, growing your hair long is actually a journey of self-discovery. Just go ahead and embark on this journey, enjoy the experience of discovering the many milestones along the way, and just realize that the end destination is different for everyone -- we are all unique, we are all individuals. Just realize the guys who intuitively feel they are "born longhairs" are usually the ones who feel more naturally committed to growing and keeping their hair long for life; but there's nothing wrong at all with just trying out long hair for only the present moment, to see if you like it, or not....
Hope my reply has helped!
- Ken
Thanks Ken! This does help so much. It is nice to my have to fit into a certain category. I am loving having longer hair right now. It feels so unique having the wind blow through it. It's been so long since I've felt this ha ha. Can't wait for my bike ride today to let it flutter like a flag in the wind.
You are right, I shouldn't pressure myself to try and fit into a certain type. After all, isn't that a main reason to grow out the hair? For freedom of individuality and choice? I shouldn't get down on myself if I grow it out to my goal and then cut it, or I shouldn't worry what will happen then. I just need to let it ride until I cross that bridge.
Until now, I'm staying far from the barber :).
Thanks Ken! You're the man!
Wes
Thank you, Ken, for these reflections. I have often wondered what life would be like if long hair (and the various ways of styling it) came into fashion. There would certainly be immense pressure to cut it off once the fashion changed. Fashion gives some people a sense of security, but it is so fleeting and a "mass" phenomenon in which humanity is at its basest.
I live in a country where there is a lot less pressure for men to have short hair, at least outside the corporate world. Those of us who have long hair have it for different reasons, but mostly because we assert who we are as persons and individuals. Some identify with a particular sub-culture and style of music. Others have a more individual philosophy of life.
As you say, when we style our hair or just tie it up for some practical reason, it is great to feel it back when we let it down. I hope long hair will never be in fashion!
By the way, I now pass my 2-year mark.
It was like that in the 1960s and I loved it. I thoroughly enjoyed having long hair and going to school and hearing the powes that be complain. The more they complained the more I
refused to cut it.
i went through that in later years when long hair went out of fashion. I still kept it long.
Now at 61 years old with long hair since 1964 i'd love to long hair come back into fashion. I loved living through the 1960s and bucking the status quo.
Well said, Ken!
I'm glad you enjoyed the NYTs link. I think one of the best things about it is the continued mainstreaming of long hair--more styles and options are out there. While I agree that we should do what we want (and I have!), it is always easier for all of us, especially the newbies, when things are more "acceptable."
I went my own way early, as I am guessing you did, fighting the battle in the 1970s. I've kept it long except for one job interview (didn't need to cut, damn it, as it turned out), although I have gone shorter as I aged. My ends were so ratty and the terminal length not so good anymore that I bobbed it about 5 years ago. I love it, but it puts me out on the frontier again. Not many guys have an inverted, stacked bob!
So, let's all enjoy the ride. Things will hopefully continue to get better!
That's very well expressed. Fashion comes and goes, but being a longhair is a long term decision and requires dedication over many years, whether long hair us "in" or not. And that's what we're all here for!
We all seem to have different and converging attitudes and motivations. I have just written an article on my blog
Not everyone on this board is Christian or even theist, but I think the thing we have in common is the Romantic outlook on life and our critical attitude towards the corporate and regimented view of life.
Enneagram Type 4: The Romantic Individualist
Anthony
I made an html error in my last posting. Here it is:
We all seem to have different and converging attitudes and motivations. I have just written an article on my blog
Not everyone on this board is Christian or even theist, but I think the thing we have in common is the Romantic outlook on life and our critical attitude towards the corporate and regimented view of life.
Anthony, I think it's safe to say that we're all probably iconoclasts on this board, in more ways than one. While we're here because we find common ground on growing out our hair, we probably all buck other various social/cultural, even political or religious trends. I'd actually find it interesting to do a poll on our users.
I would like to read the article on your blog that you mention. Will you provide a link? Thanks.
-Marx
Thanks for that post, Ken. It really resonated with me. I have struggled at times with concerns about what other people think of me. Concerns about how we are perceived by others can be so inhibiting of our free expression, of our ability to just be ourselves.
For me, a lot of it had to do with coming to terms with my sexual orientation. I attended high school in the 60s, before Stonewall, and I endured some teasing and bullying when it became know that I was a “homo”, which was the taunt of choice at that time and place. It really had an impact on my self-esteem, as I was not out to my family and there was no one who I could go to for reassurance that I was actually OK, exactly as I was. For a good part of my early life I was very careful about coming out to other people, unless I knew that they were also gay. Of course, in more recent years, as our society began to understand that sexual orientation is not some kind of lifestyle “choice”, but is an intrinsic and immutable part of who we are, things have gotten much better and I have found it much easier to not care so much about what other people think of me.
My partner of 22 years and I got married in July of this year, right after the Supreme Court made their historic ruling. Now I am enjoying introducing James to people as my husband. I must admit that I feel a little devilish about it. In the same vein, I am enjoying letting my hair grow and I really do not care (as much) about what other people think of it. At 65 years old I am realizing that my time on this earth is limited and I want to just be myself and enjoy the remaining years that I have.
-Marx
The current scientific evidence points to homosexuals are born that way, it's not a choice.
Congratulations.
I would also mention that even with the Supreme Court ruling,
Massachusetts has had gay marriage for more than ten years now. And it hasn't slid into the ocean, been struck down by lightning, etc.
"Same-sex marriages has been legally recognized in Massachusetts since May 17, 2004."
I'm glad to see some gay men bucking the trend and letting their hair grow long.
Thanks, Long Hair in Albany. It's been a long time coming. I am awe struck at times when I think about how much has changed in just my lifetime. When I was in high school and I was trying to understand my attraction to other boys I went to the library to find some information about homosexuality. The only books that I could find that mentioned it were abnormal psychology textbooks. That made me feel great - NOT! It took three years of therapy in my early 20s with a gay social worker to finally learn to feel good about myself, which was one of the best things I ever did for myself. I felt like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon after having been trapped in there for years.
Amen Marx, I couldn't have said it better!
My personal history also includes several years of struggling to understand my sexual orientation, eventually learning how to accept it, and even to "embrace" it. One of my favorite Swing dance instructors once said, "Coming out is a process, not an event." WOW, how true that is! To me, it's also an issue of honesty. Since I find life to be more meaningful when feeling close to both friends and family, why would I want to hide an important aspect about me, keeping it a deep dark secret from them? "And the day came when the effort to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to bloom." (Not sure I got the quote exactly correct; but I think the author's name is Lassie Benton)
We need to be our authentic selves. I wasted a lot of my younger years trying really hard to "fit in" (for example: I was married to a woman from 1981 - '87 -- and even though we are still friends, I had to learn the hard way that I was barking up the wrong tree!)... Not to say that learning a valuable lesson in life isn't worth it in the long haul; but once you recognize you're making a mistake, best not to linger on the wrong side of the fence!
That is cool news about you & James recently getting married: a big CONGRATS to you!! Bill Choisser, one of our long-term MLHH members (including long-term former Moderator and Tech Wizard, who wrote "On Being A Longhair" in the Links section) got married to his partner Larry a few years ago. They simply refer to their 30-plus years of living together as "a very long engagement!" (LOL)
Again, thank you Marx, for your very nice reply!
- Ken
I was asked in a job interview why I "still" had long hair. I think the interviewer was trying to imply I was stuck in the past. Someone else suggested that I should have replied "because it's a free country" and that seems like a good answer. Be thankful you don't live in North Korea where your hairstyle is decided by the communist party. Unless, of course, you do live in North Korea!