new thread
Before I begin my rant, let me just say that, for the most part, I am really enjoying this forum and I do not wish to offend anyone. However, when I feel offended I will not be silent about it. I feel an obligation to speak out, in the hope that I might create some positive change in the world. I have been a civil rights activist for most of my life. How people treat each other is very important to me. Although I am not at all a religious person, I do subscribe to the adage of Do Unto Others…
There is a high level on consciousness on this forum about people being treated differently, or poorly, because of the length of their hair (or even just being perceived differently or poorly). I think that we can all agree that to make broad assumptions or stereotypes about men with long hair is just not right. We are a very diverse group of men and to say that all men with long hair are [fill in the blank], is in my opinion a display of ignorance. To actually say that directly to a man with long hair displays a lack of respect and sensitivity. We should evaluate others based on what is in their heads, not what is on their heads. I have seen a great deal of sensitivity and respect on this forum for people who are different than the “norm”.
I am writing this in the hope of raising awareness that men with receding hair lines, men who are balding, or who are bald, whatever that means (at what point does a receding hairline morph into BALD?) deserve the same respect and consideration as anyone else. To make broad assumptions or stereotypes about men with balding hair is just not right. I do not think that comments made on this forum about balding men were in any way intentionally malicious or meant to offend. I imagine that all of us at times have offended others without meaning to, so please take this in a spirit of friendship. I think it is important to have open communication and let friends know how you feel. In the short time that I have been on this forum my bald-headed appearance has been referred to as looking like a walnut. I have been told that balding guys hate buns and that balding guys are jealous people because we do not have as much hair as other people. Please think about this.
If you think I am being overly sensitive, there may be some truth in this (my husband has been telling me, “You’re just too sensitive” for 22 years). But how I feel is how I feel and I just thought it important to get it off my chest (or head, as the case may be). And while I’m at it I’ll post a photo from last week when James and I were vacationing in the mountains of North Carolina. This is about nine and a half months growth on the places where it is growing : )
let me start off by saying i've had long hair since 1964.
And i'm guilty of railing against bald men. Over those 50+ years of having long hair, i've noticed that many of the men who complained about my long hair were guys were bald, or were going bald. So when I got complaints at school or at work about my hair
it was invariably some guy who was bald or going bald. To me it screamed out they were jealous that I still had hair and they didn't. And they were in a position of power and they were going to excercise that power. This started in school in 1964,
and continued for many years. it wasn't until I reached the age of 45 that it stopped.
Ultimately if you're bald, and like your hair that way that is fine with me. The problem comes in when you're in a position of power and use that power to suspend me or fire me for having long hair. (i've been at my current job for 30 years now, they are fine with my long hair, that wasn't the case with previous jobs or with school.)
So for me with men who are bald there is a lot of water under that bridge. I'm one of those hippies who started growing my hair long in 1964 and now 50+ years later it is still long. So i'm looking at it from the eyes of a 61 year old who got lots of complaints about my long hair.
I’m sorry to hear that you have had so many complaints about your hair and that many of the men who complained were bald, although it’s difficult to know if the complaints were related to the men being bald, although I can understand why you would draw that conclusion. Certainly people who abuse their power are wrong to do so, for whatever reason they think justifies it.
I was also one of those hippies who started growing my hair long in the 60s-70s, but I ended up cutting my hair because I thought it was necessary to get the jobs that I wanted. Now that I’ve turned 65 and have the financial resources to retire soon I have decided to let my hair down once again. I appreciate your response and your perspective and thank you for elaborating on your experience. I’m also glad that you have not had any problems at work with your hair for 30 years. I’m sure that must be a relief for you.
It was the 1960s and alot of TPBB(the powesrs that be) were dead set against us growing our hair long. i got many complaints from
teachers snd administrators in the 1960s.
I kept my hair long in the 1960s and beyond. In 1973 I started college, and still kept my hair long. After college I entered the work force and still kept my hair long. If the boss wanted me to cut my hair I left that job and found other jobs. (And the job I found usually turned out to be a better job.........more rewarding, no dress code, no hair limits, etc.)
I too can hope we find a little peace and tolerance. I am lucky at 56 to have only a tiny bit of receding at the temples. The hair on the top of my head is thinner than it used to be. My father has all his hair at 87 as did my grandfather. I have friends who went bald very young, and one who lives in the south of England shaved off what little he had left. A head with no hair! But it's his head.
We write on this forum because we have long hair or have made the decision to let it grow and stop cutting it. Most men have short hair and that's just life. I wrote on my blog when discussing church liturgy that "our treasure is someone else's trash". We are all so different, and we are different from them. If we grow our hair, we can only expect to be stared at or criticised. We just have to put up with it.
Whether we keep our hair in middle age or lose it is involuntary. Sometimes, there are treatments that are available and effective. We are all different. Getting together on a forum has made of our hair farming a hobby, and we can get very short sighted. I find the same with guys who are religious or who go sailing, are interested in cars, anything. We need to take a step back sometimes.
My best wishes go out to you all regardless of how much or how little hair you have...
Thanks, Anthony, for your thoughtful and kind response. We certainly can do with more peace and tolerance in the world. And I totally agree with you about stepping back sometimes. It can be very enlightening to pause, step back, and try to put ourselves in an other person's shoes. Empathy and compassion, in my opinion, are the highest human qualities that we can nurture, for ourselves and others.
I wrote on my blog when discussing church liturgy that "OUR TREASURE IS SOMEONE ELSE'S TRASH". WE ARE ALL SO DIFFERENT, AND WE ARE DIFFERENT FROM THEM.
... just to continue on this thread ... I include a poem I penned in Nov. 1991: ( at age 25 ) highlighting - the importance & universal law of difference ... peace to all
Hey CEM,
That’s a beautiful poem. It makes me think about how often we miss some of the best pleasures in life by not being present in the moment and appreciating what we have to enjoy, right here, right now. I really think that one of the secrets to happiness is learning how to enjoy the present moment. We get so caught up in our thoughts about the future, or our thoughts about the past, that we end up living in the little world of our own thoughts, instead of living fully in the awesome world that is all around us. Thanks for sharing the poem - and peace to you, too.
thank you & your welcome - it's true what you say - to live in the moment & revel in ALL that God & nature has provided is essential & key to a happy & contented life ... embracing difference so worthiness is assigned to all living things is key too ... congrats on your longhair journey too Marx ... cheers Cem. ~~:0)~
What constitutes "a longhair" has been extensively discussed over the years. One of the most detailed discussions was held when gaylonghair.com was established. The site's requirement was that "you be a longhair," so that had to be defined.
You can see the results of the discussion at the link below.
Paramount in the discussion was "how you are treated by others." People respond more to the apparent length of your hair, which is what happens when it grows down to your shoulders, than they do to the actual length of individual hair strands. In other words, they look at the ends closest to the ground, not the roots closest to heaven. People begin to make comments at that length. People fire longhairs from jobs at that length. You are seen as being in a different social group at that length.
If you want to experience how you will be treated when you are a longhair, just don't cut it. You will find out soon enough.
Bill
Definition of ''Longhair''
What constitutes "a longhair?" I say when people tell you that you need a haircut.
Think about it. That is exactly what I said. (How other people treat you is what counts.)
Bill
I would counter that people respond to age more than hair length.
i.e. I got slammed often for having long hair in the 60s and beyond. But once i reached the age of 45 the slamming/ragging stopped. It seemed more that it wasn't slamming for me for having
long hair, it seemed more like slamming me because I was younger than them. That really sunk in the years following the age of 45.
Yhey could get away with throwing their weight around before the age of 45, after the age of 45 the respect your elder thing kicked in and they couldn't get away with that any more. And now that i'm 61 I adhere to that belief even more.
Hey Bill,
Thanks for the response and the advice. When I had long hair before it was back in the 60s-70s. It seems like people are freer today to express themselves than they were back then. It will be interesting to see if I get any negative responses from people as my hair grows longer. Also, thanks for the link. Much appreciated.
-Marx
Hey Marx,
Thanks for letting us know your feelings. Brothers should be able to speak with one another from the heart.
You are my long haired bro. Your hair looks awesome. I hope that you continue to let it grow and that you will share your progress with us with updates. So you have male pattern baldness. I have two (2) words for you: Benjamin Franklin.
You are correct in saying that we are a very diverse group of men. We share our long hair in common. We also share our respect for self-expression in common. We respect the right of guys to express themselves in how they choose to wear their hair, even if this choice is to shave their heads. We expect that the same right will be respected in our regard.
Your long haired bro,
Raymond
I would take that one step further. You have the right to wear you hair long, short, bald, etc. The problem comes in when you're a boss/teacher/parent/etc. and you try to shove your beliefs on hair length on others. I experienced alot of that when after 1964 when I started growing my hair long.
So if you want your head to be bald, go right ahead. I have no objections. Just don't throw your authority around and insist that I have to cut my hair.
Hi Raymond, my long haired bro,
I had to laugh at your comments about Benjamin Franklin, because my spouse has been telling me that I am starting to look like him. I'm not sure if that is a good thing, or not. In any case, thank you for the kind comments and for all your support. Much appreciated.
-Marx
You are totally right! Why should bald be something bad? - I have to admit I've had these stereotype thoughts imprinted. Probably because of society and media.
People tend to put down minorities or people who stick out of the norm in order to feel better. Same within minorities which is sad.
I don't think you're too sensitive.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Thanks for the supportive comments, Philip. I think we all carry around certain stereotypical impressions that we are not even aware of until someone points them out, which is why I think it is important to point them out.
Hey Marx,
Thank you for speaking your mind so freely, I couldn't agree with you more!
One of the most inspirational longhairs I've ever seen, which was around 15 years ago (shortly after I had impulsively cut off my waist-length hair to short, in Y2K) was a guy who was completely bald on top and in front; but what hair he did have, flowed all the way down to his knees... It looked AWESOME!!!! I was so impressed in fact, that I paid him a compliment -- even though he was a total stranger to me. He thanked me, then said something like, "If God gave me this hair to grow, what right do I have to cut it off?" It was an unusual philosophy, but I enjoyed talking with that man on the topic of long hair, even though I never saw him again.
I had a female friend who thought certain men "should never" grow their hair long, because in her opinion long hair that was too thin or balding just didn't look proper. I disagreed with her any time she brought the subject up -- she all too quickly acted like she was a member of the "Fashion Police".
It's YOUR hair on YOUR OWN head!!! Period. Although I myself have only a modest degree of a receding hairline in front (and admit to missing the fuller hairline of my youth), I'm grateful I never allowed anybody else's negative comments stop my from growing my mane as long as I have it now.... I'm a much happier man with long hair than with short, regardless of whatever age and genetics have taken away from me!
- Ken
Thanks, Ken. I certainly appreciate your support.
"We should evaluate others based on what is in their heads, not what is on their heads."
I love that statement! I may use it myself.
I agree with everything you said. I can't believe there are still people out there that are prejudiced of people with long hair, or a receding hairline. I have had people assume I'm a criminal, yet I have no criminal record. I have had people tell me to get a job even though I've worked full time at the same company for 15 years. I have had people assume I'm gay, and while I have no problem with gay people, I resent the assumption based on my hair. I have also been called a "hippie" more times than I can remember, but I do not associate myself with that social group at all. I do not have a receding hairline, but I have heard stereotypes about that feature as well. You are well within your right to feel the way you do. This message board is the most accepting group of people I have ever known, but people can say things the wrong way and offend without meaning to. I'm glad you're open-minded enough to realize it may not be intentional, and it's a good thing you said something so we can all be more aware.
Hey Michael,
Thanks so much for your feedback and thoughtful comments. I really appreciate you taking the time to respond as you did. I am still hanging around this board because of the caliber of the men here. I'm sure that we all have very different political, social, religious... views, but the impression I have so far is that there is a lot of acceptance and tolerance of our differences and a wonderful sense of brotherhood. You have just helped to confirm that impression. Thanks, brother.
-Marx
This makes me feel slightly guilty, as I have to admit that, in my head, sometimes I've thought men who were balding or thinning in particular ways, shouldn't have long hair, merely for aesthetic reasons. One time,on a post, I don't remember which, someone posted a picture, of a man with only a long ring of hair. I thought it was posted as a joke, only to have the poster reply that it was a pic of him! (It didn't really make sense for him to post a pic in reply to that thread, I do remember that, which only added to my confusion.) I did apologize though.
I do agree with you, though. It's about what's in people's heads that matters, not what's on them.
We both know that everyone and their dog has an opinion on everything, and this forum is no different. I do tend to think that this forum is generally well-meaning, and empathetic.
So, I hope you hang out around here more and participate. I'm sure you'll enjoy it.
Thanks, CarpeMors90. It is fairly common to hear or read that bald men should not grow their hair long - that long hair looks ridiculous on bald men, etc. They may be right, but frankly, I don't give a sh*t anymore. Being aware of the social significance of being gay since I was like 10 years old (in 1960) I have had to learn to not care what other people might think of me, especially people who do not even know me. So, if I want to grow my hair long, I will grow my hair long and if others think it looks ridiculous, then let them have a good laugh. At least I have brought some laughter into the world.
-Marx
Hi,
I think you look great!
Steve