new thread
I really feel like a long hair at heart, but I guess I have every reason NOT to wear my curls long. I'm always like...
If only I was taller!... If only I was a few years younger!... If only my hair was thicker!... If only I lost 20 % of my weight!...
But still I want long hair, go figure! I'm growing it now as I have many times before, but social pressure can change my mind any time (I know from experience that can happen to me a lot). The thing is, I have a tendency to believing they (my mother, my sisters, random people) may be right, because deep inside I think short hair suits me better. The funny thing is I only feel that way when it comes to myself, for I always think other males (and I mean all of them) look better with long hair (the longer, the better), but just not me! So, when I´m deep in the awkward stage, if I'm feeling a little depressed or get a bad comment, I run to the barber's shop and dispose of my hair like it was garbage, but soon I want to grow it back (I'm a long hair at heart and there's nothing I or anyone can do about it). People may say it's only hair, but I know better. It may sound silly (it's only hair after all) but I think long hair on a man is about making a statement. I even think long hair is synonymous with a different breed of men (one that I like much better, by the way).
I can totally relate to you buddy...it's a vicious circle..one that I have had my whole life...but let me give you some hope....I'll never listen to anyone again because I have to look at ME in the morning EVERY morning and no one has to care about how I wear my hair except ME! Don't cave in dude...you have a goal and all you have to do is not cut your hair....I'm happier than I've ever been since making my decision...and hoe could this be???...after all it's only hair....!! This simple act has started to give me confidence and a feeling of self Tha I cannot explain...but again...it's only hair lol.
Stick with it dude and post updates because the folk on this site will encourage you every step of the way.
Scott from Nottingham
Thank you, Scott.
We are our own worst enemy sometimes. I'm familiar with the broken record of indulging in self-sabatoge. It's a horrible game of listening to others' negative thoughts about us and/or ASSUMING our own worst thoughts about us might also be true... it can go on & on & on for years.
Each of us that are human (my cats not included, for example, even though they THINK they are human - LOL) have a very complex psychological make up; so either we need to find ourselves a good therapist to help us get over our own mental obstacles in life, or talk to a hell of a lot of our friends in order to get a better perspective! I didn't succeed at growing my own hair out to ponytail length until my 40th birthday, for example, even though I tried and tried many time before to make it through the awkward stages. I had to overcome my own broken record that my military father had drilled inside of my head that long hair was for girls only -- even though I never once believed him, it was a difficult mindset to break free from.
Worst-case-scenario: since you still WANT long hair for yourself, why not start with a modest goal, first? Pick a medium-length goal, one that you don't feel you will so easily cave into cutting off. When you truly love something (like HAIR, for example), eventually there will come a day when you will be willing to stand up and fight for it -- rather than crumble at the slightest negative criticism form someone.
"And the day came when the risk to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
- Lassie Benton
(Not sure if I was 100% accurate in the above quote; but I'm sure you caught the gist of it!)
I hope my comments have helped!
-Ken in San Francisco
I forgot to address one more aspect of faulty thinking that prevents us from accomplishing our goals:
We often mistakenly believe we have to be physically "perfect"-looking human specimens in order to be worthy of wearing our hair long. Since when? Says who?? The so-called Fashion Police of course will tell you this; but then next year, this same Fashion trend Nazi group will tell all of the good-looking young men that short hair is now "in" for the summer, and that long hair on guys is completely "out"....
Why are we listening to this crap???
Similarly, if Mother Nature and our hair genes didn't bless us with an incredibly gorgeous, thick, luxurious mane, or we are "too old" and maybe even have MPB, then we dare not grow our hair out because of these human imperfections.
No, you do NOT have to be Hollywood-handsome, be young & slim & have a body builder's physique in order for the public to "approve" of your long hair style. Hell, they won't approve of it anyway! So, just grow your hair out.... You'll be so happy when you do, you'll wonder why in the heck it took you so long!
"And the day came when the risk to remain closed in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
- Lassie Benton
Thank you, Ken in SF, I really think your comments can be very helpful.
I grew up with a very controlling father, who used to make all sorts of negative statements about boys/men who didn't line up with his exact standards. After growing up and getting out, it took me years to figure out my own sense of style, and who I was. Why cave into the expectations of other people? They all say different and contradictory things! Unless they are a SO or a very close friend, then you shouldn't even consider their opinions at all! After all, it's your body, and your hair, not theirs! As far as you can be certain, whatever else you hope for, you only walk this earth once. So why waste it on what other people think? You just need to realize where these people fit, in the grand scheme of things. They don't matter. Go do what makes you happy. If having long hair makes you happy, then go do it, fuck what other people think. If you find that long hair, in the end, doesn't make you happy for whatever reason, then cut it. It is after all just hair.
Thank you, CarpeMors90.
We all feel that way from time to time. Many of us have adopted a 2-week rule. If we feel like cutting our hair, we note the date and wait two weeks before doing it. If you still feel the same after 2 weeks, then by all means head to the barber or salon. But the two week buffer is designed to prevent snap decisions that we may regret. It's much easier to put up with unwanted long hair for two weeks than to regrow months or years of hair. If you're on this message board, then something inside you wants long hair. Perhaps you could try adopting this rule yourself and see what happens?
On a side note: all humans were born with genes for long hair. Nature gave us long hair for a reason. We may not understand what that reason is, but none of us were born carrying scissors. Short hair is unnatural, so nobody is wrong for long hair.
That is so true! Long hair is only natural... at least as far as humans are concerned! Strange as it may sound, long hair is unique to our species. In a way, we can even say long hair is one of the things that make us human! (ok, male lions have manes too, but their's don't really grow very long).
Thank you for your comments, Michael 'Strong Bear' Taylor.
I consciously started to grow my hair from January 2014 (last cut the previous September). The only times I have asked myself whether I should cut it were when the idea came from other people in one way or another. I have never in two years been seriously tempted in that way of my own accord.
Long hair is definitely for me. I may get round to some micro-trimming or S&D as necessary, but I certainly feel more human.
I hope long hair never gets into general fashion. I prefer to belong to the conscientious minority rather than be conforming to a stupid social norm!
Anthony
Actually it's not. If you look at cats, vets will classify them as "Domestic Short Hair" or "Domestic Long Hair." Granted it may not be as long as human hair but it is long. There are also dogs that have long hair. (Now comparing cats and dogs to human
you need to take into account the weight, height and length differences.)
But heck, long hair is long hair.
That's great advice, Michael. I'll have to remember that if I ever start thinking about getting out the scissors.