new thread
"You should cut it off". Those were some of the first words out of the mouth of my brother-in-law's wife when she saw me for the first time with a ponytail at Christmas. Later on she kept asking me, "What are you doing - what are you doing? You should cut it off." I just smiled at her as she went on and on. Otherwise, I had a wonderful Christmas. I hope everyone here had a wonderful holiday as well. It's hard to believe that we are almost into 2016.
Perhaps your reply could be a line from a Clint Eastwood movie: "You could use a lesson in good manners, lady"...
Thanks for the laugh, Anthony. I've come to expect this type of behavior from her. She was also repeatedly commenting on my husband's weight. She can be a real bitch (can I use that word here?). I feel sorry for my brother-in-law. I can't imagine living with her.
Just found the clip -
Anthony
Just PERFECT, Anthony --it clearly gets the message across, but without having to sink to her tacky level of complete etiquette failure.
I have a general "rule of thumb" in how I should best respond to rude and thoughtless comments. I don't always follow this guideline literally; but generally-speaking, I try to respond in 3 progressive steps -- assuming the offensive person doesn't "get it" the first time... It goes something like this:
1) Trying to give the rude person at least SOME "benefit of the doubt", I will usually correct the tacky individual; but try to include either a bit of humor in with my reply, and/or word my comment as diplomatically as possible.
2) if this person is still rude, my next reply will have a much more serious tone to it, as well as I will clarify my disgust and/or total disagreement by using sharper-edged wording.
3) If they STILL don't "get it", I've been known to have a VERY "forked tongue" -- in which case, I'll give them a tongue-lashing that they never saw coming (and seriously, I have been known to make people ball like a baby by the time I'm through with them)... Hey, it's a gift! My grandmother could shake her finger at offensive people, giving them an honest piece of her mind, until they literally collapsed on their knees in total shame, begging her to please stop (a stern lecture from her was far worse than any whipping could do) -- and yep, she taught me well, I follow proudly in her footsteps (LOL)!!
... Unfortunately, sometimes it takes going all the way to "Step #3" in order to get it through some people's thick skull that they need to learn some better manners!
- Ken
I dunno if I would've been so nice. :P I probably would've replied, "Let's cut all yours off, while we're at it." every time she said that.
It was very tempting, but I've learned to not give her fuel for the fire. She tries to pick fights with people and it was at a family Christmas dinner party, so I did not want to give her a reason to escalate the situation. I have found it best to just ignore her when she starts getting nasty.
Things like this is just like to feed the trolls around in the internet, don't try to argue against then, it's just get worse and worse and you gonna be pissed and they gonna laugh at you.
Hi Marx,
I had a wonderful Christmas, even though I had to be at work (I'm a cook at a small private nursing home here in Northern Calif.; so I cooked the Christmas Leg of Lamb dinner, served at noontime... maybe I'll even include a pic of the meal - LOL!
Re. your brother-in-law's wife, she is completely out-of-line. What you decide to do or not do about it, how you choose to respond to her in the future, etc., it totally up to you. Only you and you alone know and understand the dynamics of your family, and how much "risk" there might be to reprimand her.... But, don't be surprised if she continues to say tacky and rude comments about your hair, unless you verbally put a stop to it -- that's been my experience, anyway.
Several years ago I narrated a story here on MLHH, about visiting one of my former Swing dance partners shortly after my devastating Y2K short haircut. "Oh thank God, you look SO much better in short hair, don't ever grow it long again!", she said. My response was instantaneous, but I tried my best to at least include a "friendly' sense of humor to it: "F*** you!!", I said unhesitatingly.
But even I was shocked that I said that word (especially with her new husband standing right there next to us when I said it)! But again, she didn't let up: "No really, Ken, that long hair on you looked just terrible, you should never grow it back."
"F*** you!!!", I said automatically -- and in this case, quite a bit louder & clearer, as well as no more tone of humor with the words this time.
"No really, Ken, you should never..."
"F*** YOU!!!!"
That 3rd time finally shut her up...
I don't normally swear, which makes this story all that much more unusual, especially for people I've told who know me well. But it also might help understanding the moment by me saying that shortly after my short haircut that year (summer of 2000), my emotions were a little "raw" and angry (at myself mostly) for impulsively cutting my hair off like that. Once my hair gradually grew back out, my hair more or less said, "F*** you!" to anybody that didn't like it; so I never had to tell anybody off like that again (WHEW)! Amazing how her husband remained totally silent during this heated interchange though -- my guess is that maybe he secretly enjoyed hearing me say the words he wouldn't dare say out loud to his wife himself, as she could be a bit bossy at times (LOL)....
- Ken
Hi Ken,
Glad to hear that you had a wonderful Christmas, even though you had to work. I'd love to get your recipe for leg of lamb. Every time I've tried to cook lamb it comes out too gamey tasting.
Regarding my brother-in-law's wife, if I had to see her frequently I would confront her about her comments, but fortunately I only see her briefly once or twice a year on holidays, so from my perspective it is not worth the effort to get into a fight with her. I am careful about picking my battles and sometimes the best way to win is to not engage in battle at all.
Wishing you and everyone on the board a happy, safe, and prosperous New Year, filled with long, beautiful, shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen hair.
-Marx
I would remind folks that even though it is Christmas Police
Fire, The Military, Doctors, Nurses, etc. still have to work.
Hospitals, Nursing Homes, etc. have to operate 24 hours a day,
7 days a week, 365 days a year. And a number of the people in
those nursing homes never get visitors (even on Christmas), may not have family that visit or are even still alive, etc. Yeah it sucks having to work Christmas but someone has to care for
these patients and, etc.
Alot of it comes down to age. When I was younger I got stuff like this from relatives, etc. But now that i'm 61 years and older than most in the family I get no complaints. You can call it respect for the elders in the family, I'm now the eccentric
uncle with long hair. And these family members gave up years ago trying to change it. So my advice: stick with the long hair,
it will get better with the family. And if it doesn't, just lay down the law. A number of years ago, my mom was complaining about my hair. I finally blew up at her, told her this my house,
my preferences, etc. If she didn't like it she could leave. Never got any more complaints from her.
You too.
"Give me a head with hair, long beautiful hair
Shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen
Give me down to there, hair, shoulder length or longer
Here baby, there, momma, everywhere, daddy, daddy
Hair, flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it, my hair
Let it fly in the breeze and get caught in the trees
Give a home to the fleas, in my hair
A home for fleas, a hive for the buzzing bees
A nest for birds, there ain't no words
For the beauty, splendor, the wonder of my hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it, my hair
I want long, straight, curly, fuzzy, snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty
Oily, greasy, fleecy, shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen
Knotted, polka dotted, twisted, beaded, braided
Powered, flowered and confettied
Bangled, tangled, spangled and spaghettied!
Oh say, can you see my eyes if you can
Then my hair's too short
Down with here, down to there
Down till there, down to where it stops by itself"
I know exactly what you mean. I am a Registered Nurse and have spent many holidays working.
Also, I see that you recognized the lyrics to Hair. I was thinking of getting it on Netflix. I have not seen that musical in decades, but I remember that it was a lot of fun.
Thanks for your comments and all the best to you, Mr. Long Hair In Albany.
I started growing my hair long in 1964 and remember the musical Hair and the songs that came from it.
You're welcome and all the best to you.
The first time I saw Hair I was in a cinema (movie theater if you're American) in France, some where in the Nord (North).
The thing that really cracked me up was that instead of calling eachother man, they were all saying 'mon vieux', which is literally 'old man'. Do or did French hippies really say that? It gave me the vibe that they should all be wearing monocles, LOL!
Hi again Marx,
Well, sometimes leg of lamb just IS a bit gamey-tasting... I prefer to just "go with it", rather than try to fight it. Marinating it ahead of time with strongly flavored herbs & spices helps though.
Here's a real easy basic marinade (actually more like a simple herb & olive oil rub)...
After washing the meat under cold running water, pat the meat as thoroughly dry as possible with clean paper towels; then add the following:
1) good quality Olive Oil, fresh Rosemary leaves (the fresh young leaves at the tip of the plant are best), fresh Thyme (optional, but very yummy!), ground Cumin (adds a Middle Eastern flavor to it), coarse Salt, and lots of fresh-ground Black Pepper.
2) to add even more flavor, poke small holes in the meat with a paring knife, and then cram slivers of fresh Garlic cloves into the little holes. There are YouTube videos on this technique -- as well as plenty of other ideas for marinating; but the Rosemary, Olive oil, coarse Salt & Black Pepper are the most important key ingredients.
3) if you wish to add some fresh-squeezed Lemon juice and/or a splash of your favorite Wine, this will create a wet marinade (which some folks prefer; but others avoid). There's also a cool exotic ingredient that I haven't tried yet, but want to someday: it's called "Pomegranate Molasses"... Then again, I've heard some people say that if you add some Dijon Mustard with a little Honey, you'llget avery nicecrust on the meat...
It all depends upon you seasoning preferences; but definitely pat-dry the meat first, then follow up with rubbing it all over with a generous amount of the fresh Herb & Olive oil mix,marinating the meat overnight in a glass or stainless steel bowl (AVOID ALUMINUM, which will create an unpleasant "off" taste, because that metal reacts to any acidity in the marinade)
The other "secret" is preheat your oven to a very very hot temperature (like 425 is what I usually start the meat at), turning the heat down after about a half hour to 350 degrees, once you feel you've seared the outside of the meat sufficiently. Test for doneness with a good quality meat thermometer -- they're invaluable! I prefer to stop the cooking process once the meat reaches 140 degrees in the middle, so there is some portion of it that's still rare (my favorite!). And, MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL: let the meat *rest* a good half-hour or more before carving (if you don't, all the nice natural juices will run OUT of the meat, resulting in a dry piece of meat)!!!
-- Hope you enjoyed reading these Leg of Lamb cooking tips and marinade recipes!
As one who raises lambs I was also interested in your recipe.
Sounds very appetizing. In fact my mouth is watering right
now. I'm sure the residents enjoyed it too.
That's the kind of meal that will put hair on your chest. OK
I just did that to get the word "hair" in this post so its on
topic.
LOL, hey, I'd like more hair on my chest too; but so-far, eating lamb hasn't yet done the trick!
Have you ever looked at THE NIMAN RANCH COOKBOOK? Famous for their humanely raised animals (as well as delicious but expensive top-quality meats), it's a great book, including a fair # of excellent lamb recipes. Although I've not read that book cover-to-cover, I do remember reading in there somewhere that they mostly prefer dry herb rubs, rather than wet marinades. I'm just curious what your experience has been on this topic... Any thoughts / preferences? (besides hair - LOL!)
- Ken
Thanks. I will have to get that cook book. I'm kind of on the
fence between wet and dry marinade. My mother always did the
dry rub and it was delicious but I've had some pretty good
lamb that has been soaked in marinade also. She also always
inserted the pieces of garlic just as you described. You
brought back memories with that part of your recipe!
I forgot to add a comment about the best veggies to serve with your Leg of Lamb:
1) First and foremost, Garlic Mashed Potatoes ("GO GARLIC!")!!!!
2) Secondly, because lamb is a strongly-flavored meat, strong-flavored vegetables go perfectly with this meal (my personal favorite being fresh Asparagus)
3) If you specifically want to plan this Leg of Lamb dinner for Christmas Day next year, THINK COLOR: include as much red & green (as well as snowy white potatoes) as possible -- for example: I flame-roasted some red bell peppers to sprinkle on top of the bright green asparagus, YUM!!
4) For extra veggies (AND extra flavor!), in the same roasting pan that you plan on roasting the meat in, add a generous amount of carrots, celery, and onions into the bottom of the pan (partially roasted, or still raw -- your choice). These veggies will both lift the meat up a bit (acting kind of like a metal rack does), but also add incredible fragrance and flavor! No need to do any special cut with these veggies, just rough-cut them into big chunks... everybody will be begging you to serve them these caramelized meat-flavored carrots celery & onions, and think you're just a genius for doing it this way!!
Thanks for the recipe, Ken. You are so generous with your time. I really appreciate you.
-Marx
As much as we love long hair, many people just hate it! (I wonder why). Not only do they think they´re right and we´re wrong, but also their prejudice can get so out of control they just show it openly, like they're doing something good.
Bad news is those people are every where (in your own family, at work, etc.) and we have put up with them on a regular basis. We mustn't let them get to us.
My sister-in-law commented that my hair was long as the second thing she said to me when I saw her. I replied, "Yes it is" and smiled at her. She was totakly disarmed and had nothing more to say about it. It was pretty cool.
Take care all
I have stopped counting the number of times I was asked to cut my hair....But once my hair reached mid back (one year after the awkward stage), everybody stopped hassling me, even my SO and kids! They still don't like my long hair (it's now to my lower back) as they been used to see me with very short hair for what seems like forever...but the criticism has stopped. Your family situation is probably the same as I went through....Be patient!
If I was in a good mood, I might have replied: "Thanks but I've always found that the value of listening to advice is in direct proportion to the respect I have for the person giving it".
Or, if I was in not such a good mood, I'd just look confused, shake my head and mumble: "One of the reasons I grew hair over my ears was to muffle the noise coming from arseholes but it doesn't seem to be working".
Nah, seriously though, criticism tends to lessen or stop altogether once your hair gets to a decent length and people get used to it. ;)
Damon
--------------------------------------
LOL. Thanks, Damon. I hope your right.
Now i've found that criticism tends to lessen when you get older.
When I was younger i got all the usual crap about my hair.
Once I reached the age of 45 the criticism ended. People will comaplain about hair on the young, but not to their elders.
My response would have been What am I doing? I'm growing my hair long. I'd also go further and state "I'll cut off my hair after you cut off your right arm or left leg."
I agree with you, often ignoring those types of comments is best. I found that when i started wearing a ponytail I got a lot of comments for the first bit, probably because its a drastic change in how it looks (even though it seems like common sense that I'd start doing that), then after a bit people seemed to quit caring. Keep growing!
--------
Oh what a rude thing to say (and keep saying)!
I think you did the best thing, just smiling. Arguing back would maybe create a bad mood. I don't know, maybe I would say "No I shouldn't"