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I asked a family member about having my hair trimmed or cleaned up. The person is a hair stylist and seems ardent about getting my hair much shorter. More like short-medium hair length, with good use of hair clippers. Said I would more "manly" and "clean" looking. I love my longhair (1 yr 8 months worth) and felt disappointed. Rather than support, felt ashamed for having long hair.
It would've been cool to have the family member style my hair, and saved a few bucks. Seems like I have to find a proper stylist.
My question is, does anyone have any recommendations about choosing a stylist?
Get the impression that most of them would like to lop it off and look more "Clean and manly."
That's the correct impression. Remember, people who cut hair for a living are trained to *cut* hair. By definition that means "make it shorter".
Since they are trained to make it shorter, and that's all they know how to do, of course they think it looks better that way.
Iinstead of saying they could make you look "better", if they said they could make you look "worse", do you think they'd get much business?
All they have to sell is "make it shorter". That's the opposite of growing it longer.
See where I'm going with this?
You have been trained by generations of hair cutters to think that "make it shorter" is the *only* way to "make it look better".
Ask anyone on the board here. There's another way, and that's just have patience and leave it be.
Twenty months is nothing. In all but the rarest of circumstances, it all works out in the end without the intervention of hair cutters.
Bear in mind too that whoever told you this is stooping low enough to prey on your fears.
They're really saying is, "You'll never get laid again".
Which of course is utter hogwash.
Think of pro wrestlers. First off, do you think anyone would ever accuse them of not being "manly". (And if they did, well, what do you think would happen?) Second, all those women screaming at them. Do you think they wanna get laid by those longhairs?
So don't buy into the "manly" bullshit.
And for the record, I'm not a fan of WWE. I buy the DVDs for the library and *women* are always requesting that I buy more DVDs of these "manly" longhaired guys. (For that matter, the most popular romance novels all have longhairs on the cover.)
And again, ask anyone here about their personal experience. We all still get laid.
What's funny is many pro-wrestlers grow their hair long because it looks more spectacular when flinging your head around after a worked punch, etc. It also makes it easier to converse with each other in the ring behind a curtain of hair. In many ways, it helps them put on a better show.
Before, I was conflicted about getting the haircut. Now, so totally not cutting it. On top of that,went to a job interview last week without a trim although the hair was in a pony-tail. Pushing 35 years now, and realized how so totally awesome it is to have longhair. I feel like I'm a member of a tribe among the nay sayers who would cut what the ancestors has gifted :)
You guys are awesome!
Hi Joe,
I am so happy to hear you're not cutting your hair! And I definitely agree with you! I am almost 50 years and can't wait for my hair to grow back! Isn't it great to be different from the naysayers who are really just jealous! Anybody can have short hair, but it takes patience to get long hair!
And no, you are awesome my friend!
(The guys here are also awesome hehe)
Ted
On the subject of manly, I would point out that a number of
football players in the NFL have long hair. I double dare someone to go into their locker room and tell them they're not manly.
I have a long way to go then...
The emotions settled downed, thankfully. Although, growing the hair out so far has been an experience. After that episode, become more resolute in keeping my hair. I'm glad to find support. Love the biological family, they can be a pain in the neck sometimes, including me (most of the time :) )
Hairstylists earn their living from changing people's hair and the more high maintenance the better to them. Don't fall for that lame "Clean and manly" pitch. It's BS. Don't let anyone touch your hair who you don't completely trust. One thing I like about having long hair is that I can easily trim the ends myself if I feel the need. It's not very difficult with a straight-across "one length" cut. Don't fall for these people's sales rap trying to justify their jobs. Let them cut, curl and dye somebody else all day.
I wonder how often barbers, hair salons, etc have poster of a guy with long hair?
I am sorry you had a bad experience. In my experience, it pays to go to a real salon, which may cost a bit of money, and if you can, select a stylist who is more unconventional than the rest. I had a stylist I saw for years who helped me grow my hair from a buzzed undercut to cascading against my shoulders. We worked together to help me grow my hair, while also keeping it manageable and neat looking. She also had tattoos up/down her arm, different colored hair every time I saw her, and enough piercings to make a colander jealous. She also completely respected my desire to grow out my hair, I think, took pride in seeing it get longer and longer under her supervision.
It takes time to find a good stylist, but they are worth keeping for years when you can.
They might be "trained" to keep hair short, but in reality, they want to keep clients and keep you happy.
If you get the impression that the stylist is trying to impose their thoughts onto you (unless you ask their opinion) then its time for a new one. There is no shame either in saying you are not seeking "clean and manly" as your desired look, but rather "long and manly."
Considering you will be sitting in their chair for a while (my touch-ups take at least an hour) its important that you can relate to your stylist, can carry a conversation, and know that you are on the same page. I've yet to have a problem. I still see her every 2-3 months, and its worth the $75 every time.
Gotta keep the customer happy and returning!
I have up many years ago trying to ind a good stylist.
Had one back around 1996, that shop closed and I never found
a good replacement or where she went.
I've had too many bad experiences with stylists over the years.
Joe, I had a bad experience sitting down for a trim by aa friend of my wife's, and ending up losing some six months' worth of growth. Lesson learned.
The truth, as many here will agree, is that you don't really need a hairdresser's ministrations if you're growing your hair out. Unless you have some damage in the ends, which is fairly common but avoidable, and many here have popped up with helpful hints on avoiding such damage.
I personally go to a hairdresser about once a month, not for trims, but for colouring as I coloured to cover a full head of gray hair and now must continue colouring or face the consequences...gray at the roots, brown at the ends, unless I cut a lot of hair off which i am loath to do. But in truth I don't mind going for the regular regrowth colour and, once every few months, a bit of a trim as well. I like the pampering, and I like how my hair looks brown.
If you would like to have a hairdresser's ministrations, shop around and pay for the service. But it is not really necessary to go regularly unless you want to maintain your current length.
Enjoy the growing experience!
Don
This comes down to personal preference. I have hair that is all grey, it will remain all grey (or white or whatever) until the
day I die. I flatly refuse to cut it or color it.
My recommomendation for finding a stylist: look in the mirror.
(Read: trim it yourself.)
I gave up many years ago trying to find a trusted stylist.
Never found one so I just let it grow and trim it myself.
Most stylists i've ever been to if you tell them to take off an inch they'll take off a foot or two. Stylists do that, they cut
hair they are pre-programmed that men should have short hair
no matter what they prefer. And they're pre-programmed that women should have long hair. Well this 2016 and around here lots of guys have long hair and lots of women have short hair.
So at the ripe old age of 61 with hair that is all grey i'm going to continue boycotting hair stylists. And i've had long hair since 1964.
So this long haired guy vehemently disagrees with her that you would more "manly" and "clean" looking. As far as i'm concerned the longer the hair more manly it looks and the cleaner it looks.
This is getting a little close to tin foil hat, kids get off my lawn, territory. There are many good stylists out there who will do explicitly what you ask them to do. In an era of social media rants, Google/Yelp reviews, and word of mouth, no stylist would willfully and gleefully chop off a foot of hair when an inch is requested.
Honestly the problem is that you must find a good stylist and build a relationship. That means going to a place that thrives off of repeat business and word of mouth. Do not go to supercuts or other drop in shops, as they work on quick turn around times and do not necessarily expect to ever see you again. These establishments are also the type to employ stylists who are less trained in dealing with longer hair styles and cutting hair in methods that promote good shape and growth in between appointments.
So my advice is to not be so cynical, to not go in thinking the stylist is pre-programmed and out to get you, and to be willing to pay a little bit of money for their services. Afterall, longer hair is harder to cut and takes more time in the salon chair, so when you pay $15 for a haircut, you are going to get a $15 haircut.
Well if there are I haven't found one since the one I was using had the shop close.
It's not in foil territory, I've had lots of left on the floor
of the shop to prove that. You tell them to take off an inch and they take off two feet.
It would be like hiring a painter to paint your house a light green and the painter decides on his own to red. Or you go to buy a silver car and the salesperson sellsyou a car.
I've been screwed too many times by stylists.
Unfortunetly it happened to me too many times. (I've had long hair since 1964, all the times it happened it was before the internet, prior to google/yelp/etc.
It's not tin foil teriitory when it happens to you.
Having had long hair since 1964 i've had plenty of experience with screw jobs from stylists.
to not go in thinking the stylist is pre-programmed and out to get you, and to be willing to pay a little bit of money for their services. Afterall, longer hair is harder to cut and takes more time in the salon chair, so when you pay $15 for a haircut, you are going to get a $15 haircut.
Let me guess, you're a hair stylist?
-- You keep stating that it's happened to you, since 1964, before the era of google/yelp/etc. But this literally is a different era. Perspectives on masculinity and long hair have changed. Long hair for men has been (and still is) a trend in many places. Ergo many salons are well adept at cutting and styling long hair, for men, to achieve the look that you want.
I am not a hair stylist. But I think equating all hair-stylists as hack jobs who never, ever, listen to what you ask for is a bit disingenuous, and at worst, fear-mongering. We have all had bad experiences with hair stylists who either don't know what they are doing or take things too far, but that doesn't mean every hair stylist is terrible and out to chop off your long hair.
I reiterate that it is important to find a good stylist you can relate to. The chances of finding this in a drop-in shop are slim. The best chance you have in cultivating a relationship with one is to seek out an established salon with good word of mouth.
You can also expect to pay more for this service. When you get a $15 haircut as SuperCuts you can expect a $15 haircut from a technician who values their services at $15. Since hair is so important to the individuals here, and the topic of maintenance was part of the OP question, one can only expect that we'd all be interested in investing a little more time-energy-money into finding that right stylist for us.
And they are out there. If you need one in Milwaukee, I can recommend a great one.
Well the more I read from you the more i'm convinced you're either a hair stylist or you own a hair styling salon.
Sorry Milwaukee is too far to commute for me. 908 miles.
Please elaborate why. Because that is a Trump-ist argument if I've ever heard one. Sorry I don't necessarily agree with you, or use pragmatism to argue that not all people are evil and out to get you.
The point of my argument is that if I can find a stylist who works for my needs and promotes hair growth in Milwaukee (arguably a mid-sized US city in a conservative state...) then you can probably find a stylist almost anywhere.
Again, I reiterate that you need to seek out these good stylists. They are a diamond in the ruff. But to dismiss all hair stylists outright, without much merit, is short sighted.
Because you're so eager to defend to defend stylists.
In retail there is an old addage, "The customer is always right."
If I want an inch trimmed of of my hair the stylist
has no rigth to over rull me and take off a foot.
I've been down that road too many times over the years.
The more you defend stylists the more i'm convinced you're a stylist/barber/or you own a shop.
Why are you so angry that I have issues with stylists? .
I've had long hair since 1964 and I refsue to allow some
dictarial stylist to decide how long my hair should be
when I give very specific instructions.
After too many bad experiences I have up a chose to trim the
ends my self.
BTW, what does Trump have to do with this (other than
he is modeling his campaign after George Wallace who complained
back in the 1960s about us long haired hippies?
The more you tread down this path, the more I am convinced you are the type to find conspiracy in everything. The idea that I own a salon, or am a stylist, and need to somehow defend my profession of MLHH is a baseless and petty argument.
The original post asked: "My question is, does anyone have any recommendations about choosing a stylist?"
I offered my suggestions. Basically: do your research, try to go by word of mouth (personally or through social media), try to build a rapport with one stylist who knows and understands what you want. Also, understand, that this caliber of services tend to cost more.
I also refuse to accept the notion that every/all stylists are bad. That type of absolutism I do not support.
And my point was when the shop I was using in 1996 closed I looked for an alternative. I failed big time to find someone I could trust, that is not my failing, it's the failing of the hair chopping industry.
BTW, we didn't have Facebook back then, and even today I doubt i'd get a reliable answer.
The real problem is that to find a good hair stylist you have to be willing to risk a bad haircut. Some of us have had the latter happen too many times to be willing to take that risk.
No I don't. At the age of 61 I have long hair, I choose to keep my hair long, and to accomplish that I now choose to boycott all
hair stylists. You and the stylist industry may not like it,
but tough potatoes.
During the 1960s and there after I witnessed a lot of
barber shops go out of business due to long hair. They deserve what they got since they didn't meet the needs of long hairs like me. So instead of slamming me why doesn't your fellow workers in the stylist industry look in the mirror and clean
up the way they treat their customers?
Do we really have to be on the defensive? I participate occasionally on a sailing list, and the latest debate is what kind of boat trailer is best for launching and recovering your boat. The obvious answer is that what is right is what will do the job for each person and each type of boat (heavy and wooden or a light fibreglass one).
Like you, I have opted for no cutting or trimming, and sooner or later, I might have a split-end snipping session. My wife would like me to be styled and shaped. I don't. I want at least lower back length. Looking at photos shows that my hair has not thinned. I understand that we need to be sure of ourselves due to pressure from elsewhere. Then she will say "Have it your way, and see your hair become thin and ugly". I observe the stimulating conversation and suggest a change of subject before I die of boredom...
Also, I don't like people fussing over me, and it is an ordeal for me to have medical attention. I suppose that's something of a "territorial instinct".
If people like to be styled and pampered, and pay for the service, that's OK by me. They are exercising their freedom. I do admit there is a lot of pressure like buying the products of anyone who wants to earn a living by selling their products. It is for us to decide whether or not we need or want to buy those products. I sell translations from French into English, but my clients come looking for me. I personally don't like peddling my wares. But that is the modern world.
I have to admit that I have a feeling of disgust as I walk past a barber's shop and see a person having his hair cut. I have made my choice for long hair and the man in the chair hasn't. I would hate it if long hair on men come into fashion and everyone had to conform to it. How then would we be ourselves? If everyone went sailing, the sea would become as congested as the road and then we would no longer enjoy the quietness and solitude of sailing on the sea. Most people stay on land, and that doesn't bother me. Most men have short hair, and I couldn't care less.
This is one area where there is not "truth" and we are all right in the exercise of our freedom.
Anthony
Once again, I don't work in the the stylist industry.
Once again, the 1960s are over, they have been for over half a century.
Once again, barber shops are designed for quick, short, standard haircuts. Any man with long hair should not expect a barber to necessarily know how to cut or style long hair, hence it would be more prudent to go to a salon stylist.
Once again, the answers to my posts are suggestions on finding a stylist who knows you, individually, and shares your long term hair goals. This is what the original poster asked. Guess what? They do exist. If you do not want to get your haircut, which is your prerogative, then don't it doesn't affect me in the slightest. Especially since I don't work at, own, or operate a salon.
I happen to work in medical billing, by the way.
And the salon stylist will chop the hair just as fast and
they'll do what they want, no matter what the customer wants.
Hi Joe,
I agree with the others that hair stylists make a living by cutting ones hair shorter otherwise what's the point of choosing that profession.Also if they give you some complex cut it likely means going back often to maintain that look so yes, more dollars for them! My last professional cut/trim occurred the end of the summer in 2005.Since then I have never cut my hair and it seems to maintain a lower back length which I conclude is my terminal length.About five years ago I decided to henna my hair which I've maintained even since and I do that myself.I've never received a negative comment about my hair length or its reddish color.In fact occasionally I get compliments :) Recently I have been growing my beard out too so my hair is really taking over my head! LOL.In conclusion just follow your dreams and if that includes longhair then go for it my friend :) Cheers
Mârk
Great hair ! Cool beard ;)
Hi, Joe! I go to a stylist about every six months to trim up the split ends. Finding the right stylist is key. I go to a friend who has waist length hair himself, so I know he's careful. If you can't find a long hair guy in your area, try to talk to the stylist before your appointment. Stress that you just want a trim, just the split ends, no more than a quarter inch. Stress that you are nervous and that you do not want a cut, you want only a quarter inch trim and if they can't do that, or won't do that, no worries, you will find someone else.
It's as easy as COMMUNICATION. Not all stylists are bad people nor do they want to cut your hair off.