new thread
Greetings everyone.
My name is Brian, and I've been plagued by sexual labels and clichés all my short life, and I'm feeling rather down.
I have always thought that there are some very pointless modern rules about acceptable hair length among men and women.
I think its cool when women cut their hair short, or even shave their heads!
But everyone I know says that short haired women look like lesbians and are unattractive to men, so hence women should never cut their hair.
I get the same 'garbage' (fighting urge to curse) when it comes to long hair on men, that it would make me look like a homosexual, a stoner, a criminal, or dirty, and that women would'nt like me.
(NO OFFENSE TO HOMOSEXUALS, DRUG USERS, CRIMINALS, LESBIANS, OR
DIRTY PEOPLE, THOSE ARE OTHER PEOPLES VIEWS, NOT MINE!!)
I have wavy strawberry-blonde hair, and I have had people say my hair is beautiful, i've even had one person say it would look good long!
I am not over-weight, have good skin, and im not ugly (dispite what i tell myself), but girls seem to only like the guys with short, spiky haircuts (even though some are jerks!)
I'm 17 (a tender age), and feel like my hair is making it harder to live. I've had an ongoing dispute with my reletives (everyone except my brother) as to whether it is acceptable for men to have long hair, and whether I can have it.
I've tried growing my hair out in the past, but my parents (whom I love and respect very much) actually forced me to cut it.
even when I casually mention the idea in conversation, I am quickly shot down because of the same old stereotypes.
my parents have actually had some valid points in the past (a sign that they are not just trying to be mean), but I can't really think of a way to defend my views.
i've been thinking about shaving my head, but my parents have forbidden it.
they said i would look like a skinhead; but i'm no racist!
I can't move out (i don't have the means), and I love my parents too much to go behind their backs only to be chewed out later.
I feel very trapped and very alone.
I know there is probably no real solution to the problem,
but I would just like to know that somebody understands.
Thanks for listening.
Life can be very hard at 17. You want to be yourself, but parents still want to exercise a lot of control, even though they believe thatthey are doing it 'for your own good'.
Most of us on this board will have had pressure from parents not to grow our hair. If only they knew it, all that does is to make us even more determined to grow it later on!
At 17,nodoubt you will soon be either going to college or going to work. Maybe it's not long until you can leave home, and then youwill be able to make your own choices.
However, if becmoing more independent isn't a choice just yet, you could try growing out a section of your hair at the back. When they are around, keep it hidden under your shirt, but you know it's there.
Don't worry about negative comments from other people. As you meet more people, you will get to know more people who are like you and don't assume that there is 'something wrong with you' because you like your hair long. Sooner or later, you will meet a girl - even possibly one with hair you like - who likes you and your hair. You could even advertise: there are lots of girla who like longhaired men, as you willsee from this board.
Above all, try to be yourself, even if you have to wait a little longer. I was 20 before I got my first opportunity to grow my hair the way I wanted. Hope you can achieve your goalbefore that.
Good luck
holy smokes, i feel better knowing someone understands.
In an age where men are "self-assuming, haughty, and puffed up withpride.", it's good to know some people still have their heads on their shoulders. thanks everyone.
Brian,
The most important thing to remember is you will win in the end. Never forget that. Not one day should you forget that. If people are abusive long enough, they can make you not believe that anymore, and then you will abuse yourself in accordance with your abusers' mission long after they can't wage the war anymore. Some men have suddenly awakened in their forties even, to the fact that this was going on. That's awfully late to take your self-respect back, but it's far better than never.
Most men, if they've not surrendered their self-respect, can emerge to being themselves in their early twenties. That is not really that long a time if you're already seventeen.
In the meantime, comfort yourself with the evil-to-them thought that every friggin day, whether they like it or not, your body grows hair. And someday soon, you are gonna grow LOTS of hair!
A sizable number of older longhairs you see went through the same crap you are going through now, so you are NOT alone, though for now it probably seems like it. This means there are guys your age going through the same thing, and surely some are in your town. If you can find them and connect, you can give one another moral support, which should make this time go easier.
Best of luck man.
Bill
Hey Brian,
Hang in there buddy!! We all or at least most of us on here can relate to what you're going through! Just remember, that one of the most important things in life is TO BE YOURSELF!!! Don't forget, throughout most of history men have sported long hair; it used to be the norm at one time! Short hair, believe it or not is only something new! Unfortunately, today, us long-haired guys are living in an era where short hair dominates and we've become an oppressed minority! Whenever anyone, including your parents get on your case about your hair, remind them of this! What's really funny, but at the same time incredibly stupid is that they might turn around and say "Well back then there was no access to barbers, so men couldn't cut their hair". This is such JUNK...that's why the ancient Egyptians and Romans had short hair...come on, give me a brake!! Don't buy into a word of this, I'm sure you have enough common sense and wit to realize how ignorant of a comment that is! My dad has said this to me before, and I just made him feel like a complete IDIOT! If they do come out with such a dumb comment, tell them the ancient Egyptians and Romans kept their hair short!
If anyone gives you negative feedback on your hair, just throw it right back at them!! Put them in their place and let them know how stupid they really are!
And believe me, there are women, who absolutely love long hair on guys and find it sexy! But like I said hang in there...if you love your hair, then there is no reason why you should cut it. If people want to be ignorant about it, then that's their problem, but JUST BE YOURSELF!!! One day, long hair will spring forth again! Take care!
Phil
And I even hear about forced haircuts these days! (prison, conscription, etc.)
Male Prisoner Hair Law, Analysis and Discussion
U R welcome !
but what do u want ?
long hair or no hair ?
Well Brian I don't know what you will decide to do, but keep in mind that if yiu decide to grow your hair long there is going to be chaos. Your parents will act like madmen. They will not want to believe that their son wants to have an appearance that they always hated. BUT if you have a strong character and you continue to grow your hair no matter what they say, they will eventually get used to it. They'll stop trying to force you to cut your hair, but they won't stop giving negative comments from time to time. Here's my story.
My father is a very conservative person. After I became 13 years old we could not agree in most things and very argue very often. I don't hate him though, I just sometimes feel that we can't be together for long times. The good thing is that my father leaves home for work on April and returns on November. That's when I had the opportunity to grow my hair three years ago, at the age of 16,5. When my father returned on November, it was 5 months since my last haircut. When he saw me he said sth like this: "Son, you need a haircut. Your hair have grown long". I just laughed and my mother said "Have you heard the news? Our son decided to grow his hair long" and then he said "Really? Well, that's nice!". You can't imagine how suprised I was! The funny thing is what my father considered "long". He thought I wasn't growing my hair past chin level. So, as time went by, I started having comments like "What's going to happen with your hair?" "We're not hippies in there" etc :) Yesterday we had fight and he told me that I look like a bear and that I frighten the people who see me. The latest trend in comments from many guys is that I look like a terrorist who is caught together with other members of a famous terrorist organization here in Greece. I don't mind at all, in fact I find these kind of comments funny :)
The sad thing is that your parents Brian, don't stop to negative comments, but continue further, forcing you to cut your hair. If you respect them and want to have a good relationship with them, I suggest that you grow your hair later, maybe in one or two years. You can also try to convince them that long hair doesn't mean that you want to be a drug addict or a homosexual. Or you can wear you hair longer and longer as time passes. Eg you have a haircut now. Next haircut after 3 months. Next after 4 months, then 5 till they get used that you want to haev long hair :) (just kidding...or not?)
It's up to you.
...maybe, if you keep your hair in a ponytail.
The day I had this comment I was keeping my hair in a ponytail :)
Maybe because when the police arrested this guy was keeping his also like this. Conclusion: Two choices
1) I keep my hair in a ponytail=I look like a terrorist
2) I keep my hair loose=I look like a bear
Brian,
I know exactly what you mean about the overall 'negative' stereotype of a longhaired man. It makes me upset, too, how people can judge, label and discriminate against a male with long hair. I've posted a few strings to the guys here because of my concern about what others think and have received some great comments. Here's my two cents regarding your situation:
1) If you want to try having long hair, do it for YOURSELF and not anyone else. If you think long hair is 'who you are', then having it is important for your personal expression and identity.
2) Since you don't want to go behind your parents' backs and have great respect for them, have a serious mature talk with them to let them know your plans. Although they are your parents, you are your own person too. As such, there should be mutual respect and they should respect your decisions. My father did this for me, and I'll never forget that. Parents usually come around eventually too. In other words, they may express much disapproval for a while, but they should eventually come to terms with it. Be persistent!
3) How you carry yourself is important. In other words, who you are as a person will come out, despite how you look on the outside (within reason, of course!)
4) Realize you only live once.
5) Have courage
Good luck!