new thread
...does everyone seem to equate 'long hair' with 'dirty'??? I can only assume it's because of those longhairs who just grow their hair long and don't take care of it, and who wear ragged clothes and who really are dirty. I wish these people would cut their hair! They're giving all the real longhairs bad names. This thread was inspired by my grandparents and my dad (my grandparents, who've seen me much more recently than my dad (last time I saw him was before I started growing), told him that I looked bad; no, they really told him that I looked 'bad'). My dad has just told me over the phone to look around and see how all the other 'guys my age' are dressing and keeping their hair, and to do that. To become a sheep, in other words. Excuse me, fuck you, and that. I know he's just trying to look out for me, but I'm 19, and I can decide for myself how I'll look. And it's not like I'm just totally adrift; I've got a good job lined up that doesn't care about hair length. He's mostly telling me so that girls will notice me. 'Girls have a certain look they're going for.' Excuse me again, but why in the hell would they notice me if I LOOK JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE?!?!?!?!? Obviously, they wouldn't. And if the girl doesn't like what she sees just because I have long hair (I say 'long hair', even though it's not 'long' yet; more like 'longish'), then to hell with her anyway. I swear to God, I'm not an advertisement. And as if I dress badly. I dress nicely when occasion requires (job, looking for a job, etc.), but when I'm just around friends and family, I'll dress in what I want to dress in -- which is NOT ratty looking. I wish these family members would get the fuck over my hair. My grandma asks me EVERY TIME (no, really, every time) I talk to her, 'Have you cut your hair yet?' 'Yet', as if I'm going to, and stop asking; I didn't call long distance to get bitched at. That's what I want to say to her. Last time I saw my grandparents, my grandma said, 'That's defiance, is all that is.' OMFG. You've got to be kidding me. Defiance???? I'm not 13 anymore. I do what I want to, and just because I'm not saying, 'OK, I'll go to the barber shop right now,' when she asks, I'm being 'defiant'???? 'Defiance' for the sake of 'defiance' is the whole reason why I've wanted long hair for 6 years, and the reason I'm finally following through now? Oh, go to hell, please; thanks. And now I'm sure my dad will be asking about my hair every time I talk to him, too. *sigh* Well, I'm done now, I guess. =\
Okay. So why are you telling US? I mean, that's why the board is HERE, and I'm sure you feel better after "venting", but it's your grandparents that need to hear that! TELL THEM!!! Perhaps leaving out the "F" word would be wise, but TELL them how you feel! They certainly aren't being shy about telling you THEIR feelings, so give it right back! Be nice tho!
Mantraschism,
Hopefully you've had a chance to cool off... I agree with mudtallica to an extent. Prepare your case with persuasion in mind: (1) be credible in the wake of their age and experience; (2) be logical through sound rationale as to why you can grow your hair out and still be successful; and (3) keep a check on not being too emotional, other than to show that you do care (have empathy) for your family members' feelings, but that you have thought through your decision careful álá #s 1 & 2.
(1). Show them some research. Search for some pictures on the Web of neat-looking longhaired professionals. Go grab a GQ magazine that shows longhaired guys in business attire. Give them some visual evidence that it can be done. While you're at it, find a few other clips that show how girls do dig longhaired guys. Don't go too heavy on the Web, though, because it doesn't always carry the same credibility that more "traditional" sources do.
(2). Craft your argument soundly. Devise counterarguments for each of the reasons they give for not growing your hair. Anticipate others and refute those. Don't overgeneralize, but show that you can prove yourself in a number of areas and if your hair would be the single, slight disadvantage, then the pros definitely outweigh the cons. What it comes down to is a cost-benefit-analysis.
(3). Keep a check on your emotions. It was fine to vent here, but if you appear hostile or adversarial, then you are being defiant. Work extra hard to appear cool, rational and ready to carry on a civil, adult discussion. If your family members are not ready for this, they are the ones not acting their age - not you. If the discussion appears to not be going anywhere, simply look them in the eye and say something to the extent of "well, it's unfortunate that we disagree, but I hope someday you can appreciate this decision I've made and see past it."
I WAS rather (sadly) rude when once of my relatives said: "I hope you...
...won't be coming to my funeral with LONG hair."
...At that point I lost it and my anger burst into flaming fiery darts...
and I replied: 'If I'm there, my hair will be down to my ass.'
anyway...I don't think people should go around asking what you
are GOing to do at their funerals..do you? Well, ok
Yeah, they want to control you even after they are dead. Arguments about long hair are almost always about power, and no one takes as big a hit to his level of power as a guy who has just kicked the bucket. In this statement you can see the futility and desperation they face.
You will win, so why not now! :-)
If you've got the power already to win, just get it over man. You don't want to drag it out like the VietNam War. It will be less painful for all this way. I'm not so sure I'd even prepare the involved arguments some are talking about. Just say you've decided, the decision is final for the foreseeable future, and you won't entertain any further discussion about it whatsoever. And then stick to your guns: "I'm not going to talk about it!" Repeat it over and over as many times as it takes to shut them up.
OK...
"I'm not going to talk about it!"
"I'm not going to talk about it!"
"I'm not going to talk about it!"
"I'm not going to talk about it!"
"I'm not going to talk about it!"
"I'm not going to talk about it!"
"I'm not going to talk about it!"
"I'm not going to talk about it!"
"I'm not going to talk about it!"
"I'm not going to talk about it!"
"I'm not going to talk about it!"
"I'm not going to talk about it!"
"I'm not going to talk about it!"
"I'm not going to talk about it!"
"I'm not going to talk about it!"
"I'm not going to talk about it!"
"I'm not going to talk about it!"
"I'm not going to talk about it!"
"I'm not going to talk about it!"
"I'm not going to talk about it!"
SO THERE!
I understand how you're feeling. I first grew my hair out when I was a few years younger than you and received the same treatment from not only my family, but friends and others as well.
Personally, I see nothing wrong with showing your family a bit of anger while telling them something along the lines that you made a decision and you don't want to hear any more about it.
Secondly, since it sounds like this is the first time you're growing your hair out, I'm sure you family might have some initial concerns. However, most of the time, after you've had long hair for a while, the family's bad perception tends to subside when they've learned to accept it. Remember, right now your hair is in constant change...in your family's eyes, for the worse. Once you hit your desired length and it stays that way for a bit, I would assume your family will adapt to the change.