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I know that sounds like a severely bad question. But I am curious.
I am not homosexual, I have some friends that deeply are. I don't mind it at all. But from many of the posts I am reading... I get some sense of many of the posters here being homosexual in nature.
Again, I don't mind this at all. It might simply make me rethink my own desire for long hair. I have been growing for around one year now with some trims. I wear it pulled back most often and try and pull off the eccentric wealthy guy look.
I hope no one takes offense to this. As I said, its just a question.
If your'e gay, your'e gay. No sense being ashamed or vindictive of my question.
Thanks :)
Why would "rethink" your desire for long hair even IF most gay men had long hair? I hope you wouldn't be so insecure, but it's your life.
Oh, and I believe only a small percentage of gay men have long hair. Can anyone back my statement up?
Well that wasn't really what I was asking.
Most gay men having long hair is not equal to most men having long hair being gay.
I didn't ask if all gay men had long hair. I asked if many men with long hair are gay.
The reason being. Women find long hair attractive... Ok. Women also love gay men. I won't go into the psychology of it, but I am not looking to land myself in the realm of 'friendhood' simply because of my appearance.
Also, I do have to admit, that since growing my hair longer, the number of men hitting on me (always having been pretty many) has gone up.
Thats the reason for my asking. I'm not insecure in the slightest.
Its more about appealing to my target audience you know?
If someone could give me some insight, it would be great. Thanks
...
Giggm, I'm sure you're asking your questions without the intent to offend, but you're right, many will perceive the question itself as insulting. I do.
It broadly overgeneralizes an entire group of people. If someone were to emphatically declare, 'Yes, most longhairs are gay,' it would be absurd. Empirical data aside, the common theme one sees on this board is that men grow their hair to express their individuality. Men with long hair in our culture visibly demonstrate a lack of conformity to larger expectations of appearance and masculinity. The reasons one grows one's hair out are largely personal, but almost always an expression of individuality. To make broad statements like 'most longhairs are homosexual' ignores why many men grow their hair long in the first place.
This sounds a great deal like the "some of my best friends are black" arguments used to justify segregationist policy in the early 20th century. Its similarity to that tone will raise the parallel, regardless if you intended it or not.
Out of curiosity, what's the difference between being "deeply" gay and shallowly gay? Your assertions that this is not an issue for you ring somewhat hollow.
That's not the impression I get at all. Most of the posts I read here are by straight guys, about straight guys, etc. Some of us are not straight, but I think a comparison of thread volume places gay men squarely in the minority.
And so what if some of us are? Are gay men really so much of a threat that you'd cut all your hair off just to be "safe"? If that's your state of mind, you're not going to find safety under a short head of hair.
...Your slip is showing. If you're "secure," why does this even matter? Straight men have been shamelessly ripping off gay fashion for decades (you think you came up with earrings on your own?). To get stuck in a "long-hair-means-gay-short-hair-means-straight" groove strikes me as incredibly short-sighted about fashion in general, narrow-minded about orientation in particular, and indicative that you are anything but secure about your appearance.
If you're uncomfortable with looking "gay", then call it what it is. Being concerned about how you look is one thing; whitewashing it with repeated choruses of "I've got no problem with that" are another entirely. Please don't claim to be secure when the appearance is manifestly otherwise.
Please accept my assurances that shame plays no part in my response to your question, nor am I vindictive (I have no desire to hurt you in retribution for some imagined slight). However, please don't prevaricate about what you're really asking. It's insulting, gay or straight, to be asked a question like yours in the way you asked it.
I'm going to go out on a limb and take a stab at what I suspect are your real questions:
1. Will long hair make me look gay?
Only if you style it like Joan Collins, and if you're visibly spending a fortune at the Dior counter at Nordstrom's.
2. Will people assume I'm gay because I have long hair?
Some people will. Are those peoples' opinions important? Does it really matter?
3. Will chicks dig me if I have long hair, or will they think I'm gay?
Some women like long hair; some don't. Some women will think you are gay; some will even be attracted by the possibility. Regardless of how attracted most women are initially, regardless of your hair length or imagined gayness, most will only stay around if you have something other than looks to make you worthwhile. May I recommend finding a measure of true security?
Best,
That Six-Winged Guy
P.S. Most gay men I know or encounter are short-haired. The current "thing" is hyper-masculinity, i.e. looking all butch and frat-boyish. Walk down Castro Street in SF, and it's neat little high-and-tights as far as the eye can see. Bleh.
Hi again all. First thanks for all the great responses. I chose to respond to seraphim directly since he directly responded to me with questions of his own.
The first thing I will address, is my percieved difference between deeply gay and shallowly.
This is an age of uncertaintly with sexuality. People are floating around all over the place not quite sure of their place in the sexual foodchain and cant quite read the lithmus test of their own sexuality.
Many gay (and bi and straight in fact) people refuse to believe others are not like them. This to me signals a certain lack of security. These people you can often point out by their willingness to talk about the grandeur of homosexuality (or hetero or bi). And how wonderful and liberating it is. Blah blah. As well as how much you seem like you would fit right in. Even worse, some try and convince you that you are simply denying your true feelings.
"You know youre gay deep down. Stop fighting it"
This to me is shallowly gay. Someone who is so insecure with the decision that they have made, that they try and enforce their shallowly chosen sexuality upon others.
I have a few friends who have varying degrees of sexuality. Bi. Deeply Bi. Gay, Deeply gay. And frighteningly shallowly straight. (It appears homophobia is alive and well even in the most liberated areas of the country). Gay friends have thought I was gay. Bi friends thought I was bi. Straight friends... Well ok, some of them told me I was gay too ;) But I think they call everyone that nowadays. (Seems to be the catch phrase)
Its interesting that you posed the question
"Out of curiosity, what's the difference between being "deeply" gay and shallowly gay? Your assertions that this is not an issue for you ring somewhat hollow."
Then Follow it up with
"...Your slip is showing. If you're "secure," why does this even matter? Straight men have been shamelessly ripping off gay fashion for decades (you think you came up with earrings on your own?). To get stuck in a "long-hair-means-gay-short-hair-means-straight" groove strikes me as incredibly short-sighted about fashion in general, narrow-minded about orientation in particular, and indicative that you are anything but secure about your appearance."
Whose slip is showing? I worded my post as genericly and unoffensively as possible. You ask the difference between shallow and deep. You appear to represent shallowness fairly effectively.
The reason I asked the question is this:
I am as secure with my appearance as many people can be, not being a super model or actor. However, in much the same way you might arduously choose the perfect shirt to match your pants or the right belt to go with your shoes, I simply want my hair style to match the appearance I want to represent.
I simply want to look the best I can and be as appealing to the opposite sex as I can. Long hair for me is no quest. No mythic goal I have dreamed of since I was young. For me, its simply another accessory. Like a fancy watch or a great bracelet, its something to wear and wear with pride.
However. As I have walked around the local malls, restaurants etc, I have been noticing more and more men with long hair. I must say, while their hair is quite nice looking, it gives them an air of feminity. I believe my perception of myself is so skewed from staring at the mirror so many times that I may not be able to see this in myself.
In as much as some dear friend might come to you and say, "Dear god, WHY did you wear that shirt? Don't you know it makes your skin looked washed out and your face look tired?" Sometimes we have to look through someone elses eyes to get the best picture of ourselves.
Thus, my whole reason for posting here was to see what the consensus of perception was, from the very community I am thinking of being a member of.
How do you see yourselves? How do others see us?
I don't believe I was out of line in making this question. I'm sorry to anyone offended by it.
Women find hair of various lenghts attractive. Since growing your hair longer, the number of men hitting on you has (always having been pretty many) - as you say has gone up -- could be because long hair is generally a soft feature whereas a brushcut is usually associated with a more masculine look. When you say men are hitting on you, are they asking you for a date? Men who think another man is a homosexual does so because of his appearance, clothing, and his whole persona, no one single thing, and as you say whether you have long hair or short hair it occurred.
Since your target audience is heterosexual, you should ask these men who hit upon you, as you say, why it is you give them the impression you are a homosexual. If a man has grown up around a lot of women and works with a lot of woman, he can sometimes pick up manerisms, and speech that are identified with women even though he is a heterosexual.
Up until I was 25 I was around a lot of women and this was the case that some thought I might be homosexual. When I was 25 I shared a house with bikers. My way of speaking and general physical movements changed to the extent that I acquired a persona that was more identified with a heterosexual male. For years I would ask people don't you think I look and act like a homosexual and eveyone said no. I had been influenced and changed just enough to remove the doubt that some men and women had that gave them the impression that I was in their mind a homosexual. That is the main reason that most of the world thinks they don't like and don't know any homosexuals, but the truth is they are judging it on the basis that most homosexual men are more female looking or acting which is clearly not what most homosexuals are. Homosexuals and heterosexuals come in all sizes and varieties.
Interestingly, it has been reported here often that most longhairs are not gay, and that short hair currently seems to be more if fashion for most gay men. Now, I wonder, would you rethink having short hair? Take no offense. It's just a question. This is just another version of the same issue that crops up here again and again: why do you wear your hair the way your do? Is it you or is it about some external thing you are trying to play? Those who have long hair because it is a part of who they are know it. That doesn't mean that they don't struggle with social pressures, but they know it.
The original question here, while posed in a generally friendly way, does strike me as laying one more burden at the feet of gay men.
My two cents worth.
Robert--longhair, straight, married, father and interested in dropping divisive fears.
I think you're right, MOST gay men don't have long hair. I never found any! ;) But I have long hair and I've always thought I was in an extreme minority because of it.
WHAT...I say...
WHAT would YoU do?
WHAT could YoU do?
WHAT's the difference? I know
WHAT I'd do.....NOthing...that's...
WHAT!
some people might have that prejudice against long-hairs but I don't think there's a larger percentage of gay long-hairs than gay short-hairs. on the contrary perhaps 'cause I don't think I've ever seen a gay long-hair. (drag queens are IMO a different matter, but I think most of them use wigs anyway)
I believe that the opposite is true. That's been my observation, anyway.
I believe that this question would be like asking: are all men of a certain hair color gay? Are you a fan of music or movies? If not take some time and watch MTV, or go out to a movie etc. Take note of how many of the male artists/actors have long hair(or who change their hairstyles often). Do you honestly think that the majority or all of them are gay? I think that it is a gross exaggeration to assume that all long-haired men are gay, or that the majority of them are.
Both hetrosexual and homosexual men have long hair.
Both are EQUALLY as welcome.
I know that sounds like a severely bad question. But I am curious.
Based on personal observation, I think that more gay men have short hair than long. Based on speculation, I think that more longhairs are straight than gay. I figure, if one out of ten men is gay, and one out of two hundred gay men has long hair (a not unreasonable, though off-the-top-of-my-head, statistic), then if you gathered 2000 men, one of the longhairs would be gay and the rest would be straight.
I'm gay, and while I'm not offended by your question, I would urge you to grow your hair long if you want to and not worry about being seen as having a different sexual orientation. I didn't worry, though I would have had a greater reason to, statistically speaking.
Charlie
Charlie, you say based on personal observation, you think, that more gay men have short hair than long. Your observation is for a specific time period. Many gay men in the early 90s started getting shaved heads and gradually a lot of straight guys did, too. But you go back to the late 60s and 70s, hippy days, both gay and straight men had long hair. Again if you go back to the 50s lots of gay and straight men had brushcuts (I am speaking North America) But again it depends on which men you are talking about. North American sport guys tend to have short hair except in hockey where it tends to be long at the back, maybe a mullet, but short in the front. Factors that count: Gays and straighs in banking are going to have shorter hair than gay and straight mechanics or truck drivers or city street workers or construction workers who can have hair anyway they want it. Appearance is usually occupationally driven not sexuality driven. Since gay men are a minority who may from to time suffer discrimination in employment and other areas, they would to be more conservative generally except in the entertainment industry where they would tend to be extreme in the other direction.
You say based on personal observation, you think, that more gay men have short hair than long. Your observation is for a specific time period. Many gay men in the early 90s started getting shaved heads and gradually a lot of straight guys did, too. But you go back to the late 60s and 70s, hippy days, both gay and straight men had long hair. Again if you go back to the 50s lots of gay and straight men had brushcuts (I am speaking North America) But again it depends on which men you are talking about. North American sport guys tend to have short hair except in hockey where it tends to be long at the back, maybe a mullet, but short in the front. Factors that count: Gays and straighs in banking are going to have shorter hair than gay and straight mechanics or truck drivers or city street workers or construction workers who can have hair anyway they want it- often long. Appearance is usually occupationally driven not sexuality driven. Since gay men are a minority who may from to time suffer discrimination in employment and other areas, they would tend to be more conservative generally, like other minorities, except in the entertainment industry where they would tend to be extreme in the other direction.
Soccer players in Europe tend to have long hair.
I agree with the statement someone made about more gay guys presently being hooked on hyper-masculine looks, which in this culture is short hair.
Charlie
WoW...'Gay' always gets a good response here.
I am not very surprised cause when you grow your hair
everybody's looking at you and you're thinking:
"I wonder what they're thinking" or "do they think I'm gay?"
Man#1: "Hey man, are YoU gay?"
Man#2: "No, man, no way"
Man#1:"But your hair is long like a girl's"
Man#2"So what. That doesn't mean anything. You have short hair & I don't think you are gay!"
Man#1:"Yeah, well sorry but I am."
Funny skit :)
Truely, its all about perception. And perception often has little to do with reality.
A friend of mine came out last year to me. Boy was I surprised. He was the last person I'd ever have expected.
Who knew all this time he joked to me about wanting a cute little blonde for christmas he didn't mean a sorority girl!
Regardless of my personal status in the gay/straight conversation, which I will not mention, I see confusion and a bit of agressiveness in all this.
first, The nature of the question was not mean. It was an honest question phrased incorrectly. There is simply NO QUESTION, try to find a question, it was just pulling out a picky subject, followed by immediate self defense. If you bring out a touchy subject... MAKE IT AS CLEAR AS POSSIBLE in order to avoid offending someone.
second, We fight our fights in the REAL world, every day, in everything, our job, at school, at home, etc. We fight for our hair and we come here for advise/encouragement. We don't have any fights to fight in here.
There is a terrific moderator to give us all peace. If there is a bluffer, let him bluff, don't go like "that is not true" or so on, If some people find encouragement in amazing (spectacular) stories, like the ones we've had, let them get it and be skeptic to yourself. There's no point in creating conflicts in here. PLEASE....
I know how hard is to be different, I am, I have long hair, I have a very special way of thinking and my music tastes differ completely from the rest of human beings. WE NEED HELP TO BE DIFFERENT REGARDING OUR HAIR. We need not to be thrashed because of other things.
Gay people are no different from straight ones regarding hair, they're less, and less in the less makes lesser. Very few gay guys have long hair. And the minority of people is gay, go figure. Its like finding a lefthanded longhair.
The point of this board is HAIR, and things related to that. I think gay people suffer to much in their lifes, like to come here and get beaten, THIS SPECIFIC QUESTION is not aggressive, its ignorant. Let us have peace and support, its what we come for. Good growing.
"...my music tastes differ completely from the rest of human beings"!
Mine too! Even though I still consider myself an Earthling...
heh... i've never cared to know of anyone elses sexual orientation on this site, i mean, who cares? unless you're looking to make a match, it's completely irrelevant. but since soo many people ask, i would like to make it known and put it to rest, once and for all, i am hetrosexual (not gay).
High!
Unfortunately, at least in Continental Europe, most gays aren't long-haired, and the very most longhairs are not gay...
See you in Khyberspace!
Yadgar
First, Giggm's questions were well stated. I don't know what elso he could've done to make sure they were worded better. I don't think they were poorly worded at all.
How can an honest question insult anyone? I don't get it. How could the topic of being gay and long hair offend anyone?
This board is all about long hair on men. And there have been plenty of "gay" statements and responses posted here. If fact, some of the comments about pictures posted here might be offensive (I personally don't want to hear that another man finds me attractive.) But I guess you have to accept and put up with things like that if you post here.
It is OKAY if Giggm doesn't want people to think he's gay. In general, I don't care what people think of me. BUT, I do not want people to think I'm gay, either. That's okay! Most gay men probably would like others to know that they are gay. If Giggm is looking for romantic relationships with women, he does not women to second guess whether he is hetero or not.
Giggm's question was very simple. You could tell from his wording that he did NOT want to offend ANYONE. It's almost like there is an unwritten law that hetero men cannot bring up the "gay" topic. If one does, then it's immediately offensive.
Giggm, to answer your question, I don't think long hair is related to being gay. I believe there are more hetero men that think that, especially if they don't have contact with the gay community. I wouldn't worry about women. Either a woman likes long hair on a man, or she doesn't. You just have to accept that some women do not like long hair an men.
I think it is perfectly reasonable for anybody to ask whether they are likely to get unwanted attention if they grow their hair. The answer is that if your hair is distinctive by being long, then you are going to get attention from people of both sexes who either
a) like it objectively
b) fancy you because of it
c) dislilke it objectively
d) find you unattractive because of it
and those people may be male, female or bisexual.
Most women have to put up with being looked at because of how they look. It's one of the lessons longhairs soon learn that they too are in the 'looked at' category.
Learn to be flattered by it, and to be polite in declining anybody who asks for anything that isn't on offer, and grateful for accepting anything that is to your taste.
I wonder how many bisexuals realize they're a third sex.
your points make good sense. i haven't responded to this point because i don't know many longhairs & can't rightly speak for the group as a whole- only for myself. there really hasn't been a 'longhair community' in the real world... so there really is no way to factually back up a response. longhairs don't get together in groups and bare their souls for all... so it's impossible to respond with real numbers.
people will be offended by things... including questions like that posed by giggm- DESPITE the fact that he went to a great extent not to word it offensively. i wasn't offended by it. there was a time when i was young and stupid that i would have been. the perception that long hair is associated with homosexuality is based on the ignorance of those who would dislike you on sight. why should their opinion matter? if my hair is going to keep such people at a distance then i don't care IF they think i'm gay just as long as they stay away.
My guess is because gay guys have more of an interest in posting on a men's forum than straight men do.
Being a longhaired gay man myself and a lover of long hair, I certainly wish all longhaired men were gay. Unfortunately, most longhaired men are straight.
Hello,
as I person living in Europe, I cannot understand these ongoing discussions if longhaired people are considered to be more likely to be gay. Here, it is quite the opposite. I am not gay either but got also some friends who are, and they told me that typical gays (thats an awkward expression surely) mostly have their head shaven or their hair really cut short.
Maybe some people of the "older" generation have the idea that gays have long hair so they look more like a girl, but I think a gay persons last worry would be to let his hair grow so he can look like a girl.
Not even in the sixties/seventies people with long hair where considered to be homosexual but merely rebellious. So should 40 years later suddenly people start to think that gays like to grow their hair long?
Whatever, I think the average longhair does not give a toss if some loose brain thinks that he is gay because he has long hair. Because if he is a big worrier about what people think then he would keep his hair short anyway, then in this society already too many people giving unasked opinions about somebodies appearance. So if you sensitive about that, your life is easier if you go with the flow and keep the short hair.
Therefore the connection longhair = gay in my opinion does not excist.
Fully agree.
WHAT???
No way dude!! I grew my hair long because of Heavy Metal. Banging it around to wild music is the ultimate testosterone rush. If you've got long hair and ripped jeans or a black metal t-shirt, nobody will think you're gay.
Headbangerguy
Oh, so _that's_ all it takes is it? Just dress like a Metalhead and no one will think you're gay? Hmmm... I guess no one ever told Rob Halford (formerly of Judas Priest) that then did they?
;^PPP
Madoc