new thread
I don't post here very often but I usually come here everyday to read the posts. When I first came here over a year ago it seemed pretty cool,but lately it seems things have changed. It seems like every other post is from someone gay,someone talking about gays,or posting links to gay sites. Looks like this place has become somewhat of a gay hangout,and that is no place for me.Call me what you will,but I do not wish to associate with gay people. Don't like them,don't want to have anything to do with tehm. Never have,never will.So as far as I'm concerned you can all go off and be butt buddies till your hearts content. As for me I'm outta here. And this isn't directed toward everybody here,there are a few people here who feel the same way I do. You know who you are.
The length at which men wear their hair is still tied to perceptions of sexual orientation in America and, judging by other posters' locations, in Western Europe as well. Consequently, sexual orientation is one of the issues likely to appear on a board like this. It will probably continue to appear until it stops being an issue, which is not something I foresee in the immediate future. Your own post is evidence of this.
When someone associates being gay as negative, I will dispute that association, particularly here as it relates to long-hairedness. You are, of course, free to do the same from your own standpoint. Getting offended over the mere fact of disagreement will only increase your stress levels.
It's unfortunate that you're leaving. I think that dissenting voices are important for getting to the truth of a matter. For the record, I disagree with what you've written, and I am gay. I don't care what you think of me or whether you disagree with me, but I value "the opposition", as it were.
P.S. May I politely suggest that in future posts you refrain from using derogatory language, like the phrase "butt buddies"? There are better ways to express your opinion that will earn you more respect. The merit of any arguments you make will likely be drowned out if the presentation is crass.
~S
I don't care what Gibson Guy or anyone else thinks of gay people. Or other straight people for that matter. But why do they have to throw it in our faces like they do? THAT is what I object to. I know what I am and don't need to be constantly reminded that I'm looked upon as 'lower than pond scum' by the vast majority of the general population. Especially for something that I have no control over. It took me over 20 years of abstinence to find that special person I'm with because I believed in love, not lust! I don't usually make as big an issue over things like this, and I'm certainly no activist, but I HAVE to speak up when I see someone bashing me for no other reason than ignorance.
Yeah, well, unfortunately, stupid people seem to breed faster than enlightened ones. Frankly, I don't care who or what anybody does in the privacy of their homes, as long as they aren;t jerks to me, hey, whatever floats yer boat!
Can I get a chorus of "we are the world?"
That's good to hear! Gay people don't bother me too much as long as they also respect my rights as a straight person. I feel that everyone including gays should have at least the same equal rights as a straight single person.
Neither do I have a problem with what people do in their own private life. It's their own business. As long as they leave me alone and not make any sexual moves on me I can get along with a gay person as with anyone else. There was this older guy (late 40s to early 50s) at where I used to work which I didn't know he was gay until I've heard about a fellow coworker calling him a "fag" and was turned in for saying that. Niether did the guy that called him that name knew either he just called him that in a smartass way and was just kdding. I would also like to add that I am even internet friends with this one gay person who is really big into Pink Floyd and roller coasters like I am and found out about him on his coaster website. One thing that would offend me greatly is that people may stereotype long hair with being gay and if someone called me a fag when I had my hair long and because of it than I'd be offended. Almost every longhaired dude I knew are straight and a few are my closest friends! I hope to grow my hair back soon. I had to cut it to find a job.
That's a great attitude to have. I'm sure your presence will be sorely missed.
Part of becoming a true grown-up in this world is accepting that people play with themselves, fart, and may have different sexual attractions than your own self.
Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out...
I am a teacher. I teach 12-15 year olds. Often enough, boys come into the room making derogatory remarks about gay people. It's part of the insecurities of being an adolescent male and the way they express it in this culture, unfortunately. It is also a "teachable moment" so to speak.
I always use it to try and convey the following: You don't have to like another person's sexual attractions. By their very nature, they belong to another person, and not you. And, unless you somehow share those attractions, they really are none of your business and none of your concern. And, as long as you are in my classroom each day, I will insist that we use language in a way that is respectful of all kinds of people. I insist on this because it is my room, and I want my room to be a safe place for everyone.
And, finally, you don't ever really know who, in a room, is gay and who is straight. You may think that you have nothing to do with gay people and that you never will. If you think this, you are already wrong. All of us are in relationships right now with people who are gay. They are our relatives, our neighbors, people we do business with, even our friends, perhaps even our closest friends. That you do not know that they are gay only means that you are ignorant of this aspect of their lives. And if you choose to continue to use derogatory language about gay people, you will only ensure two things: you will hurt people that you otherwise care about and who care about you, and you will demonstrate to them that you cannot be trusted with the reality of their lives. Should they distance themselves from you, even disappear from your life, it would be no surprise.
I usually give that little talk once or twice a year, and then it ceases to be an issue--while kids are in my room. It even opens the door to a more genuine discussion of what it means to be human from time to time.
This board has often functioned like that. I presume it will. One last thing I have discovered for myself, which I share with my students: when I discover that I am reacting to another person (or group of people)I am seeing far more about myself than about the other person.
Robert
If only every classroom came peopled with a teacher like you! And your classroom multiplied worldwide so everywhere would be a safe place for everyone. Thanks for being the teacher that everyone in your profession (as well as parents, friends and anyone else having "teachable moments"--that's all of us, right?!)should be.
.. from a wise man in a position to do a lot of good.
Well done, and let's follow Robert's example on this board and in our lives as a whole.
Excellent post. Two thumbs up!
lifestyles...but at least have respect for the person.
Young people have a very difficult time accepting things because they
are going through a difficult enough time in their lives as it is!
And while you are busy sorting out your own feelings--some that
you may be confused about--who could blame you for leaving?
Sometimes you need reassurance and not more confusion.
So good luck. Reject what you like...
but try to keep the respect at least.
I know I can't speak for every gay person on the planet, much less anyone else on this board, but I am gay and I will offer something from MY perspective.
I'm sure there are people who 'choose' to be gay and made a concious decision to be attracted to those of the same sex as themselves. I am not one of them. I was born this way. I am not comfortable with it. I don't think it is 'natural', for lack of a better word.
I HAVE however, accepted it as how things are going to be for me. I can't change it, and god knows I've tried! Not to mention the money I spent seeing people with a lot of letters after their names, (psychologists and the like), trying to figure out what was wrong with me. None of it worked.
I tried to 'choose' to be straight for so many years that I can't even begin to remember how many women I outright lied to just so I could make myself 'normal'. The phone calls never received, the girls I had dated for a semblance of normalcy, and my shock when we broke up... I guess it would have helped if there had been an actual interest in them after asking them out, but what could I do about that? Nothing. And the worst part was, when I asked another girl out it would end the same way, because I was just different.
I don't go around making announcements to the world about the way I am. It's none of anyone's business. But I don't deny it anymore either. It's just the way I was made. I don't know why anyone would 'choose' this way of life. I can't show any outward affection (in public) to the one person in my life who I truly love. That's not to say I'd be sucking face or intimately fondling my wife/girlfriend in public if I were straight, but a peck on the cheek when we parted company wouldn't be out of the question, and that just isn't possible, (or at least acceptable), for a gay man. Not where I am at least. And I can't even tell my very best and closest friend of 'how I am', for fear he'll react like YOU did, not understanding that I didn't CHOOSE this, that I can't change it. No more than I can change the color of my skin or my nationality. Could you live your life this way? I HAVE to. What if it were the other way around, and gay people were the 'norm' and you had to live your life hiding the way you felt about women? Would you like that? I don't think so. I don't.
I have come to realize that the love for another person doesn't always know the difference between our perceived sense of what's 'right' and wrong. Our choices are sometimes made for us, with us having no say in the matter. In my mind the concept of love and sex are two different things. Yes, I think that sex can be an expression of endearment, a means to celebrate our love or a way to enhance our intimacy with each other, gay OR straight. But without love, sex is only that; sex. Love for me is something much greater than that. It's something that I feel in my heart and soul. Love for me is the common bond that a couple has with each other. The fact that they cherish each other for who and what they are and being able to overlook each other's imperfections. Love for me is being able to rejoice in each other's individuality and being cognizant of how the two enhance the other. It's like becoming a team in order to survive life's trials and tribulations. Love can't be found in words. It's an aura that surrounds the people that find it. True love goes beyond feeling, beyond emotion, and reaches into your innermost being. It creates a connection that just cannot be disturbed by external forces. Love is its own force, more powerful than any other and there is no adequate way to express it, even to the one you love most.
Think about this, Gibson Guy and everyone else that thinks there is a 'choice', the next time you CHOOSE to be normal. That choice is not an option for me without living a lie.
Sorry for the off topic, rambling post, but I just HAD to. Maybe it will open some eyes, maybe not. PROBABLY not. But I had to try.
you make good points; your post reflects intelligence- it is very well thought out. homophobes would be well-advised to read it carefully.
in defense of gibson guy- it does seem that lately some posters seem to find it necessary to make their sexuality a topic here. it is my understanding that this board isn't about being gay or straight- it is about supporting guys who have or are growing long hair. period. i used to be impressed that everyone was able to carry on discussions peaceably regardless of orientation and to keep the issue out of the main discussion.
i was brought up in a very bigoted environment including rather intense homophobia and i carried much of that attitude into adulthood, but it became clear to me that my frame of mind needed change if i was to grow as a person but while i battle daily to keep the narrow frame of hateful thought at bay- ESPECIALLY if i am going to wear my hair long and thus draw some of that negative energy myself.
the overtly sexual nature of some of the posts/threads amplifies some of those old attitudes & has made me increasingly reluctant to participate for fear that i be associated with gays... a demonstrative definition of what homophobia IS- so while i find gibson guy's post to be needlessly blunt and insensitive i can't entirely dismiss his point.
i shall try to continue participating here but if some people continue to insist on making their orientaion (gay OR straight) a topic i will be forced off this board & quite possibly into a b@rber shop as well.
I don't come here and proclaim I am straight. Why do some have to remind us that thay are gay?
The anomymous guy who got bashed because he only answered a topical question and was called a cowardly troll. That was not my intent.
Straight people are not discriminated against or oppressed. 90% of the world is straight, so no one is shocked if someone is straight.
Incidentally....gay people are reminded of straight people constantly. what needs to happen is everyone should be tolerant and accepting of each other.
We are grown ups here, no one is shocked even to learn someone is gay either. But again, WHY DO SOME HAVE TO MAKE IT KNOWN ON THIS FOURM ?
This site is about hair, not sexual orientation.
*********
TAG
...Because perceptions of sexual orientation are tied to men's hair length in many parts of America. As long as someone, somewhere, looks at a man with long hair and thinks he's gay based on that fact alone, sexual orientation will be a topic related to long hair growth.
~S
My mom: "Why are you always so loud about this?"
Me: "So we can finally stop talking about it."
Don't buy it. Cop-out answer. Hair has nothing to do with being male or female. If someone somewhere in this country or any other country for that matter thinks a person is gay OR straight because of his hair (long or short)that person comes off as shallow.
"sexual orientation will be a topic related to long hair growth"
yeah.....only if you let it.
TAG
True. I’ve had the chance to meet many of my relatives during the holidays some of whom had never seen me with my longer hair. As I had expected, some of my more conservative uncles & brothers in law pointed out that long hair on men is for girls. Period. Therefore, in their minds, they think that you either want to look like a girl or that you have homosexual tendencies. I’m sure a lot of you have been through this. Thus, on this board, the topic of long haired men and sexual orientation will always come up from time to time.
I have no idea. Why don't you ask 'Gibson Guy'?
The Anomymous guy [whoever you actually might be]
Damn right he did! When some twit comes in here posting trash talk and doesn't even have the stones to list his real name and his real email then he's obviously just a cowardly troll looking to start some flame war.
I've no problem with folks expressing themselves so long as they do so respectfully AND have the decency to openly stand by their words.
Making anonymous postings is a cowardly and dishonorable thing to do. Especially as this is an open board which anyone can access.
Madoc
Stating a preference isn't talking trash. Read the post. It didn't bash anyone.
Ya want an e-mail address? Do you have to know blood type too? Birthday?
Should we get approal of our choice of handle through you?
Sorry, just an honest observation.
You may bash away now.
TAG
TAG [or whatever your name actually is]
When someone posts a controversial message and doesn't see fit to put their real name to it or a legitimate way to contact them individually, then they are declaring they've not the courage of their convictions and that they simply are trying to stir things up for no other reason than stirring them up.
To put it simply, they are a troll looking for flames.
Anonymous sniping is indeed a cowardly thing to do. I'm sorry you don't understand that or want to face it. But, without accountability and without taking such responsibility for your words then what weight are we to give them and why should we take you at all seriously?
I have been on this and other boards long enough to see what happens when some folks hide behind anonymity in making incendiary posts. Victor wants to keep this board as accessible as possible so it is open to all and it depends on the honor system in making posts. Remaining behind an anonymous handle goes against that and it leaves things open for abuse. It then become the tool of cowards and trolls.
Pretty basic stuff here.
Madoc
Intresting observations. Point well taken. Keep the faith.
But, I'm still going by TAG. It's as good of handle
as some I've seen around here. Apologies.
Have a nice night.
TAG
just another longhair.
????
I'm not gay and didn't mention anything about gays... and in any case, can't you just skip the posts you don't like if there are some you do like?
C.A.
then WHY hate???
You can pick your friends and hang
around the kind you do like...
but don't hate even if you can't even RESPECT.
I'm disappointed...but not at all surprised...that attitudes like this still prevail. Can you say HOMOPHOBIA? Sheesh!
For the record, I am a straight male.
Why do certain people wish "not to associate with gays"? Makes no sense to me.
I do not believe sexual orientation is a choice. I think people are born with a genetic predisposition to be attracted to one sex or perhaps even both. If homosexuality is a choice, heterosexuality must also be a choice. Right? Straight people do not believe that they choose their sexual orientation. Right? They regard heterosexuality as natural, as a part of human nature. How then can we believe that some people, who are born heterosexual, somehow attain the power, even at a very early age sometimes, to overrule their own natures and choose an alternate orientation? I don't think it's possible.
Gibson Guy exemplifies how some heterosexual males, once they have incorporated their heterosexist ideology, refuse to accept anything beyond their limited scope of what is acceptable.
What others do in their private lives is their business, not mine. I don't care if people here loudly proclaim they're gay. That's their business. Why should I be offended by it? If I'm not interested in a gay web site, I won't go to it. Why should I get upset just because it's posted?
Those who are anti-gay are basically ignorant people. It took time and we are still working on getting past segregation and the rights of minorities. It'll take even longer to resolve the issues surrounding how gay people are treated.
I wish everyone could experience the love of a family member who is gay. I think that they would all come to the realization that just because some one is attracted to someone of the same sex does not make them any less of a person.
Remember this if you remember nothing else...being gay isn't a "lifestyle"...it's a life. It's that person's life!
If homosexuality is a choice, then it must be a choice in all the other animals such as sheep and dogs as well.
The number of messages about particular subjects varies fro time to time. Yes, there may be a lot of gay related posts at the moment (although I hadn't noticed that to be the case), but at other times there may be a lot about music, or undercuts, or mullets.
Our strength is in being supportive of each other, reading the posts that interest us, ognoring things that don't interest us (incuding possibly some things we actively dislike).
Like the vast majority of people on this board, I am sorry to see any genuine person go, for whatever reason. I hope you will reconsider, and, like me, just click on the BACK button when you see a topic which isn't for you.
Simply stated, Gibson Guy, I pity you!
What's wrong with gay people using this board? I'm not gay myself, but as long as the board is used to discuss the pros and cons, trials and tribulations of being a man with long hair, I can't see it matters what one's sexual orientation is.
Bye, Barry
Well I'm straight and I don't enjoy seeing certain things posted (bears, the big hairy gay men thing or whatever... sorry that just scares the hell out of me) The whole thing regarding men w/feminine hairstyles... that just seems so odd to me and I would never do it but that doesn't give me the right to look down on any of these people. I can tolerate gays, the few I have known have been really nice people, however some of the more extreme stuff I can't tolerate so I just walk away from it, no need to bash it.
SixStringThing
Thanks for the tolerant attitude! Why can't everyone see it in the same light that you, (as well as a few others), can? "just walk away from it, no need to bash it." That's all I ask. I don't need acceptance from anyone anymore than I need it thrown in my face. People can disagree and they can TELL me so as well, that's fine, but I can do without the "I'm better than you" attitudes.
And just for the record, "bears, the big hairy gay men thing", scares the hell outta ME too!
~~~ Mudtallica, my hair is 5 feet long!
Although I think Gibson Guy could have worded his post more diplomatically, his point does have some merit. There are always going to be posts that relate to long hair in combination with other topics, like music, sexual orientation, employment, etc. However, it does seem that the posts, such as the "Bros Online" post, crossed the line into 'off topic'. I have nothing againt homosexuals as a straight male, but I can say that the board has become much more off topic with posts dealing mostly with sexual orientation and not hair. As a result, it takes away from the joy in coming to this board when one has the expection to discuss long hair.
Amen brother, A-friggin' men !!!!
Now lets get back to a civil board.
A1
I can't say I disagree with you. That one offended me, and I'm gay.
Perhaps the difficulty isn't so much with gay people per se but with appropriate subject matter.
~S
Gibson Guy [or whoever you really are]
I wonder how old you are and if you have much experience in the real world. Your attitude here isn't terribly mature or at all experienced. Close minded, bigoted, hostile, and probably insecure to a great extent. And that's a shame. But it's not our shame, it's yours.
Well, perhaps in your wandering away from here you manage to catch a clue in the process and lose the bigotry and attitude. At least we can hope so.
Madoc
"..... Close minded, bigoted, hostile, and probably insecure to a great extent. But it's not our shame, it's yours."
It's ok for you to bash someone if something is said you don't agree with. You accuse others of exactly what you do.
Or if you don't like the handle they choose. Or they spell words wrong.
Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.
I'm outta here too. (this probably won't be allowed to post anyway)
I am a professional, married, "hetero" male who wears a hair-style not ofetn worn by other males, a bun, I am curious if you consider these as "gay" posts, as any posts about a hairstyle, and how/when to wear it, have more to do with (mens) long hair than sexuality anyway. And we know you will read this and the other responses to your "anti" expression, otherwise you would simply stop logging on to this site, and not announce your malcontent & departure. Lighten Up!
I hope your head is severed, you poor excuse for a human being.
I think you are a troll but I'll respond anyway in case you are sincere. The common interest on this hyperboard is LONG HAIRED MEN. Beyond that we are all different. It is hard to believe that you didn't know that some long haired men are gay. Some are straight. Some are even bisexual! Intolerance is always unplesant. What do you know about me now? Only that I am a guy interested in long hair. That's it. My race, religion, political leanings, sexuality are all a mystery. I am posting on a long haired men hyperboard so you could probably guess that I have or am trying to get LONG HAIR. Peace to you.
Excellent points.
Peace to all.
Well, I haven't seen the questionable posts one of you refered to -- but I'll take a look further down. As a hetero male, I believe that your lifestyle is YOUR choice. I would only be offended by overly sexual posts or fantasy type posts. I also object to "date me" type posts -- there are links here for that. I considered those inappropriate and would hope that the webmaster does also -- and removes them. Either way -- I have a back button and have the choice to read [or not] if I don't like the subject matter. You ALSO have that choice.
Hopefully you will some day soon see the light, and offer understanding and accepatnce.
This type of post gets me fuming. Another demonstration of intolerance towards a minority group in our society. Homosexuals form 10% of the world’s population. Therefore, I believe that 10% of the guys on this board are homosexual. Whatever the case may be, I’m sure that, in the opinion of the majority of us, they are welcome to express their opinions here. Luckily, Gibson’s narrow-minded bigotry represents the opinion of the very few.
I think although this post was started with comments which were off topic, the replies were admirable. I wish the guys I deal with on a daily basis were as open minded and educated as most of the posters on this board seem to be.
I don’t even want to approach the subject of whether or not a sexual preference has any relevance on a board for men growing their hair out. I come her because I find comfort in reading and knowing that there are similar guys in the same situation as me (8-9 month growth). That was my main reason for reading the post on this site. As time has gone by and I’ve kept reading the post, I realized that this board unlike many others on the internet consist of a really interesting and respectful bunch of men (and a few lurking women) for the most part. Other than a few obnoxious trolls and the post like the one which started this tread, it is actually a highlight and a interesting part of my day when I stumble onto interesting topics and conversations between men.
I’m straight, and I don’t even think I should have to mention it on this board Many great replies were posted and I just wanted to say that I wish my guy friends in real life were as respectful and open minded as most of you are here. I think there’s too much bullshit in our daily lives in ‘western’ cultures (ie 1st world countries). The sooner people chill out and learn to appreciate the things that really matter in life the sooner off we’ll all be.
Although started on a sour note and unrelated to the subject of this board, this post has none the less in my opinion shown that the people who take the time to post here for the most part are some of the most reasonable around…!
Cheers kids.
Hmmm. Why don't you tell that to the Webmaster to his face? Just think, someone spewing prejudice garbage that this board is trying to avert. Unless you can show us your personal engraved invitation to join, Buh-bye!