new thread
So there's this young guy (early 20s I would guess) who has long, dark
hair to his butt I see at a local coffee shop about once a week. His
hair is slightly wavy and beautiful. (The goatee don't hurt either!)
I don't know him at all. One way to start a conversation of course
would be about his hair and, more specifically, asking him if he'd be
willing to have his picture taken to be a Samson on these pages.
But how should I approach/ask him without looking weird?
"Hi -- would you like to be featured as a 'Sampson' on a web site for
long-haired men?"
Also what "interview" questions should I ask him?
- Paul
I would probably just directly tell him about the web page and what its for. If you explain it, I cant see why a rational person would get weirded out.
Paul,
Your post has had me thinking all day.
You pose a very interesting question, depending on your intention.
My advice is dependent upon your purpose in the approach.
If your purpose is to welcome the person to the board and offer the board members an opportunity to exchange experiences and advice with him, then I say... By all means, start a conversation with him by admiring his hair, commenting on yours and discussing the board and it's benefits. Then work in the mention of the Sampson possibility. It can't hurt, if your intention is in admiration of a great head of hair, you have nothing to lose.
If your purpose is of personal nature, i.e.: you intimately want to know intimately this guy... Hmmm, I have not had any gay or bi experiences, but I think that I can speak of human nature. I wouldn't use the board or the Sampson approach. Here is my reason.. If I approach a female in a coffee shop and tell her that she looks just like Cheryl Tigues, or that I think that she should pose for the next playgirl - I'm gonna get shot down for SURE!!, I would think that anyone would reject an approach like that - human nature. However, if I approach her and comment on how I like her hair, her personality, the way she laughs, the way she walks... you get the idea... I might have a chance. I think my key point here is letting the person, whoever it is, know what YOU like in them, not what you think OTHERS like, or what you think that THEY should do. There is always time, after the connection, to discuss other things.
Well, my first advice was short and simple, no matter what you are looking for, I am sure you can understand why my second advice was more lenghty...
Anyhow, that's my advice. Good luck though, whatever your purpose is.
Which are...?
First, whether I do or not is irrelevant. Did I make any such reference to this in my original question? No, I didn't.
Second, If I were to use the EXACT same approach, whatever it is, whether I had any such intentions or not, how we HE know the difference?
FYI: It's no different for gay men than it is for heterosexuals.
You can rest assured that I would never use such an approach regardless of my intentions.
Please reread my original question. I am not asking for dating or pick-up line tips. Why you are assuming such is a mystery to me.
I asked simply how to approach a total stranger and get him interested in being a Samson for this web page without looking like a dork in the process.
Whatever other intentions I may have or what my sexual orientation is is completely irrelevant.
- Paul
should you encounter this person again... establish eye contact and nod a subtle greeting... if the person reciprocates, he'll likely at least humor you with conversation. ask how long he's been growing his hair... ask if he's gotten any b.s. about it... ask if he has a computer... tell him about this website... yadda yadda yadda... observe body language & if he avoids conversation at any point, don't push further... or you will look -and feel- like a dork.
My, what an attitude! OK porcupine, put those quills back down. I'm sure the assumption was made off of your comment about the goatee. "Advice only" made comments that were valid and not intended to prick any of your quills.
Find out if he is on-line.. If so, give him the URL of the board.. Let him check it out for himself.. If the guy is biker dude or such, maybe hs has a friend who IS on-line..
Good Luck..
R..
Hey Paul,
I don't think it is ever out of place to give a compliment to anyone. How the other person responds to it may vary, but it's in genuinely good taste to tell someone he has really neat hair.
Anyone who spends so much time and effort growing it must have a very important reason for doing so; therefore it seems quite reasonable that he might enjoy talking about it.
And then, if the conversation seems to go well, discussing special interest web resources such as this wouldn't be that out of character either.
I know how hard it is for us men to give genuine compliments to other men. I think that the world would be at least marginally better if we could become more skilled at it and willing to do it. Good luck.
Joe
Hey Joe......
Ive noticed that whenever i run into who i feel is an attractive guy with longhair, I dont hesitate to walk up to him and compliment him on it. I aggree with ya that the hassle one can go through not only growing it but keeping it healthy and looking good can be quite awsome. Although some of the times, the guy may just uteer a 'thanks' and walk away, most will want to converse further which is when i ususally bring up the site. Bob
I have trouble with this, too. In fact, last weekend, I saw the movie Pi (there is a rabbi in that movie with the most incredible beard I've ever seen). On the way out of the building which has the theater, I found myself walking behind a man with beautiful blonde hair that went down to his butt, blunt cut at the end. He had a strong wave but not a curl throughout his hair. We both headed to the parking garage right across the street, me following right behind. He headed up the stairs, and we both got off at the fourth floor. I was thinking the whole time how best to approach him. By the time we reached the top I was thinking that it would be weird to say something now after basically climbing up four flights of stairs together with him without saying anything. Anyway, we wound up going our separate ways.
That being said, let me explain how I approached someone else. There is a man I have seen many times at the Elephant Room, a local jazz club. I guess we are both regulars there. He has male-pattern baldness and grey hair, but that doesn't stop him from growing his hair long. In fact, he has waist-length hair. After seeing him there several times, we both recognized each other and I figured it was not out of line to approach him. The conversation started out benignly enough with a quick introduction and a comment that I'd seen him a lot there. I asked him if he had internet access. He said he did, so I pulled out a napkin on which I had written the URL for this site. I told him that I am the webmaster, described the site, what its purpose is, etc. Then I told him that I'd really like to have some pictures of him for use in the Samson section and then asked what he thought of the idea. For some reason, I was surprised when he commented that he thought it would be a fun idea, or something like that. In fact, there was some reason he wanted his picture on line anyway to show some internet friends of his.
Anyway, that's basically how it went, and I haven't seen him or heard from him via email yet. Chris, if you're reading this send me an email. Unfortunately, it will probably be a while before I have the opportunity to run into him again at the Elephant Room.