new thread
My girlfriend is very conservative and worries too much about what other people think. I want to let my short layered bob grow out into a bob that is just above shoulder length, but every time it gets and inch below my ears, she screams for me to get it cut. I have nice brunnette hair that I keep clean and styled, but for some reason my girlfriend doesn't want me to grow my hair out. We always end up in a shouting match because she wants me to get my hair cut.
What can I do to convinve her that long hair on men is o.k.??
Are there any women out there that have and love long haired men that would post a testimonial as to why they like their man with long hair and what they like about it? Please help as she is already nagging me to get a haircut.
I know this problem as I whish I could wear a beard.
My wife always told me she doesn't like a bearded man. NEVER!
She screams as I told her I would like to have a full beard.
It took a few years for me to explain and make clear that a man
should have at least once in his life a (full) beard. Again and again
we had our disscusion about this theme and I explained how important
this is to my live. And someday on holiday SHE AGREED FOR MY BEARD!
In the meantime I had a smal beard, a moustache, a full beard and since I get tired of my beard is ask my wife to take my beard off.
She dont allow me! Nowadays she loves my beard and this masculine
look and soft feeling.
I think if your girlfriend loves you, you have the chance to change
her mind in case of you allow her to take her time to adapt to your
favorit style.
Maybe you could make a deal with her. Tell her you would like to
try your style (shoulder length) and if you sometime reach this lenght
and wear for a time (to get used to (self and friends)) and then you
both will decide either keep this long style or back to short style.
So your girlfriend get sure if she don't like this style it would be
just for a limited time and you have the option that your girlfriend
learn to love you with a new style, as new type of guy.
good luck
Mike,
I think that this time I will hold off on getting my haircut for as long as I can and when she says something about it I might just try to make a deal with her. It just came to my mind yesterday that I don't tell her how to get her hair cut or how long hers can be. I will give anything a try once because I love the bob style and I think that it really would look good on me in a shoulder length bob. Well we will see.
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I doubt if you're going to be happy with this "girlfriend" of yours.
There are a significant number of women who love long hair on men, though perhaps not now a majority as may have been in the early '70's.
My basic knowledge of social psychology tells me that you will not convince your "girl friend" to like long hair on men, until society's attitude to long-haired men changes to the positive in the main, and until your "girl friend" sees more neatly-coiffed long-haired men. She may be a trend-follower, rather than an independent thinker. I bet she'll love long-haired men when it is the usual style. One learns from one's environment, but I think she's picking up on anything that's prominent and dominant.
Join the LongLocks mail list by subscribing via eMail to:
LadyScribe@aol.com.
Just ask to be on LongLocks, and that OM sent you. There, you will find just about every woman on the list loving neatly-coiffed long hair on men. The 0.5% or so who come in to kvetch leave quickly.
OM
So you think that there is no hope that I can remain with my girlfriend and let my hair grow into a shoulder length bob? There must be some way. It is only hair. Why do people attach such a strong gender line on hair? Millions of women have very short or even crew cut hair so why can't men have long hair??
There's probably a very *slim* hope, that you can convince your girl, Jamie. But she seems to be more interested in acceding to current mores regarding short hair on men, than in you. She seems to like you if you conform to societal norms. It would appear she feels you are to be a good, humble, and dutiful cog in a societal mechanism. Do you love her enough to cut your hair to her specs? I wouldn't think you *enjoy* those shouting matches, you mentioned. If she is causing you such angst, do try the LongLocks list for women who love long hair on men. I would advise you to get out of that "relationship" now while you have not yet bonded too strongly. There is a lot more to it than long hair. Think marriage, divorce, the costs to you, legal battling. Protect yourself. However, the choice is yours.
OM
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I think that I am going to let my hair grow out into a shoulder length bob and if she will not accept me for who I am and not for how long my hair is, then I will find another girl that will accept me and my shoulder length bob. Do you think that is a good plan?
I don't think so. If she truly loved you for you and who you are, she wouldn't care what you did with your hair. I prefer long hair on a man, but I have hardly attracted a man with long hair. In the end, it is if you share a connection/attraction with that person or not. I'm not going to be with someone just because they have long hair. I shared a very special relationship with a man that was bald. It isn't my preference, but I didn't care, I loved him and if he liked no hair, then no hair it is. Relationships are not a coat that we buy in our favorite cut and color. Every now and then we are lucky to attract someone who just fits the description, but we are dealing with another human being who have likes and dislikes which much of the time differ from our own. This is your girlfriend's problem, not yours. She has to work it out on her own. Anyone who is attempting to stray you from being who you really are and have you fit into their picture, does not have your best interests at heart and is being very selfish. If you love her, let her go. This sounds unhealthy for both of you. Perhaps, in time if she really loves you she can work out her issues of how you should look.
Blessings,
Chaeya
So do you think that I should let my hair grow out into a shoulder length bob and see what happens? And your saying that if she really love me then she will accept it? That sounds correct. So should I go for it and let her make the choices/decisions as to whether or not she loves me for who I am?
Hi Jamie,
I think you're definately on the right track there, but I have an additional suggestion that I think might improve the chance that she will reconsider and change her mind.
How long have you been seeing her? Divide that time by half, or a maximum of one year, and ask her to wait that long before making her final decision. Ask her to make that commitment now, while your hair is still to her liking. Since you Freudian-slipped and wrote 'wife' in your subject line instead of 'girlfriend', I gather you've been together for some time.
If she really cares about you as a person, I think she'll be willing to make that commitment. Don't you? :-)
Good luck,
Greg
I wouldn't say there's NO hope. But you will need to confront her assumption that she has a right to dictate your appearance. There are some people who feel it's their duty to see to the care and grooming of their mate, and this seems to be a common area of power struggle, particularly for some conservative-minded women.
I think maybe those who've replied might have picked up on that subtext? I mean, you'll hear from many women how they feel their mate couldn't get dressed in the morning without their help. I feel this is an attitude that's deeply ingrained in a certain 50s-ish mentality that still hobbles along with many of us today.
I would put this another way: I would be asking myself why am I maintaining a relationship with someone who demeans my choices, and may want to control my appearance in ways that make little sense. That said, i know this sometimes peeks out in my own primary relationship, even though I tend to be the one who dresses *her*. Her tastes are very "cautious" and when I'm in a creative, energetic mood I can often persuade her to try on things that she wouldn't have noticed on the rack... she hates shopping, I used to get paid for it, and do nearly all of ours. I try to respect her tastes, and many times I don't have the energy to struggle against her "all the colors have to match exactly" mentality, and get her to try out combinations and styles that are a little more adventurous (and by that I don't mean extreme).
Anyway, I don't know either of you well, so don't give up if the other aspects of the relationship are working. But also be sure that she knows how you feel about this, and discuss it with her, rather than give in to the pressure without saying anything. If she understands that this is something that's important to you to try out, at least, and the relationship is solid, she should be willing to "let you" keep your hair as you want it. I mean, does she allow *you* to dictate her hairstyle?
The issue is not whether she thinks long hair on men is okay. The issue is which one of you this issue means more to. Read on....
My partner cut his long hair the second week we were together, and I thought he'd grow it back at first, but now twenty-one years have gone by and he never has. Yet I wouldn't trade him for anybody. We've always respected each other as individuals, so I have never hassled him about it. My attitude has been, "It's his body and he has to be in it all the time, so it's far more inportant to him than to me how he looks, so I'll defer to him." From the get-go we've never voted on disputes, because that always nets a useless one-to-one tie, so we decide each issue by deciding who it matters to more. And what he looks like, matters more to him!
My acceptance of his short hair paid off two years ago when I decided to grow my hair out really long. He nowadays doesn't care much for long hair, but I know I have complete freedom from any hassle, plus his complete support, in whatever with my hair I do. :-)
Bill (and Larry) in San Francisco