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Hey there
I am 30 and have been following the board for a long time.
I grew my hair down my back right out of high school. Back in the early 90's, ALL my friends were growing their hair out. Longer hair was everywhere and certainly mainstream. It was a fun time for me and my friends--youth, the music, the culture.
I look at pictures from that time. 60% of young men under 25 had long hair. We were some HOT looking dudes. Long hair on men wasn't like the perception of the 1960's or 1970's. It was clean and we all dressed pretty well with just a wink at GRUNGE. I think I thought things would stay the same forever.
All of my friends had cut their hair short by 1998. They got married, got real jobs, and some are fathers. Most of them are pretty happy. I have a fantastic girlfriend and am not doing so bad myself.
I still have the exact hair I had when I was 18. I look in the mirror and see the same look from when I was a crazy kid. I have no idea what it is the be an adult male with short hair.
My hair meant SO MUCH to me ten years ago. Now I am SO BORED with it. I feel like a throwback stuck in my youth. I like many aspects of my hair, but do not feel like it is who I am anymore. I find that I am also treated like an 18 year old kid by everyone.
I read this board to try to get into the head of a mature longhair guy. What I notice is most of the readers of this board are clinging DESPERATELY to some idea or image. It is so serious to some folks, it is like they are fighting some angry war with society.
Encouragement and praise is given to some guys whose hair, I think, looks terrible. The mindset is that hair is beautiful by the mere fact is that it is long...it doesn't matter that it is dirty, damaged and unfattering.
Is being an older long haired man that much of an accomplishment? Should you be praised for simply not cutting your hair? Not changing with the times? Clinging to your youth?
Once you are through the awkward stage...there isn't really anything new about being a long hair. In fact, it is easy to get lazy about all of it.
Having had long hair for over 10 years, I can say I am a longhair. I want other mature guys to tell me about the second wave. What makes you hang on?
Stop your ramblings old man. We have longhair because we dare to be different. Cut your old greasy hair if you feel like a kid but your really a smelly old man
Has it ocurred to you that that some of us may just like long hair
without any ulterior motivations? Just as simple as that. Not slaves
to fashion or to age. Just like long hair.
...a plenty here. Speak for yourself. As MG says, we just like it that way.
Reminds me of the Apple Jacks commercial. Why do we like long hair? We just do, that's why. Peace!
You say "Not changing with the times?" Who's times? American Society's times? Your times? Are you one of those individuals that feel threatened or pressure from society? If you took some time and really observed our world (Travel a bit or watch TV), Individualism is beginning to evolve and develop. For example, Piercings, vibrant hair colors, exotic clothing, bald, short, medium, long hairs, wigs, and comb-overs. The fact is, No one can take individualism away from anyone, nor do they have any rights to do so. People choose to do what is best for themselves, not for everybody else around them. Just as you have the right to express your opinions and assumptions, but beware, people today are now questioning those assumptions.
It does not appear that you have been following this board as you state. Many folks on here are growing their hair long for the first time in their lives-- including me. If I wanted to cling to my youth, I would keep my hair buzzed down to a 1/4 inch. As a matter of fact, I have never kept the same hair-style no longer for a few months. Yet there are others who never change their hair-style for several years.
It sounds to me that you wish to change and that is your choice and your choice alone. If you feel that you only wish for this change because of peer pressure or "society", than I pity you, because you choose to live by others' choices. Just remember one thing before departing, there is no right or wrong standard when it comes to individualism--I do not recall attending any meetings lately with the people of this country opposing this statement.
I wish to ask you only one question. If we lived in a world where you could not see what every one else looked like or what every one else was doing---What would you do? (How long would you grow your hair?, What clothes would you buy?, How would you look?)
This question intentionally eliminates society from your criteria.
Hmmm... Well, I think that I'm older than you. Why do I have long hair? From the time I can remember, I have always wanted long hair. I can remember pretending I had long hair as early as age 6. I always wanted it, but was never allowed to have it. The constant fighting with my parents about it is a defining characteristic of my childhood. When I was younger it was just short. Which I hated. As I got into my teenage years, and went through college, I would let it grow until my parents forced me to cut it. That cycle repeated over and over and over. The net result is that I spent about 15 years of my life in the awkward stage. And that made no one happy. Then I worked for a few years, and kept my hair short out of deference to my employer. When I went to graduate school, I let it grow. But I started after the first semester, so I only got in about 18 months worth of growing. It was getting kind of long and I thought it looked great. But, then I was told that I would have to cut it as a condition for taking a job I had been offered. Yet again, my wishes were to be thwarted. A number of years passed with short hair. I tried not to think about it too much, and I tried not to let it bother me. Then one day I WOKE UP! I came to realize that this is my life and if I was ever to realize my dream of long hair, I would just have to stop caving into pressure and do it.
I decided that I would grow my hair without cutting for a minimum of ten years. That way I will be able to truly say that I achieved terminal length, plus a few years for good measure. After that I envision trimming it to waist length. I am now three years into this journey, my hair is almost waist length when it's wet. Because it's curly, when it's dry it hangs to about mid back. I love it. I love the way it looks, I love the way it feels. And I love the way it makes me feel complete. I'm finally the person I was meant to be.
And guess what, NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON HAS HAD A BAD THING TO SAY ABOUT IT! No one at work has complained, none of my freinds, NOT EVEN MY PARENTS! Go figure.
Is it because now I'm older? Maybe that's part of it, but I think that it's mostly because this is the first time that I have taken confidence in the attitude that I am doing this for myself, and to heck with what anyone else thinks. I've always wanted long hair, and goshdarnit, I'm having it!
And therein lies the difference between you and I. You grew yours originally because it was in style and all your friends were doing it. Now that it is "out of style", you are wondering if you should cut it off so you can "fit in" once again. I on the other hand don't give one whit about what is "in style". I finally grew my hair long because it's WHAT I WANT! And where I'm concerned, the only opinion that matters, is mine.
Nice post :)
Absolutely - you took the words out of my mouth. The only difference being that when I got to my teens, my parents suffered in silence. I'm now 45 and they are still doing it...
Mark, definitely sounds like my family, except that they do keep hinting that I should get it cut... Oh well.
-J
You are not a longhair and you have not been following this board. How do you go ahead and question other peoples beliefs? If everyone thought like you I wouldn't even live in this country. So go ahead cut your hair so you can feel like a mature adult but don't question what other people believe in. Not everyone needs a reason to have longhair. Some people just like the look did you condsider that before you posted that long nonsense about your mid life crisis you can't deal with.
Trust me, those people telling you about the myth of the "real job" will treat you like an 18 y/o whether or not you have long hair. It's about YOU not doing exactly what THEY do in life.
Instead of keeping the exact same hair that you had at 18 you might try growing it longer, we here think that it's a continuos change for the better.
I think that what you see as longhairs "clinging DESPERATELY to some idea or image" or "fighting some angry war with society" are mostly the teens (we have many here) who are pretty much just starting to grow their hair and regardless of their hair length are representative of many if not most teens growing and trying to find their place in the big bad world.
I can't agree with you about the mindset being that "hair is beautiful by the mere fact is that it is long...it doesn't matter that it is dirty, damaged and unfattering". If you got that impression then you haven't really read all that many posts on this board despite your claim of lurking for a long time.
It's interesting how you are applying your own feelings and thoughts about long hair to everyone else here. You may be trying to cling to your youth with hair but don't believe that to be the case with most of the board members...certainly not myself. Maybe your issue is about mindsets and not hair at all. I'm 35 and still consider myself to be "young" but you sound like you think you're getting old at 30. I'm only through about the first 1/3 of my expected life span and my hair grows longer and older with me. Sure, being an "older" man with long hair is an accomplishment (there are several here), there are many pressures from society to act like a child and mindlessly conform to someone else's standards...you even mentioned how people try and treat you like a teenager just because of your longer hair (how long is it anyway?). It didn't always used to be that way, you are just used to certain social standards in some parts of the world in recent history. I see beyond that.
What we are really doing here is encouraging guys to make and keep to their own decisions as a mature adult would while being in their everyday social context that may try to get them to do otherwise. This virtual board doesn't represent much if any of our real social lives, it's just an occasional thought here and there and a place to get and give information. If you see it as just another place to conform then you have truely missed the point.
Maybe you've seen us tell those who really prefer their hair to be short that it's great as long as they know what they want and are making their own decision about it...the same standard that we apply to longhair.
Just remember, that teenager is still you with a few more years and some new experiences. If you enjoyed something back then you can still enjoy it now (despite what your friends and former friends are doing).
Alot of what you say holds some truths. We all have different reasons for growing or keeping longhair.
I was brought up in an American Indian culture and long hair was a small but very prevalent part of that culture. The basic belief is that everything the Creator gave the Indian remains sacred. For example, the body, along with nature and the earth, denotes spirituality. Hair is considered a gift from the Creator; it embodies the strength needed to endure difficult times. In essence, if an Indian's hair is removed, his life is drained of all energy.
Additionally, I was VERY close to my best friend, also an Indian, through our childhood and teenage years. We both had long hair as it was a part of what we were involved in. He died in a very violent accident just before his 18th birthday and I never got to see him again or even say good-bye to him. So in addition to my Indian beliefs, I keep my hair long in memory of him.
Finally, I just like the way it looks and feels. It may not look good to other people, but it looks good to ME, and I'm the one that has to try and be happy in this life. I don't obsess with it... I don't even style or gel it. I wash it, comb it and whatever else happens to it during the course of my day, is the way it ends up for that day.
So I suppose in some ways, I DO keep it long as a way of 'clinging to my youth' or 'clinging DESPERATELY to some idea or image'. But I am comfortable with that. If it isn't what YOU want to do, no one is twisting your arm... CUT IT! YOU are the one that needs to be happy with your hair and the reasons to keep or cut it. Make YOU happy first and never mind what the rest of the world thinks.
And you are correct: "Once you are through the awkward stage...there isn't really anything new about being a long hair". But there's also nothing wrong with being 'who you are', and if that means people equating me with long hair, then that's ok too.
Good luck finding out who and what you are.
James,First, I appreciate the reflection, soul searching, society examining that you are doing here. Second, a little surprised at the reactions (negative) that you are getting.
I am 43. Grew my hair long for the first time in 2000. It is now mid-back which is where I keep it. So, I am like many of the others here who did this in mid-adult life. I do agree with some of the respondents that this has nothing to do with what is in. Having long hair is what I like--most days. Some days, it bores me, too. So did shorter hair. In fact, shorter hair often frustrated me. No short hair style really fit my face. Long hair, if I may say so (who else counts?) really looks good on me.
Now, a little counter-reflection. When I was 30 or in my early 30's, I went through a major period of self-evaluation and discomfort around who I was and how I was interfacing (or not) with the cultures around me--at work, at home, at church, etc. They were fairly miserable years--but very fruitful. I look back, and all that misery brought me to my self and to some insight that was mine, for me and the living of my life in the world. Wouldn't trade it for the world.
You have not asked, but it sounds to me like this is more about that kind of self-finding than about your hair. I would hesitate from making any major decisions--about your hair or anything else--right now. Just observe. Listen to yourself. Listen to how your own voice contrasts with all the others that want you to live their way.
Richard Bach (Jonathan LIvingston Seagull) says in another book of his (Illussions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah) that vampires are those who drink our blood by insisting that they cannot be happy unless we live our lives their way.
I met a truck load of vampires in my 30's. Found a way to tell them to go look elsehwere for their next meal.
Robert
Another Richard Bach reader! Nice post too.
My hair feels soooooo RIGHT for ME...
It's like I was a longhair all my life, but did not find out until the past couple of years or so...
I'm an artist, so it fits right in with my lifestyle.
Sure, I do get noticed by some people, but that's fine with me.
If you don't want or 'need' your long hair anymore...
maybe you have OUTGROWN your desire to have it...
or you aren't a longhair anymore...fine...cut it...
BUT be sure before you say 'goodbye' to your *friend* of so many years and...
Good Luck!
I consider myself pretty mature, 50 +, and I've always worn my hair a bit longer than "convention" and haven't cut it for a year now. I guess people have different perceptions of long hair, and many, many do think it is an immature thing. I don't think so.I agree it should be kept well, and there should be some pride of appearance. There are other perceptions of hair - wise men are often pictured with long hair, Samson was strong because of his hair, etc. After all, hair grows, and I don't see any intrinsic value in just chopping it off regularly. Of course, all are free and our hair is one way to express ourselves, but this is the ramblings of one mature longhair.
I hardly ever post here so maybe this wont have much credibility. You obviously want to cut it, and im not like the other people on this board, if you want to cut go ahead! I like having long hair (mine is almost mid-back and i'm 22 btw) but I have never seen it as such a big deal. I certainly don't plan on having it forever, right now I'm young and i like to "stand out" i suppose, the idea of not conforming to society still appeals to me, but as I mature I'm sure this will change and so will my hair. I hate the idea of calling myself a "longhair", im just a human being and if my hair is long or short I will still be the same guy. A new look can make you feel great no doubt about it, so if you want to cut, I for one will give you my support.
Oh, yeah. I went through that stage, just not in that decade.
You know, you can do all those other things they did without cutting your hair. I did.
Neither do I. I'm 45 and I grew my hair when I was 15.
Take a look at your own parents. Being up with the newest styles is adolescent. Sooner or later you will realise that you are stuck in a previous decade and have to come to terms with it. Your parents have. It's OK. It's normal. Within a very few years you will find that first you will be pleased to be thought younger, and then just as quickly you will reach a stage where your true age shows through, and you will have to come to terms with that too. Trust me, cutting your hair won't help.
Actually, I admit it. But that's OK, too. Sooner or later you have to come to terms with being you. You can't be a chameleon all your life. Like Mark, I struggled so hard with my own parents to keep my long hair and to grow it longer, that I have no desire to go backwards.
Soceity is fighting a war with us, although there are frequent cease-fires. Do you want to wave a white flag and surrender, or do you want to dig in your position? The easier choice is usually not the right one.
This is probably true. However, there's a very real possibility that if they cut it then it would still look like cr*p! LOL
Yes - it means you can commit to something and not give in
Should you be praised for simply not cutting your hair?
Yes - I think so
Not changing with the times?
I have changed. I don't wear my hair in a 70s layered style anymore. I don't even wear bell-bottom jeans! (actually, I would like to, but they aren't so easy to get, and being a married with children BOF, my wife buys my trousers wherever they are cheapest)
Clinging to your youth?
Another separate issue. Most people eventually get stuck in out-dated styles as they age. Would you, for example, say that a man of 90 was clinging to his youth merely because he doesn't dress like you? No. Neither would I. So why is having long hair clinging to my youth?
The urge for novelty itself doesn't last (at least for most people)
Actually honestly preferring long hair, combined with a desire to push back when people tell you what to do, i.e. being as stubborn as a mule!